Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Riley
I wake up to the lights going on and off and on and off. They immediately go back on when Kit looks over at Torin, who is staring at the light switch.
“Do you store this magical energy somewhere to run these things?”
“For the millionth time, it’s not magic, it’s electricity. And why are you flickering the lights?”
“What is electricity?”
I think about it for a moment, but all I can really remember is that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb or maybe stole the idea or something. Who knows. I paid very little attention in school at that age. I was too busy stealing everyone’s magic and causing a ruckus for a bit of attention.
“Riley, explain electricity to me.”
I stare at the man and decide that I probably should have left him to believe that it was magic. “Well… you have these wires and like a turbine… thing…”
“What’s a turbine?”
“This… thing… that… yeah, it’s magic,” I decide.
Torin nods approvingly. “Can you use your magic box to heat that pizza?”
“We ate pizza for damn near every meal yesterday besides the donuts; I’m not getting you more freaking pizza. What about… pancakes? I have time to make those before we leave.”
“Sounds disgusting. I would prefer pizza.”
“It’s illegal to eat pizza two days in a row,” I say.
“Good thing it’s day three, then.”
I ignore him and slowly get up as I question how he has so much energy. I guess he’s a god, after all. “How many hours did you sleep last night?”
“Two! And then I read more dick-on-dick graphic novels. I really think I’m getting the hang of this English language.” He clears his throat. “Your dick is too big! It’s not going to fit!” he says in perfect English. “But it always fits.”
I just sigh and start toward the bathroom before halting. “You use my bed for only two hours, but I have to sleep all night on that cramped couch?”
“I already told you I would embrace you with strong arms in the bed.”
I scowl and hurry into the bathroom to get ready for work before coming out and finding him holding a piece of cold pizza.
“Put it back.”
Torin looks like a child who got caught sneaking sweets. “You’re so mean to me. Do you realize that gods should be worshiped? Loved? Treated like… you know… a god?”
“Yeah? The only thing I believe in is my half-assed will to keep myself alive,” I say as I push him out of the way and begin making pancakes.
He’s immediately behind me. “What are you doing? Why aren’t you wearing an apron with no clothes underneath?”
“I’m burning all of those books.”
Torin laughs, enjoying every part of this. “No! They are my treasures. All I know is that you’re playing ‘hard to get,’ and I’m the charming sexy one who everyone wants.”
I glower at him while I pour just enough batter in the pan to make a pancake about the size of a quarter. “This is all you get.”
“It’s no wonder you’re single at your age.”
“How old are you, and where are all of your wives or husbands?”
“I am nine hundred and ninety-nine years old, and I’m a god of love. A god of love does not get tied down. We love any and everyone.”
I scoop his pancake up and place it on a plate where it looks even smaller. Then I scrape a miniscule amount of butter onto it and add a single drop of syrup.
“Enjoy.”
He stares at it then tries his smile on me. When it doesn’t work at all, he narrows his eyes. “I have never had anyone not want me before and it makes me wildly turned on when you don’t.”
“Oh joy,” I say sarcastically as he pops the pancake in his mouth and freezes.
“This is… this is delicious. I promise I will be good, so please make me more.”
I sigh and give him three more pancakes before making myself two. He eats one and then the next thing I know, he’s got the slice of pizza between two pancakes and is eating it like some kind of fucked-up sandwich while I stare on in horror.
“When I return to my realm, I will take you as my chef.”
“Do I have a choice in this? Because it sure sounds like I don’t. Let’s get going. I don’t want to be late for work, and who knows how much you’ll struggle with the escalator this time.”
I finish eating and clean up, which just gives me enough time to wash Kit’s food bowl before heading to the door. “Let us brave the world.”
“Sounds good,” he says as we walk down the stairs and out the front door where I jump, startled by the two horses tied up outside. One is busy eating a decorative bush the landlord is not going to be pleased to see missing.
I already know it’s going to be bad when Torin moves toward the closest one.
“I wanted something a bit more… flashy, but they were the only ones I could find in the area. I already had to walk quite far to find these two.”
“Did… Did you steal someone’s horses?” I ask in horror.
“Of course not. I paid for them.”
“Take them back.”
Torin looks gobsmacked that I would even suggest such a thing. “You cannot make me,” he declares like he’s a toddler. Unlike a toddler, he’s strong enough to pick me up and plop me down on the back of the horse.
“You will return these things immediately,” I declare while I grab on to save my life, convinced that I’m going to fall and die.
“I didn’t know you were so fussy. I’ll get you something else. What about a wolf mount?”
“Nope,” I say as I try to get off the horse, but he’s already climbing onto the other one and leading this one off. “No, no, no! Dammit, Torin, stop this horse!”
As someone who has lived in a city my entire life, I have never ridden a horse and really don’t plan to now. While there are a lot of magical mounts and some are still used today, they aren’t overly common when you can pop on the subway without having to feed it or clean up its shit.
“Let me off. Let me off!”
I debate bailing, but when I look down, using Kit’s eyes of course, it seems unreasonably far. I anxiously hang on, questioning whether I’ll just die if I leap off.
“You’re doing just fine,” Torin encourages, giving me two thumbs up like he doesn’t even need to hold on to the beast.
“My balls are being crushed with every step,” I complain as the horse picks up a trot. Like why is it going even faster? Does it not realize the misery I’m feeling?
“When you feel your ball sac split, you’ll know that you’ve conquered the horse,” he says, throwing my words from the escalator right back at me.
Is this karma?
This is surely karma.
“How do you even know where the library is?”
“I passed it on my quest to find a mount.”
My plan is to leap off the instant the animal stops moving, but it never does, all the way to the library while I hang on for dear life and repent for all of the mean things I’ve done to this god… which… looking back… was a lot.
“So much better than that bike or the tube monster,” Torin says as he hops off, and I’m left sliding off the creature where I fall and nearly get trampled when the horse heads over to the grass, oblivious that its former rider doesn’t know how to use his legs.
“Get. Rid. Of. Them,” I demand.
He ignores me and hurries to the front door, so I text Imani to get rid of the horses or I will stop babysitting her god problem.
She swiftly informs me that she’s sending a trailer to collect the horses.
Torin heads inside and looks around. “Do they have erotic books here too?”
“Go see if you can find any,” I say, hoping that’ll keep him busy. Then Ms. Percy, the woman I work under, notices us. She’s part succubus, so even in her eighties, she looks like she’s in her thirties. Since they age slower than humans, she’s considered middle-aged.
Her eyes fixate right on Torin, but let’s be honest, whose don’t? “Well, hello. You can call me Ms. Percy. Are you here to… check out a book or check out something else?”
“Hello, I am Torin,” he replies in English.
“I have not seen a person as handsome as you around before,” she says with a smile, and I question how much he’s picking up from her English because I sure don’t plan on translating their sexcapades.
“Hey, God of Love, there’s a woman right there who will merrily help you with that love part. I think she’s tried ‘loving’ every person in this building, no matter their gender. As long as you’re quiet and don’t make noise in her library, she will take you to heaven and back.”
“She will do anything I ask?” he questions, making me a bit concerned about what he’s planning on asking for, but then I decide that I don’t care and wave him off. Maybe he’ll get off my back now.
I head over to my desk and sit down.
Instead of looking at the computer, Kit is watching Torin, who is busy talking to Ms. Percy. The woman has a target in her sights and she’s not prepared to let him go.
“Why are you staring at them?” I ask Kit. “I can’t work if you’re just staring at them.”
Kit glances at me before looking back at them.
“No, you’re wrong; I don’t want to stare at them. I’m not that nosy.” Kit generally knows where to look without me ever having to say anything. It’s like the connection between us has her looking at what I desire before I even acknowledge it, which is what makes it so easy for me to work with her.
Other than right now.
Instead, I’m left watching them hurry off out of Kit’s sight.
Well… out of what should be Kit’s sight, but she jumps off my shoulder and trots after them.
“Kit, get back here,” I hiss as I realize that the source of my eyesight is off being a nosy little shit. And no, she’s not being nosy because I want her to. It’s… for some other reason.
I hear someone walk up while my familiar is off stalking the god with a big dick, and I’m afraid I’m about to see just how big it is.
“Can you find me this book?” a young woman’s voice asks, and from the question, I have to assume she’s showing me the title on her phone or possibly a piece of paper. “It says the book is here, but I can’t seem to find it.”