Chapter 22 ~ Isabella
I roll over and everything hurts. My body is so sore, my arms, my back, and my legs.
My toes are burning, my fingers hurt, and the sun.
The sun is so bright in my eyes. I open my eyes and the room is too bright; I hold my blanket up in front of my face, trying to block out some of the sunlight.
Noticing the comforter in my hand and it’s not mine.
It’s not my beautiful floral cream comforter with roses on it. This is a soft, creamy pale blue satin.
I pull the covers up; I look down at my body, and I’m completely naked. Oh my God, oh my God, what happened? Suddenly, the curtains close, allowing me to see more of the room.
Holy shit, this isn’t my bedroom.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s a beautiful bedroom. But it isn’t mine. My room is small. My comforter has bright pink roses in shades of cream and yellow. I look around and the nightstand has a beautiful brushed silver lamp and a cream shade.
The room is so big it has a sitting area in front of a fireplace; it’s bigger than my whole apartment and missing all my little shabby chic finds.
The couch and loveseat are cream and look expensive, and my fuzzy pink blanket is lying on one arm.
The room has beautiful hardwood floors, and a giant oriental rug covers the floor in the same shade as the comforter, matching the cream-painted walls.
Then it hits me.
They found me. I ran, crying in the snow, holding my baby.
I immediately clutch my stomach and sigh in relief that she’s still there, and I rub it in a circle and drop my head back on the pillow in relief.
My eyes sting and I try to sit up now, but I’m shaky and really weak.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Alexander moving towards the bed. And I freeze.
The tears burn my eyes now as I try to hold them back.
I was so happy, we were going to be so happy.
I thought I had it all, and he found me.
Goddamn it, what did I do wrong? I did everything Helen said and still he tracked me down.
My throat burns and tears leak out, silently rolling down my cheeks at my failure.
“Hold still, Isabella; I’ll help you.” His voice is gentle and low.
He comes closer and I can smell that butterscotch vanilla I’ve been trying to avoid for the last 6 months.
Alexander looks like he just had a shower, and he smells so good.
He’s so beautiful. He puts his hands around my waist, bunching up the blankets and helps me adjust the pillow behind my back as he leans me against it.
Softly he says, “Better?”
I nod and wipe the tears that are dripping off my chin. I can’t look at him. It’s the same every time he gets near me. That desire to have what I know will never be battles with the reality of how this always ends. My heart on the floor, broken.
“May I sit?” He points to the seat beside me, and I shuffle over a tiny bit, holding my belly as I go. The bigger I get, the more awkward it is to move.
Alexander settles himself beside my thigh. And he reaches out a hand to wipe away my tears, but I move my face to the side to avoid his hand. He holds still, his hand in the air inches from my turned face, and he can see it. As much as I try to hide my alarm, he can see that I dread his touch.
Alexander settles his hand back on his lap and twists his wedding ring around his finger, deep in thought, as he spins it in a circle with his thumb and forefinger.
He still wears it, and that surprises me.
He looks down at my empty hand. I look down at my bright pink fingers, missing the ring he put on my hand.
The visual reminder that I gave mine back with the letter. I never wanted it.
I’ll never be free, and now that he knows about the baby, we are both trapped.
I wipe my tears away from my face with the heel of my hand, then drop them to my tummy linking my hands together over my stomach, not knowing what to say.
I don’t feel like having this conversation right now, and as hard as I try, the need to be civil keeps popping its head up.
Alexander doesn’t deserve my civility. He never was with me; he demanded it with force.
Alexander’s voice is very soft as he speaks, and it puts me more on edge and I turn my body away slightly looking at the far wall.
His voice is like honey, so sweet, but get too close to the nest and you’re bound to get stung. “I won’t stay long if you don’t want me to. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You’re very sick, Isabella.”
He looks up at me, I can see the pain in his eyes. That crease in his forehead is deep, the one that I always want to stroke away. “I had our doctor come and look at you and the baby. She’s fine. I made sure before he left.”
Alexander wipes one hand over his face, a look of apprehension written all over his features as he tries to stumble his way through.
“You need to rest for a few days because you have pneumonia and some frostbite on your fingers and toes. You had a high fever and were a little out of it for a couple of days. You’ve been sleeping off and on. ”
The tears keep falling, and now my nose starts to run. I hoist the comforter up higher, trying to cover more of my naked chest. Alexander gets up and grabs the box of Kleenex off the side of the nightstand, pulls one out and hands it to me, taking his seat beside me once again.
He starts to reach out to wipe my face, and I push back against the pillow.
I can see his eyes turning pink as they gloss over.
I don’t want him to touch me right now, or ever, if I can help it.
Resentment rises inside. Did he think because he dragged me back that I would magically forgive and forget?
I’d be more complacent about being trapped again.
Alexander drops his hand, and the pain in his voice makes me look up. “Please don’t cry, bunny. Please don’t. I can’t take it and I can’t fix it right now. And I don’t expect you to believe me, but I am sorry. For all of it, so goddamn sorry.”
I just nod at him and wiped my eyes with my hand. I concentrate on pulling the Kleenex apart in my hands. I don’t want to hear any of this right now. I don’t want to hear his apology. I don’t want to hear his voice or smell his vanilla musk that drives me crazy for some reason.
I sniffle and clear my throat. “Where am I?”
Alexander looks around the room and then opens his mouth, but closes it again. For the first time since I met him, he looks unsure of himself. That cloak of arrogance has wavered, and he doesn’t know what or how to say it.
He takes a deep breath. “I built you a house, bunny. I took the pool house and built you a home. Somewhere that’s your own, somewhere away from all of us. I wanted you to have something of your very own.”
Alexander gets up and goes to get his suit jacket, which is lying on one of the chairs by the fireplace.
He reaches into his suit pocket and I can hear jingling.
He comes over, sits back down on the bed, and hands me my phone and the keys to my car.
I don’t offer my hand to take them and he sets them on my lap.
Warmly, he says. “Your car is parked in the garage. And I took the tracker off the phone. This is your house, to come and go as you please. I talked to Professor Daniels, and he’s willing to take you back.
But I didn’t know…” Alexander chokes up and clears his throat a few times before he can finish his sentence.
“I didn’t know about the baby, so I don’t have a nursery for you.
But I’m sure you and Anna could figure something out” He waves his hand around the room.
He looks back at me and smiles weakly. “Maybe once you’re feeling better and you settle in, you two can figure one out. You can do it up in pinks for ou…umm, for a little girl’s room.”
He clears his throat. I watch him swallow repeatedly. He wanted to say our baby.
I glower up at him now, my voice is scratchy, but I’m so pissed off now I don’t care what I sound like.
“How do you know I won’t take my car and get so fucken far away from you that this time you’ll never find me again?
Do you have that much self-assurance that you think I’ll just heel to you like an obedient dog? ”
He’s shocked at my tone and my use of words, but I’m tired of playing the game. I’m just plain tired of everyone’s bullshit lies.
His tone is soft. “You are not a dog; you are my wife, and you will soon be the mother of my child. No matter where you go, Isabella, I will find you, always.”
I just shake my head in irritation. I will never be free, never! And his sweet words of freedom are all bullshit. It’s only a matter of time till that temper rears its head.
He sighs heavily and links his hands together on his lap. “This isn’t the right time to have this conversation. You’re not well and you need rest. There is information you need to read before you decide that running is the best option.”
The tears on my cheeks are drying up and starting to itch, so I wipe them away. “Oh, like the great Alexander is willing to give me options, umhumm, sure.” It comes out snippy and childish, but who is he trying to kid?
He looks at me sharply and says, “Yes, your Nonno made sure you would have options in your life, and as your husband, it’s my duty to make sure I fulfilled his wishes. Like I said, there is information you need to read, and then you can decide, but first you need to get well.”
My throat chokes up at his name. “My nonno?”
It was barely above a whisper and the tears start all over again when he said my Nonno. I miss him so much, and right now, I could really use his guidance.
Alexander nods. “Yes, Isabella. But you need to get well first, and then you can decide on your future. But just so you know, no matter what you plan, I will find you and the baby. I fucked up, big time. But you are my wife, mine to protect, and so is the little one you carry.”