Chapter 06 #2
She tells the Echo to pause the audiobook and turns in my arms.
“No. Maybe an hour at most. It wasn’t coming out the way I wanted, so I decided to sleep. You must’ve been exhausted. You didn’t even move when I pulled up the covers.”
I kiss her forehead before heading to the coffeemaker and pouring two mugs.
“Yeah. Yesterday was a long day.”
She watches me a little too closely, like she’s trying to read something in the spaces I’m not filling, then says, “You’re not going into the office today.”
I shake my head, take a sip, and hand her the other mug, exactly how I like it. Everything my Ceci touches turns out perfect. She doesn’t even have to try.
“I can’t even remember the last time you stayed home on a Saturday.”
Her brow furrows, like she’s genuinely trying to pinpoint it, and that irritates me, because it shouldn’t be that hard to remember. But when I actually try to recall the last time, I come up empty. It probably is the first Saturday I’ve been home all year.
“Doesn’t it matter more that I’m here now? I can’t change the past.”
The second it leaves my mouth, I hear how it sounds. Defensive, careless.
“I’m sorry, Ceci. I just… thought we could have a nice day. You, me, the kids. Go somewhere.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you apologize this many times in a row since I met you nineteen years ago.
” She lifts her hand before I can speak.
“And I can’t go out with you, sorry. I’m on a tight deadline.
I need to double-check some facts, and I’ve got a Zoom call with a professor at eleven who’s helping me with some sources. ”
Alicia shuffles into the kitchen, her hair sticking up in every direction. The same shade of red as her mother’s, but wild in a way that’s entirely her own. When we found out we were having a girl, I hoped she’d look like Ceci.
But she’s a younger, softer version of me.
Ethan, on the other hand, is a mirror of my past, except for those blue eyes he stole straight from his mother.
Alicia wraps her arms around my waist. She’s nearly as tall as my chest now. My little princess is growing up faster than I’m ready for. Soon she’ll be Ethan’s age, talking about colleges and futures I’m not prepared to imagine yet.
“You’re home, Daddy.”
Her voice is pure surprise.
I kiss the top of her head, just in time to catch Ceci’s raised eyebrow. That I told you so look is clear as day.
I grind my teeth and focus on Alicia. “What do you think about spending the day out? Anything you want. We can see if your brother wants to come too.”
“Count me out.”
That’s how Ethan announces himself, not even looking at me, heading straight to Ceci to kiss her cheek and mumble a “morning” like I’m an afterthought.
“Why not? It’s been a while since we all did something together.”
The smirk he throws over his shoulder tells me exactly how this is going to go.
“And whose fault is that? We’re always here. And when we go out, it’s with Mom.”
The look Ceci shoots me—half warning, half fear of what I’ll say next—freezes the words I was about to spit out. She must see it on my face, the way the anger spikes before I can catch it.
“Your choice,” I say, keeping my voice tight. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
“No thanks.”
He still won’t look at me, turning to his mother like I don’t even take up space in the room. “I’m going to Conrad’s. A bunch of the guys are coming over. We’re spending the day gaming.”
“Okay, honey. Be careful and have fun,” Ceci says softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He kisses Alicia on the forehead, ruffles her hair, and walks right past me like I’m a piece of furniture.
“Ethan,” I call out as he reaches the doorway. “Enjoy your day, son.”
“Sure.”
He doesn’t look back. He just keeps walking.
The weekend was more of the same.
Ethan barely spent a minute in the house, Ceci kept “working” and avoiding me, and Alicia was the only one who seemed genuinely excited that I was home.
On Saturday, I let her take the lead. We spent the entire day out, picking new stationery for her journaling and a dozen little things that made her whole face light up. We had lunch at her favorite place and ended the day at the movies, closing it exactly the way she likes.
Ethan spent almost the entire weekend out with his friends. He barely spoke to me when he was home. Ceci kept telling me to be patient, to give Ethan time.
“He’s just being protective, Colin. You weren’t here to see how Alicia reacted when I told her you weren’t coming. Ethan might be turning seventeen soon, but deep down he’s still just a boy. Our boy.”
None of it helped.
My frustration wasn’t just with Ethan, it was with her, too.
Last night, when I reached for her, she brushed me off without hesitation, claiming she needed more time to “polish the article.” But tonight… tonight I’m done waiting.
And she knows it. She saw the storm brewing in my eyes all day, felt it in the unspoken tension at dinner.
In the privacy of our bedroom, I don't give her the room to hide behind excuses.
As her hand drifts toward the tablet on the nightstand, I close the distance.
I capture her lips in a kiss that isn't a request. It’s a demand, pulling her back to me until the article is nothing but a ghost of a thought.
Her breath hitches, a sharp, jagged hitch of air that breaks into a soft sound of surrender as her body finally goes soft and pliable under my touch.
I sink to my knees before her, peeling away her jeans and panties. I worship her there, my mouth hot against her pussy, lingering over her sweetness until she trembles with release.
After that, she gives in entirely.
With a determined, fluid grace, she sheds her blouse, and together we make quick, frantic work of my clothes. Once I’m naked, Ceci urges me down onto the bed.
I lean back against the headboard as she straddles me, her gaze fixed on mine while she guides me inside her.
Slowly. Purposefully. Her expression shifting, overtaken by pleasure as she takes me fully inside her.
We lose ourselves in the friction and the heat. Pressure builds behind my ribs, and I fight the urge to finish—desperate to see her break first.
“Don’t close your eyes. Look at me. That’s it, baby,” I murmur, my voice low and rough. My fingers tangle in her hair as I tilt her head back, holding her gaze, making sure she sees exactly what she means to me. “Tell me you love me.”
With a breathless, broken cry, she shatters. The tremors of her release wrap around me, taking me with her. I empty myself inside her, a raw, pulsing surge that leaves me hollowed out.
“God, I love you so much, Colin,” she gasps, her voice trembling in the sudden stillness of the room.
“I love you,” I say, my voice thick with a deep, clawing desperation. I pull her down, burying my face in the crook of her neck. “Only you, Ceci. Always only you.”
I hold her too tight, like I’m trying to fuse our skin together, trying to prove the words were true even as the weight of my secrets sits heavy in my gut.
We stay intertwined, a tangled wreck of limbs and cooling skin, until her breathing evens out and she drifts off. I clean us both, then draw her back into my arms, cradling her against my chest as I pull the covers over us.
But even with Ceci warm against me, her heart beating a steady rhythm against my own as it has for nearly two decades, my mind refuses to go quiet.
All I can see is the conversation waiting for me tomorrow. With Maya.
What haunts me isn’t even the act itself. It’s how effortlessly the lies flowed.
The excuses felt pre-written, waiting on the tip of my tongue like they had always been a part of my vocabulary.
The truth is, the moment I pulled into that gas station and walked toward the pharmacy aisle, some dark part of me already knew what was coming. I can still feel the cold, plastic weight of the condom box in my hand. The numb, clinical stillness in my head as I paid.
It felt like bracing for a crash I had no intention of avoiding.
That’s why I volunteered to go to that tedious dinner with Jonathan later that day. I didn't have to go. But I chose to, to avoid her. Maya.
And on Friday, I could have come home to my family. I wouldn't have failed Alicia, disappointing Ethan once again. I could have ended the night in this bed, with my wife, who wouldn't have been pissed at me.
I could have said no, stopped everything before it even began. But I didn't.
I can’t even blame the fog of alcohol. I hadn't touched a single drop all day. Not even the thumb of brandy I take at the end of a work day. I was stone-cold sober.
It was all me. A man standing on the tracks, watching the train come—and choosing not to move. And now… it’s done.
I press a lingering kiss to Ceci’s forehead and squeeze my eyes shut, praying for a sleep that won't come.
Tomorrow, I’ll fix it. I have to.