Chapter 08 #2
“Not anymore.” My voice cracks, but I force the words out anyway. “You’ll always be the father of my children. That will never change. But that’s all we’ll ever be from now on.” I swallow hard, the finality settling deep as I say it. “Just parents. To Ethan and Alicia.”
His mouth opens and closes twice, searching for words that simply aren’t there.
“ ‘I, Colin, take you, Cecily—my Ceci—to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, until death do us part.’ ”
I draw in a shaky breath, fighting the tremor in my voice and the tears threatening to spill.
“In the vows you wrote yourself, you also promised to make me your priority. To make me smile on cloudy days. To fight through impossible battles. And to never let go of my hand.”
My voice cracks. “It’s been raining, Colin. Pouring. And you left me to drown all by myself. You dropped my hand without a second thought and left me struggling to keep my head above the storm you unleashed.”
I swallow hard, blinking through the blur of tears.
“You looked into my father’s eyes when he gave me to you at the altar, and you promised him you’d always take care of his little girl.”
By then, I’m crying. Openly. Helplessly. I don’t even try to hide it.
“You didn’t keep any of those promises. And you know what other vow you crushed under your selfishness?” My voice trembles. “That you would give me everything you have... and that I would always have all of you.”
A sob tears through me, ripping straight from my chest.
“You lied. You gave pieces of yourself to another woman. You shared with her what was meant to be mine—mine until death do us part—all while wearing the ring I put on your finger.”
By the time the last words leave my mouth, my voice is gone. Reduced to shattered whispers.
“No, Ceci, please! You have to believe me. It was never like that! Never! I never shared anything meaningful with anyone but you.”
“Don’t you get it?” I force out, my voice breaking apart with every word. “The how it was, the why, the when, or how long—none of that matters. It happened, Colin. That’s all that matters."
I tilt my head back, staring at the ceiling, trying to hold myself together as I wipe the tears from my face with shaking hands.
“Do you honestly believe we could ever be happy again?” I ask, disbelief and hurt tangled in my voice. “That you could ever make me happy?”
Without a second’s hesitation, he takes two steps closer, nodding like a man clinging to his last breath. “Yes. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy again. Happier than we ever were.”
“Okay,” I whisper, the word barely more than air as I let out a shaky breath.
His face softens. His eyes widen, hopeful, as if he’s waiting for a miracle. Waiting for me to tell him how to put the pieces back together.
Oh, Colin…
“Where were you on the day Alicia had the prom Sophia’s mom planned for the kids?”
He hesitates. Then, finally, “At work. You already know that.”
God. This man. He just doesn’t get it.
“Where were you the day Alicia was burning with a fever? When Ethan and I had to rush her to the hospital and you didn’t show up until almost nine that night?”
He stays silent for a few seconds, but I don’t let him fill the space with another lie.
“What about the weekend we spent in the Hamptons?”
He answers quickly this time. “You didn’t want me to go. I asked you, and you said no.”
“We’re far from poor, Colin. Yes, I didn’t want you to drive after working all day.
It wouldn’t have been safe. But if you wanted to be there, you would have been.
You could have hired a driver, or even requested a helicopter through the aviation company Montgomery Clifford has a contract with.
If you truly wanted to go, nothing would have stopped you.
You didn’t need my permission. They’re your children too. And that’s your parents’ house.”
We stare at each other, stripped of excuses, with no lies left to hide behind.
“And before you try lying again,” I say, my voice low, “I checked all those dates. Your location history matched hers every single time. The first two were after work hours, both of you staying late at the office. And I highly doubt you were reviewing proposals or meeting notes.”
I grip the back of the couch, my fingers digging into the fabric, my hands trembling even though my tone stays calm. “And the last one, you were at her apartment. You got there Saturday afternoon... and didn't leave until Sunday morning.”
I can hear his breathing. Uneven, shallow, the only sound breaking through the suffocating silence.
“Ceci,” he finally says, his voice strained. “This already happened. Going over it again won’t change anything. I know I was wrong… I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have hurt you. I promise it will never happen again. We can move past it. We can be happy again.”
I look at him. Really look at him, this man who once was my home, my safe place.
“How do you think I could ever be happy with you, Colin?” I ask. “How could I ever feel safe enough to trust you again—with my heart, or my body?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I don't let him. I can't bear to hear another empty promise.
“How do you think I’ll feel when you touch me, Colin? When your mouth is on the most private parts of me, and all I can think about is whether you did the same to her?"
His eyes widen, his breath catches. But I don't stop. Each word feels heavier, pulled from somewhere raw and bleeding inside me.
“All those months you were with her… did you learn new ways to please her? With your body? With your mouth?” I pause, swallowing hard, bitterness burning my throat. “Will you compare us in your head, Colin? Wonder if she tasted better? If she was better?”
The color drains from his face. He stumbles back a step and sinks into the armchair, looking like he’s just taken a blow to the chest.
“Please... don’t talk like that,” he whispers, his voice cracking. Though I can’t tell if it’s guilt, disgust, or just the weight of finally facing what he’s done.
“Why? Am I lying?” I ask, anger shaking my voice as I look straight at him. “After all those months with her, are you really going to stand there and tell me you didn’t do every kind of thing with her?”
He pushes up from the chair and starts pacing across the rug, his hands running through his hair. “She never meant anything to me. And she never will! I told you, it wasn’t like that!”
“Yeah?” I fire back. “You keep saying that like it’s supposed to make it hurt less, but it doesn’t change a damn thing.”
I lift my hand and start counting on my fingers. “You took her out for coffee. There were lunches and dinners on those so-called work trips. Room service. Hotels. Hours together on day trips. And let’s not forget all the things you bought her.”
When I finish, I notice him staring at my fingers, like the truth might somehow disappear if he looks hard enough.
“All of that, in my dictionary, adds up to how you treat someone you’re involved with. Some would even call it girlfriend treatment. So don’t you dare tell me it was nothing.”
“She wasn’t my girlfriend. She wasn’t anything to me. I’m married to you. You’re the only one that matters,” he says, guilt and frustration plain in his voice. “Why do you keep rehashing these things? We’ll never move on or fix our marriage if that’s all you focus on.”
“Our marriage wasn’t broken, Colin. You broke it.”
“I never stopped loving you. I never will. Whatever happened with her was never more—”
He stops himself. I don’t.
“—More than sex?” I whisper. “Then it must’ve been really good for you to keep going back for months. Not just good. Exceptional, I suppose.”
My mind flashes to the receipts, to every nauseating detail burned into my memory.
I shake my head, a broken laugh slipping out before I can stop it. “Well, thank you for keeping me in the ‘boring sex’ box at the back of your mind.”
He jerks his head up, startled. Offended, even. “Our sex was never boring! You’re the best I’ve ever had. You’ll always be the best I’ll ever have. The only woman I’ve ever had a real connection with.”
I stare at him, my voice flat. “You have a funny way of showing that, Colin. By taking another woman to bed. Over and over. For months.”
For once, he doesn’t try to fill the air with excuses.
“What if our roles were reversed?” I ask, my voice low but sharp enough to make him flinch.
“Let’s say I started an affair with Caleb, the neighbor’s grandson down the road.
He’s what?” I force myself to keep going, controlling my breathing.
“About seven years older than Ethan. Around the same age as your mistress.”
His jaw tightens, the muscle in his cheek twitching. “You would never do that.”
“You’re right,” I say, my voice even despite the tremor beneath the surface. “I would never do that. Not to me. Not to you. Not to our children.”
I swallow hard, my throat burning as the next words scrape their way out. “But that’s not the point, Colin. I want you to imagine it.”
I move around the couch and take a step closer, my eyes locked on his, refusing to let him look away.
“Imagine me with a younger man. Having sex with him for months. Coming home late at night and lying next to you after letting him do to me everything you did to her. Sharing things with him that I never shared with you.”
My voice falters, but I don’t stop. “Picture that, Colin. Really picture it. And then tell me… how would you let me fix it after finding out?”
He sinks back into the armchair, his whole body collapsing in on itself. Head in his hands, he shakes it slowly, like the mere thought is enough to destroy him.
I watch as he presses a trembling hand to his throat, then to his mouth, like he’s fighting the urge to throw up.
Watching him like that should make me feel something close to vindication. But it doesn’t. There’s no satisfaction, no relief. Only the hollow, gnawing ache of a heart that’s been torn apart too many times to keep beating right.
I feel stripped bare, emptied of everything I once was, everything I thought we were.
“I want you to leave.”
He keeps his head down, but I know he hears me. I can see it in the way his shoulders tense, like the words are cutting into him.
“I want you to leave. And when the time comes, you’ll sign the papers. You’ll keep calling before you come by, and only to see the kids, until some kind of agreement is in place.”
“Ceci, please…” His voice comes out rough, thick with regret. “I hate myself for everything I’ve done. But I can’t live without you.”
“It’s Cecily,” I say, my voice breaking. “Ceci was the naive girl you married. The one who believed every promise you made. Poor girl didn’t know any better. And look where that got her.”
He lifts his head, eyes glassy, his voice barely a whisper. “I’ll do anything. Anything, for a small chance.”
“Anything?” I echo, my voice trembling, my heart pounding so hard it hurts.
“Okay. Then tell me everything. Every detail. From the first time you looked at her the way you shouldn’t have, the innocent touches laced with second intentions, to every moment you chose to forget your vows and pretend I didn’t exist while you enjoyed your new lover. ”
“I…”
I keep my eyes on him, giving him time. Time to think. Time to face what he’s done.
He takes a shaky breath, eyes glistening. “Will you forgive me? Give me another chance if I tell you?”
“First, you tell me,” I say, my voice wavering even as I try to hold myself together. “What happens after, I’ll decide once I know everything. The details Mark couldn’t give me. The ones only you can.”
“I can’t,” he says, close to sobbing. “If I tell you everything, you’ll hate me even more. I can’t risk losing you like that.”
“You already lost me, Colin.” The words come out soft, but they carry everything I’m holding inside.
“The moment you looked at her the way you were only ever supposed to look at me, you lost me. It became an affair the second you flirted back. The second you built a wall between us just to make space for your secret.”
We stare at each other for what feels like forever, though it can’t be more than a few seconds.
Tears slide down his face in a steady stream, and he doesn’t even try to wipe them away.
I can’t remember the last time I saw him cry. Maybe the day Alicia was born. Has it really been twelve years since I last saw him shed a single tear?
“Please,” I whisper, the words barely getting past the lump in my throat. “Leave. Seeing you hurts, Colin. Hearing your voice feels like a thousand blades tearing through my chest all at once.”
I pause, looking at him, at the man who was once my entire world. And all I can think is how cruel it is that the person who promised to protect my heart is the one who shattered it beyond repair.
“And Colin?” I whisper. “You really should’ve read what I wrote on the blog. If you had… we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
He lowers his head, his shoulders shaking as the dam finally breaks. “I—I will,” he stammers through tears. “I’m sorry, Ceci. God, I’m so sorry,” he chokes out. “I love you. I love you. I love you so much. I love you, please… I love you.”
Each repetition lands deeper than the last, more desperate. It twists like a blade in a place where only love used to live.
He rises to his feet with visible effort, his body trembling, all his strength drained now that the reality of what he’s done has hit him.
When I see him start to leave the envelope on the couch, I nod toward it without a word. He picks it up, his fingers brushing the edge, and for a split second the air feels charged, full of everything we once said without speaking.
As he walks past me, I can sense it, the unbearable pull in him.
The instinct to reach out. To touch me. To find some remnant of the woman who once reached back without hesitation.
His fingers twitch at his sides, a ghost of the man he used to be, the one who knew the rhythm of my heartbeat by memory. But he doesn’t. He can’t.
He turns, his shoulders collapsing inward, and walks away without another word.
At the soft click of the door closing, the silence swallows everything—the apologies, the love, the years—until all that’s left is me, standing in the ruins of what used to be us.
I sink to the rug, the strength draining out of me, my chest tightening around a grief that refuses to die. I let the tears come. Not silent or graceful. Raw and broken. Because the man who built my world with his love is the same man who destroyed it with his betrayal.
And now… I have to learn, on my own, how to live with the choices he made.