18. Hyland
CHAPTER 18
HYLAND
STONE – WHISKEY MYERS
Standing beneath the glassy height of the apartment building, I watch rain clouds bubble in the afternoon sky. Dammit. There go my plans for a trip down to Hyde Park today.
The kid always loves the outdoors. Raising him in a quiet cul-de-sac off the beaten path was my priority before I worked for Sabre. I wanted to give Luke a calm, solid upbringing.
When the offer to take this job came in, my ex and I fought for hours about what to do. Choosing to uproot our newborn son, our marriage, our family home… It wasn’t easy. But the money was good.
How was I to know what would happen?
We don’t know we’re making fateful decisions that will hold ramifications for our entire lives when we make them. Does an innocent bystander go out for a walk knowing they’re going to be hit by a car? No.
Yet the car hits them regardless.
And a fully loaded semi hit us.
When a mud-splattered Jeep pulls up at the curb, the rapidly expanding anxiety in my gut blooms into suffocating poison ivy that strangles my lungs. Jayce yanks the handbrake to park up, twisting to look into the back seat.
I shouldn’t hate that she looks good—what appears to be freshly dyed brunette hair, a face full of well-applied makeup and glowing skin. But fuck it. I hate that she’s thriving after leaving me.
She climbs out of the car with barely a glance at me. “Hi.”
“Hey,” I grumble.
“You made it home safe, then.”
Nodding, I look up at the greyscale clouds for an ounce of grace. “Yep.”
“The case all wrapped up?”
“Not exactly.”
Halting with her hand on Luke’s door, she casts me a searching look. When our eyes meet, I’m thrown back to the sheer bliss of our wedding day. The love and happiness that felt like it would go on for an eternity.
Reality kidnaps that happiness, holds it hostage for a short amount of time while we share a moment, then beats it into the ground with a fucking sledgehammer when she speaks.
“You will not put our son in danger again, Hyland. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you.”
“This case must be pretty damn serious if it took you halfway around the world for five months. Now you expect me to believe it’s safe?”
“Please, Jay. I need to see him. I can’t be his dad through odd text messages and phone calls.”
Her laugh is bitter and full of grief, far more painful than a stray bullet to the heart.
“You haven’t been a dad for a very long time. Not since you chose this career over our family.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Isn’t it?” She flaps a hand towards the building behind me. “This was never us.”
“You told me to take this job,” I hit back, unable to hold it in. “You told me to get out there and earn for our family. You wanted this!”
“I wanted a husband who could provide!” Her eyes shine with a layer of unshed tears. “Not to be nearly killed by criminals in the dead of night looking to blackmail you.”
Recoiling at the whip-like impact of her barb, I stare down at the pavement. Shame and too much regret to ever reconcile pulsate through me in a toxic plume.
The memories of that night are too awful to bear. Seeing my wife, clothing ripped and bloodstained while holding our screaming son, killed something fundamental inside me.
It never should’ve happened. The case was cut and dry—a corrupt CEO funnelling illegal revenue through his hedge fund. Who knew the crafty son of a bitch would go to such lengths to manipulate me?
By the time we apprehended him, it was too late. The men he paid to intimidate me hit where it hurt most. My family. They later felt the full weight of the law, but I’m the one who was punished.
Jayce left soon after.
And she never came back.
“Please.” I force the word through my thick throat. “All I want is to be his dad.”
“You lost the right to be any kind of father when you brought that mess into our home.” She brushes away her tears. “Be thankful I’m allowing you visits at all.”
Jayce visibly takes a breath then opens the Jeep’s back door. I work on schooling my expression before Luke can see that we were fighting again.
“Come on, baby. Dad’s here to see you.”
“Yay!”
Two legs quickly hop out of the car. For his age, Luke’s a big kid. He inherited that much from me, at least. He got his angelic features and pouting smile from his mother.
Squatting down to get closer to him, I look at my little boy. His shining, golden hair is similar to my own dirty-blonde colour. He’s grown so much. Every time we reunite, he looks different.
“Hi, buddy.”
“Dad.” He breaks out into a big, cheesy grin. “You’re back!”
As he launches himself into my hurriedly thrown open arms, it’s like no time has passed at all. I sweep Luke off his feet and hug him tight enough for him to squeal in protest.
“You were gone for so long,” he complains.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Where were you?”
“Working, bud. You know how it is.”
“I know.” Unhappy, he juts out his bottom lip.
Cupping the back of his head, I steal a deep pull of his scent before I release him. Leaning against the Jeep, Jayce watches us cuddle and chat with tears still brimming in her eyes.
“Thank you,” I mouth sincerely.
Lips pursed, she swipes underneath her eyes. “Don’t make me regret this.”
Luke wriggles out of my arms to wish his mum goodbye, squirming when she covers his face in kisses. Then he grabs his bright-red Spiderman backpack and returns to my side.
“Come on, bud.” I ruffle the top of his head. “Let’s get going.”
His hand feels tiny wrapped in mine. Like I could break his little bones with a single squeeze. No one warns you how terrifying it is to become a parent, knowing full well you have the power to make or break your kid.
Inside the elevator, Luke punches several buttons so we end up stopping on multiple floors. By the time we reach the top, I’m laughing my ass off.
“You’re as bad as Uncle Axel.”
“Is he here?” Luke spins towards me excitedly.
“Yeah, he’s in.”
“Oh, cool! I want to learn more karate.”
Shit . I should find the kid a few less insane uncles.
Unlocking the front door, I frown at the sound of yelling emanating from somewhere in the apartment. Luke peeks around my leg to follow the noise, but when I pick out Ember’s voice, I relax.
“It’s alright. We have someone new on our team who I need to introduce you to.”
“Really?” Luke brightens up.
“She’s nice. You’ll like her.”
“She’s a girl?” He looks up at me with a wrinkled nose. “I don’t want any of her germs.”
A laugh spills from my chest. “Girls don’t give you germs, Luke.”
“They so do. Emily at school said she was my girlfriend, but by break time, she said Morgan Reeves was her boyfriend!”
Pinching his cheek, I fight to hold in a laugh. “I’m sorry, kid. That’s mean.”
“Yes!” He stomps his foot. “And that’s why girls have germs.”
“Well, this girl doesn’t have any germs. I promise.”
As we walk into the living area, the sound of yelling intensifies. Though it sounds like only Ember is shouting while Axel’s voice is punctuated by guffaws of laughter.
“I said neutral colours, Ax! What is neutral about orange paint?”
“You could’ve gone to the DIY shop yourself.”
“And you know I had to go see that idiot, Richards! You are such a fucking dick.”
“I thought a bit of orange would brighten up the place. I even started painting for you.”
“And that’s why you’re a fucking dick!”
“Language,” I call into the hallway. “Little ears present.”
Both of them falling into a hush, footsteps precede their heads poking around Ember’s bedroom door. Axel straightens with a massive smile when he spots Luke yanking off his shoes.
“Hey, man! You’re back.”
“Uncle Ax! Uncle Ax!”
The pair run at each other to exchange a hug. The moment Axel joined our team and our lives, my son took a fast liking to his pranks and endless energy for playdates. They adore each other.
“Why are you covered in paint?” Luke asks the big oaf.
“I was helping out our new friend.” Axel shrugs, placing him back on his feet. “She’s redecorating her new bedroom.”
The friend in question has emerged from her room to join us at the edge of the sunken living area. Ember shoots me a terse smile, visibly uncertain of how to proceed.
It’s been awkward between us since the boxing ring. We’ve worked our way through several more training sessions before I handed her over to Axel for his help, but we haven’t touched again.
“Ember, this is Luke.” I gesture towards him.
“Your son?”
“The one and only. He’s here tonight. Sorry, I should’ve said.”
When her face lights up in that effortless smile that I’m slowly becoming obsessed with, I let my tense muscles ease. She wanders over to Luke and offers him a high five.
“Hey. I’m Em.”
“Luke.” He eyes her suspiciously. “Do you have girl germs? My dad said you don’t, but I’m not sure.”
A hand propped on her hip, Ember quirks an eyebrow at me. I shrug wordlessly.
“That depends.” She lowers her raised hand. “Do you like pizza? Because Uncle Ax owes me an apology pizza. But we don’t have to share if you think I have germs.”
“I like pizza! I’ll share!”
“Alright, then. I guess I don’t have girl germs. Go get your credit card, Uncle Ax.”
Mumbling a curse under his breath, Axel rolls his eyes then vanishes to locate his wallet. I watch Ember lead Luke into her bedroom then follow them in a state of shock.
True to his word, Axel certainly did start painting. The entire back wall behind Ember’s pushed aside bed has been badly painted a lurid, disgusting shade of orange.
“Oh.” Luke covers his mouth with his hand to laugh. “That’s so gross.”
“Right?” Ember titters.
“I hate orange!”
“Me too. What colour should I paint it?”
“I like blue. But dark-blue, like the sky at night.”
Nodding, Ember stares at her bedroom wall. “That’s a great idea. What colour’s your room?”
“Red!” he exclaims. “It’s my favourite colour.”
“I like red too.”
Eyeing her critically, Luke sucks in his lips. “Your hair is kinda red.”
“It sure is. That’s why red is so cool.”
“I guess your hair is cool. You look a bit like Black Widow.”
“Want to hear a secret?” Ember asks him in a conspiratorial hush.
Nodding enthusiastically, Luke awaits the big reveal.
“I’m far cooler than Black Widow,” she explains. “And I bet I could kick her ass.”
“Language,” I drone again.
His reticence forgotten, Luke makes big heart eyes up at Ember. “I bet you could!”
While Luke’s always been friendly enough, Ember clearly has a knack for winning kids over. Which is odd considering how standoffish she can be with the adult population.
Propping my shoulder against the doorframe, I watch Ember crouch down to Luke’s level. Honestly, seeing her laughing and smiling with my kid is making my heart sputter uncontrollably.
I’ve been kept awake most nights since I pinned her tight, hard body to my chest as I plundered her hot mouth. The thoughts of what is possible but can never be between us are constant and cruel.
To top it off, Warner hasn’t spared me a glance. I know what I did was stupid, but I’d like to see any man refuse the minx and her sexy taunts. He wouldn’t be immune either.
“Are you drooling over Ember right now?” Axel whispers over my shoulder.
I glance backwards to glower at him. “Shut it, pup.”
“That’s not a denial.”
“She’s really good with him.”
“She is. But you can’t impregnate our new teammate.”
“Ax! Jesus Christ.”
“Just saying.” He winks at me. “Not yet at least.”
Spinning around, I shove him into the hallway. “I do not want to do that. Perhaps have a word with yourself about respecting boundaries with our new co-worker.”
“Respect.” His nose scrunches with a confused look. “Boundaries. Huh. Nope, no comprendo .”
“I’m serious, Ax! She’s our colleague!”
“Then why is Warner giving you the stink eye every single day and not me?”
Stumped, I mash my lips together.
“Ah,” Axel coos knowingly. “Someone isn’t taking his own advice. I see.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“It’s cool, bro. I’m not territorial. Whatever the lady wants, she can have. I won’t complain.”
Irritation sears behind my eyeballs. “She doesn’t want me!”
“Doesn’t look that way to me.”
When I smack him across his purple-dyed head, Axel ducks beneath me to escape into the bedroom. He’s such a little shit stirrer.
I’m not dumb. I know he’s playing games just like Ember is. Axel will happily tear apart someone else’s life if it keeps him entertained for five minutes. What I don’t know is what he hopes to achieve.
We can’t both be with her.
Right?
Leaving the trio, I return to the kitchen to pull out soft drinks and plates. I can hear them discussing pizza toppings, moving on from the mess Axel has made of Ember’s new bedroom.
By the time they emerge with the pizzas ordered, I’ve set everything up on the breakfast bar. Axel has Luke attached to his back like a spider monkey while running around, screaming and laughing.
“He’s a good kid.” Ember takes a seat on a bar stool. “Real sweet.”
“Yeah, he is.”
When she stares directly at me for several emotionally loaded seconds, I lift a hand in challenge.
“Got something to say?”
“Don’t go all mega-grump, Hulk mode on me… But you said that it’s hard to see him.”
“Yeah.” I wrestle to keep an even tone. “It’s tough.”
“Well, he clearly adores you regardless.”
Cautiously nodding, I try to puzzle out her weirdly thoughtful expression. The two boys have collapsed on one of the L-shaped sofas, giving us a second of privacy while they browse the TV listings.
“I didn’t know my dad.” Her expression stoic, Ember feigns nonchalance. “Mum did the best she could, but it was tough. I saw my friends with their happy families, and I wanted a piece of that.”
“Having two parents doesn’t always equate to happiness.”
She nods jerkily. “No, it doesn’t.”
“So what’s your point, Em?”
Trailing a finger over the speckled blackness of the countertop, she seems to choose her next words carefully.
“Luke is lucky to have you in any shape or form. You don’t have to be the perfect dad to be his whole world. You should give yourself some credit for showing up.”
Thorny vines wrap around my throat and squeeze tight. It doesn’t take long for thoughts and memories of that night to poison my bloodstream.
“I put him in danger. Me.”
“He’ll be in danger every day of his life as long as he’s living in this world,” she counters. “Maybe he’ll be thankful to have a devoted dad there to look out for him despite his mistakes.”
“You’re saying he’ll forgive me when he learns about what happened?” My voice comes out as a warble.
“I’m saying… I don’t think there’s anything to forgive. Not from him. Perhaps the issue is you need to forgive yourself.”
After everything happened, I had several months of sessions with Richards. We dissected the entire timeline until I thought I’d processed my destroyed life. Perhaps things aren’t as tidily put away as I thought.
With a wash of surprise, the urge to take her into my arms and crush those perfect, plump lips again takes over me. Fuck the consequences. Fuck whether or not it’s allowed. Fuck it all.
Ember sees the world in a unique way. She strips all the bullshit away to get to the core of what matters. Right now, Luke matters. Raising him. Making him feel loved. I can’t do that as half a man.
“You have a big heart, Em.”
“I’m just telling it how it is.” She speaks without looking at me. “You’re punishing yourself for stuff you couldn’t control back then.”
Sidling around the counter, I dare to reach for her hand. When her fingers slide against mine, an intense longing seizes me, obliterating every last misgiving I hold about whatever this is.
Two blue-grey celestites full of unresolved pain flit up to me. She’s still holding it all in. Denying herself the possibility of leaning on anyone but herself.
“I know how much that shit hurts.”
“How would you know?” I ask softly.
“Don’t push it, Hy.”
“It’s a simple enough question.”
“I’ve only done two therapy sessions guised as some debrief crap.” Her lips form a thin smile. “I’m not going further than that.”
Battling my own smile, I’m desperate to lean into her beckoning personal space and tuck a fiery-red strand behind her ear. Even if she’d stab me for it.
“Answer my question, and I’ll make sure Axel repaints your bedroom whatever shade you want. And he has to apologise for being an asshole.”
“What if he won’t?” Ember challenges.
“He’ll have to live with no fucking limbs.”
“Hm. I like that idea.”
Licking her bottom lip, she peers at me through devilishly thick lashes. Fuck me, the way I’d happily fall into those curiously mixed eyes and let myself be crushed by her internal gravity.
“How do you know it hurts, Em?” I push her.
Teeth repeatedly sinking into her lip, the war that unfolds on her oval face makes my fingers twitch. I won’t cross a line with her again. That’s what I have to tell myself. That’s the law I must live by.
“I didn’t hurt Gracie.” Ember blinks rapidly. “But I hate myself for it anyway. Just like you hate yourself for how your family got hurt.”
“It wasn’t your job to protect her.”
“I don’t care. I still failed at it.”
Needing to do something to stop the chasm in my chest from opening further and sucking in all the reasons why I shouldn’t touch her again, I dare to inch a little closer.
“I failed them too,” I whisper back, my gaze straying over to Luke, watching a movie. “People I was supposed to protect. It eats you up inside.”
Ember silently nods.
“Every time I help a client or solve a case, it heals a bit of that pain. Not all of it—I don’t think those scars will ever heal. But it helps enough for me to continue living.”
When her gaze lifts to meet mine, I feel like my heart is going to spill from my throat. The lost look on her face is tempered by an almost imperceptible flicker of hope.
“You’re gonna get there too, red. I know you will.”
“I think you have a lot of faith for someone who’s barely looked at me in days.” She tears her eyes from mine to stare out the window.
Overcome by conflicting emotions, I can’t stop myself from brushing loose, velvety hair over her shoulder.
“You know why I can’t look, Em. Why I can’t do this with you.”
“No.” Her hand clenches around mine when she looks back at me. “I really don’t.”
The feel of her warmth sinking into my palm is a hateful taunt. It screams of endless possibilities that will never be within my reach, no matter the passion we so recklessly shared. It can’t happen again.
“Napkins.” I change the subject, pulling my hand away from her grasp. “We still need napkins.”
“Napkins. Sure.”
Turning my back on her pains me, but it’s easier to breathe when I don’t have to look at her. Busying myself, I focus on ripping sheets of kitchen towels.
By the time I turn back around, Ember has returned to the living area. They’re all watching some superhero crap with the volume turned up high. Already I can tell that Luke is enthralled.
Content to watch them rather than the movie, I answer the door when the security system shrieks for attention. Warner waits on the other side, a stack of steaming pizza boxes in hand.
“The delivery guy was downstairs.” Frowning, he casts me a reluctant look. “Luke here already?”
“Yeah.” I take the boxes from him. “Why?”
“We need to talk. Privately.”
Warner walks into the apartment behind me, shrugging off the light jacket he wears over his plain t-shirt and jeans. He ditches his work ID and lanyard on the kitchen counter.
“What is it?”
With a quick look at the others to ensure they’re distracted, Warner scrapes a hand over his stubble-marked jaw.
“I received a call from an MoD official today.”
“Why is the Ministry of Defence calling us?” Confusion burrows beneath my skin.
“I have an old army friend who works there now. We keep in touch. He knows about our current case.”
“Right. Get to the point?”
“This news hasn’t broken yet.” His throat moves with a heavy gulp. “A shipping container washed up in British waters today. The bodies of twelve women were inside.”
Twelve… women.
I feel my mouth fall wide open as a riot of thoughts batter the inner confines of my skull. Right or wrong, the first person that comes to mind is Ember.
“I don’t know if it’s connected to our case yet.” Warner massages his temples. “But this may give us a break in figuring out who’s arranging these shipments.”
Trying to wrap my head around the contents of that shipping container, Warner gives me a second to process before he adds the sweetener.
“If it’s an official taking bribes from multiple mobs and trafficking gangs to approve these shipments without being checked or caught… we can nail them.”
“It’s a start.” I numbly bob my head in agreement. “Fuck. Twelve women? All dead?”
“I know,” Warner replies solemnly.
“This is so messed up.”
“We don’t have IDs yet, but they’ve been in there for a while. We have to tell Ember.”
Too choked up to find a response, I stare at our team leader. Homing in on his visible eye bags, weighed down by fatigue. Every last exhausted line that marks his face.
He may disapprove of our recent behaviour, but that hasn’t stopped Warner from working night and day to ensure Ember’s safety. He’s relentlessly determined to give her back her life. Almost too determined.
We’re up against a powerful system.
He knows it isn’t a fair fight.
My gaze strays over to Ember, snuggled up next to my son and loudly debating the merits of the superhero prancing around in spandex tights on the screen. Her laughter lights up the whole penthouse.
She could’ve been swallowed by that system.
And I don’t know if we can protect her from it now.