Chapter 61
sixty-one
JO
I watch Ezra quickly follow Maverick’s footsteps in the snow before I run upstairs.
I send Darren a text and pack a bag. I really only need my laptop and some clean clothes.
I don’t have any personal possessions here, anyway.
I leave my phone on my bed, knowing Ezra has a way to track it.
I can’t have him doing that. I need a clean break.
To start over somewhere else where there are no men that broke my heart.
It’s a risk with Patrick still out there, but staying here, stagnant and unmoving like slimy pond water isn’t helping anyone.
I think about pausing the camera alerts long enough for Darren to get in and out of here without Ezra knowing, but with my luck something else would happen at the same time and I can’t be blamed for another catastrophe today.
Putting my jacket on and slipping my feet into my boots feels almost robotic.
It’s the second time I’ve been so overwhelmed by emotion in this house that I’ve gone numb.
Part of me hopes it falls into the ocean, but the other part of me that’s holding out hope never wants to leave.
And that’s the part that needs to be squashed.
I’m tired of feeling like this. Tired of hurting and wanting and needing but being left alone to bleed.
I don’t know what it is about me that makes me so unlovable.
The way I look attracts all kinds of attention, but that’s about it.
People want to look at me or fuck me. I’m always too busy or too cold or too selfish for relationships.
Because having goals and not broadcasting my every emotion is apparently a major flaw.
They can all add it to the running list my mother has had since I was born.
Causing hypothermia is a new one though.
I see Darren’s car bumping down the dirt path, and after a moment’s hesitation, I grab the gun Ezra keeps hidden in the small table next to the door, shove it in my bag, and go out to meet him.
I feel guilty for leaving like this, but I have to protect what’s left of me.
As we drive down the narrow path to the main road, I can’t help but feel that maybe I’m leaving everything I am behind.
“Are you sure I can’t talk you into staying in our guest room? Martha would love to have you.”
Darren was less than thrilled when I asked him to drive me to the small bed-and-breakfast that sits on the edge of town. It’s not like it’s unsafe, but I can tell he’s worried about me.
“I’m sure.”
Darren sighs and signals to pull over. I frown as he slows the car and puts it in park on the side of the road.
“I know who you are, Jo.” Every muscle in my body stiffens, and I turn my head slowly to look at him.
Both of his hands are still on the steering wheel, but he’s looking at me with kind eyes.
“Martha figured it out. We won’t tell anyone, but we know you’re all hiding from something, and we want to help. ”
“I appreciate it. I really do, but being around me puts you in danger.”
Darren studies me and nods. He might be telling the truth about wanting to help, but there’s no way he’s risking his wife to do that.
Not that I blame him. I won’t be risking him or his wife, either.
Darren and Martha are really good people who would give up a lot to help a stranger.
I can’t let them do that for me, even though all I want is to curl up and let Martha hug me and feed me cookies.
Darren puts his directional on to pull back out onto the main road, even though there’s no other cars anywhere in sight, but before he can step on the gas, the sound of a gunshot rings in the air followed by breaking glass.
My head is shoved down as something hot and wet drips into my eye.
My mind blanks and all I can think is that Patrick has found me, and I got Darren killed. Maverick was right. I’m selfish.