Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
“INFINITY - PIANO VERSION” BY JAMES YOUNG
LUNA
The next few days pass in the closest I’ve come to bliss in a long time.
The Cottage may be small, but it still has quite a few rooms, including a music room where Thorn takes me to play the guitar or piano, something I’m ashamed to say I didn’t realize he could.
When I asked him why I’d not heard him play before, he just shrugged and told me his dad wanted him to join the family business, but now that is no longer a pressure he has, so he’s letting himself do what he wants for once. I’m so fucking proud of him.
We’ve spoken about Chase’s revelations, and for now, we’re focusing on the next phase of my treatment, aka the transplant. Chase pointed out that Richard no longer has me to use as his test subject or success case, and with the threat of exposure, we have some time.
The guys are resolute in what they want to happen to their dad. They want him to answer for his crimes, mostly because he put me in danger, and I agree with them. I just don’t have the energy to face it right now, and they assure me that’s okay. It can wait a few weeks.
I’ve not heard from Mom, and I’m not even sure if she knows the extent of Richard’s deception. Then again, it’s not something I have the spoons for right now, so I’ve put it on my to-do list for after the transplant.
All three triplets take my care seriously, picking up where they left off and making sure I’m eating well, taking all my medications and supplements, plus doing all the other things they deem necessary for my recovery and to get me in, what Thorn calls, fighting shape for the transplant.
Some might say it’s overbearing, but there’s a relief in just following instructions and not having to think about what I need to do next.
Time passes quickly, and before I know it, we’re heading back to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute to start the BEAM Protocol.
There’s an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and my muscles feel twitchy, not letting me rest for the whole four-hour drive.
We’ve all packed bags, enough for the near month that we’ll be staying at the Institute.
Chase has organized a private room for us all, getting them to move two extra beds in so that the guys can properly rest too.
“It’ll be fine,” Blade assures me from beside me as we finally pull up outside the front of the medical facility. His hand has been clasped in mine the entire journey, and he squeezes it gently now. “We’ll be here with you the whole time. You’re not facing this alone.”
I give him a thin smile, trying to remain positive, but I’m fucking scared. This is going to suck, it’s going to hurt, not only me but them too, and that makes it somehow worse.
“I hate that you guys will be in pain,” I say quietly as he helps me out of the car. He pauses, his fingers gripping my chin and lifting it so I’m staring into his dark green eyes.
“Now you know how we feel every fucking day since we found out what you’re going through,” he tells me.
“And I would take even that away from you if I could because you’ve suffered enough, Goldilocks.
” He leans down, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips.
“But know that we would rip every cell from our bodies if it would help you, and we’d do it with fucking smiles on our faces. ”
“But then you wouldn’t be here and that would be terrible,” I state, the nerves making me tremble.
“Well, I guess we better get ourselves inside so we can help each other make it to the rest of our lives,” he tells me simply, placing a kiss on my lips again before taking my hand in his and leading me to the front doors.
Thorn and Chase follow with our bags, and butterflies flutter in my stomach as we’re greeted by Nurse Susan.
“Good morning, Luna and tribe,” she says with a wink, and it eases some of the tension inside me. “I’m here to show you to your accommodation, help you settle in, and explain the next few days.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back, swallowing past the lump in my throat as she gives us a smile and leads us down the corridor and to a lift.
We’re taken to the fourth floor, and we walk down a clean, modern corridor, reaching a door with a small window in it.
“I hope it’s to your liking. You should find that we put everything in you requested,” Susan says, opening the door.
Again, I’m reminded of a posh hotel room as we step inside.
The room’s cream walls with splashes of teal and gold are soothing.
There’s a double bed on one side, and then two single beds opposite, with a table in the corner with four chairs.
An open door is on the back wall, and I spot a bathroom and walk-in shower through it.
There are even a couple of sets of drawers for our clothes.
The large window lets in lots of light, and I’m kind of blown away by how luxurious it is. Also, how much space we have.
“It’s perfect, thank you,” I tell Susan, the guys agreeing with me as I head towards the window.
Parting the sheer drapes, I find that we’re looking out over a green valley, the trees ranging from dark green to reds and golds as fall settles over us.
“Okay, I’ll give you a few to settle in, then be back to take you through the next steps,” Susan informs us, and I turn back to her to give her a smile before she leaves the room.
“How about you rest up while we unpack?” Chase suggests, already putting his laptop bag on the table.
“I want to help,” I protest, even though my body already feels bone-weary, which is fucking ridiculous because I’ve just spent the past four hours resting in the car.
“Come snuggle with me, Moonbeam,” Thorn commands, taking my hand and toeing off his sneakers, pulling me towards the bed. “You can be my little spoon.”
“How can I resist such an offer?” I tease, taking my own shoes off and allowing him to help me into the bed. “Fuck, this is like a cloud.”
“Only the best for our sister,” Thorn whispers, pulling me into his body so that my back is to his front. I find my eyes closing, even though I could have sworn I was too amped up to sleep. “Rest, baby. We’ll wake you up when Susan returns.”
It feels like only minutes later when Thorn gently kisses me awake, and I open my eyes to find Susan sitting in the chair that is next to the bed with a smile on her face, a clipboard in her lap.
“I’m glad to see you’ve rested, Luna,” she says. “Are you feeling up to me going through the next few days?”
“Sure,” I reply, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and sitting up. Thorn sits up too, wrapping me in his arms so that I’m leaning against him, and the skin around Susan’s eyes crinkles as she smiles at us.
“Right, so we will start with Carmustine tomorrow, a two-hour infusion. You may experience a metallic taste in your mouth, nausea, and flushing.” I give her a nod when she pauses.
“Then tomorrow and for the next three days, we’ll have you on Etoposide, again, daily two-hour infusions.
This will probably increase your fatigue, and you’ll likely have blood pressure fluctuations, so be careful getting up too quickly.
The following day, we start you on Ara-C, or Cytarabine infusions, twice daily.
This may increase your side effects, and it’s likely you’ll develop a fever. ”
“We’ll help keep you cool, Moonbeam,” Thorn interjects, and I’d laugh because not once have they ever cooled me down, but I’m trying not to talk about our sex life in front of the good nurse.
“Excellent, you’ll be nurses in no time.
” Susan smiles, and I swear Thorn preens behind me as Chase and Blade look on with small smiles.
Chase is at the table, laptop open, reading along as Susan speaks, so no doubt he has all this on his screen.
“That takes us to two days before the transplant, where you have your final infusion of Melphalan, which is considered to be the harshest. You may experience extreme nausea, stomach cramping, and your mouth sores are likely to get worse.” I take a deep inhale, letting it out as Thorn presses his lips to the top of my head, which is still covered by my silk scarf.
“The good news is the day after is a rest day, though you’re likely to be at your weakest.”
“We’ll be here to look after her,” Blade states, coming to sit at the end of the bed, his hand finding my foot underneath the blankets and giving it a squeeze. I give him a grateful smile, then turn to look back at Susan.
“What about their stuff? What will the guys be going through?” I question, and she turns her attention to Thorn and then Blade.
“Well, on day minus five before the transplant, which is considered day zero, so in two days time, we will start with daily subcutaneous injections in either the abdomen or arm. This is likely to cause bone pain, like your skeleton is bruised, headaches, muscle aches similar to severe flu, low-grade fever and chills, and possibly insomnia from the discomfort.”
I take in a sharp breath, hearing the trauma that they are about to go through because of me making a lump form in my throat.
“Don’t think about it,” Thorn murmurs in my ear, somehow knowing that I’m freaking out. “It’s nothing, and we’ll all be here together.”
“Will you give them pain medication?” I ask, and Susan nods, but before she can speak, Blade interrupts.
“I don’t want it. If you’re suffering, then so am I,” he states casually, and my head snaps towards him.
“What? That’s fucking ridiculous!” I can’t believe he’d refuse the pain relief, say no to anything that might ease his suffering.
His jaw tightens. “Regardless, I don’t need it.”
“Me neither,” Thorn adds behind me, his arms tightening around me when I try to pull away.
“But you’ll be in pain, a lot of fucking pain,” I argue, my gaze landing on Chase. His face is set in a hard line, and I just know the bastard is going to agree with his brothers.
“We’ll manage, just like you have to,” he tells me, his eyes locked on mine.
Before I can argue more, Susan interjects, “Well, it’ll be available if you need it, and so will pain relief be available for Luna. You’ll all be able to decide whether or not to take it at the time.”
“Fine,” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest, the effect of my ire no doubt ruined by the fact that Thorn won’t let me the fuck go.
“Okay, well that brings us to the day before the transplant. While Luna rests, you three will have what we call an Apheresis collection. It lasts for six to eight hours, and you can either sit up or lie down but you have to remain still. They’ll be large-bore needles in both arms, one to draw the blood and the other to return it.
The blood then circulates through a machine which separates the stem cells.
You’ll probably experience temperature fluctuations, and due to the calcium depletion, a tingling or numbness in your fingers and lips. ”
“But I can visit them?” I ask, and she gives me a soft smile.
“Of course, though you’ll probably be very tired, Luna, and sleep for most of the day.”
“All the same, I want to be able to see them if we’re apart for that long,” I insist, and Thorn kisses my temple again while Blade rubs his palm along my calf over the blanket.
“Absolutely,” Susan agrees, looking back down at her clipboard. “After that, is the day we do the transplant, which I’m told is pretty anticlimactic. It’s effectively a blood bag, and the infusion only takes about thirty to sixty minutes. You’ll be monitored throughout for any adverse reactions.”
My chest feels a little tight at having it all laid out like this. It’s a lot to take in, and I know that I don’t need to think about it all now, but this is intense.
“We’ll be here, baby. The whole time apart from the day before, and even then, you can come play nurse,” Thorn gently says, and some of the tension in my muscles drains at his teasing tone.
“I know it’s a lot, Luna, and it doesn’t end with the transplant, but you have a really good support network, plus the best care here,” Susan assures me, her face full of understanding. “Shall we leave it at that? Or would you like more information about what happens afterwards?”
I take a deep inhale, letting it out through my lips in a somewhat shaky exhale. “Hit me with the rest of it.”
“Okay, days one to fourteen is what we call the nadir period. You’ll be at your lowest due to the complete immune suppression.
It’s likely you’ll be unable to speak or eat solid food, so we may have to use a feeding tube or deliver nutrients via a TPN, through your vein.
This is where you’ll also likely want the pain meds, and you’ll have an antibiotic as this is the highest infection risk period. ”
I swallow hard, the sores already in my mouth uncomfortable. A feeding tube though, that sounds shit.
“You’ll get through it, Goldilocks,” Blade assures me. Chase gets up, leaving his laptop on the desk to come and sit on the other end of the bed.
“We’ll be with you and make sure you’re comfortable,” he tells me, and I give him a small nod.
“Okay, what happens afterwards?” I turn to Susan, who glances down at her paperwork.
“Days fifteen to thirty is the engraftment period, when the donor cells begin producing new blood. It’s here we usually see the first signs of white blood cell recovery, which is often accompanied by a low-grade fever.
You’ll probably also have a gradual improvement in energy, and your mucositis—the mouth sores—will begin to heal.
” She gives me another reassuring smile, and I dip my head for her to continue.
“And it’s typically between days twenty-one to thirty that you’ll be discharged.
So you’ll get to go home, provided you have enough white blood cell recovery, no active infections, and are able to take medications by mouth.
You will have to have a daily outpatient visit initially, but I believe Chase has organized that to take place at Mount Vernon as it’s closer to you? ”
“Yes, ma’am,” Chase replies politely, and Susan smiles.
“Right. Do you have any questions? Any concerns or worries?” She looks at me, and I nibble my lower lip.
I have so many fucking concerns and worries, but I guess nothing can really be done about those. I have my guys, and they have me, and we will get through this.
“Let’s do this,” I say instead of voicing all my swirling thoughts, and Thorn kisses my head again while both Blade and Chase give my feet a little squeeze.
I am not alone, and that, more than anything else, gives me the confidence I need to take this next step. Plus, I want to live, so fucking badly, and I can’t forget the promise I made.