Chapter 15
SLIP
It was confirmed. I’d fucked my hip. After x-rays, scans, and an examination, the results showed I’d re-torn my labrum. My old surfing injury, take two. The doctor suggested arthroscopic surgery to stabilize my hip joint, but that wasn’t an option while on tour. Somehow, I had to keep the pain under control for the next four months. More physical therapy, anti-inflammatory medication, pain-killers, and injections would have to do. Jade suggested Fentanyl for a few days. But fuck that shit. I’d tried a lot of drugs, and that crap zombified me. I couldn’t exist like that. I needed to function. Perform. Play. It was a hard no from me.
“Then let’s try oxycodone.” Jade’s tone never faltered from being professional, but a small groove of concern formed between her eyebrows. She was aware of the band’s past, Phil’s addiction, and my intent to avoid falling back into those wild ways. I was already on Drizodone; just how far could I push my boundaries?
My pulse quickened. My head ached. The line was already thin. “Jade? There’s got to be something else.”
“Hey?” She gripped my hand. “I know you’re worried about strong meds. But this is only for a short time. I don’t want you to be in pain for the rest of the tour. I promise, I will help you manage this.”
Popping pills of the strongest opioid medication unnerved me. I didn’t want to fall victim to liking these meds too much. But I needed something stronger to keep the pain under control. This was just temporary. Until I could have surgery.
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.”
After a morphine injection and swallowing a strong quick-release pain-killer, a blissful hum settled over me. A small buzz swam through my head. Oh yeah. Love that. Best thing was, there was no pain in my hip. For now.
On the way back to the hotel, I called Maddy. The eight-hour time difference made the thousands of miles between us seem twice as far. My midnight was her late afternoon.
She answered after a few rings.
“Hi. This is a nice surprise.” Her voice was like sunshine down the phone. “We’re just wrapping up the day. Is everything okay?”
The car turned a sharp corner. My hip bumped the car door, and I grimaced. “Nope.” No amount of medication or the sweet tone of her voice could erase the anguish residing deep inside my head. My hip was fucked. I was fucked. “No doubt you’ll see it on the news, but I fell on stage tonight. I jumped around too much and hurt my hip.”
“Oh my God. Are you alright?”
“No.” I just wanted her with me. “I’ve been to the hospital. I’ve totally re-injured the joint. I’ll have to have surgery after the tour.”
“Oh babe. That’s no good. Are you okay to still play?”
“Yeah.” Fuck, I hope so . “Lots of injections and meds and physical therapy should get me through.”
“Please take care of yourself. I wish I was there with you. ”
“I wish that too.”
I talked to Maddy for the entire drive. She helped soothe my troubled mind. The drugs did the rest of the work.
Back at the hotel, Beckett and Jade helped me hobble to my room. After thanking them and saying good night, I crashed for a few solid hours.
By the time we got to Edinburgh just after noon on Monday, the swelling in my hip had gone down, but the severe pain had returned. Decent sleep eluded me. Filipe had strapped my hip with so much physical therapy tape, I could hardly move.
Fuck.
How was I going to perform?
How could I give the crowd a great show?
I couldn’t have another injection for a few days. I’d taken my oxycodone.
But pain stabbed my hip.
In the bathroom before we hit the stage, I stared at the mirror. Dark circles shadowed my eyes thanks to the lack of rest. I’d woken up tired, not being able to get comfortable and sleep on my side.
I swallowed a Drizodone I still had with a few mouthfuls of water and wiped my lips on the back of my hand. Shit. I hoped that would do.
It didn’t.
Agony had embedded itself into more than half my body.
At our second show in Edinburgh, after begging Jade for an injection which she refused to give me, I popped another Drizodone, but it still hurt.
I was on oxycodone twice a day. Drizodone in between. And my hip didn’t stop aching.
Fuck. I didn’t want to cancel any shows. I didn’t want to be dull on stage.
My breath snagged and shuddered through my lungs as I stared into my toiletry bag.
Blake’s key chain caught my eye.
I closed my eyes and gripped onto the edge of the counter. No. Don’t go there. I can get through this. I’ll be okay.
But my hands shook. My hip throbbed.
I just wanted the pain to stop.
Even if it was only for a couple of hours.
I glared at the key chain.
The devil on one shoulder tormented me . . .
“Just this once. You’ll be fine.
You can do anything with a little buzz.”
The angel on the other side scalded . . .
“You don’t need that. You’re on enough meds.
Just take it easy. You’ll be okay.”
But I wasn’t.
I wanted to enjoy our show and entertain the crowd. Get lost in the adrenaline high.
Fuck it.
I grabbed the key chain, twisted it open, and tipped out the hidden vial and metal straw. My hand trembled and my heart constricted as I formed a thin line of powder on the counter. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I got this .
I bent forward and snorted the blow up my nostril, then repeated the other side. Straightening, I blinked and wiped my nose.
“Aaaargh! Yep. I’m good.” I cleaned the counter and stashed the torch away. “It’s gonna be a good show. No...a fucking great show.”
But then guilt and shame crushed my chest.
What had I done?
Dick! Fool! Moron!
“Slip?” Cole knocked on the door. “You okay? It’s time to go. ”
“Yep. Coming.” Too late now. I checked my nose was clean in the mirror, grabbed my toiletry bag, and headed out of the bathroom.
“What took you so long?” Cole gave me a weird look. “I need to fucking pee.”
“All yours, dude. Go for it.” I slapped him on the arm and let him pass. I headed over to my gear, dropped my toiletry bag on top and joined Flint and Lewis running through vocal warmups. Set to head out the door, I clapped my hands together. “You boys ready to rock Edinburgh?”
“Hell yeah.” Flint hugged me. “You take it easy on that hip.”
“It’s strapped up like a wrangled alligator. I’m good to go.” Once my meds and the coke hit, I wouldn’t feel a fucking thing.
We hit the stage with full force. Ten minutes into performing, chemical energy fired through my veins. Adrenaline fed my soul. Music pummeled through my chest. Heaven flooded my body in a hot rush. I couldn’t feel any pain in my hip. Whoa! I danced around as best as I could with my hip taped up to the nines, restricting too many bold moves. The hollers and cheers from the audience kicked my high to the next level. This was fucking wicked. Totally sick. Beyond wild.
Music was what I lived for.
Whoa! Fuck yeah!
I rushed off stage and hit the after-party hard with the guys. We had two days off before we played in Glasgow. Vodka and more cocaine got me through the night. I was in a blissed-out haze as Tia and Lewis dragged my ass back to our hotel.
I didn’t remember crashing.
***
“Hey. Slip. Wake up. It’s time to go.”
Lewis? Why was he in my room?
“No.” I groaned, not wanting to move. “Fuck off. ”
“Dude, your phone hasn’t stopped buzzing for five minutes,” he mumbled. “Mads is calling.”
It has? She is? Shit . I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes. My head pounded like a hammer drill on full throttle. But wait? This wasn’t my hotel room. I lay sideways across the end of the king bed.
Lewis and Tia lay sprawled adjacent to me, their heads propped on piles of pillows.
Crap. What did I do?
“What the fuck happened last night?” How did I end up in their bed? I was fully clothed... but still?
“Wild night, Slip.” Tia giggled. “You’re the best, you crazy man.”
“Yeah. That’s me.” I loved Cole’s sister like she was my own. She’d loved Phil more than I had. She’d been through hell after breaking half her leg during filming on her old TV show, but now she worked for us on our sound and lighting team. If anyone understood pain, she did.
Every bone in my body felt like lead. My muscles ached. My hip was stiff and sore. Bile flooded my stomach and bubbled up into my throat. Yuck!
“You were high as a kite last night. You okay?” Concern hovered low in her voice.
“Yeah.” I covered my eyes with my arm to ward off the morning light. “Just needed to unwind.”
“We all need that every now and then.” Chuckling, Lewis jabbed his foot against my shoulder. “Now get up, get out, and call Maddy. We’ve got to be on the bus in half an hour.”
“Fuck. Thanks.” I sat upright and waited for my head to catch up. “Jesus. What did we do last night?”
Empty bottles of bourbon and vodka lay scattered on the coffee table and floor beside the bed.
Wearing an old black Pink Floyd T-shirt, Tia scratched the back of her hair. Her green eyes were smudged with black eyeliner, and her lashes were clogged with mascara. She still was beautiful...just not my Maddy. “You drank a ton of booze, kept drunk-dialing Maddy, and crashed here on our bed. We were too wasted to move you, so we just let you stay.”
I wiped my hand over my face, trying to wake up. “Sorry about that.”
“No need to apologize. We love you. But get the fuck out.” Smearing on a sexy smile, Tia pointed toward the door. “I need some Lewis time before we have to leave.”
I did not want to stick around for that. “Thanks, Tee. And you too, Lewis. You’re the best. I’m outta here.”
I staggered to my feet, grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand and limped out the door. My head spun as I walked down the corridor, past two on-duty security guards, toward my room. I swiped my access card—thank God it was still in my pocket—and stumbled inside. My bed was still made. My suitcase was in disarray. My meds stood in the bottle beside the TV.
I popped my scheduled oxy and called Maddy. But she didn’t answer. Damn it! She’d be asleep. It’d be near midnight in Vancouver.
Last night had been wild—maybe too wild even for me. But I’d made it through the show without any pain. Win.
We’d hit some English pub and partied with some Scottish dudes celebrating a bachelor party. The high from our show had been too good to come down from. Now it hit me with a vengeance. I dragged my feet into the shower. After freshening up and getting dressed, I packed my bags and was on the bus miraculously on time.
I fell onto one of the bunk beds and closed my eyes. I just needed a good sleep and I’d be set for the next show.
I had to rest. I didn’t want to go down a dope-induced path I couldn’t come back from. I needed to ease up on the pills and not hit the blow ever again. A couple days taking it slow, and I’d be back on track.
I was counting down the hours until I saw Maddy again.
I wanted her more than any stupid, fucked up drug.
She was the only high I needed.
I hated I had to continually remind myself of that.