Chapter 20 ~ Isabella #2
The blanket slips from my shoulders and I cry harder.
I’m so cold. I can’t feel my fingers or my legs anymore.
They are actually getting warm now in a weird way.
The shivers rack my body as well; my sobs make the chill run deep into my bones.
I hold my stomach and turn. Alexander and Carlos are only a few feet away.
And I think I have an out-of-body experience.
I just yelled and screamed at them, and it was like watching the scene from above.
I hold my stomach tight and sob through the words coming out of my mouth.
“She’s mine! You can’t have her. She is my everything, you fucken bastard, and you will not take her away from me. She’s mine!”
Alexander falls to his knees and holds his hand out; a tear runs down his cheek.
“Bunny, please.”
I scream now. My voice breaks from the cold air, but I don’t care.
“Please what? Be a good girl, shut up and follow orders. No, fuck you. You took it all, you had everything, and yet you couldn’t let me be, could you? No, you have to hunt me down like a hound with a fox. It’s all a game to you.”
I cry harder, then I start to cough, and my stupid slippers slip, and I go down on one knee in the snow, still holding my belly to protect it. My feet are frozen, and my slippers are full of snow now. Not the best shoes to try an escape in.
Carlos moves past Alexander, holding his hand out like he’s trying to stop me from running, like I’m some crazy person, and maybe I am right now, but I was happy, and they are going to take it away again.
Alexander is still on his knees in the snow in shock, his eyes darting to my pregnant belly and back up to my face.
I hold my hand up to stop Carlos from getting any closer to me.
“Fuck you, Carlos! Fuck all of you!”
I look at Alexander right in the eyes, letting him see my rage for once.
“You’ll never have her. I finally have someone to love me. ME!”
I hold my tummy and bend over in front of him; the tears cool on my cheeks as they fall.
I point at my chest.
“She will love me, not for a higher seat in the organization or money. Not someone to be owned and used. Loved! You fucken prick! She will love me!”
“Piccola, lascia che ti aiuti.” (Little one, let me help you.) He kneels down and gathers the blanket standing up. He tries to put it around my shoulders, but I push him off.
I try to hold back the sobs, but every word comes out broken in a puff of mist in the cold winter air.
“Fuck you, Carlos. You walked away. When I needed your help, you left me lying there. You believed him; you actually thought I would do what he accused me of.”
I stand up straight on wobbly legs and they both rise. Alexander has his hand out in case I fall, and Carlos is still holding the blanket.
I look up at Carlos. I can feel the tears freezing on my cheeks now. The air is misty with each breath and my voice is getting weaker by the minute. I’m shaking so badly from the cold, and I feel dizzy as fuck right now. I hold my stomach and the precious bundle that is mine.
“You left me, Carlos, and never came back. You just left.” I cough, and he steps up and puts the blanket around me. Alexander moves in closer, and I try to back away and slip in the snow, falling backwards. Carlos catches my arm and quickly scoops me up.
“Hold on Izzy. You need to get warm. Alexander, open the car door and get in.”
“No, no, Carlos, please no.” I try to move out of his arms, but I cough again, and I hold my stomach. He kisses my cold forehead.
“I made mistakes, Izzy, but I swear, you will be safe now. I promise.”
He bends down and puts me on Alexander’s lap, and Alexander wraps his wool coat over me. He is so warm and now the shakes have set in. Alexander holds me tighter as he rocks with me in his lap.
“I’m so sorry, bunny, so sorry.” He kisses my forehead and I push him on his chest. He looks down at me, his eyes red-rimmed and tears still clinging to his lashes. I reach up with a cold shaking hand and wipe one tear away. I can see it on my finger, but I don’t feel it. Weird.
I look back into his gray eyes, so sad and full of regret.
“F-f-fuc-k-k. Y-ou. All-ex.”
I start to cough again and then I can’t breathe. Alexander’s face dims in and out and I try to talk, but Alexander kisses my stiff lips and rubs his warm wet cheek on mine, holding me closer.
“Shhh, baby. Shh, it’s okay. Just hang on a bit longer, okay, love?”
He moves me back so he can look at me. His hand strokes and then holds my cheek, so warm. I snuggle my face closer to the warmth of his palm and close my eyes, so tired. I feel so cold all over.
He said Love? He doesn’t know the meaning of the word.
Carlos barks from a distance; he sounds so far away now. “Don’t let her fall asleep till she’s warm and her body temperature is back up. She’s sick and more than likely caught a touch of hypothermia standing out in the fucken snow in her nightgown.”
I can hear Alexander sniffle, and he shuffles me around so I’m higher on his lap. He rubs my back. My nose is close to his neck, and I can smell his vanilla musk and cry all over again because I know what that scent means. He found me.
“Stay with me for a bit, love? Don’t go to sleep? Yell at me. Call me a prick again. Because I deserve everything you have to say to me and more, okay? Just don’t go to sleep yet.”
I shove my nose into his neck, so warm. “Mmmm.”
Alexander rests his head on top of mine and rocks me back and forth, stroking my hair and kissing my cheeks, almost as if he cares. I’m not really with it right now and all I want to do is sleep, but I know enough not to fall for the affection. He taught me that lesson very well.
“S-o tired, cold.” I bring my knees up and hold my tummy. My poor baby, she must be freezing, too. My legs are burning now, and the wool coat hurts my skin. Sharp tingles pulse in my fingers and my toes are on fire.
“I know, love. Almost there. Just hold on. Is your tummy sore, love?”
I shake my head, “N-oo. Bab-by c-c-old. Love her, s-s-he’s mine.”
I can feel Alexander’s chest take in air and hold it.
He lets out a low whine, holds me tight as he shakes, and rocks back and forth.
And then he put his hand under the jacket and holds his hand over mine.
So warm, I can feel her move like tiny butterflies in my tummy towards the warmth of his palm and I smile.
“Better?” His voice wavers and sounds far away. I nod. She’ll be warm now and she’ll be okay. I cough and try to get air back in but I’m having a hard time. Alexander is shaking me now and his voice is an echo as the world goes black.
~ ~ ~
I’m boiling, and I keep trying to push the blanket off of me; it’s too hot. Hands grab me and I try to push them off. It doesn’t work, so I kick my legs, and I can feel a waft of cool air as the blankets shuffle.
“Es ist zu hei? Frau Schmidt, offnen Sie das Fenster.’’’ (It’s too hot, Mrs. Schmidt. Open the window.)
“Shhh, baby, you have a fever, and you have to stay warm.” Hot hands hold mine to my chest. I open my eyes to a fuzzy dark face hanging over me.
“Mir ist so hei?, bitte offne das Fenster.” (I’m so hot, please, open the window.) It comes out weak and cracked, even to my ears, but that is as loud as I can talk. Why won’t she listen?
“What language is that?” A distant male voice says.
“German.” a soft female voice says, and something cold rubs on my forehead.
I know that voice; I know her? I love her.
“Ich kenne dich, bist du meine Anna?” (I know you? Are you, my Anna?”)
“Hier im Fleisch, Baby.” (Here in the flesh, baby.)
“I didn’t know she could speak German.” I try to open my eyes and focus on what a male voice says.
But cool hands hold my cheek and turn my face.
And I look at her. It’s Anna. And I cry.
She’s here. The relief and the ache in my chest from missing her hits me hard.
I never sent any of her letters. How did she find me?
I grab her and sob, “I missed you. Oh God, how I missed you.” She holds me close and rubs my back. Carlos’ sad eyes come flooding my brain and I pull back and look at her. Panic seizes my chest.
“Anna, we have to go. They found me. Help me.” Begging, I try to pull the covers back and she holds my hand still. I look at her and she’s crying. She’s crying so hard now, and I shake my head. I feel dizzy, but I know we need to move now before they catch us.
“Oh love, you have to stay in bed, Izzy. You’re sick, honey, and it’s not good for the baby.”
I wrestle my hands away from her and grab my tummy. She’s still there, and I close my eyes. And open them again and try to sit up.
“Anna, he doesn’t know. I kept her my secret.” The tears roll down my face now. “Anna, he’ll take her, like he took everything else away. And I can’t go home either; she’ll be all alone.”
Anna wipes my eyes now, and she hugs me. I don’t understand what is happening.
“It’s okay, love. I got you. Just rest for now. You’re safe in our dorm, remember? Our safe room.”
Oh, thank God, I smile and lay back on the pillow. “Can we watch Harry Potter? I like Deadpool, but I think I’d like my HP fix.”
“What is happening? Is she hallucinating?” Strong hands wipe the hair from my face, and I turn into them. They smell good.
Another male voice talks, and I don’t know who it is.
“She has a fever and isn’t thinking clearly; it’s like a fever dream.
Once her temperature goes down, she’ll be okay.
Just for right now, do and say whatever to keep her calm.
And that means she needs to believe she’s still free.
We need to keep her stress levels low for the baby. ”
All I hear is not free. I try to bolt up and grab Anna’s hand. “I’m not free? We need to go.”
Anna's voice is soft and cracks as she rubs my hand. “No, remember the baby? She is tired and needs to rest. Remember?”
I lie down, curl up, and hold my tummy. “She’s mine, Anna. She will love me forever. He can’t take that from me. Not my father, not Alexander. She is my everything.”
Anna strokes my hair, “That’s right, so lay down love and sleep. She needs rest.”
“Okay. I love you, Anna.” We are safe. Safe, that’s all that matters. She needs rest. So, I allow myself to drift off.
I toss, turn, and try to get comfortable. Why is it so hot here? My mouth is dry, and I need water. I try to roll over, large hands roll me back, and I blink up into the most beautiful set of gray eyes I have ever seen.
“What is it? What do you need, baby?” His voice sounds ethereal in my ears.
I lick my lips, but nothing comes out. Those eyes are so pretty.
“Water? You need some water?” I just nod.
This is my angel; it has to be. He is perfect. He puts a straw in my mouth, and I suck up a little bit before swallowing. I suck up too much and begin to choke on it, and he sets the glass down and rubs my back, bringing me to his chest. Warm arms encircle me, and, for some reason, I feel safe.
We are lying side by side and I can see his eyebrows creased. I don’t like seeing them like that, so I take my shaky finger and run it along his forehead, and he closes his eyes.
“You’re beautiful.” I exhale.
His eyes pop open, and that makes me smile. I must be dead, and he’s my guide. He’s too beautiful not to be an angel.
“You’re an angel, right?” He just shakes his head no. I trace his lips and then take my hand away. You’re not supposed to touch angels.
He brings my hand back and kisses my fingertips, and my brows crease in question. Angels don’t kiss fingers, do they? My Nonno would know. I want my Nonno. He loves me.
“Can you take me to my Nonno now? I miss him.” (Grandpa)
My angel strokes my cheek. A tear trickles down his nose to drop onto the blankets.
“No sweet girl, I can’t. You have to stay with me, okay?” I just nod and stroke my finger over his lips once again.
“You really are beautiful, you know? I don’t feel well Angel. Are you sure you can’t take me to see Nonno? I miss him. He loved me. I just want to be loved for a little bit.”
He gathers me close, and I close my eyes. I feel sweaty and hot, but I don’t care. He smells so good, and he will protect me till he takes me to see my Nonno and Nonna.