Chapter 38
Grace
Istretch my arms above my head until I feel my joints crack. I hum softly at the satisfaction of the sound and roll over onto my side. The light is bright behind my eyelids, and I groan. My body feels stiff. I must have laid in the same position all night.
I let out one big yawn and sit up, blinking as my eyes adjust to the sun rising around me. Did I fall asleep outside? I rub at my eyes and look around again to see a bunch of large pine trees. Soft snow is falling from the skies, and I gasp in shock. How did I end up here?
The inability to remember how I got here festers beneath my skin, the panic overtaking my breath moment by moment.
I don’t feel the cold from the snow. I glance down at my arms, but there are no goosebumps.
I move my fingers, and they’re not their usual flushed color, but rather a lifeless, concrete grey that clings to my skin.
I look down at the rest of my body and let out a scream.
I am floating in the pines above a field of pink and white flowers.
I instantly feel a sensation of falling as I slam into the ground. I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for the pain to reverberate through me. I hold my breath, waiting and waiting. But no pain stings along my skin. I pinch one eye open, glancing around.
The soft pink petals are lifting up toward the sun, and tiny crystals of ice lie on them. I sit up and glance around at the beauty of the color.
I look back down at my arms and touch them. It feels different from the way it did the other day, but I can’t put my finger on it. I pinch my skin harshly and whimper painfully. I can feel that, but why didn’t I feel the crash onto the ground?
What held me in the air? I search for wires or strings around me, but I find nothing but the snowflakes floating softly on the pine needles.
“What the fuck?” I whisper to myself.
I push myself up with ease and glance down at what I’m wearing, the outfit dawning on me. Blood rushes to my ears, and my pupils dilate, the fear and adrenaline coursing freshly through my veins once more.
The white dress is stained. There is dirt on it and splatters of blood. Whose blood? I can’t remember—is it mine? I bend over and grab one of the flowers, pulling it out of the ground. The petals immediately crumble in my fingers. The flower dying triggers me, and I hold back a sob. Milly.
My head shoots up as I look around for an opening in this forest. A part of me can’t help but think that I died when I fell into the mirror. But a smaller part of me is desperately hopeful that whatever lies beyond my life could be spent with her.
Within seconds, I stumble backwards as memories from the life before my last crash through my mind like a giant wave. Tears stream down my cheeks as I find myself laughing as I cry, filled with joy that I remember.
I remember baking donuts with Milly in the kitchen. I remember taking a picture of her holding a book under a beautiful weeping willow. I remember our first kiss in the library on the second floor by the romance novels we frequented. I remember it all, and most viscerally, I remember dying.
My bare feet crunch along the frozen ground, maintaining their temperature.
I shake my head at not being chilled by the ice.
“Just find Milly,” I whisper to myself, desperate to find her as these memories begin to overwhelm me.
I can’t worry about this right now. I refuse to.
I can feel my heart breaking in my chest at the realization that my life ended so quickly and easily once again.
Is this what forever will be like? Constant pain and longing?
I clench my jaw and push through the trees as the thoughts race through my mind. Their nagging forces me to acknowledge them, but fuels my desire to find her more.
I stop suddenly and look around. The sensation of someone watching me makes my skin crawl. I look around, only seeing the occasional shadow fluttering behind a tree.
“Hello?” There’s no sound, no response. The shadow disappears.
“Come out,” I shout again, but nothing peeks out.
I wait a moment, a moment that should be filled with fear or panic, but I don’t sense alarm.
The unknown being feels safe, but that confuses me even more.
I shake my head and rush forward towards the campus.
The forest floor gradually becomes warmer, the snow disappearing as I get closer to the campus. I exhale a shaky breath when I slide to a halt. The chapel is right in front of me, but there are no students walking around. I tiptoe along the treeline and see caution tape around the building.
There is a detective on the front steps animatedly talking on the phone, and I recognize some staff members speaking to the police as well. What day is it?
I divert to the back of the chapel and rush quickly to the door that brought me to my fate. I attempt to grab the handle when my hand continues to fall through it. My jaw trembles, fear overtaking my senses as the realization finally clicks. I’m really fucking dead.
I attempt several more times before I internally scream and rush through the door. My body trembles as I find myself on the other side of the door, and disbelief shakes through me. Just get to Milly. I race up the stairs with the utmost ease and slow down when I see the door to Milly’s apartment.
I start to walk toward it when I stop. If she’s not here, how do I go on?
I start to cry as I curl up in a ball outside her door.
The fear that Milly might not be on the other side of that door has me frozen in place.
I don’t want to know what it is like to experience a life without her after knowing all that we’ve shared.
My chest tightens until it hurts to breathe, if that’s even what I’m doing now.
Another realization dawns on me. This is exactly what Mildred went through all those years ago. Alone.
I sob relentlessly, as the hurt in my chest feels too big to hold onto. I let out a scream when I feel a soft, familiar touch. But this time, it’s not cold. I hesitantly lift my head up and see Milly’s jaw open in shock.
“Grace?” she asks.
I throw myself into her arms, pushing her backwards onto her back as I bury my head into her neck.
“Milly!” I scream and sob uncontrollably at the fact that she is still here.
“How? How are you here, Grace? I—I saw you go into that mirror! How do you stand before—”
I place my hands on the side of her face and press my lips against hers. She dives into the kiss with me. I feel her tears pour from her eyes onto my cheeks.
She’s still here. She’s still here.
She pulls away and looks all over me. “It is not possible, Grace. It cannot be—”
I kiss her again and again until she pulls back.
“I’m here, Milly. I have no idea how, but I’m here, and you’re here—”
She throws her fingers into my hair as she pulls me closer to her body, kissing me with a passion I’ve never felt before. I moan into her mouth as the familiar taste of cinnamon tingles on my tongue. She feels warm. She feels alive.
I can’t help the joyful giggle, and I feel Milly smile against my lips.
To think that I may have lost her? That she might have lost me? I lose myself in her touch, desperate to feel her, to know that she really is here. Her hands run along my body too, surely checking that this is real as well.
“My eyes don’t deceive me,” she whispers along my neck in soft kisses.
“I’m here. You’re here,” I reassure her…us.
I lean back to take in every inch of her.
She looks exhausted. Her eyes are swollen, and she lacks color in her cheeks.
The vibrant flush I’m so used to is gone.
She looks empty… broken. I feel my heart squeeze tightly at the thought of her having to go through this again.
I lift my hand up to her cheek and stare into her eyes.
“I’m so so sorry, Milly. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you’ve gone through again, but if it meant that you were safe, I would do it all again.” I kiss her nose as a tear falls down my face.
“But I can promise you I will always find my way back to you. One way or another. I love you, Milly.”
The flush I’ve grown familiar with graces her cheeks faintly as tears fall from her beautiful eyes. “I love you so much, Grace.” She leans up, pressing her lips against mine once more as our kisses continue to become more frantic, when she abruptly stops.
“But how, Shadow? How did you step out of the mirror? How can you be here before me now?” She traces her hands over my softly glowing skin, taking in the fact that my body is not what it once was.
I swallow harshly, squeezing my eyes tightly and fighting the urge to throw up.
The realization that I am dead consumes my thoughts once more.
I only let myself think about finding Milly, but now that I have?
“Easy now, Shadow…breathe. I’ve got hold of you.
” She pulls me into her arms, rubbing my arms up and down in soothing strokes.
Time passes as I sit with the racing thoughts of how my future will look.
Milly lets me sit in silence as waves of tears wash over me.
So many moments flood my system as I try to process what has gone on.
There are so many questions I have yet to answer, but I’m too overwhelmed to voice them yet.
Will I be stuck on this campus? Was the death of Priest Brown the key to the chains that held Milly here all these years?
Oh God, what about Bea? Am I ever going to be able to see her again?
Whatever happened to my father? What’s going to happen to the school now? Will I remember all my past memories?
The thoughts are overwhelming, all-consuming as I bury my face deeper into the side of Milly’s neck.
“I–Milly, I’m dead,” I whisper.
“Yes,” she whispers back.
“But what about Bea? What about my father? Is he still alive? Is Professor Blackthorne okay—”
“Do not fret, my shadow. Already, the air about us begins to change.”
I search her eyes, finding peace and confidence within her.
“I’ll be with you at every step, my shadow. We have faced down death itself. What remains? We shall resolve all these things together.”
She smiles, pulling out of my hold as she floats up into the air. She offers me her hand as I look around. I timidly push myself to my feet and take her hand. She holds it tight and nods.
“I don’t know how to do this…” I begin to overthink it all again.
“I have all faith in you. Just be, my love. Still your thoughts and simply be.”
I hold onto her hand and close my eyes, chewing on my bottom lip. My mind rushes immediately to the memories of Milly, locking onto the time she twirled my hair between her fingers in my dorm, to when she –
“Look, Shadow.”
I peek an eye open and see I’m floating above the ground with her and squeal,
shooting my eyes wide at her, a trace of a smile growing on my face. “I’m never going to get used to this.”
Milly’s laugh radiates along the staircase. “Thank heavens you’ve got all the time.”