Chapter 18 #2
His beautiful eyes flutter open and I don’t think I’m breathing.
Slowly I lean in, pressing my lips to his. It’s short, with barely any pressure, but it heats me from my head to my toes. I let go and he blinks as if I’ve dropped him.
All done. Reaching into my pocket I grab my phone, taking a picture then showing him. Bo grins wide, taking in the musical notes dancing across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. It almost looks like he has musical notes for freckles.
“It’s so pretty.” He beams. All I can do is stare at him, and this overwhelming feeling clenches my gut. I don’t know what to make of this—of us—lately. All I know is that right now feels good. It feels so right, and I don’t know if I want it to end when the weekend is up. “What’s wrong?”
“Huh?”
“You’re just staring.”
Something I can’t seem to stop doing. “You look cute is all.” I smooth my fingers through his hair. “I’m going to run in and go to the bathroom. I’ll be quick, okay? Unless you have to go too.”
“No, I’ll wait here. It’s not bad out, and it’s a little crowded in there.”
I press my lips to his forehead, getting up and heading back into the gym. “Be right back.”
Coming out of the bathroom, I just want to head home with Bo.
We need to have a talk. This weekend has raised more questions than anything, but maybe it’s all irrelevant because the truth is .
. . I’ve loved this weekend. I’ve loved these last few months.
I’ve loved our little life together. Maybe the answer to all these questions is simply . . . him.
“Cam?” My head swings around at the voice, and ice clenches my stomach seeing Siena there. Siena there with him. Fuck. “Hey, uh, hi,” she says shyly. Fuck, why is she even here? There are plenty of gyms around. She had to know I might be here.
The guy she’s with, the same douche she cheated on me with, looks between us warily.
“How are you doing?” she asks.
Why does she care? “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Cam—”
“Listen, go back to whatever you’re doing, okay? Just leave me alone.” I don’t miss her like I thought I would. Instead, I just feel gross. I feel like I’m drowning and she’s holding my head under.
“I’m trying to be nice, Cam.”
Why? “Well don’t.”
“She’s trying to be nice, stop being a dick.” I look at the guy, who’s a few inches shorter than me. So why do I suddenly feel four feet tall?
“A dick to her?” I step closer to him. “I was great to her, and she cheated on me. I don’t know why you think I’d want to speak to either of you. Why are you even fucking here, Si?”
“It’s an open invitation for anyone with a membership. I already have to change my workout schedule as it is so I don’t run into you.” I literally never asked her to do that, but okay. “We have a right to be here.”
“Be here all you want, but don’t fucking talk to me. Ever. I was good to you and you treated me like shit. Now leave me alone.”
“Not what I heard,” he laughs. I stare at him, then slide my gaze to Siena. Who is this fucking guy?
“Oh yeah? What did you tell him?” He steps in front of her, knocking her back a bit, which pisses me off. “Be careful of her.”
He gets in my face. “What did you say, babe? Terrible in bed, right? Didn't you say he cries a lot? A fucking dork, I remember that one. Boring. Plays with action figures.”
Excuse me, I do not! That’s not what I do.
I just like to organize them differently on my shelves.
It's fun to me. I like switching it up and moving things around. When I moved in with her from my old apartment, she didn’t want me to put them on her shelves.
Which fine. It was her place. So I took them to Bo’s. And they’re collectibles, not toys!
“Connor, come on—” She tugs his sleeve, looking more and more uncomfortable.
He ignores her. “Doesn’t ever want to go anywhere, or do anything. Plays video games constantly, and acts like a fucking child. Didn’t you say he’s afraid of the dark?” He snorts. "She couldn't wait for you to go to work and be with me."
“Connor.” She pushes him aside. “Stop it.”
I swallow thickly. “That’s great, Siena. Amazing. I’m happy you’re happy. You must have been so miserable with me.”
“Cam, wait—”
I turn away from them; I don’t need to hear any more. I try blinking back the burn in my eyes, but my vision softens and floats. What the hell was that? Why was she even with me for so long? I can’t believe this. I feel like I’m going to break down.
Walking outside, the fresh air helps calm the sting in my eyes slightly. I breathe deep, walking around to find Bo where I left him. “Hey. Ready to go?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“You alright?” His eyes narrow on my face. “What’s wrong?”
“Fine.” I plaster on a smile and grab Bo’s hand, just ready to put some space between this place and me.
Why did she tell him all that? I don’t know why she even came here.
I know she’s a member. She joined after we met.
Still, why would she show up today? Didn't she realize I might be here. No that's probably why she came.
To hurt me.
Mission accomplished.
“What’s wrong?”
“Huh?”
“What happened when you went to the bathroom?” Everything. Everything and nothing. Nothing important, at least.
“Just not feeling great. Still nauseous, I think.” Bo stares at me, and I know he’s not buying it.
He lets it go until we reach his house, but I can’t go in.
I can’t move. The fact that I was even entertaining this was stupid.
Siena’s words hurt on their own, but they’re backed up by a history of women who’ve done this to me.
They can’t all be wrong, and if they’re not, where does that leave me?
With the truth.
I will ruin this, like I’ve ruined everything else. “What is it now, Cam?” he asks as I pull into his parking spot. Anger splashes across his face, and I know it’s not fair but it’s neccessary. “What’s going on? I deserve to know.”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“I understand if you’re confused about your sexuality. It can be scary, I know, but I thought maybe you—” His fists ball in his lap.
“What?”
“It’s nothing. Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Weekend’s over I guess.”
Siena's words echo. She's right. I would ruin this if we tried. I can't believe I thought it might be possible. “What do all my relationships have in common?” His fingers pause on the door handle.
“Your shitty taste in women?”
“Me. I’m the common detonator.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Denominator—”
“Whatever. It’s me. They’ve all left me. I’m a terrible boyfriend, Bo.”
“Cam, that’s ridiculous. What happened back there? We were fine and then you came back from the bathroom upset. What happened?”
I think about Siena, about the things she said to me.
The things she told her new boyfriend. They probably laughed about me while she was cheating on me.
How could they not? I’m a joke. I’m stupid, and immature.
I am the problem, and Bo is my best friend.
Of course he’s going to tell me they’re wrong.
He doesn’t get it, though. “I think I’m going to take a walk. I just need to clear my head.”
“Want me to walk with you?”
“No. I, uh . . . I want to be alone.”
“Camden Josephine Almeida, tell me what happened!”
I smile at him a bit. “That’s not my middle name, Bobo.” I lean in, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It feels final. I hate it. “I’ll be home in a bit, I just need some space.”
“Why do you act like I don’t need you? Why do you think you’re so replaceable? I need you too. You are needed. You’re my best friend and I—”
I cup his face in my hands, resisting the urge to kiss his lips. I want to so bad, but I can’t. I can’t keep doing this to him. Instead, I press one to his cheek. “No one needs me, Bo.”
I don’t know how long I’ve been walking. The cool air has cleared my head a bit, and I know that whatever happened this weekend has to stop. I’m going to ruin our relationship if I keep letting these dumbass feelings get in the way.
I’m walking back now, afraid of what I’ll find when I get home.
The purple-pink sky is cast in gray, and the air is heavy like it gets before it snows.
Up ahead I see a familiar person. Amira.
She’s in front of her building taping something up.
My feet scuff on the pavement and she looks in my direction.
Her plump lips split into a smile. “Oh hey, Cam, just in time. I need someone tall.”
I walk over to her. She’s not much shorter than I am, maybe a couple of inches, but I help her, grabbing the plastic and helping her tape it to the window. “What are you doing?”
“I’m painting the glass tomorrow. Just prepping now so I can get right into it. I need these spaces taped off.” I help her with the window, trying hard to ignore her attention on me. “So, why are you walking home this late in the middle of winter?”
“It’s not so bad out now.”
She smiles. “I’m not used to it. I lived in North Carolina before this, and it never got this cold at this time of year.
"Fall is winter. Spring is still winter. Summer is spring with a sprinkle of summer that’s either scorching hot or so humid you can’t breathe.”
“Sounds bleak.” She laughs.
“We get a slice of fall around October, but most of the time it’s just rainy and sad.” I finish helping her. “I'm fine. I just needed some air.”
“Been there.” She tucks her hands around her sides, hugging her body. “You look like you need a drink. I have some eggnog upstairs. I’ve never had it before, so I tried making some. It may be more rum than egg, but by the shadows in your eyes right now that might be a good thing.”
I think for a moment. I’m not ready to go home and face this yet. “You know what . . . sure.”