Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“CAN YOU HOLD ME” BY NF, brITT NICOLE
LUNA
Iwake up trembling, the cold so all-encompassing that I feel like I’m in the middle of the Antarctic. The chills hit without warning. Violent shudders that make my teeth chatter, my body seizing, they’re so strong.
Chase is there instantly, his body heat enveloping me as he wraps himself around me without a word.
Even though the room is mostly dark, with only my lamp on low, I know it’s him by his warm cinnamon scent.
The contrast between my ice and his fire should create steam, but instead, we find equilibrium.
“I’m here, Star,” he whispers, his body touching me everywhere, lending me his heat because I can’t seem to make my own. Painstakingly slowly, my body starts to relax, sinking into him, the chills no longer so vicious.
There’s movement in front of me, Thorn’s fingers finding mine under the blanket.
“Cold?” The usual teasing in his voice is missing, instead a thread of concern as he shuffles closer to my front, his body heating all the parts that Chase can’t reach. It’s delicious, and I hold in the moan that wants to escape.
“I’m fine,” I lie, even as shivers still race through me. He moves even closer, his warmth like a furnace.
“Liar.” His punishment is a kiss on my nose, his hands rubbing up and down my arms, creating even more heat. I wonder where Blade is, because he was the one I fell asleep with, but then another shiver steals my thoughts and I’m just grateful someone is here.
I should pull away. I should fight this thing happening between us for so many fucking reasons. Our parents are married. They were utter assholes when I first arrived. They made me cry several times. Plus the elephant in the room, I may not live all that long.
But I don’t. I can’t. My body refuses, even if my mind screams this isn’t a good idea. That we may get hurt even worse when they realize that they could do so much better. That caring for someone who’s sick and may not make it will drain a part of them that they’ll never get back.
“I can hear you thinking too hard, Star,” Chase’s voice murmurs behind me, and he nuzzles into my neck, placing a kiss on the skin behind my ear. A different shiver falls over my body then. “Tell me what has your mind whirring so loud.”
I sigh, sucking my lower lip in and nibbling it.
“None of that, Goldie,” Thorn chides, his fingers pulling my lip out. “Only we are allowed to abuse these lips.”
My body still gives the occasional shudder, but it’s so much better having them here, in bed with me, sharing their body heat.
“What happens when you wake up and realize that you could do so much better? That you could have someone like Rachel with her perfect curves and not have to deal with all this shit?”
Silence fills the room, but it’s charged, almost angry.
“I thought we made it clear, Star,” Chase finally replies, his arms tightening around me until I can feel the pressure every time I take a breath. “We want you. No one else. You’re perfect just as you are.”
“But you hated me like two days ago,” I argue, studying the swirls of ink that cover Thorn’s chest, which is practically right in front of my face. “You made me cry, you know. More than once. You were so fucking mean.”
Thorn’s chest heaves in front of me, his hand coming up and tilting my chin until I’m looking into his eyes. The green is dark on account of the lack of light, but I can feel the fierceness of his stare burning through me more than his body heat.
“We thought you were just here to take our money,” he says, and I open my mouth to speak, but he places a finger on my lips.
Bastard. “And yes, you were, but it was for the best of reasons, Moonbeam. Nothing is more important than getting you better. Fucking nothing. Do you hear me? And we will spend the rest of our lives making up for the shit we said, proving to you that we didn’t mean a fucking word and were just being spoilt assholes. ”
I huff a laugh. “You really were.”
The white of his teeth shows as he smiles at me. “Yes, we were, and nothing any of us say can atone. So we will show you how sorry we are.”
“And as for wanting bitches like Rachel, who by the way paid the price for fucking drugging you, we don’t like fake.
You are unapologetically you, so authentic it hurts sometimes.
I love the way you didn’t and don’t take our shit.
That you don’t let the opinions of others dictate you.
It’s more refreshing than you know, Star, especially in the world we’ve grown up in, where everyone is trying to be something they’re not. ”
A lump forms in my throat at his words, at the sincerity of them. “But what if it’s not enough? Things are going to get so much worse than night chills, Chase. I will become a burden—”
“Don’t say shit like that!” Blade’s voice hisses in the dark, and I startle, the bed dipping as he gets on, climbing on top of me as the others shift so I’m lying on my back.
Blade is on top of the covers, trapping me in a cocoon of his body as he settles on his forearms above me.
“You gave us purpose when we didn’t even know we needed it.
You bring meaning to our lives that were empty.
You are not a burden. You are our savior, Goldilocks. ”
My lips part, but no sound leaves them. How can what he’s saying be true? They’re so…well, they seem so solid and sure of everything. At least, I thought they were.
“He’s right, Moonbeam,” Thorn adds, snuggling into my side, and I turn to find his face in the darkness. “We’ve been drifting since Mom died, existing but not really living.”
“And then you came in like a supernova and blew everything out of the sky,” Chase says, a hint of a smile in his voice as he also moves closer, though Blade refuses to move, instead settling more on me.
It should feel suffocating, but it doesn’t.
It feels safe, like he won’t let me float away into space. He’ll hold me together.
“And try as we might, we couldn’t fight the pull, your pull,” Thorn confesses.
“It’s why we were assholes, because we couldn’t deal with what we really felt,” Blade states, and I look into the dark of his eyes, my heartbeat thrashing inside my chest.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what they really felt, but I hold back, because I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it, or admit to myself that I might feel the same.
I worry it’s just the situation. Everything feels so intense because of the looming threat my cancer presents, which can cause you to be rash when you think you may die.
Decisions are made based on the fact that soon, you may not see the sun rise.
“Time to go back to sleep, Star,” Chase says after a few moments of silence, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Perhaps it’s cowardly, but it is what it is.
Blade gives my lips a quick peck, then moves off me and the bed, the others shuffling until I have my back to Chase and Thorn at my front again, our limbs intertwined.
“Where are you going?” I ask Blade, though my lids are drooping as tiredness sweeps over me once more.
He leans over Thorn, placing a soft kiss on my cheek, my eyes closing as his lips make contact. “Just some research, Goldilocks. I’ll come to bed later.”
My lids stay closed as I feel him move away, and I notice the chills have stopped, faster than they did last time.
I would have been up for several more hours with bone-wracking shakes before, but now I drift off, surrounded by the warmth of my stepbrothers, my body knowing that I am safe in their arms. That they will take care of me, even if my mind wants to rebel against it and remain independent.
Being able to rely on someone else for my care, to take care of all my needs, it’s a temptation that, right now, I can’t resist. I’ll try tomorrow, but for now, I let sleep drag me under, snuggling into the bodies of two of my stepbrothers turned tormentors turned caregivers and possibly something much more.
“Rise and shine, Moonbeam! I brought your favorite disgusting green juice and some actually edible food because I’m nice like that.
” Thorn’s overly cheerful voice filters into my consciousness, and I make a particularly unattractive grunt as I blink my eyes open to see the room bathed in soft daylight that filters around the curtains, which are only partly closed.
“You’re not nice,” I grumble, earning a shocked expression from Thorn, who places his hand on his chest.
“I take offense at that, pretty stepsis. I’m the nicest of the three of us and I made this juice especially for you.
It’s full of all the good shit, just hold your nose and drink it down,” he informs me as I sit up, my upper lip curled at the sight of the green sludge in the glass he’s holding in one hand.
There’s a plate of my favorite French toast on the bedside table, the smell actually making my stomach grumble.
“Plus, I brought you breakfast in bed. That’s nice. ”
I glance to my other side, finding it empty, and reaching out a hand, the sheets are cold, telling me Chase is long gone. “Where are the others?” I ask, turning to Thorn, and with a sigh, I take the glass from him. “Bottoms up.”
I do as he suggested, not smelling the juice and downing it in one go. It’s not terrible, but I wouldn’t say it’s nice either, or something I’d choose to voluntarily drink.
“Good girl,” Thorn purrs, and I cut a glare at him, even though my nipples pebble under my sleep shirt. He just gives me a shit-eating grin and a wink, taking the now empty glass and placing it next to the plate. Settling on the edge of the bed, he reaches for my breakfast.
Taking a piece of the eggy bread goodness, he brings it to my lips, and I roll my eyes at him.
“You have a feeding-me-from-your-hand kink,” I grumble, but take a bite of the bread, moaning at the salty yumminess as it rushes over my tongue. At least I’ve not lost my enjoyment of this, yet anyway.
“Yep, and I’m not ashamed,” he answers, waiting for me to finish my mouthful before bringing it back to my lips. “And to answer your earlier question, Chase is sorting some shit out with your new consultant, and Blade is looking at your treatment plan and medications.”
My forehead wrinkles. “New consultant? But I like Dr Tate. He’s been with me before and knows my history.” My hands get a bit sweaty, and I shift in the bed, a quiver in my stomach.
“Dr. Harrison has agreed to take your case,” Chase states as he strides into the room, looking unfairly hot in his usual button-up, the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and smart dress pants. “He’ll be here tomorrow morning. I’ve already arranged for your files to be transferred.”
My hands clench in my lap, my breakfast forgotten as I glare at him.
“You can’t just decide to change my doctor without consulting me, Chase. I was comfortable with Dr. Tate. I don’t even know who Dr. Harrison fucking is!” My chest is heaving, my blood boiling as anger washes over me.
Thorn sighs, placing the piece of bread on the plate in his lap, then takes my hand in his as Chase stares me down, his jaw working.
“Dr. Harrison is the best in his field, his success rate is exceptional, and he’s got some new treatments we could try.
I won’t take any chances with your care, Star.
You agreed that we could take over, look after you.
” His shoulders slump as he comes towards the bed, crouching down so he’s more at my eye level.
“Please, Star. This is what I know, how I take care of those I l…care about.”
My breath comes out on a shuddering sigh. “You should have spoken to me first. You can’t just come out of left field like that, Chase. Everything is so up in the air, so out of my control as it is. I need to not have the rug pulled from underneath me like that.”
He leans forward, his hand cupping my cheek and pulling me closer until our foreheads touch. My eyelids flutter closed, warmth enveloping my chest at the closeness, the touch grounding me and draining my anger away. “I’m sorry. I’ll talk things through in the future. Forgive me?”
“Forgiven,” I whisper, angling my head so that I can brush my lips against his. “Thank you for taking care of me, Chase. I really am grateful to not be alone in this.”
“No thanks needed, Star,” he replies, placing a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away and straightening up. “Now eat the rest of your breakfast, and Thorn will help you get ready. We have plans.”
With that, he leaves, and I blink. “What plans?” I ask Thorn, who gives me his signature cheeky grin.
“Guess you’ll have to do as Chase says and find out.”