Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“WHAT WAS I MADE FOR? (FROM THE MOTION PICTURE “BARBIE”)” BY BILLIE EILISH
LUNA
‘Cycle two, day seventeen. My hair comes out in clumps now. The trees outside my window are shedding their leaves too. We’re synchronized in our losses, preparing for a winter neither of us is guaranteed to survive.’
I place my pen in the pages of my journal, looking up at the window.
The past few weeks have passed in a round of managing horrible side effects, then the third round of my chemo last week, which was just as fucking brutal as the first two.
The triplets were there with me again, my mom managing to pop by once to say hello before Richard called her away.
I hate the apologetic looks she gives me now.
They are fucking meaningless because she still always leaves.
I’ve had no more incidents of sepsis, no more rushed-to-the-hospital visits, so I guess I can be thankful for that.
Yet as the summer comes to an end, I can’t help the pit opening up in my stomach.
The triplets will have to go back to Harvard soon, then I’ll truly be alone, and I’m not sure how I will cope without them by my side.
Sighing, I turn away from the sunshine outside, not wanting to see the leaves are starting to change color, even if fall is usually my favorite season. I still as I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror of my dresser.
I look like death.
My skin is pale and dull, my eyes lifeless, and my hair… A sob catches in my throat at the patches of my scalp which are now visible. My hand floats to my head, my fingers touching the brittle curls, and as I pull them back, more of my hair comes with them.
Pushing up, my heart thudding inside my chest, I stride into my bathroom.
Bending down, I open the cabinet and rifle through it, trying to find the clippers that I brought with me.
I used these last time, wanting to have some semblance of control, and it seems the time has come to use them again, even if tears drip down my cheeks at the loss of a part of me.
My hand finally grabs the bag they come in, and I pull it out, standing up and holding onto the counter for a moment when dizziness washes over me. Once that passes, my trembling fingers open the zipper, pulling the clippers out and switching them on.
The buzz fills the room immediately as I made sure they were fully charged before I packed them.
Looking up, I take a deep inhale, bringing the clippers to my head.
Then I close my eyes as they make contact, unable to look at the defeat in the blue depths as I pass the blades over my skin, feeling the hair drop around me.
“Goldilocks?” Blade’s deep voice startles me, and my eyes snap open to find him in the doorway, his green eyes wide as he takes in the scene. He and his brothers were giving me some time alone, knowing that I need a bit of time to myself, though they never go too far for too long.
A sob rips from my lips, my hands shaking as I pull the clippers away. He’s striding towards me in moments, the clippers clattering on the countertop as he pulls me into his strong arms.
“Why didn’t you say something, baby? We would have helped,” he rumbles, kissing my tears away.
“I fucking hate this part,” I confess, knowing that out of all the side effects, this is the easiest and also the hardest to deal with. I don’t know why, but losing my hair has always been the worst.
“I know, baby, but we told you it doesn’t matter if you’re bald or not. We still love you. We still want you.”
My breath stills inside my chest. “You love me?”
He raises one brow, his lips tilted up in a half smirk. “Of course I fucking do, Goldilocks. I love you so much, you are all I think about, all I dream about. You’re it for me, baby.”
“I love you too, Papa Bear,” I whisper, and his half smirk turns into a wide grin.
“I know,” he replies like the arrogant asshole he is, and I huff a laugh as I swat his chest, which only hurts my hand. Stupid man muscles. “Now, let’s shave our heads.”
My eyes feel like they bug out of my skull. “What?”
“You heard me, gorgeous,” he tells me, keeping one arm around me as he reaches for the clippers and the bag. “Get that pretty ass into your bedroom so we can be comfortable.”
He herds me into the bedroom, my mind stuttering as he sits down at my dressing table, holding out the clippers.
I shake my head. “I am not shaving off your hair, Blade. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfect,” I tell him, crossing my arms.
He just raises that fucking brow at me. “Thorn! Chase!” His yell makes me jump, and seconds later, the other two rush into the room.
“What’s wrong?” Thorn asks, his eyes wide as he searches the room before they settle on me and his brows dip. “Why do you have a bald stripe, Goldie?”
My cheeks flush and I resist the urge to touch it. This is ridiculous.
“She wants to shave her head but feels shit about it. So we’re all shaving our heads but she’s refusing to do mine,” Blade says casually, turning on the clippers. “One of you can do it, then I can do yours, and one of us can do hers when she’s ready.”
“I’m standing right here, jerk face,” I grumble, and Thorn laughs as he saunters towards me.
“I can’t wait to fuck you afterwards. Bald chicks are so fucking hot,” he tells me as he walks right by me, leaving me mouth agape and blushing. “Hand me the clippers, bro.”
I watch, eyes wide as Blade hands Thorn the clippers, and Thorn wastes no time switching them on to shave Blade’s head. Blade looks into my eyes, his beautiful hair falling around him onto my carpet, and my eyes fill with tears.
Chase’s arms wrap around me from behind, and my body sinks into him before my mind even catches up on what is happening. “Shaving our heads is nothing, Star.”
“B–But your hair is so perfect and beautiful,” I stammer, the tears scalding my cheeks as more of Blade’s hair is cut off.
“You’re perfect and beautiful,” Chase tells me, pulling me so close that there’s not a sliver of air between us. “And we know this is hard for you, so we want to share some of the burden.”
Soon, Blade gets up, his thick hair on my bedroom floor and a short buzz cut on his head. It’s not fair; if anything, it makes his eyes and cheekbones stand out more. Makes him more stunning. He comes towards me, and my hand reaches out to run my palm over the short bristles.
“It’s so soft,” I marvel, and his eyes flutter, the thick lashes that he has no right to, fanning against his cheek.
“If you keep petting me like that, Goldilocks, we won’t get the rest of us done,” he rumbles, and his green eyes snap open, the heat in them burning me from the inside out.
“Me next! I want pets!” Thorn cries, bouncing onto the small stool that Blade just vacated and making me laugh at his excitement.
“That okay, baby?” Blade asks, and I nod.
Part of me wants to get this over with, but another is taking confidence from seeing them give me this gift of solidarity.
It’s not something I ever would have asked for, but it means the fucking world to have someone else experience a tiny part of what I’m going through.
Thorn gets told off several times by Blade for not sitting still as he shaves his head, and I’m laughing so hard by the end of it that happy tears fall down my cheeks. No sooner has Blade told Thorn he’s done, than Thorn is up, throwing himself on his knees in front of me and begging for pets.
I indulge him, what else can I do? And he purrs like a cat, earning more giggles.
“Do you want to go next, Star?” Chase asks me, his arms still holding me close, and I pause with my hand on Thorn’s head, taking a deep breath.
“Will you do it?” I beg Chase, and he places a light kiss on my neck.
“Only if you promise to do mine afterwards,” he replies, and I swallow.
“Okay.”
Thorn moves, but then shuffles after me on his knees, placing his head in my lap as I settle on the stool, my back to the mirror. My hands tremble as I place them on his head, taking the comfort as if he really is my emotional support pet.
“Eyes on me, Goldilocks,” Blade orders as the buzzer starts, and my breathing quickens.
My eyes find his immediately, locking onto his gaze as I feel the vibrations of the clippers against my scalp.
My lips tremble, but Blade just gives me that dangerous smile of his.
“You’re doing so well, baby. I’m so proud of you. ”
My breath shudders out of me, his words of praise and Thorn’s comfort helping me to get through this.
It feels like only minutes later when Chase announces he’s done.
The buzzing of the clippers stop, and he turns me on the stool, Thorn shuffling back as Chase blocks my reflection.
His fingers grasp my chin, lifting it so I’m looking into his green eyes.
The gold flecks in them shine, and they’re full of love and adoration.
“Absolutely stunning, Star,” he whispers, dipping down and placing his lips against mine. He tells me with his kiss how attractive he finds me, how much he loves me, and my throat tightens at all the words he speaks with his touch.
“I love you, Chase Banks,” I murmur against his lips when he starts to pull away.
“I’ve always loved you, Luna May Wilder. Even before I knew you, I loved you,” he replies, his breath fanning against my lips, and my breath hitches.
Placing one final kiss on my lips, he straightens up and moves aside, letting me see my reflection.
My lips part in a gasp. Yes, I’m bald, but my cheeks are flushed, my lips kiss-swollen, and my eyes brighter than they were before.
I look…beautiful, like a girl in love who knows that she’s not alone in the world.
“You are always beautiful, Moonbeam, because your insides are stunning, and nothing can hide it,” Thorn tells me, and I have to blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. I don’t want to cry again, not right now. “Are you feeling up to doing Chase?”
I catch Chase’s gaze in the mirror, my lips twitching. “Always.” Then I give him wink, and his eyes widen before the sexiest fucking smirk crosses his lips and he reaches down to adjust his sweatpants where I can see his dick growing.
Heat suffuses my cheeks as I get up and he takes my place. His eyes burn into me as I reach for the clippers, but his hands dart out, tugging down the cotton shorts I’m wearing, along with my panties.
“Chase!” I yelp, but Thorn sweeps down and tugs them away so I’m standing in just an oversized sweatshirt—Blade’s, I think—and nothing else.
“You’re going to keep my cock nice and warm while you shave my head, Star,” he orders, and my body flushes hot, a shiver falling over me. “Grab the clippers.”