Chapter 20 #2
“I own a bakery if anyone was wondering.” Sawyer smiles flatly.
“How long have you done that?” Bowen asks him.
He takes another sip of his water. A tiny one.
He always does that when he’s nervous. Tiny sips to keep his hands busy.
I chance a look under the table and sure enough I see his fist clenched in his dress pants.
I look around the back deck. We’re all seated at this wooden picnic table, and there’s a fire going in the deck-safe pit to keep us warmish.
It’s not so bad outside right now, maybe somewhere in the forties.
On our side of the table, Jamie and Noah sit next to Bo, while I’m on his other side, and Amira, Sawyer, Hunter, and Mark sit opposite.
Bo’s foot is tapping lightly, and though Sawyer’s still talking, my focus is on him.
Keeping my eyes straight ahead, I reach down and grab his fist, slipping my fingers between his.
He looks at me and swallows with a soft smile, and I give his hand a little squeeze.
“My mom is sick, so I’m grateful, you know. ”
Oh shit, I definitely missed something big there. I hold Bo’s hand in mine. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
Sawyer gives a sad smile, taking a sip of his wine. “My sister practically forced me out of the house. I’m usually baking or taking care of her.” He winces. “Which . . . hearing that back sounds like I have no time left for anything else. Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I just need balance.”
“We all need balance.” Bo smiles at him. “What kind of guys do you usually date?”
Sawyer takes a sip of his drink. “I mean, I like guys who . . .” His cheeks pinken. “It’s lame, but I’m kind of a romantic. I like grand gestures and big moments. I like to feel special. It’s been a while since I’ve felt much of that.”
“It’s nice to feel like that, like you’re the center of someone’s world.” Bo’s fingers tighten in mine.
“Hunter thinks I’m too picky.” Sawyer smiles at his friend.
“That’s because you are too picky.”
“How did you and Hunter meet?” Bo asks.
“Back in college. We’ve been friends ever since.”
“How did you two meet?” Amira asks. I think she’s looking at Jamie and Noah, but then I see her looking at us. Bowen’s knee brushes my leg. It’s now I notice how close we are.
“Uh, we met in first grade.”
“My family immigrated here from Hong Kong when I was three. They home schooled me until my mother got a job, then I went to public school. I was really afraid and I latched onto the biggest kid I could find.” That’s not quite how we met at all, but I smile anyway.
“Had to get a bodyguard?” Amira laughs.
“You would think.” Bowen’s fingers slip out of mine to take a drink. “I expected backup. I did not expect a giant crier who ate yellow crayons, was afraid of butterflies, and lost pencils hourly.”
“Why the yellow crayons?” Jamie asks with a laugh.
“They taste best.” What a silly question.
Amira smiles, her eyes dancing on me. “So you guys have been that close ever since?”
“Yeah, I mean we went to different colleges. I dropped out when I was a sophomore. School wasn’t for me. I came back home, got hired at a gym, and I’ve been there ever since.”
“What about you, Bowen? When did you move back?”
“Uh . . .” Bowen’s eyes flick to mine, and I know what he’s saying without the words.
He came back for me.
He’s never admitted it, but part of me has always known.
Bowen’s an incredible musician; he could play anywhere.
Orchestras, concerts . . . anywhere. It’s crazy, because he thinks the restaurants he works at are doing him a favor, when it’s the other way around.
They’re lucky to be able to listen to him every night for free.
There’s a reason why these places are so packed on the nights he sings.
He believes no one really listens to him, but that’s not true at all.
Reservations are booked out weeks in advance.
Bowen is incredibly talented. He could have gone anywhere.
But he came home to me.
“You’ve lived together ever since?”
“Actually, we’ve never really lived together.
” That makes Noah frown. “Just here and there briefly.” Between relationships is what he doesn’t say.
When I barge back into his life and let him take care of me.
Bowen deserves better, he deserves Sawyer.
Or someone like Sawyer. Someone motivated and low maintenance.
Jamie gets up, giving Noah a squeeze on his shoulder before taking the side steps around the house. “Anyone need a refill? I have more wine,” Noah asks.
My body feels restless. I need to get up and do something. “Where are you going?” Bo asks me.
“Just need to stretch my legs is all.” I ruffle his hair a bit. He looks up at me, and I notice the soft blush sprinkled across his face, and I almost lean in to kiss him.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I search in the direction Jamie went. I wish now that I hadn’t come with Amira.
I just want to go home. The thing is, it’s not really my home.
Bo and I can’t keep sharing a bedroom forever.
I need to find a new place. I need to give him space or he’s going to get sick of me.
Up ahead I see a figure in the shadows, leaning against the siding. “Hey, Cam.”
Red sparks in the darkness, and the smell of sweet smoke hits my nose. “You alright?” I ask him.
“Just crowds. There’s a lot of people, a lot of talking. Just needed some silence.”
“Oh, sorry.” I turn to leave.
“No, stay. It’s okay. One person is fine.” He takes another drag. “Figures I’d find a boyfriend who’s the most social person alive. Why can’t he be normal and hate people like everyone else?”
When I’d thought about Noah’s boyfriend, Jamie’s the opposite of who I’d pictured. “Regretting your life choices?” I laugh.
“Not a day in my life.” He holds out the bowl to me. I shake my head. “So, Amira is fucking gorgeous.”
“That she is.” I shove my hands into my pockets. It’s cold here without the fire going.
“Got an incredible fucking eye too. She sees shit in my paintings I never even intended on creating. It’s like she creates stories in the art she sees.”
“Yup.”
Jamie takes another drag. “So why has your attention been on Bo all night?” It’s dark, but I can practically see the smirk I hear in his voice.
“It hasn’t been.”
“Cam, your eyes haven’t left him for more than two seconds since you guys sat down. If you think I’m the only one who’s noticed, you’re mistaken.”
It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I’ll never be good enough for him.
Bo will leave me like everyone else. “Just drop it, okay.” I look away from the serious set of his eyes, regretting coming out here; I don’t even know why I followed him.
There’s just something about Jamie that eases my mind.
I have no clue why. Maybe it’s his mild demeanor or give no fucks attitude, but I’m drawn to it.
“Are you and Amira dating?”
I shake my head. “I met her a few months back. We’ve hung out a few times.”
“She definitely likes you,” Jamie hedges.
She wouldn’t, though. Not in the long run. She is literally perfect. She’s beautiful, smart, and so talented it’s insane. I should want to try with her, and maybe if it were months ago, I would have. I have the perfect girl in front of me, but my thoughts are elsewhere.
I don’t want to talk about Amira. “What do you know about Sawyer?”
“Nice deflection.”
“What are you, a therapist?”
“No. A friend. Noah gives me treats when I make them.” His brows wiggle.
Gross. Jamie chuckles, leaning back against the house.
“He’s Hunter’s best friend. He’s been around here and there.
He’s a good guy. Busy as hell, but a good guy.
Don’t love that he’s seen Noah naked, but at this point who hasn’t among our friend group. ”
“I haven’t.” Not that I want to.
“Oh, give it time, Cam. Just give it time.” Jamie smirks. “Come on, let’s go back.”
Walking back to the house, I notice Sawyer and Bowen laughing as they talk. See, this. I was gone for just a few minutes and Bo can already breathe easier. His fists are unclenched and he’s talking animatedly. I need to find another place to live soon.
“Hey.” Amira stands, breaking my gaze away from him. “You want to head out?” She smiles, slipping her hands around my waist and pulling my attention to her. Jamie’s right. She’s beautiful, and everything I should want. “You can come back to my place for a bit, if you want?”
Bowen looks up at me. “I can get a ride back, it’s okay. I’m having a good time.”
“I’ll bring him home.” Sawyer smiles at me briefly before fixing his gaze back on my best friend. “It’s nice to talk to friends. I almost forget what it’s like hiding away in my bakery all the time.”
“Uh, okay. Yeah. Uh, thanks for dinner, guys.” I catch Jamie’s eye on the way out and instantly look away.
This is good. This is the best thing for everyone.
I just need to start repeating it to believe it.
“You want to come up?” Amira smiles at me a little. Fuck she’s beautiful. She’s everything I would have wanted before that night, and I don’t know . . . part of me wants to go up there, undress her, lose myself inside her, yet . . .
Bo comes to mind.
That, though, is exactly why I say, “Yeah, I do.”
I follow her up to her loft, my heart hammering with each step.
This is good. As soon as we start I’ll remember how nice it is.
How good women smell, how soft they feel, how responsive their bodies are.
I need this. I need this reminder. I need to put this thing with Bo behind me.
He’s with Sawyer right now anyway, and that’s just . . . great.