Chapter 43 Tennant
Dr. Ranlen glares at Benjamin. “You earned yourself extended bedrest after your little stunt. Since, apparently, ‘we want to prevent you from bleeding internally’ didn’t get through to you the first time.”
Benjamin looks at her a little sheepishly. “I wasn’t thinking… All I knew was that I needed to get to Lio…”
I can’t help the soft growl that escapes me. Dr. Ranlen turns her ire on me, but I don’t care. What matters to me is Benjamin, and his stupid fucking need to die on me.
He takes my hand. “I won’t be that reckless again, I promise, Nocciola.”
“It’s hard to trust you when you keep fucking doing it,” I hiss.
He flinches, but nods his head in agreement. “I know, but I promise, I won’t leave you.”
Dr. Ranlen huffs. “Well, Lio is taking visitors now. When he’s ready, I’ll have him brought to you, since you can’t go to him.”
Some of the tension leaves Benjamin’s face. “Yes! Fuck, yes. Thank you.”
Her expression softens a little. “We weren’t keeping you two apart to be malicious. Lio, and Roman, for that matter, have been in delicate states. And with you being down…well, we couldn’t risk either of your health.”
Benjamin swallows. “I understand. I just… I need him. I need to see he’s okay, need to…apologize for not being what he needed me to be. I need to tell him I love him, and that I’ll be a better friend now, the one he always deserved.”
“He knows you love him, Topolino,” I reassure him. “He gave Hol and I quite the plea for your life when he told us what the two of you spoke about regarding my relationship with him.”
Benjamin has the decency to look ashamed of his past words and jealous tendencies. I don’t want to change the baby mouse, he wouldn’t be the man I kept if he suppressed himself, however, I can admit the jealousy is something we need to work on. Together. Not alone, never alone again.
Now I’ve glimpsed under the mask, and have seen beyond the censored truth Benjamin has always given, I can better help him.
I am not Ignacio. I will not indulge him, or allow him to simmer in his out of place feelings.
Nor will he be able to push me over. I’ll always give Benjamin what he needs, but on my terms—it’s time he remembered that.
Reaching for his face, fitting my fingers to the bruises already marring his skin, I ignore Dr. Ranlen’s noise of discontent.
“I think you’ve learned it’s best to talk to me first, hmm? I can’t help you if I don’t know there’s a problem, Topolino. I might see more than most, but I am not a mind reader. You’re not alone in this, ever.”
“I know, Ten… I’m trying.”
“That’s all I ask. We’re in this together; you, me, and the family we’re making.”
His breath hitches and tears fill his eyes, so I lean in and kiss him, not hesitating to make his lips bleed, reminding him who owns him.
“If you don’t need anything else…” Dr. Ranlen trails off.
I pull back. “He’s okay? Aside from the extra bedrest, no other damage?”
She sighs. “No, which is what we’ve told you every time you’ve asked since he tried to inadvertently kill himself—again.”
I ignore her tone, mainly because Doc will kill me if I give him any extra work right now.
“I promise, Nocciola, I’m fine. There’s pain, yeah, but that’s kinda what happens when you get stabbed in the kidney. I realize I need to be here for you and Lio, so…I’ll listen to the doctors this time.”
I have a hard time believing that, but my thoughts won’t earn me any points with either of them, so I swallow them back and nod. “Okay. But I swear to fuck, I will chain you to this bed if you do something I don’t like.”
Benjamin’s cheeks flush and his eyes widen a little. I grin at his reaction. The promise of danger…of being at my mercy, it’s as sweet as Hollis’s reactions always are whenever I threaten to kill him. Fuck, my loves are so twisted, and they feed a need in me I never thought could be sated.
Dr. Ranlen clears her throat. “I’ll be going now. Call me if you need anything, Benjamin.”
The doctor leaves and it’s just my Topolino and me.
He licks his lips and the thread of desire fades as he asks, “Lio is really okay?”
I nod. “Yes, he met with the psychiatrist today—just an introductory meeting, so he could get Lio’s history and a baseline of what Doc and Dr. Ranlen have already done; he’s going to proceed from there.
” Checking my watch, I say, “He’ll probably be moving on to Hollis any minute now.
I wish the poor bastard luck there. Hol is…
well, he doesn’t like people fucking with his head, unless it’s me, of course. ”
“Do you think Hollis will resist help?” Worry crosses his face.
I sigh. “Yes and no. Hollis…he knows he needs support, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.
He’s agreed because he wants to be here for us all, and knows he can’t do that if he doesn’t take care of himself.
Doc was very clear he doesn’t get a choice in the matter—and it’s always better to do something of your own volition than allow Doc to drag you around.
Things never end well for you otherwise.
“I only know what Hollis told me of his past when that bastard came after him a few years ago. I won’t push for answers he doesn’t want to give, so…
whatever’s in his past that’s still haunting him…
I’m hoping between the psychiatrist and the therapist, they'll be able to get him to open up and finally move on from the nightmare, rather than shove it down.”
Benjamin studies me carefully. “I’m surprised you’re so willing to trust a therapist, let alone a psychiatrist.”
I shrug. “I don’t have anything against psychiatry.
The doctors I met in the hospital weren’t corrupt—well, not all of them.
While the asshole who Sergio Amato paid off caused a lot of damage, he couldn’t control the whole system, just enough of it to keep me shackled.
I’ve quite enjoyed the last few decades of scaring off the therapists assigned to me.
I hear half of them quit the profession. ”
He snorts. “You’re twisted, I love it.”
I grin at him. “Well, that’s good.” I sigh. “I don’t want to leave you, but…”
“You want to see Lio.” He gives me a small smile. “I understand. Go.”
“You’re sure? I can wait until later. Maybe while—”
“Do not say while I’m sleeping.” He glares at me.
“It’s bad enough that I’m stuck in this stupid bed.
Knowing you feel like you can’t do anything unless I’m asleep?
That makes me feel as if I’m holding you back, like I’m truly alone.
I’d rather you go now, while I am conscious and know what you’re doing, than wake up and wonder if this is the time when you won’t come back. ”
“I should stab you on purpose,” I tell him flatly. “I will always want you, need you, come for you. If you think otherwise, then I’ll kill you here and now.”
“I’m sorry. I’m trying, it’s just…it’s going to take me a while to wrap my head around it.”
I sigh. “I know. I won’t apologize as we both know I don’t mean it, but I’m here with you, for you. Remember that.”
“I will. Go, Lio needs his Daddy…and I need to know he’s okay. Please, I trust you.”
I kiss him again, making him bleed once more, enjoying the sweet taste of him. I wonder if the puppy will taste as sweet as the mouse?
Pulling back, I gently trace the bruises on his face, enjoying seeing my mark on him as much as I enjoy the blood on his swollen lips. “I’ll be back later.”
“I love you, and tell Lio I love him, too.”
After one last lingering kiss, I leave Benjamin’s room and head to Lio’s. My lips tingle from Benjamin’s kiss, even as my spine straightens and I clench my fists as the anger at the situation courses through me.
There’s nothing I hate more than being helpless, and as I stand outside Lio’s door, I realize that's exactly what I am. It grates.
Taking a breath, I knock once and then open the door. Lio and Soren both look up when I enter.
“Leave,” I sign, not looking at the nurse, my focus on my Baby Boy. “I don’t give a shit what Doc says. Unless he wants to be Daddyless, you will leave us.”
Lio’s big, moss green eyes don’t stray from me as I make my way to his bedside. His lips tremble and as soon as I’m within reach, he lifts his arms and throws himself at me. I catch him, holding him close.
“Daddy,” he mutters into my throat.
With one hand on his back, and the other in his too-long hair, I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of his slight frame against mine.
Distantly, I hear the door to his room close, knowing I’ll probably catch hell from the docs later, but not giving a shit.
Soren, of all people, knows how important it is for me and my Baby Boy to have this time alone together.
They can put their suicide protocol into place when I’m not around.
I trust my Little Monster, and I would never let anything happen to him.
“Shh, it’s okay. Daddy’s got you, Baby Boy. Ti ho preso, e non ti lascerò mai andare, Amore.”
I sit on the bed, holding him in my lap as he cries. “I’m sorry,” he whispers against my skin. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Tugging at his hair, I pull his head back, staring into his red-rimmed eyes. “Why are you sorry, Piccolo?”
“I…I did evil things, Daddy…” he says miserably, eyes full of tears.
“No,” I reply gently. “No, Little Monster, you didn’t do anything. You saved yourself and Roman.”
“But I—”
“Hush. I know what you did, and I would have made the same choices in your position. Hell, I would have done worse. You’re amazing. You survived, Emilio. You came home to me and Hol. You brought Roman home to us. I will forgive you for anything, Little Monster, so long as you come home to me.”
“Daddy…”
“I’m here, Baby Boy. It’s okay, I’m here, and I'm not going anywhere, I promise.”
He trembles in my arms and buries his face in my throat again. I let him, holding him as tightly as I dare, aware of just how slim and fragile he feels in my arms.