Chapter 5 Emilio
Panic wakes me up. The nightmares chase me into reality. I jolt upward, fighting against the weight on me.
“Shh, you’re fine, Little Monster. Be still.” I shudder at Tennant’s voice.
We’re out. We’re alive. We’re home… We’re home.
I flinch, looking around desperately. Roman is curled up beside me, and my heart melts at how tense he is, even in sleep.
Ignacio is sitting next to him, a grimace of pain flashing across his face as he moves.
And next to him… I gasp, recoiling, desperately wanting to pull my gaze away from my Owner.
I tear at the mask covering my face, but Tennant’s strong hand stops me. It’s the only thing that lets me break away from staring at Hollis. I equally want to both tell him I love him, and frantically run away. I…I can’t face him.
I whimper, the sound tearing from me. It wakes Roman up, and he looks up at me, his eyes so full of love and pain, it only crushes me more.
He scrambles to hold onto me as involuntary shudders grab hold of me.
But it only makes it worse, as if he’s trying to hold me together when the parts of me desperately want to shatter.
Voices swarm me and I hear frantic beeping, but it all seems so far away. It's like everything is under water. Shadows cast around me as my vision narrows, and all of my thoughts scatter. My very blood itches with the desire to be free. Fuck.
“Everyone! Get back!” Sarah’s strong voice cuts through the chaos.
Roman curses loudly as he’s lifted away. I cower from the sound. Everything spins, as if I'm staring through a kaleidoscope, and I barely notice when they push meds through the IV, and blessed calm follows it. My eyes feel heavy, but I fight against it.
“Help,” I whisper to her. I’m not sure what I’m even asking for at the moment, but her wise eyes seem to understand. At least, I hope they do.
All I want is for the pain to stop. I want to disappear. To run away.
“I’ve got you, Lio,” she murmurs to me, gently pressing her hand against mine. “We’ll get you through this.”
I continue to fight against the crushing tiredness, but she murmurs nonsensical things to me, luring me into giving up the fight to stay awake. Before I close my eyes, I try again, “Help. Please.”
Only, I don’t think she understands. How can she? I can’t even force the words past my lips, but I know exactly what I want. I want to not wake up again. I want to never have to face this world…
It would be so much easier if I could just die.
I’d never have to worry about how I failed my Owner.
Or how I can never truly belong to my Daddy.
I won’t have to deal with how badly I miss Master, even though I try to hide it.
Maybe Sarah did understand. Maybe that’s why whatever she gave me is hitting so hard.
Maybe she’s setting me free… I pin my hopes on it, on the dream of never waking up again, as I fall into the blackness, a welcome friend calling me home.