Chapter 6 Zack
ZACK
The sight of my sister’s tear-stained face kills something new inside of me every time I see it.
There’s something inherently cruel about having more resources than most people in the entire world, yet still not having the tools to help the people closest to you.
Because no amount of money is going to bring back my brother, and I fear that’s the only thing that would fix her.
Hell, it’s the only thing that would fix me and the empty hole that now sits permanently inside of my chest. A feeling I ignore every day because her pain is worse and she needs me more than I need to grieve.
I walked her and Max back down to his car, and reluctantly said goodbye while she fought to contain her emotions.
I know Max will look after her, but it should be me.
I’m her brother, I’m the one who is supposed to protect her, not him, and I fucking hate myself for being jealous of him.
I feel like I haven’t done a single thing right since the moment we found out Logan was gone.
I failed him then by not protecting him, and I have failed him every day since by not protecting her.
When I make it back up to my office I’m not surprised to find Asher still there, sitting silently in the chair across from mine.
When I enter, his stare snaps to mine, and I’m sure it mirrors my own.
He’s never been one to show emotion, I’m certain it was beat out of him when he was a child, but right now I can see the grief that still clings to him like a shadow.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was going to be here,” he says tensely, clearing his throat, and I know his mind is only on Logan right now.
Most people would describe Asher Donovan as stone cold, they would say he isn’t capable of feeling emotions, but they are wrong.
He’s one of the most caring and loving people I have ever met, despite all the times life has tried to steal his black heart.
He loved my brother and my brother loved him, so hearing him apologize hurts my own heart.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I sigh, moving to take a seat behind my desk, and Asher shakes his head.
“She hates me.” His words are said with such finality and I can’t stand it, not when our entire family is built by the people we have chosen.
“She’s grieving,” I defend, and now he glares at me and the bullshit that just left my mouth.
“She hates me,” he repeats, and I sigh.
“Yeah, she hates you.”
If you were to ask anyone who’s at fault for Logan’s death, they would all say the name of his murderer.
She is the one who hunted him because of what he meant to Lincoln, she is the one who commanded her men to beat him until he was bleeding internally, and she is the reason he is dead.
No one else. But if you were to ask his twin, she would say Lincoln, and Lincoln would say the same.
Asher is then included in that by extension, because not only are the two of them together, but Asher was captured with Logan too.
It doesn’t matter that he almost died just like Logan, not to her.
I don’t think she can stand the sight of them in love, when she knows our brother should be with them, and none of us blame her for that.
“I thought she’d better by now, that things would change with some time, but I don’t know what else I can do.
She barely leaves the house, she isn’t eating enough, she’s drinking too much,” I trail off with a sigh, swiping my hands down my face, the tiredness clinging to me.
“I just want to help her, but I can’t, she doesn’t need my help. ”
“You’re her brother, she will always need you.”
“The only brother she needs is dead,” I snap, making Asher flinch before he can hide it, and I curse inwardly.
Sometimes I resent Logan, not for dying, but for leaving me to survive this world without him.
It’s a sobering thought, one that has me exhaling deeply, as I try to regain control of my emotions.
“Sorry Ash,” I sigh, knowing that he understands me more than most and hating that fact so fiercely it causes my chest to ache even more than normal.
We are both quiet for a moment, until he swallows thickly and leans forward.
“We all lost him, and I won’t sit here and deny that I don’t feel his loss every second of every fucking day,” he forces out through his teeth, like just saying the words cause him pain and my fists clench in response, wishing I could erase the agony inside of me.
Asher’s stare is dark as if he is remembering scenes I’m glad aren’t tattooed in my mind like I’m sure they are his, before he shakes his head.
“Lily still needs you, just as much as she needed Logan, she just can’t see it right now. ”
I wish his words brought me comfort, but they don’t, because he’s wrong.
She will never need me or love me the same way she did him.
He was her twin, her blood, the one person who had always been by her side no matter what, and now he’s gone.
And what does she have left? Me? What a sad fucking trade off that is.
I’d give anything to trade places with him just to see her happy again.
I shake my head, knowing that she would still be in pain, but nowhere near as much as she’s in now.
“No, it’s always been different with me and her,” I tell him honestly, and he studies me in confusion, cocking his head to the side until his eyes widen ever so slightly. Then he nods slowly, as if he has worked something out.
Whatever it is, I’m not sure, and right now I don’t have the energy to care, not when everything just feels so heavy. Asher continues to stare at me, looking as if he is thinking carefully about his next words.
“I know, it’s like with me and Elle. Marcus is the love of her life and I’m her best friend.
She loves us both in different ways, but needs us both just the same.
” He says the words as if he expects me to relate to them, but when I just stare at him in confusion, he offers me a tight smile.
“Just don’t give up on her and it will all work out, trust me. ”
Then he stands and moves to leave, and I can’t help but call out, “How do you know?”
Asher pauses by my office door, looking back with nothing but pain and love.
“Because I was raised by the Devil and his son, and somehow I get to wake up every day beside the man I love, surrounded by the most amazing family, and that’s in spite of everything that happened to me, not because of it. ”
His words stay with me for the rest of the day, so much so that I barely concentrate on anything else.
After going back to the Mayor and handing off the documents that Max signed, I end up telling my assistant to cancel my next meeting, instead heading to the main house to check in with my mom and dad, and Elle, before going home.
Cassie begs me to stay for dinner, and I can never deny my niece, so by the time I head back to my penthouse it’s already dark out.
I head up to Lily’s apartment first, intent on checking whether she has eaten herself, but as I step off the elevator, I spy Max slipping quietly out of her front door. What the fuck? He’s never here this late, and he brought her home almost seven hours ago, so what the hell is he still doing here?
Storming straight for him, he startles a little, going instantly on the offense until he realizes it’s me. “Zack, hey man,” he sighs with a smile, looking tired, but I’m too angry to care.
“Have you been here all this time?” I snap, and I know he can tell from my tone that I’m pissed about something, as he straightens his shoulders and rises to his full height.
“She needed me,” he states firmly, and I can’t help but assess him closely, examining his unwavering support for my sister.
“Is there something going on here that I should know about?” I ask carefully, and Max flinches slightly, before his blank mask slams back into place.
“You think I would take advantage of her given the state she’s in?” he scoffs, shaking his head, and even though I can see disappointment in his stare, there is something else there too.
He’s acting like my suggestion is ridiculous, like I don’t see the way my sister turns heads everywhere we fucking go.
She’s beautiful, and I know he’s noticed that fact just as well as I have, and he’s not her fucking brother.
And I see the way she looks at him sometimes, like she’s imagining what it would be like between them, plus I’ve seen him bed plenty of people over our long friendship.
It’s not exactly out of the question for two consenting adults.
The two of them finding their way to one another would make perfect sense, so why does the thought of it fill me with a rage I can’t even describe?
“She doesn’t need any complications right now,” I tell him firmly, stepping closer to him in warning, expecting him to back down, but he doesn’t.
“I know exactly what she fucking needs, and I’m doing my best to give it to her,” he snaps back loudly, once again coming to her defense.
“I’m the one making sure she gets out of fucking bed every day, making sure she eats breakfast, making sure she goes to fucking therapy, that’s all me.
” His words are delivered with firm pokes to my chest, telling me how pissed he is.
He’s right, I know he is, no one has done more for her this last year than he has, but I’m too fucking pissed off to back down.
“And what do you think I’m doing right now? Coming for a fucking tea party?” I shout back. “No one is more worried about her than I am.”
Max grins, cocking his head at me. “Worried about her? Or worried about me fucking her?” he dares to ask, and I grip him and shove him hard against the wall, as his words evoke something sinister inside of me.
“Watch your fucking mouth,” I warn, only making his grin wider, but before he can respond, the door rips open beside us.
“What the hell is going on out here?” Lily looks between us both, demanding an answer, as if she has just been woken up.
Her hair is neatly tied back, her face clear of makeup, and she is dressed in a pair of shorts and an oversized sweater. She surveys us with clear but tired eyes, and I slowly release Max and take a step back, but when I don’t say anything in response, Max scoffs, shaking his head.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, princess,” he tells her, before stalking off down the hallway, bypassing the elevator and pushing through the door that leads to the stairs.
When I look back at my sister she is glaring at me, and I half wonder how much she heard. “What the hell is your problem?” She huffs out, completely pissed, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out she heard enough, and I feel shitty, but still I stand my ground.
“I don’t want my best friend taking advantage of you.”
“Taking advantage of me?” she laughs in disbelief before she realizes I am serious, tipping her chin up high as she holds my stare.
“Who I choose to fuck or not fuck, Zack, is none of your goddamn business.” Her words send a fleeting image through my mind before I can stop it, and my entire body begins to burn.
An image that is only heightened when she adds mindlessly, “Besides, it’s too late for you to be worrying about me like that. ”
“What?” I ask, narrowing my stare, but hers widens, as if she realizes what she has just said.
“Go home, big brother, I’m sober and tired, so your job for tonight is done.” Then she slams the door in my face.
Max is right, I am an asshole, and neither of them speak to me for the next week.