Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Riley
When I wake, Kit is wrapped around my face, but I can hear movement in the apartment. I slide my fingers into her fur, and she perks up and looks over at the noise maker.
Torin is wearing a pair of my boxer briefs—which is plenty weird—that are stretched to their limit and showing off every inch of what he’s working with down there.
It kind of makes me wonder if I should have taken him up on his offer last night.
Imani never said I couldn’t bed the man before I returned him.
I also notice that he’s trimmed off his beard, making him look even more handsome.
“Good morning, Riley the Perturbed Peasant. I have spent the morning learning some phrases in this so-called ‘English’ by using your books. They have been quite… informational, and I see now where I went wrong last night.”
No idea what that means, so I just nod and agree. “Uh… huh. I’m going to brush my teeth. Let me find you a toothbrush.” Do gods even have to brush their teeth?
I find him a toothbrush that I’d gotten free from the dentist, and the way he eyes the thing tells me that I’m right. I mean… what god has to go to the dentist?
“Thank you,” he says, and then he starts brushing his hair with it. “Very tiny.”
“You’re welcome,” I respond, leaving him to brush his hair as I head into the bathroom and brush my teeth.
When I come out, I go to the kitchen and pull out a prepared tub of food I made for Kit.
While she can eat kibble, if I leave that out, the next thing I know there will be an animal being consumed on my carpet.
Last week was a bird… feathers everywhere.
This means that I have to do food prep for her, which is far too time-consuming and definitely takes more time than just picking up the feathers of her latest victim.
So I set her bowl down and she happily eats as I slide my hand down the counter and up to the first cupboard while I think about what breakfast food is fit for a god.
Or maybe I’ll just feed him cereal.
“I will introduce you to the finest breakfast of our realm.”
“I would prefer more pizza.”
“We don’t generally eat pizza for breakfast.”
“Ludicrous. I demand pizza.”
Then he freezes and says, “Huh. We must depart this… humble home.”
And while Kit and I stare at him, off to the door he goes, wearing only the underwear he strangely borrowed. They’re so tight, it’s like they’re suctioned to his ass cheeks. Like his buns ache for freedom.
“You need more clothes. You can’t wander out like that.”
“I have perused your clothing. They are all so drab I felt like I’d be off to a funeral procession if I put any on.”
“That’s my mood for every day. Funeral.”
I find him some clothes that are large on me, yet it still looks like he’s sporting some high-water sweatpants and a crop top.
“You look ready for a flood.”
“I do not understand, but I assume that means you think I look sexy so I will approve,” he says. “Let us go.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
And then Torin grabs me and hauls me out the door after him. Kit, who’d just been watching the scene from where she was eating, runs after us.
“I need Kit!”
She slips through the closing door and leaps for me. It hurts a bit on the way up, but she makes it to my shoulder just as we start down the stairs. Her tail wraps around my neck and she settles in while licking her chops. At least one of us got to eat.
“Are you going back to your home planet? Do you feel awkward wearing my underwear? Do you think your worshipers will laugh at you when you arrive?”
“No, no, and no. I’ve never felt awkward a day in my life. Now procure us two mounts.”
“Where are we going?”
“There’s a pull… I can feel it.”
Since he doesn’t seem to know where we’re going, I’m pretty sure the subway wouldn’t be the best bet, and what would I tell a Lyft driver? Just follow where this eccentric god is declaring he must go?
“I have a bike. We can rent you one. Do you have bikes in your realm?” I already know the answer to this question, but there’s some evil part of my mind that is enjoying the idea of putting the god who brushes his hair with a toothbrush on a bike.
“I can ride anything and everything.”
“Besides the subway.”
“Peasant, did you say something?”
“Nope.”
I head over to the bike rack and free my bike before walking it half a block down to rent another bike.
“So you just mount up this bad boy and pedal. See that woman there?” I ask as I point to a woman riding by.
He watches before giving me a determined look. “There is nothing I can’t do.”
“Watch out for the cars, alright? Let’s stay on the sidewalk. The sidewalk is the little path here. Not the road, got it?”
Torin struggles a bit to get his leg over, probably because of how tight his clothes are and how long his legs are. And without waiting for me to help or guide him or give him advice, he takes off pedaling.
Honestly… I’m impressed.
Kit is too; she can’t stop watching him while he rushes forward with not a care in the world for anyone else.
“Why are they not getting out of my way? Shoo! Fuck off!” he barks when he nearly runs a lady over.
She staggers but her friend catches her, and the god continues to believe that he’s the only thing that matters as he shouts at people in a language they can’t understand.
That is, until he comes across a broad man who isn’t planning on moving.
Torin jerks the handlebars and the bike begins to wobble.
Instead of taking his feet off the pedals, he continues to pump his legs as hard as he can while the wobble escalates and the front tire dips off the sidewalk and into the road.
“Kit… I think I forgot to tell him how to use the brakes,” I realize.
“Pull the lever on the handlebars! And stop pedaling!” I shout, but he’s too far from me to hear as he veers right into traffic and slams into the front of a car.
I grimace a bit while I watch the god flip onto the hood and skid across where he disappears from sight.
“What do you think the repercussions are for killing a god?” I ask Kit.
She chirps.
“Yeah… kind of thinking the same thing,” I say, running out into the street as Torin stands up, picks up the bike, and proceeds to throw it so hard and far that it lands on the roof of a nearby butcher shop.
“You’re alive! Yay… I wanted to make sure you’d still be around to cover the cost of that bike. ”
“Why do all of your mounts want to kill me?” he snarls.
“That’s a really good question. We should try skateboarding next. Oh, what are your thoughts on rollerblades?”
The woman whose car he hit looks uncertain what to do, so I pull out my wallet and find an old business card from when I worked for the Magical Interference Unit and pass it to her. “They will take care of any damages,” I assure her.
She looks surprised but after one look at the god, she nods in understanding.
Turning to Torin, I tell him, “I’m going to go put my bike back and we’re going to call someone from the Magical Interference Unit to pick us up.
” That is, unless someone lets me borrow their skateboard because my entertainment quota for this morning still hasn’t been filled up.
After all, no one told me to keep the god safe.
I swing my leg over my bike, but before I can pedal, he grabs my arm.
“I will ride with you,” he says as he eyes my bike and then tries to cram himself on it with me.
“This is the most intimate thing I’ve ever done out in public,” I comment, trying not to sit on the man while I struggle to pedal. I have to stand to pedal, and he’s just back there ready for me to chariot his ass across town.
“You are quite slow; we could walk faster than this.”
“Which part of this looks easy?” I ask.
“This is why you should just have a horse. Are you too poor for a horse? Let’s find you one.”
I ignore him and do my best to pedal while trying to keep my ass from grinding up in his space.
“I find it oddly sexy how you have beaten this beast into submission,” Torin declares.
“Thank you. I spank him every Thursday.”
“You are the most sarcastic peasant I’ve ever met in my life.”
“It’s a curse I must bear.”
“Turn here.”
“Do you even know where you’re going?”
“Of course I do. I can feel where we should go.”
“Are you phoning home?”
“The riddles you speak are quite odd. They make you look desperate for attention.”
I nod approvingly. “I wasn’t loved enough as a child.”
“Someday, you’ll find someone who can love you.”
“Thank you.”
“Today is not that day.”
“You’re such a dick,” I say as he laughs heartily.
I really should have just stayed home because after a while my legs start burning and standing while pedaling is becoming harder and harder, and it’s like my ass is magnetized to his cock which I feel every time I lower myself a bit too much.
I have to focus on the pain in my legs to keep my attention from drifting to the feel of his cock against my ass.
“How much farther?” I ask.
“I have no idea. What are you?”
“A peasant.”
“You’re obviously a human… what is your magic?”
I pedal for a minute while I think about whether or not I want to answer the man. Not because I’m keeping it a secret, but because I’m a lazy person at heart.
“I don’t know what you’d call it. I’ve never met another person with the same type of magic as me, but maybe you have since you’re a god. I technically have no magic of my own, but instead, I can borrow the magic from the last person who touched me.”
“Do you have to learn how to use it?” he asks curiously.
“No, it’s like… like it’s always been a part of me.
I don’t know how to explain it… it’s as though I know everything about the magic the moment it’s in my possession.
I know how to control it, how to manipulate it, and often how to extend it farther than the person who I’ve borrowed it from can.
And then when someone touches me with a different type of magic, the other magic is gone and it starts again. ”