Chapter 2
CORDELIE
The door shuts quietly as I escape my bathroom and make my way into the small living room of the apartment I share with Faye, my face still flaming with embarrassment.
"You can come out now. He's gone, girlie," Faye's voice hollers at me.
She looks up from her phone at me, wearing a cute pair of flannel shorts and a crop top that says 'ew, men', her body relaxed against the oversized, plush sofa, and her bare feet, with bright coral toenails, crossed at the ankles on our coffee table.
My nose wrinkles at the sight of her feet, but I swallow my objection, knowing full well I have bigger issues at the moment than my foot phobia.
"You flaked on him, again?" Her elegant, dark auburn eyebrow rises questioningly.
Ugh, I wish I weren't so mortified right now.
I can feel my cheeks going bright red, and I hate it.
It shouldn't even be a big deal that I once again invited Sly over, thinking I could sleep with him, let him undress me, and eat me out, only to dash his hopes at the last minute.
I'm so fucking stupid and pathetic. Why did I do that to him?
He's such a kind and fantastic guy, with a gentle smile and soft eyes that seem to understand everything I'm going through.
I know he genuinely cares about me. He wouldn't put up with me constantly changing my mind if he didn't. Yeah, all men are good, until they're not, you know that firsthand, don't ya?
"What was it this time, Cordie?" Faye places her phone on her exposed, toned stomach and glowers at me.
"You know he's one of the good ones, right?
He's not like 'the cunt who shall not be named'.
He actually cares about you and your well-being, and he's broken off his friendship with him.
He took your side." Fuck, she doesn't need to remind me.
I know all of this. I just don't know why it keeps happening to me.
I want to move forward with my life, but I don't know how; it's like a giant roadblock stops me every time I try.
I push my dark hair away from my face with agitation, and drag my hand over my swollen lips, still feeling the effects of Sly's passionate kisses, and it makes me feel even worse. Why can't I just move on?
"It's not like I haven't tried, Faye. I.
.. I just can't seem to go any further." I plop myself down on the sofa next to her, feeling like a completely useless turd.
Every time I lead Sly on and then change my mind, I feel worse.
I would be lucky to be with someone like him.
Yeah, cause you're worthless. No one truly wants you; he's just picking up messy seconds. He feels sorry for you.
"Girl, I could hear you two through the walls. You seemed to be having a good time, then all of a sudden he's leaving, and looking like a puppy that was just kicked. What gives?" She questions, and I can see the concern and confusion all over her face.
"I didn't want to lead him on. I thought I could just fuck him and somehow it would help me get past Noah and what happened, but every time I try, I see them in my mind.
I see the way he stared at me, and how he was with her.
" My hands tremble in my lap, and instantly, Faye's expression changes to one of compassion.
God, you're so pathetic, always looking for sympathy.
It's also a festering wound inside of me that, after everything went down, the two of them ended up in a relationship, and stayed together all these months, all while I was left humiliated and disgusted.
At first, our friends were on my side, or took no sides, but after a few weeks, that all changed.
Josslyn started spreading vicious gossip about me having pushed Noah away, and being a frigid, controlling bitch.
I know she was trying to make herself look better, and justify why she slept with her best friend's boyfriend, but it added to the pain and betrayal I was already feeling.
Some people pushed back, like Faye, Sly, and a few others, not believing the lies being spread, which Noah did nothing to dispute.
Sly dropped both of them as friends, and went out of his way to avoid being anywhere near them, but others forgave quickly and instead froze me out.
As for Faye, she's my most vigorous defender, so much so that she and Josslyn have been in vicious physical confrontations over the last couple of months, which have made things much more complicated, as they're both on the same cheer team, and are forced to be around each other.
"Maybe you need to sleep with someone you don't know.
Like a way to break through all of the damage Noah did to you.
I know he's living rent-free in your head even after how he disrespected you," Faye admonishes, like I haven't already thought of something along those lines.
I even signed up for one of those apps whose sole purpose is to have a one-night stand, but then I couldn't bring myself to look at any of the profiles.
The fear that Noah might be on there, paralyzing me, even though I know he's with Josslyn now.
Once a cheat, always a cheat. He'll do to her what he did to you.
A tiger doesn't change its stripes, and a cheater doesn't alter his morals.
"Easier said than done, Faye. It's not like we live in a huge area, chances are it'll be someone from school, someone who knows them or me.
I... I can't handle the thought of them thinking I'm so pathetic, so broken, and worthless that my boyfriend did that to me while I was in the same house with him.
" The truth is, he probably did it many more times while I was present and unaware of what was happening, but since neither of them will take any responsibility for the harm they caused me, it's a moot point.
"You're not broken or worthless, nor are you pathetic.
You have to stop having these thoughts. They rob you of your self-worth, and that's not okay.
The truth, girl, is that you were with a shady motherfucker, and had a dirty, rotten skank as a best friend who shoved a dagger in your back.
Neither of them was worthy of you, and karma will end up fucking both of them with a giant sledgehammer up the ass.
" She reaches over and grabs one of my hands, pulling me closer to her so she can lay her head against my shoulder.
"The best revenge you can have over them, Cordie, is to move on and be happy. "
I know she's right, and I want that too.
I don't desire to constantly feel like a shell of myself.
I'm no longer enjoying my college experience.
I avoid parties and gatherings in hopes of not having to see them.
I'm drinking and smoking up more than I ever have; in fact, I can't remember a day since it happened where I haven't needed either a drink or a blunt to get through my day.
I'm doing lousy in school, and my grades are dropping so much that my academic advisor is worried I might not graduate this year.
I barely eat, my appetite's disappeared, and I've lost so much weight that my clothes hang off of me now.
My whole world has come crashing down around me, and I can't seem to keep my head above water anymore.
I keep thinking I might need to leave school and start over somewhere else, but the thought feels like a block of ice in my chest. "I know, I want that too, I just don't know how to make it happen. "
A bright bouquet of mixed flowers catches my eye on the counter, and instantly, trepidation fills me.
That's the third one in two weeks. They just keep randomly showing up at our apartment with no card attached.
I thought at first that they might be from Noah, but then why would he send me flowers now that he's happy with Josslyn?
It makes no sense it would be from him. The flowers, combined with the random calls from unknown numbers I keep getting, where all I hear is someone breathing heavily in the background, are starting to freak me the fuck out.
Should I be worried that I have a stalker now, or could it be just a random admirer who is too shy to talk to me?
I get up quickly and dump the flowers in the trash, my skin crawling with their touch, and make my way back to the sofa with annoyance as Faye watches me intently.
She suddenly sits up and grabs both of my hands in hers, meeting my glance, and I witness a small smirk beginning.
Oh shit, I know that look, that's her unhinged look, like we're going to set fire to Josslyn's car or something again.
Not that I didn't enjoy stabbing three of her tires (yeah, not four, I didn't want her insurance to pay her out, fuck her), and shattering her window and pouring copious amounts of jarred pickles inside her vehicle.
I heard it was quite a sight to behold once she saw the damage, not that I would know, I was too busy hiding in my apartment and attempting not to look guilty.
"Umm, Faye, we barely got away with the tampon thing.
I don't think we should try anything else right now," I complain, with a chuckle at the memory of Faye stealing Josslyn's tampon package from her locker and using a syringe to push a combination of cayenne pepper and water into each of her tampons.
It was hilarious to watch her face turn red and her screeching at one of their school performances in the quad, and grabbing at her crotch.
It gave a new meaning to ‘fire crotch’. I have no doubt that she knows it was us, but she's afraid of what Faye will do to her next, so she keeps to her petty bullshit rather than confronting us.
"No, not that, although that needs a repeat sometime soon. This is better, and it might just help you get past what that douche did to you." She pushes her phone into my hands, and I stare at the screen.
Valentine's got you down?
No significant other to share it with?
Over the useless chocolates, candy hearts, and flowers?
Want to experience something dark and exciting, instead of sitting at home all alone?
Come play with the monsters, and have your darkest fantasies brought to life for one night only.
Join the Anti-Valentine's Match, and have the most depraved, and unhinged night of your life.
The image on the screen is of a large man, his muscular arms and chiseled bare chest filled with dark tattoos, wearing a 'Ghostface' mask while holding a blade against a blindfolded woman's neck, as his other hand caresses her breast. I scroll upwards, reading the rest of the text as my mouth hangs open and my eyes bug out of my head.
For one night only, February fourteenth, allow your darkest, kinkiest, and sexiest fantasies to come to life.
Match with an anti-Valentine's participant, share your desires anonymously, and meet on Valentine's night in disguise to have them fulfilled.
The best part is that you never know who you are with; each participant must wear a mask, and the app disappears at midnight. No further contact allowed.
"What the hell is this, Faye?" My heart pounds in my chest as I go over all the words again, ensuring I haven't read them wrong.
I glance at her, and she's no longer smirking, a huge smile gracing her face as her periwinkle blue eyes twinkle with mischief.
"I signed up. I have no desire to spend Valentine's Day binge eating chocolate, feeling sorry for myself, and watching Netflix all night.
I want to be tied up and fucked within an inch of my life by two men at the same time. " What. The. Fuck.
"You didn't!" I scroll back up and see that this bitch did, in fact, sign up. “Ohmyfuckinggod! Do you know how unhinged and potentially dangerous this could be, Faye? What were you thinking?"
"Yes, and I don't care. I've always wanted to experience a threesome with two men who spend all night pleasuring me, and using me up for their own satisfaction.
This gives me a way to do that, and not have to actually date them, or have an awkward conversation about what I want and my limits.
" She points to the phone with her red dagger-styled nail.
"It's all spelled out on there, your desires, kinks, soft and hard limits.
Everything you want to experience, and if you weren't stuck in your head, Cordie, you would sign up and be finally free of Noah Tisdale. "
She grabs my phone out of the waistband of my tights, pulls up the app, downloads it, and hands it back to me, and I gasp and stare at her like she's lost her damn mind.
"I can't do something like that, Faye, I'm... I'm not brave like you," I point out as my stomach twists with nerves, but I also feel a heated sensation of excitement rise within me.
"You can, and you will, Cordie. You need this.
Besides, how bad can your fantasy be, girl?
" She snickers at me, and before I can stop the words from leaving my lips, I reply to her, refusing to look at her.
I doubt she'll judge me, especially after revealing her own fantasy, but I can't bear to see pity on her features either.
"I fantasize about being chased through the woods, caught, and tied up, while someone does whatever they want with me, and I try to fight them off." I blush hard, feeling even my hair roots flushing red.
"Oh my, little red riding hood, let's find you a big, bad wolf to devour you then," she giggles, taking the phone back from me, and beginning to input my information, and I do nothing to stop her.
Maybe she's right, and this is precisely what I need to get over Noah Tisdale.
One night, no connections, no feelings, just something utterly primal, and then I'll be able to move on.
Valentine's is in two weeks, so I'll have time to work up my courage. For the first time in months, I'm actually excited about something.