18. Elanee
18
ELANEE
I shove Dmitri against the wall in the elevator, not able to rip his clothes off fast enough. I’m desperate and hungry. If this is the only time I can regain my power and have a moment for myself, I was seizing it.
He matches all of my kisses, his tongue dancing against mine as he consumes me, but I still notice the restraint on his behalf. I can tell, even now, that Dmitri is holding back, but barely by a thread. Probably conscious of my trauma, and yet every part of me is telling me that I need to drown in Dmitri.
This might be my only chance.
He might end up hating me for it, but I need it in every way.
At this moment, a decision I can choose for myself.
I’m ripping at his suit jacket as the elevator doors open on the top floor, and I drag him through them. I guide him to the daybed that overlooks the pool and sparkling city lights in the distance. The cool breeze sweeps through as I step back, only for a moment to appreciate him.
There’s a dangerous glint in his gaze. Those blue eyes are a raging storm of pure desire.
We’re both breathing heavily as we stare at one another, almost in disbelief. Warmth floods my core, pounding to uncover every part of this man I’ve been curious about for years. I Ignore every reminder that I should run away.
His jaw tics, his hair a mess, and his gravelly voice is clipped as he warns. “I’m only giving you one chance to back out of this, Cricket. I don’t know if you’re ready for me or my particular tastes.”
I can hear the unsaid words.
I don’t want to hurt you.
Deep down, I was already broken, and I didn’t expect him to be the man who would pick up the pieces.
But I wanted Dmitri to let me have him now so I could find another part of myself again. Even if only fleeting.
I fight against my conditioned thoughts. Was I making a mistake? What if I disappointed him? My hands invertedly wrap around myself as I begin to second guess this. I’d come to hate my body, and what if he saw its ugliness as well?
Dmitri takes two careful steps and towers over me, brushing his thumb across my cheekbone. My gaze dips to the cruel swell in his pants, and I lick my lips hungrily.
“You don’t have to do this.” And I don’t know why he’s trying to dissuade me since he clearly wants it just as much as I do.
“Do you not want this?” I ask quietly and avert my gaze. Why would he want me? What do I have to offer?
He jerks my head back up by the chin, almost bruising. I can tell he’s trying to be gentle with me as best as possible.
“I’ve wanted this from the moment I first laid eyes on you, Elanee. But I don’t want you to regret it. I don’t want you to suffer anymore.” Guilt laces his voice.
My body is a wild hum. I know I should run away. That I’m trying to find some kind of escape and connection after years of neglect. But was it fair to use Dmitri in this way?
As if reading my mind, he slowly leans down and kisses me gently. It’s slow and purposeful. Nurturing and gradual as if we have all the time in the world. His feather-soft lips brush across my cheekbone, and he whispers gently into my ear. “You can use me however you want, Cricket.”
Tears prick my eyes. Fuck me. It’s not fair in the way that he’s always known what I was thinking. And I never thought that stupid nickname would turn me into a heated mess.
I know of his world, the clubs he owns, and the reasons people go there. Most likely because he has many fantasies. Particular tastes that I most likely can’t satisfy.
“I don’t think I’m your usual type,” I breathe quietly, embarrassed. I’ve never tried things. And in recent years, I’ve only ever had them taken, forcing me to concave into myself.
I desperately want my power back because I’ve given up on the notion that I will ever be loved and only used.
But sex. This I could use to harden my resolve. To solidify that I could use a man just as much as I had been used myself.
Using Dmitri in this way wasn’t fair, but I was positive he was selflessly letting me use him. We were both fucked up, and it was easier to explore it in a heated mess than believe that we could ever be healed from it.
“You have only ever been my type,” he reassures. He slowly takes a seat against the edge of the day bed, bringing me to straddle his lap. His cock presses against the silk fabric of my dress. He pushes back my hair as the wind whips it into my eyes, and I bite my bottom lip as I stare into his predatory blue gaze.
I’ll never admit it to him because he already knows, but this man has always been beautiful. He rubs his thumb against my bottom lip thoughtfully. “If you choose this tonight. I’ll only give you one night to take from me. Any other time I see you, I will fuck you as I’ve always imagined. In every angle and hole, until I’ve claimed every inch.” I suck in a harsh breath, and he interprets it as fear as he adds. “But for you, I’ll try to hold back. I don’t want you to be scared of me. But I also can’t help who I am, Elanee.”
I swallow the harsh reality of his words. He’s being careful. I’d fallen for a powerful man’s trap before. I know Dmitri’s different, but it doesn’t make me any less intimidated. And yet, my pounding core has needs to be met. The spark and reminder that after this weekend, there may not be any other opportunities to feel the heat of another companion spurs me on.
It’s the snapping of my restraint, and like everything else, I choose to push those meddling thoughts down, crushing the fear of living in the moment reminding myself every day that it might be my last.
I crush my lips to his, like a live wire snapping and electrifying all my senses and urges.
I try to rip apart his shirt, but I’m too weak and clumsy. He chuckles. “Still a little weakling, I see.”
“Shut up,” I growl against his mouth and bite his bottom lip. I feel his cock twitch as he groans into my mouth. His hand makes its way down my back, dragging down the zipper as I finally free him from his shirt.
“I want to see you,” he says through kisses.
I bite my bottom lip, filling myself with courage as I stand up and get out of the dress. I have the urge to cover myself, but I try to push away those thoughts. Dmitri was the first man since…
“Beautiful,” he says. He’s staring at me, devouring me without even touching me. Dmitri looks at me now as he had then. Those few fleeting moments in college where our friendship became murky. And perhaps I was indulging in a night of fantasy, but I’d always hoped he’d felt the same.
“Did you always buy lingerie in college to fuck with me?” I ask, trying to regain my confidence.
He kicks up an arrogant smirk. “Yes and no. I fantasized what you would look like in each and every one of them.” He lazily removes his shirt.
My heart is pounding with the slow torture. I swallow as he removes his shirt.
An arrogant chuckle ripples from him as my eyes go wide. Fuck me. No wonder he was so popular in college. The ridge of his stomach is pure defined muscle. He is in every way sculpted like a fucking god.
“You can come and say hello,” he flirts.
I blush. “Fuck you, Dmitri.”
He chuckles again as he bends over to unzip my boots, but I push him back against the bed, my heart racing. “Boots stay on.” I quip. I was always reactive whenever anyone tried to look at my feet. “You promised I was in charge this time.” I toy with him as if it’s part of the allure.
Tonight might not be special to him. In fact, I might be another notch to his belt. But I planned on using him in the same way.
He offers me his hand. “I’ll be as gentle as I can, Elanee.”
And it’s the way he says my name that I melt into him. I’m meant to be in control, yet I find myself softening into him as he pulls me toward him. “Knees on either side.” He chuckles at my reaction. “Don’t worry, I’m going to make sure you’re real wet for me first.”
I do as he says and I don’t know, why but I feel nervous. I’d been with random men. But I’d also been with an abuser. Dmitri was neither of these. I nestle my knees on either side of him again, his hard bulging cock pressing between my legs through his pants.
His hand trails down the front of my stomach, eliciting goosebumps on the way down, and his thumb finds my clit, and he begins to circle. My breath hitches as we stare at one another intimately, perhaps disbelieving also. How many times had I secretly wished for this? How many times had I ignored the fluttering sensation he gave me? I always knew Dmitri was not good for someone like me, and yet I can’t help but sink into him.
Dmitri catches my bottom lip and kisses me as slowly and sensually as his thumb lazily rolls my sensitive nerves. A finger rubs against my opening, and a low grunt escapes him. “So wet for me already, sweetheart.”
I let out a shuddering breath because everything he touches comes to life like he’s my very next breath. He slips in a finger and I moan. He’s gentle, careful, and precise. He kisses me again as if he can’t get enough of me, and I let myself get carried away as if this could be forever.
That I’m safe and alive in his arms.
A second finger. I moan out his name as I arch into him, my body naturally beginning to ride his hand to meet with him every time to hit the spot. His other hand grabs the clip in my hair, and it falls away in loose curls.
He’s staring at me now as I shamelessly ride his hand. A breeze sweeps through, and the city behind him looks like twinkling stars. His hand pushes away the hair in my face as his hand gently goes to press against my throat but he thinks better of it as he says. “So, fucking beautiful.”
Confidence floods me as I ride his hand, feeling like a goddess in a temple. He slips in a third finger, and it stretches me, widening my neglected limits. It’s almost painful, but I grit through it, knowing that his cock will be all the more fulfilling.
A build-up begins, and I ride his hand harder, using his palm as friction as I ride myself to oblivion. I lean back and scream his name as he holds me up. I ride the wave on pure bliss and adrenaline. No man has ever made me feel like that…
Powerful.
Worshipped.
In control.
Cared for in a way that I can’t entirely understand.
When my eyes burst open, Dmitri removes his hand and licks two of his fingers for a taste. I should be horrified, but the pounding of my pussy only strengthens. More, I want more.
I lick my lips, grateful to Dmitri for giving me this.
This place.
This moment.
This bliss.
I go to grab his bulging cock, but he snatches my hand and presses a kiss to my palm.
“Why?” I ask. Am I not enough? Does he not want this? Am I not attractive to him?
“Because tonight is about you, Cricket. And as much as I want you. And let me assure you, it’s taking a ridiculous amount of restraint... I want you to be sure.”
He grabs his suit jacket, throws it over my shoulders and places me on his lap.
At first, I’m confused. But I also realize Dmitri is treating me differently than any of the women I saw him casting attention to in university. For some reason, it makes me feel even more important. I cling to that notion, locking it away in a box that I can keep as a memory forever.
“It’s kind of cruel when all I can feel is your dick,” I remark as my core is still pounding. Satisfied but greedy.
He chuckles as he presses a kiss on my forehead, and it’s so opposite to the flings I’d seen him have. In fact, I’d never seen Dmitri be affectionate toward anyone.
“Then you and I can both suffer, Cricket.”