Chapter Ten
Ro
“You need to tell him what happened.” Betti leans onto the bed, trying to catch my gaze.
Continuing to ignore her, I shake my head. What good would airing my dirty laundry do? I decided to lie and hurt him in the worst possible way. There were better ways to handle things. I deserve to live with the consequences.
I used his insecurities against him. The devastation in his brown eyes still haunts me. My father forced my hand, but he hadn’t made me target Gambit’s soft underbelly. “No. And I don’t want you to say shit to anyone either.”
“Ro—”
I grab her wrist. “You owe me this.”
Her lips smoosh together, and she growls in the back of her throat. “Low blow.”
“But no lies detected.”
She scowls, shaking me free. “I never asked you to stay here with me.”
“No. But I am asking you right now to bite your tongue and let me handle things my way.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in the chair. “And what does that look like, exactly?”
“That’s not your concern.”
Betti scoffs. “I don’t agree.”
“Don’t do this now.” Exhaling, I slump down.
“Do what? Have an opinion? Become an adult who doesn’t follow your every command?”
“Hey. That’s not fair.”
“No. But you aren’t my mother. Apparently, she’s dead.” Betti’s voice cracks.
Ignoring my stiff muscles, I sit up in bed and reach across to hold her hand. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard.”
“Why did he hate us so much, huh?” Her lower lip shakes. Tears slide down her cheeks and rest on her long black lashes like glittering diamonds.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. I’ve never felt so inadequate in my life.
“He had a sickness in him that spilled over onto everything and everyone he touched. It stuck like tar and brought out the worst.” I shudder remembering my mother’s drug-fueled stages.
They were a toxic mess. I’ll never understand why she chose him in the first place; or stayed for so damn long.
Why not take me and leave? Why did she have a second child so many years later?
Those answers were taken with her to the grave.
Watching them interact convinced me of one thing: I’d never follow in their footsteps.
I’d never touched more than marijuana and drank sparingly.
Glancing down at the IV drip refueling me brings painful images back into focus.
Mom did so many stints in the hospital. They knew her name and her issues, but in a town like mine, people turned a blind eye and minded their own business.
I remember how skeptical I was when she got clean that last time.
Until the months slipped by and she remained the woman I knew when I was young.
Full of life, humor, and creativity, she was magical.
When Betti hit two and she remained sober, I thought it would last. Maybe it would have.
With sober eyes and mind, she had to know we needed to leave.
The disgust, disdain, and rage I harbored for her have no logical place to go.
So I swallow it down. She wasn’t out living her life.
My mother was tossed into the swamp, eaten by gators, and carried away in parts.
Her bones were carried by the current to places unknown.
And worse, he tainted my view of her. Blinking back tears, I can’t afford to shed with my dehydration, so I sniffle.
He made me hate her. The realization digs the knife deeper into my soul with every thought of her abandonment. My stomach churns. I clear my throat. I refuse to let him win. I can’t change the past, but I can build a new narrative. Breaking down isn’t an option when I’m in limbo.
The revulsion and rage simmering in the depths of Gambit’s brown irises was so intense it turned his eyes black. I can’t trust him to be rational or kind. The uncertain situation terrifies me. What plan is he cooking up right now?
“Ro?”
“Hmm?” I look over at my sister.
“Are you okay? Really?” she whispers.
“It’ll take more than this to off me.”
Betti gives me a shaky smile.
The door swings open, and we both jump. That tall silhouette blocks out the light.
“I told you she had a visitor,” Lotte trails behind Gambit, hands on her hips.
He steps inside, and I hold my breath. “We need to leave tonight.”
“What?” I sputter.
“To where?” Betti’s face pales. Her pupils dilate, and she digs her nails into the flesh of my arm.
“California. I have business to take care of.”
“No. You can’t go.” The panic in Betti’s voice is pure torture. She’s been through enough.
“It’s okay. It’s not forever. This was always a part of the plan. You going off on your own.”
“I know. I just... I didn’t think it would happen so soon,” she flounders.
Me either, kid.
“Things changed. We have to roll with it.” Gambit rubs the back of his neck. “I talked to Doc. He topped you off, and other than rest and nutrition, which’ll take time, you have everything you need.”
“Right.” I nod weakly. Everything is happening so fast it’s dizzying. But I’ll be damned if I let him see me weak again.
“You have your ID and shit here?” He mumbles, shoving his hands in his jean pockets.
“Yeah.” Thank God I’d taken to keeping the important information on my person during hurricanes.
“Good.” An awkward silence settles. Clearing his throat, he stands up taller. “We leave in an hour. I need you ready and presentable.”
“To whom?” I whisper, hoarsely. That could mean multiple things depending on the environment.
He snorts. “The public. Doesn’t take much to get the wrong idea about us.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Don’t think about the past. “I’ll make sure I’m good to go.”
“Doc’ll be here in a few to remove everything.”
I hold up a hand. “I can do it myself. Nurse, remember?”
His eye twitches. “Right.” Spinning on his heels, he leaves without another word.
“Asshole,” Lotte says, exasperated.
Betti throws herself on me for a hug. I give a slight shake of my head at Lotte. The last thing I want to do is rattle my sister more, so we’ll make the best of it.
“It’ll be okay, shug. You and Aunt Lotte will have a slumber party week to catch up. Right, Lotte?” Please. I mouth the word.
“We’re going to enjoy ourselves. I’ll get you where you need to be once the town is back up and running,” Lotte promises, walking over to place her hands on my sister’s shoulders. “I know my brother is big and scary, but he’s always had a good heart, and despite everything, he cares about Rowan.”
“I don’t want you to go,” Betti admits brokenly.
“Right now, that’s what’s best for both of us. Besides, this is your chance to test out your wings. You’ll be eighteen soon. Think of this as a trial run for college.” I run my finger through her hair. “Think of Lotte as a roommate.”
“The best one you’ll ever have.” Lotte grins. She moves back.
Betti wipes her eyes. “Okay.”
“There’s my brave sister.” I pat her cheek playfully, and she slaps away my hand.
“Stop,” she protests weakly.
“Sorry.” I let my hand drop.
A knock shatters the mood. “Hello?” Doc cracks the door open and peers in. “I heard some crazy mess about my patient wanting to treat herself.” He shakes his head. “Not on my watch, young lady.”
“I hear you, Doc.”
Betti rises and moves to stand beside Lotte against the far wall. I breathe easier when Lotte wraps an arm around Betti’s shoulders and she leans into the embrace. She’s always treated my sister like family.
“You ready to be free of all this?” He waves his hands at the machines.
“Very.”
“Won’t take me long at all.” Whistling, he walks over, puts on gloves, and removes the IV.
Pressing a cotton pad onto the wound, he adds a band-aid.
Removing the electrodes that monitored my heart rate, he turns off the monitor.
“All done. I want you to take it easy over the next week. Stay hydrated and eat small portions frequently.”
“Understood.”
“My job here is done. I’ll leave you ladies to it.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
Nodding, he slips away, shooting me a pitying look that makes my belly ache. What does he know that I don’t?
“Alright, chic. Time to get you scrubbed down and allow your beauty to take center stage. No way in hell you’re going to let these biker bitches get the upper hand.”
“What you see is what you get, Lotte. I’m not fighting for a man’s attention.”
Lotte hugs. “That won’t do. It’s past time you remember what a bad bitch you are.”
“Lot—”
She chops the air with her hand, ending my protests. “No. You lost the chain wrapped around your neck, slowly choking you and draining your light. Let me do this.” Walking over, she frames my face with her soft hands.
“I’ve been watching you run yourself into the ground for years. I bit my tongue because I understood the why. I’m calling bullshit on your resistance now. It’s time to step out of that dark tunnel and into the light, baby girl.”
“I’m not going on a vacation, Lotte. I’m tagging along with a pissed of ex for an alibi.”
“Who says that’s all it is? Life has a strange way of putting us exactly where we need to be.”
“This is not a fairytale, babe. That ship has sailed. There’s no bringing it back into the harbor.”
“After everything I did. He didn’t give up on me. You think he has you?”
A flicker of hope ignited in my soul. “I don’t know.”
“Now’s the time to find out.”
“No.” She doesn’t understand the levels of hell I slipped into to drive him away. I’d all but called him a pedo. Heat fills my cheeks as Betti turns down the sheets.
“First step. Let’s get you clean.”
Forcing my weary frame from the bed, I lean heavily on Lotte, trusting her to keep me from falling. If I have to walk into my personal version of hell, I’ll do it with a flawless face, straight spine, and grit.
“We went shopping before we came over. Everything you need is here.”
Relief rushes through my body. I’m not alone.
It’s all too easy to forget that with the world moving at a dizzying speed.
We hobble toward the bathroom, a strange trip with matching determined expressions.
Swaying slightly like the witches from Hocus Pocus, we manage to maneuver me into the lavender powder room.
The butterfly border, and correlating rugs and shower curtain, make my jaw drop.
“Yes, he decorated this with me in mind. This is where I stayed after I got out of rehab that final time,” Lotte whispers.
“I knew you stayed here, but we never really talked details.” I admire the feminine touches that scream Lotte. The decorative cream and gold-trimmed soap dish, cup, and toothbrush holder have a southern elegance.
“I’ll go grab the bag with her toiletries,” Betti whispers, gracefully excusing herself to leave the two of us alone. The door clicks shut behind her, and I perch on the edge of the toilet lid.
“He wanted me to have a reason to be hopeful. I’d been in such a bad place for so long.
” Trailing off, she gets a distant expression.
“Julian had me convinced I was worthless. He hammered into my head that the only value I had was in my body, because it made us money. Mostly with his fist and his sharp tongue.”
She scowls. “Not that he ever let me have much of what I earned. The drugs were a way to numb out. It allowed me to do what I thought was necessary for survival. It took my brother bailing me out of jail after a prostitution charge, forcing me to detox, and chasing away Julian with his brothers to swim up from the haze I’d been existing in. ”
“I broke his heart a million times over, always running back to Julian, falling off the wagon, and blaming him. I ran off with my boyfriend, but somehow it was his fault for leaving six months later? Can you believe that?” Her voice cracks.
“It’s taken years of therapy and his unwavering support to be able to admit those harsh truths and take accountability for my actions.
My brother isn’t a man who bails or falters when it comes to doing the hard things.
So, whatever you think you did can be overcome with honest, hard work, and the love I still see you two desperately trying to hide.
Don’t try to deny it. I’m not going to push.
But I am asking you to take this time you’ve been given to think long and hard about how you want your future to look. ”
She claps her hands together. “Now, let’s get these clothes off.” She wriggles her eyebrows, changing the mood as I ruminate on her words. If I stopped lying to myself, what would I admit I wanted?