Chapter 28
Grace
Milly and I remain silent as I stare at the door. I can feel her eyes on the side of my face, but I already know what conversation she wants to have. It’s one I’m not ready for.
I know that releasing the demon from Priest Brown is going to release her from here, from me. There isn’t proof, sure, but that feeling in my stomach currently? It has the warning flags waving, an endless flutter of nerves too strong to ignore. It is too overwhelming to utter a single word.
I can’t allow myself to think about losing Milly. No, I’m not ready for that. It’s only been weeks. We deserve the years we have already been robbed.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I find myself repeating that I may not see Milly ever again after tomorrow. I can’t do this to her again; leave her in another realm or heaven or hell without me. But I can’t let her stay here trapped. She deserves peace, even if that means without me.
I won’t see Milly ever again.
I won’t see Milly ever again.
I won’t see Milly ever again.
I won’t see Milly ever again.
The thoughts spread turmoil through my body when I feel a soft, cool touch on my thigh. My leg immediately stops bouncing as I realize I’ve been shaking it once more, lost in the thoughts of tomorrow.
I knew that this would be impossible. I’m sure that’s why Milly was apprehensive at first, too, letting us get closer to one another.
Thoughts of ways to tether myself to her rattle through my brain as my breathing quickens, the oxygen desperate to reach my brain as my vision blurs. But maybe it’s not the oxygen I’m so desperately clinging to, but the tears.
I keep my gaze on the door, eyes peeled wide open, unblinking.
I can’t cry. She’s the one who’s gone through it all.
The privilege of having no memory is becoming one of pain.
How dare I lose some of the greatest moments with the love of my life?
How dare I start to lose control at the thought of her being able to rest now?
I’m being incredibly selfish, but I can’t stop the emotion.
Her hand reaches up and wipes across my cheek, and I know with that one movement that I failed.
I close my eyes, and the tears rush in a flood of despair. I must let out a wail because suddenly the reason for my tears is holding me in her arms as I soak her top with my grief. I hear her mumble some words to me, but I’m trapped in my brain.
I’m trapped in the sentence that continues to break me over and over again.
I will never see Milly again.
I will never see Milly again.
I will never see Milly again.
I will never see Milly again.
I will never see Milly again.
I will never see Milly again.
I will never see Milly again.
She rubs my back as she leans further into the couch, allowing me to wrap myself entirely around her. Her cool body presses against mine, creating shivers that spread through me. I hold on to Milly with all my might, desperate to fuse myself to her.
I hide in her chest for what feels like hours, until the sobs turn into silent tears that occasionally stain my cheeks.
I feel embarrassed by my sniffles and swollen eyes. I should be stronger than I am right now. I should be braver. For her.
She starts to push me away slightly, but I cling to her tighter as I shake my head.
“It is imperative that we talk, Shadow,” she whispers against my hair. She tucks a strand behind my ear, playing with the other strands gently. “From the very beginning, we have known the risk,” her voice shakes.
I shake my head, ignoring her words, refusing to accept them. I lean back abruptly, locking eyes with her. Mine surely are swollen and bloodshot from the distress, but hers? Milly’s golden eyes are darker than ever before. There’s pain in them so rich that I feel my heart crack further. Oh, Milly.
“However brief, your affections have me profoundly blessed.” She leans forward and leaves a kiss on my forehead. She holds it there for a few seconds as I let the action leave a contrasting warmth on my soul. Sparks spread at her devotion.
“Just knowing that you’ve been here for so many years only hurts more, Milly. Why have I only met you now? Why didn’t we get more time again?” I ask with heartbreak.
She waits a moment, taking a shallow breath as she searches for the right words.
“I cannot presume the reasons by which the universe unfolds its designs. And yet, at the mere glimpse of a higher power, I find myself most grateful that this God has deemed me fit to receive your love. Our love transcends the veil, my shadow. The separation will be temporary once more.”
I shake my head. No, I can’t be away from her. The panic radiates through me again, racing into my veins until my body starts to tremble.
“No, Milly. I don’t want to spend the rest of my human existence without you. I have never felt more alive than I have in your presence. Maybe—”
She covers my mouth immediately, her hair flaring with the power of her ghostly form as her body brightens to a briefly blinding glow.
Her red hair floats around her body as if there is zero gravity holding her onto this planet.
Her clothes remain the same color, as do her eyes, but the radiance around her twinkles like rays of light hitting stained glass, bursts of rainbows buzzing around her as I lose myself in her pulchritude.
I gasp into her palm as I watch her glimmer.
“Holy shit,” I say as I lean back, watching her body become something magnificent and threatening.
“Let us speak no more of what I fear you were about to propose.” She shakes her head in harsh motions at me, her voice subtly shaking with rage. “Its mere suggestion is unthinkable.”
I remain slack-jawed, my mouth still covered by her hand as I watch the radiance fade into the soft glow that I have grown accustomed to.
She drops her hand, stroking my arm, as her emotion settles.
“What—what was that?” I ask in shock.
She scratches her head, trying to find the right words. “It would seem that, if only for the briefest moment, I allowed my emotions to gain the upper hand of my control.” She glances away, and I lift her chin with my hand to look into her eyes, showing her my awe.
“You are breathtaking. Rage and all.” She tries to deny it with a shake of her head. “No. Milly, you are truly sensational. Is that your true form?”
“It was my power, Shadow. Emotion bears the greatest of strength.”
My brain flashes back to when she brought me pleasure and finds myself blushing at the thought of how spent she had been. That truly meant as much for her as it did for me.
“Wait, Milly.” I bring my hands up to her arms and hold her tightly. “Are you too weak now? Am I going to lose you again for a few hours?” I start to panic at the thought that our remaining hours will be spent separated, like our inevitable end. “Milly, please—”
“Shh, shh, Shadow.” She giggles softly at my worry as she drags her pointer finger down my bottom lip. “I am quite well. I have noticed as of late that I have found…newfound strength.”
She reflects momentarily, pulling her hand away from my lips to observe them. “An alteration to my essence so sudden that I dare not question.”
I release an exhale. “I just—I couldn’t think about not spending our last night together.”
She breaks from her trance and looks back into my eyes. “Fret not, Shadow. I am yours until the very last moment, and even in the realms that follow.”
I gently press her sideways to lay her back flat on the cushions of the couch.
I remain straddled across her lap, looking down at her.
Her nose scrunches slightly as she grins, those beautiful curls cascading around her head, to the freckles that create constellations of endless stories she has yet to tell me.
There will never be enough time on this earth with her. If these are our final moments, I’ll make them count. But I know I will seek her in every world, behind every veil. Nothing will separate us, not when I know deep in my marrow that our souls know one another. Milly is my home.
I lean over her, propping my arms on each side of her head as I bring my lips slowly to hers. I press against them tenderly as I hear her sigh into my kiss.
I stroke her cheek with my thumb, deepening our kiss. The taste of cinnamon lingers on her lips, sending a fire through my veins as we lose ourselves entirely in the embrace of our love.
“You are a taste I will never tire of,” Milly whispers against my lips.
I whimper softly as my hips start to rock against hers slowly. I keep my lips against hers as I begin to unbutton her vest, her hands trying to beat mine to the t-shirt I’m wearing.
We giggle against each other's lips and separate slightly, locking eyes with one another.
“I wish so badly that I could remember our first kiss. But, I’m grateful to say I’ve experienced two from you in each lifetime.” She grins underneath me.
“We were always meant to find each other, Milly. I know it was a really long time that we were apart, but I know with every ounce of my being that I found you as fast as I could.” I trace the curve of her jaw with my finger.
“I love you, and I always will. If we’re ever torn apart again, I swear to you that I’ll search for you in every lifetime, every world, and every hidden veil. I am forever yours.”
Her eyes brim with tears as her smile shines with pure joy. A surge of love overwhelms me, awakening once more the need to be as close to her as humanly possible. She shoves her lips against mine for a quick kiss and leans back, tears falling from her eyes, shimmering in droplets of prisms.
“My beloved, Shadow. From the moment our paths first crossed, my heart was surrendered to you. I pleaded to the Heavens to feel alive once more, and He bestowed upon me you. You hold each fractured remnant of the shadows I once bore. I love you as well—forever.” My eyes follow suit, dripping tears down my face, but this time in pure bliss.