Chapter 6
Bo
“Cam! Cam, stop it!” How the hell does he do this?! Instead of playing fair, he sits his full weight on top of me, crushing me into the couch. “Camden Elizabeth Almeida!”
“That’s not my middle name, Bo.” Golden eyes laser focused on the TV screen, he bounces a little, crushing me even more. He weighs a ton! “What’s wrong, Bobo?”
“You’re cheating!” I try to shove him off but pure muscle and strength keeps him solidly on top of me. I know his weak spots, though, and I am evil.
Especially when Mario Kart is involved.
With a death grip on the controller in one hand, I slip my other up his tank top, touching his ribs.
He flinches violently away from me. “Don’t you dare!
” Oh, I fucking dare, you giant ass! I reach further up near his armpit and tickle him.
“Mean!” Squirming out of my touch he presses back harder, squashing me deeper into the couch.
“Mean. No tickling!” Ignoring his desperate plea, I tickle harder. “Wait. Wait!”
Finally he squirms enough that I can shove my way out from under him, and I move to the other side of the couch just in time to miss a banana. I run in front of the TV, standing on my wooden coffee table right in front of him.
“Cheater!” he shouts.
Honestly, it’s the only way I’m going to win. We both know this. You have to do what you have to do. Cam hooks me around the waist, picking me up effortlessly with one arm, and I kick and thrash but he’s too strong . . . and I’m small.
Cam, my gentle giant bestie, does not fuck around with Mario Kart.
Amid all the chaos and my poor attempts to distract him I’ve only gained a little ground, but I’ll settle for Cam not getting first place at this point. With him distracted by me being tucked in his arm, I find what I need, pulling out the item on the dirt road.
“Don’t you dare.” He drops me backward onto the couch, and I swerve on screen from the impact before I can right myself. It takes a moment to find myself among the other racers, and then I throw a green shell. “You monster!”
Standing on my couch, I leap onto his back, trying to distract him.
I’m not letting him win today! I jump, latching myself onto his back.
My arms loop around his neck as I continue playing with my controller.
“You’re losing!” Undeterred, he drops back down onto the couch, smooshing me between the cushions and his back.
Between his scent and crushing weight pinning me, now I’m distracted.
I reach under his shirt to pinch his nipple. “Hey!” He slaps my hand. “Just accept your fate, Bo!” He stands.
I will not give him the satisfaction of an easy fight. I make one last attempt with a blue shell.
“Don’t you dare.”
“It’s over.” It is for me, but I won’t let him win easily.
I make one last attempt to save my dignity.
With a wicked smile I give up on my own car to latch onto him, tickling him harder.
He stumbles back, with me on top of him, laughing too hard to concentrate on coming in first. I try to push myself out from under him but he presses me back harder.
All my distractions are useless as he sails over the finish line.
“Yes!” he whoops, fist-pumping the air. “I am the master!”
“You change when you play as Daisy.”
“Tell me, Bobo. Tell me who the man is.” He drops down next to me, resting his chin on my shoulder. God, he’s such a dork. “Come on,” he sing-songs. “Who’s the man?” His chestnut curls tickle my ear.
Rolling my eyes, I shove him away.
It’s been about two weeks since our great makeout disaster, and for the most part things are back to normal.
Well. Almost normal.
Okay, yes, I still think about that night, like literally all the time. Cam was right, it hurts a lot, but what we have isn’t worth the risk. Relationships make things messy, and if I lost him due to hurt feelings I don’t know what I’d do.
Not that he even knows I have feelings, but it’s pointless now to even bring it up.
I mean, what happens if we try? What happens if by some miracle he did want me and we break up?
What then? I know I wouldn’t be able to come back from that kind of rejection.
It’s better to hope and dream instead of having it and then destroying it.
Now I just have that night to relive whenever these feelings get to much.
And I know Cam downloaded an app on his phone, even though he won’t admit it.
I saw some notifications from it one morning.
At first it hurt, but I just have to swallow it.
It’s not good for me, and I have to be honest with myself.
I’m a little curious too.
I’ve never slept with anyone. I’ve hooked up, but I’ve never had sex, and I think now I need to start thinking about what I want my future to look like. The truth is that Cam will move on, he’ll find someone, and eventually that person will become his entire world.
Blinking fast, I push through the rush of emotion that thought brings me.
Cam is off the table, and okay, maybe some part of me has always hoped and wondered . . . almost thought, well maybe.
Well, maybe became a reality, and now I know for sure it can never happen again.
I should be happy. Cam gave me closure—a solid no.
It’s never going to happen. I’m twenty-six and I’ve never had a real boyfriend.
In college there were guys here and there, but nothing substantial.
I’ve never let anyone top me. I blew some guys in college, but that’s about it.
Since then I’ve gone on a date or two, but I really don’t want anything meaningless.
I want a boyfriend. I want someone who wants me as much as I want them.
My dildo in the drawer gets enough use when I’m alone, but I think it may be time to actually try.
Cam doesn’t want me, and I’m never going to move on if I don’t try.
So maybe that night was a good thing. It stripped the hope from my fantasy.
Now it’s time to live in reality.
“What are you doing tonight?” He’s flipping through his phone now, and I see the app he’s looking through from here. He looks over at me with a smile so forced it’s painful to watch.
I have the next two days off and I want to spend most of the time with Cam. With things back to normal I know it’s only a matter of time before he meets someone new, and that’s okay. I’m going to soak up as much time with him as I can.
Cam falls against me on the couch, sort of crushing me under his weight. “Don’t make me tickle you again.”
“You know I hate that shit.” I smile but it falls hearing the loud buzz of his phone.
“Seems important.”
“It’s not.” Cam’s eyes flick to his phone, though.
“It’s okay, Camden Marisol Almeida.” He grins, kissing the side of my head. I hate to admit that I’m happy this part of our relationship hasn’t changed. Cam is a very handsy person, and I was afraid things would be too weird.
“I feel like it’s weird to bring up.”
“Cam, I figured you’d meet up with someone eventually. My hand has completely forgotten about you.”
His plump lips drop open, and I’m brought back to that night and how good they felt against mine. How right it felt . . . the heat, his scent. The way his body, despite being the opposite of mine, fit so well against me.
No see, this right here. I need to get over it.
“Am I that forgettable?”
“Yes,” I laugh. “What are you thinking about doing? You can tell me.” Even if it involves a gorgeous woman with beautiful soft skin and silky hair.
Cam’s gaze drops to the floor. “I think . . . I think I’m going to try and hook up with a guy.”
Um . . .
What?
My heart wrenches. That’s, that’s not . . . I wasn’t expecting that. Like at all. “I just want to try,” he continues. “Experiment a little.”
“Damn.” I try to laugh it off, but it falls flat. “One kiss from me and now we’re switching lanes.” Is it hot in here? It seems a bit stifling. My fingers bunch in the fabric of my sleep pants. I can’t breathe. I need to be a friend. Come on. Get your shit together! Be a friend!
How can I be a friend when mine is breaking my heart.
I’m so selfish. This is big, and Cam is probably scared. He needs a friend right now. “I’m just trying to figure some stuff out. I don’t want to date anyone right now. I just want to see, maybe answer some of the questions in my head.”
“What questions?”
His fingers fidget in his lap. “The thing is, I really liked kissing you, and maybe it’s because we’re so close, but like . . . what if I am attracted to guys? No hurt in trying. That’s what it’s all about, right? Trying new things. Finding the ones that work and the ones that don’t.”
I almost tell him to experiment with me, but that would be wrong on so many levels.
Cam made it clear we have a line we can’t cross, and it would be unfair with the feelings I have.
It wouldn’t be an experiment for me. It would be me trying to live out the dream I’ve had in my head.
“You can talk to me about anything, you know that.”
“I know.” He smiles at me. It’s brilliant and boyish. “I think I’m going to go out and meet up with someone. We’ve been messaging for a few days now.”
“Can I come? I want to find someone too.”
Cam’s quiet for a moment, his brows pulling together. “Really?”
Irritation prickles at the rough edges of my heart. I want this for him. I’m also amazing at lying to myself. “Yes, really. Why is that so hard to believe?”
“I just never see you with anyone.”
“I deserve for someone to sex me too, Cam.”
His lips wobble. “Don’t ever say that again.” He laughs, and so do I, even if I’m breaking apart.
I need this. My heart needs to get the hint. Seeing Cam with someone else will help as much as it’ll hurt. “Give me a bit, I need to get ready. Like an hour.”
“An hour? Why do you need an hour?”
“Camden Lianna Almeida, I am not explaining prep to you. Maybe your date can.” The words come out harsher than I mean them to, so I soften what I say next. “There are things I need to do to prepare, so just give me an hour.” His throat works in a swallow. “Where are we going?”
“The bar on Siver.” Holy shit, I’m going to do this. I am actually going to do this, or someone, or let someone do me. Ah, okay, this is . . . calm down. “You alright?” He reaches into his pocket and hands me my inhaler. I wave him away.
“I’m fine, just nervous. It’s been a while since my pants have entertained company.
” And by a while I mean never, because I have literally never had anyone else see me naked.
I’ve only given head or sloppy hand jobs, and the guys I’ve been with were more than fine being on the receiving end.
Every time it almost got to more, I froze.
I don’t know. Sex is complicated. My nerves are starting to choke me.
I should probably take medicine before I leave, just in case.
The last thing I need is to have an asthma attack while I’m being topped.
“Well, I just need to get some jeans on,” he says softly. “Go get your cute butt sex-ready then,” he laughs.
“Don’t ever say that again.” He only laughs harder.
I am going to do this. I’m going to find a guy and let him fuck me. It’s going to be great. I’m going to get Cam out of my head. It won’t happen overnight but it’s a start.
I can do this.