Chapter 36 Hollis
When I wake, I feel more rested than I have in weeks. And that’s thanks to the Boy currently sleeping on my chest. Fucking hell.
While I was the one who demanded to be the first to see Lio once he was lucid, I almost didn’t get to be here.
It’s…been a struggle to keep myself afloat since Roman and Lio have been in the medical suite.
With Lio’s suicide attempt and Roman’s…vagueness about his mental health, keeping my own sanity in check hasn’t been a priority.
Doc said we could talk about adjusting my meds…but if I’m being honest with myself, that’d be a mistake. As much as I hate them, hate the vulnerability and the proof that I am not as strong as everyone believes, he was right to finally step in.
As much as it hurts…I would have allowed Allesandro—or Sandro, as he keeps telling people—to step up and be the rock Lio needed, as he finally processed what he’d almost done, and everything that led up to it.
At least the first step of the processing, that is.
There’s still so much left for him to cover, but not without support, never.
Doc’s meeting with the therapist was this morning, and between him and the psychiatrist, who may or may not show up soon, hopefully they can help untangle the pain of what my poor Puppy went through. Both with Cecily Dowing and anything else he needs to deal with.
Sitting more upright in the narrow bed, I maneuver Lio so he’s still on me, not wanting to wake him yet. He needs sleep; good, restful sleep, not the drug-induced slumber he’s been in for days now.
He whimpers a little, and his grip on me tightens, but I run my fingers through his greasy, untamed hair, settling him once more.
Looking across the room, I catch Donovan’s attention. Carefully, I sign, “Can you ask for some coffee to be brought in? Lots of it, for us both.”
The trip looks at Lio and his mouth turns down a little before he replies, “Doc will want him to eat food before having caffeine. With the number of sedatives that are running through his system…and the medication Kail gave him to prevent nausea when he first woke, he needs to get something in his stomach.”
“Trust me, the coffee will help more than food.”
“Which one of us is the medical professional?”
I roll my eyes. “Please.”
He sighs. “If I get in trouble for this, I’m blaming you…”
“Fine.” Doc would blame me for anything either way, so I don’t really care.
Even though he supported my need to be with Lio, that doesn’t mean he agreed with it—but as a submissive, he understands the connection between an Owner and Boy.
So there was no way he could deny me, not when there wasn’t a medical need to.
I watch Lio as he sleeps, though his face is pressed into my side, and he’s shifted to throw himself over me as best he can with me sitting up, so I can’t see him properly. Still, the glimpse I got of it while he was awake was enough…for now.
The pain and despair in those emerald eyes of his cut me to the very core of who I am as a lover, a man…a Dom. Though, until Lio, I never thought of myself that way.
But when he challenged me that day in the sitting room…when he let me take a knife to him and cut him up like he was nothing but a toy for my pleasure…something settled in me as I tasted his blood, as I fucked him like I owned him, though he was nothing but Roman’s friend and an ally at the time.
Months ago, Emilio belonged to someone else, but now, he is mine. A vital part of me. I need him as much as I need to breathe. More than. Hell, I might need him the same as I need coffee, and that’s fucking saying something—Ten can’t be an ass and switch him out for decaf at least.
Tennant is…my steady rock, my everything, the one I trusted with my heart and soul—with my body—and that will never change.
Roman and Jude are mine. The love and very blood in my veins.
But Emilio…he may give himself to me as his Owner, but he’s the one who owns me.
Heart and soul, everything I am and have to give.
It’s what makes the next step both the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hell, it was easier to let Roman in, even though he touched Ten without permission. Easier to give Benjamin carte blanche to the monster that lives inside Tennant.
But…I asked Tennant if he trusts Emilio, and I need to ask myself the same question.
I trust Lio’s heart. He isn’t quick to trust, but when he does, you have his loyalty for life, unless you epically fuck up like Luca Martelli did.
I’m not surprised Lio forgives Allesandro for what he did. Lio might still be deeply hurt, his trust still broken, but his love…that never wavered, even when he wanted it to.
A deep pool of dread fills me as I think about what he must have gone through without Allesandro at his side. Fuck.
There’s a soft knock before the door opens to a kitchen staff member pushing a cart. Donovan jumps up to relieve her of it, and she gives him a soft smile before retreating.
Donovan must have ordered his own food as well, because as I look the cart over, there is definitely more than coffee on there.
He carries a tray over with an assortment of light foods: fruit, yogurt, toast, and what’s probably eggs under a covered dish. When he brings the coffee carafe and mugs over, I am tempted to snatch it out of his hand.
He sets the coffee down and looks at Lio before meeting my eyes and saying, “I’ll just step outside. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“You won’t get in trouble with Doc?”
He shrugs. “We’re not supposed to leave Emilio alone, but you’re here, and I trust you can manage until help gets here… Or I can stay and simply remove my CIs to give you privacy? If that makes you feel more comfortable?”
I consider it, and shake my head, knowing I don’t want Emilio to feel awkward about having an audience. “That’d be great, thank you, Vonny.”
He nods and grabs his things, checking Lio over briefly before leaving the room, though I note he doesn’t close the door all the way.
Shifting Lio again, I pour my coffee, already anticipating the first taste of it. I’ve been mainlining the stuff since Roman and Lio went missing—before that, if I’m being honest. I’m probably made of coffee at this point.
I’m pouring my second cup when Lio stirs. Setting the carafe back on the tray table, I look down at Lio when he opens his gorgeous eyes.
His smile is small, hesitant. “Sir…”
“I’m here, Pup,” I say softly. “I love you, Emilio. Sei il mio cuore e la mia anima.”
The look on his face is still hesitant, wary, as if he’s afraid that at any moment I’ll decide this is too much, that he is too much.
What he doesn’t know is I’ll give my very life for him. I'd give up every single thing I have just for him to be okay.
“Are you hungry?” I ask. He shakes his head. “I figured, though, I do want you to eat something later. If you don’t show you’re willing to take care of yourself…”
“I know… I’ll behave. Just not now.”
“Okay. Well, I have something I know you won’t say no to.”
There’s more life in Emilio than there has been in a while when I hand him his coffee. He grins at me as he accepts the mug, and even though it's small and shy, it’s there, and it makes my heart flutter.
We enjoy our drinks together, and I get him to eat a tiny bit.
Even though I said he could wait until later, his stomach disagreed after not having any real food in…
fuck knows how long. Roman and Lio weren’t gone as long as the old Bosses, but it was still too long.
I wouldn’t call what Cecily threw at them food.
Then to be put under for most of his return, it’s no wonder his poor stomach started protesting.
Lio doesn’t look enthused to be choking down the small amount of food he does, but he doesn’t complain.
He knows better than to argue with me. There are things I’ll let him get away with, but not taking care of himself isn’t one of them.
That, and honesty are the two things I expect from him, always. The rest…can be negotiated.
Between the two of us, we finish the carafe, and Donovan rolls his eyes at me when he pushes the door open a little while later so the kitchen staff member can bring us a new pot.
“It’s a good thing I don’t have to record his vitals,” he signs and voices.
I laugh. “I almost want you to, just to see Doc twitch.”
“You are evil, Hollis. I like you.”
I snort, it's a high compliment from one of the trips, as they don’t like anyone outside themselves, Doc, and Soren.
“Let me know if you need anything, Lio.”
“I will, thanks.” Lio’s signs are slow, hesitant, but he tries, and that counts. It’s enough to get a grin from Vonny at least.
Vonny leaves the room once more after making sure we have everything we need, and my nerves return.
I’m not anxious about being alone with my Boy, far from it.
I wish we had more time to spend just me and the Pup, but…
asking for more coffee wasn’t the only thing I did when I pulled out my phone, and I need to speak to Emilio before the next visitor.
I need more coffee for this.
“We need to discuss your treatment, Lio.”
He winces. “I…I know I have to see someone. I accepted that after I…when I failed.”
“You did not fail.” It’s all I can do not to shout, but anger, or fear, won’t help the issue.
“I know it feels that way; trust me, do I know. That’s the same thought I had when I tried to kill myself, back when I was with that bastard.
It haunted me for years. It was Roman who insisted I was stronger than I always believed.
” Lio tenses at Roman’s name and I study his face, seeing the devastation in his eyes.
“You’re so fucking brave, Lio. So brave to face death, to go through everything you have the last few years, but still come out on top. You’re a survivor. Bruised, and maybe a little broken in places, but you are not a failure. Ever.