Chapter Three
Paisley
“WHY IS HE HERE?” MY voice shakes as I look up at Felix, who seems almost as surprised as I am by Nash showing up here.
Nash... I can’t even wrap my head around it.
I almost didn’t recognize him. He’s bigger now, more muscular and filled out. Not that I gave myself a ton of time to look at him, but from what I did see, he looks almost nothing like I remember. Scruffy face, hair that fell over his ears like he was a few months past a haircut. A far cry from the lean, clean-cut boy I used to know.
For a split second, I thought maybe I made a mistake and it wasn’t Nash at all. But those eyes, I’d recognize them anywhere. Eyes I spent the majority of my life staring into. Eyes that haunted my dreams for years after he left.
“I don’t know.” Felix shakes his head, eyes narrowing in concern. “Are you okay? You’re shaking.” My hands tremble so violently you would think I’m having some kind of epileptic episode.
“Why is he here?” I repeat for no other reason than to say something.
“I really don’t know,” Felix reassures me, pulling me into his chest. “Why don’t you go open that bottle of wine you got for your parents and have a glass. I’m going to go outside and talk to him.”
“Felix.” I say his name like a plea as he releases me.
“It’ll be okay.” He kisses the top of my head. “He’s probably in town for something and is just passing through.”
“Do not let him into this house,” I warn. “I can’t be held accountable for what happens if you do.”
“So violent.” He grins, which does ease my panic slightly. “I like it.”
“Take this as your warning to never hurt me or that violence will be pointed at you.” I manage a smile, though it feels out of place on my face.
“Babe, only an idiot would be stupid enough to hurt you, and I am no idiot.” He turns toward the door. “I love you,” he says seconds before he tugs it open, not giving me a chance to return the sentiment.
I make my way to the kitchen, doing exactly as Felix instructed—opening the bottle of wine on the counter before pouring myself a glass. I’ve just lifted it to my lips and taken a small sip when I hear a commotion coming from outside.
Without giving myself enough time to talk myself out of it, I run for the door and tug it open so fast the momentum damn near takes me back with it.
The scene unfolds in front of me in rapid-fire succession. Felix on the ground, bleeding from his mouth. Nash hovering over him, looking damn near murderous.
“What the hell are you doing?” I don’t even remember touching the steps in my descent to the front yard.
“Babe, don’t.” Felix is on his feet before I reach them, but I bypass him completely, heading straight toward the man who not only ripped my heart out, but who annihilated me in a way I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from it.
“Babe,” Nash spits the word like venom.
“Leave!” My hands connect with what feels like a concrete wall as I shove Nash with every ounce of strength I have, only managing to move him maybe an inch. “Get the hell out of here, now!” I screech, anger fueling my movements.
“Relax, P.” He chuckles. Like, actually freaking laughs.
“There is no P here anymore. My name is Paisley!” I shove him again. “And I told you to leave.”
I feel Felix’s presence behind me seconds before he tugs me backward, away from Nash.
“This is real fucking rich.” Nash looks between the two of us with a visible sneer. “I asked you to look out for her. I didn’t say you could fuck her!” He lets out another laugh, but there’s not a single ounce of humor to it.
It’s like I’m looking at a stranger.
“Pretty sure you lost the right to decide those things when you left,” Felix fires back, his arm firm across my chest, pinning my back to his front. He seems calm and collected on the outside, but I can feel his heart hammering violently inside of his chest, vibrating against me. “And I’m not just fucking her. I’m going to fucking marry her.” He takes my hand, showing Nash the diamond that sits on my ring finger. “Because, unlike you, I know better than to let someone like Paisley go.”
“Marry...” For the briefest of moments, I can see the chip in Nash’s armor. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this news hurts him. This realization only serves to confuse me even more.
Why would someone who left the way he did be hurt by anything I do? Unless... Once the thought takes hold, I can’t shake it, no matter how hard I try. Unless he still cares .
“You can’t actually marry him, P.” He’s looking at me now, piercing me with his gaze. I feel transfixed by it. “You know the kind of man he is.”
“You don’t know him like I do,” I fire back. He may have shown me a glimpse behind his armor, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to see behind mine. “When you left, he was the only thing that kept me together. You don’t know what it was like. You don’t realize the damage you left behind, and not just for me, but for Felix as well. He had just lost his mom, and then his best friend abandoned him.”
“I don’t know him like you do?” This time he really does laugh, the sound malicious and calculated. “Why don’t you ask your sister how well she knows him. That should be interesting.”
Felix goes rigid against me, tightening his grip on me like I’m the only thing keeping him upright.
“What are you talking about?” I feel like someone has just doused me in ice-cold water, numbing my senses.
“Maybe you should ask your fiancé. You know, since you know him so well.”
“It’s time to go inside,” Felix tells me, spinning me so fast it momentarily disorients me.
“Yeah, scurry off, Felix. Wouldn’t want her finding out about all the things we both know you haven’t told her.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Felix hisses, practically shoving me through the front door before closing and locking it. “You shouldn’t have come out there,” he scolds, swiping at the blood still dripping down his chin.
“What did he mean about Celine?”
“He’s just trying to start trouble. You know how Nash is.”
“You’re right, I do. And Nash may be a lot of things, but he’s not someone who says something just to say it. Now tell me the truth.” I stand firm, my heart beating a new hole inside my chest cavity.
“I may have kissed her once.”
“What do you mean, may have?” I feel on the verge of losing the contents of my stomach.
“It was a long time ago.”
“She’s only eighteen. How long ago could it have possibly been?”
“Four years maybe. It was way before you and I... You know.”
“You kissed my baby sister when she was fourteen?”
“She asked me to. Said she wanted me to be her first. I didn’t want to, but I felt bad for the kid.”
“You were eighteen and you kissed my fourteen-year-old sister?” I repeat, unable to fully digest the news.
“Technically, I was only seventeen at the time and it was just the one time.”
“And you never told me this, why?”
“I don’t know. It felt weird to say it out loud.”
“Because it is weird,” I state the obvious.
“It was a long time ago. Back when you and Nash were still together. It’s not like I knew you and I would one day become something. If I had, I never would have done it.”
“You swear to me that’s all that happened?”
As grossed out as I am at the thought of him kissing Celine, I don’t really have the right to punish him for something he did before we were together, no matter how much I want to right now.
“I promise.” He seems so genuine that I actually feel guilty for being upset with him.
“Did Nash say why he was here?” I change the subject because finding out that my future husband once kissed my little sister is strangely not the biggest thing that’s happened to me today.
“We never really got to that part. He asked why you were here. I told him we were together. He punched me in the face. I think that about covers the extent of our conversation.”
“I’m sorry he hit you.”
“I’ve been hit harder.” He smiles and the air in the room feels a little less heavy.
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” I reach for his hand, which he gives me without a second of hesitation. “It’s not too late to cancel on my parents,” I tell him as we enter the bathroom.
“And let all that Thai food I ordered go to waste?” He takes a seat on the side of the bathtub as I grab a few supplies from under the sink.
“I highly doubt it would go to waste. You forget I’ve seen you eat.” I turn back to him with a piece of peroxide-soaked gauze in my hand. He spreads his legs, allowing me to step between them, his hands finding the backs of my thighs.
“I don’t want to let him win. He can’t just show up here and disrupt our lives. We made the plans and we should keep them.”
“Okay.” I softly touch the gauze to the slice across his lower lip. He doesn’t so much as flinch. “But if my father asks, I did not do this to you.” I kiss the opposite side of his mouth, my stomach twisting when my sister’s face flashes across my vision. I do my best to shake the thought away, even if I’m rather unsuccessful, before continuing with my work.
I’m upset, sure... But, like I said, this little bit of information is the least of my worries considering Nash freaking Ketter just showed up at Felix’s door after being MIA for four years.
“Now where’s the fun in that?” Felix smiles up at me, causing more blood to pool.
“Stop smiling, you’re making it bleed more.”
“Sorry.” He tries to contain his grin but only ends up grinning more.
I want so badly to be mad at him, but for some reason, I can’t seem to find it in me to hold onto the emotion.
“Well, I guess that’s the best it’s going to get,” I finally announce, preparing to step back when he stops me by grabbing my hand, pulling me in even closer.
I drape my hands around his neck, not used to being eye to eye with him, given our height difference.
“Tell me him being back doesn’t change things.” His voice is soft, but there’s no denying the uneasiness in his words.
“Felix Jensen.” I shake my head at him. “You know me better than that. Nash made his choice, and I made mine. I chose you. Him crawling out of whatever hole he’s been hiding in doesn’t change anything for us.”
“You promise?”
I take his face in both of my hands and look him dead in the eye.
“I promise,” I say, pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth.
And while I mean it—Nash showing up here doesn’t change how I feel about Felix—I can’t deny that it does change things, even if I don’t want it to.
“IS EVERYTHING OKAY , hon?” My mom steps up next to me where I’m washing dishes at the sink.
“Yeah, why?” I try to act like the events of today aren’t still sitting on my shoulders like a thousand-pound boulder.
“Because you’re washing dishes when there is a perfectly good dishwasher right next to you. And you’ve always been someone who needs to stay busy when something is bothering you. So spill.” She grabs a hand towel and begins to dry the plates I’ve just rinsed.
“Nash is in town.” I try to keep my voice low, not wanting my father or Felix, who are currently watching a baseball game in the living room, to overhear.
“Wait, what?” she hisses, trying to keep her shocked reaction contained. “And you didn’t say something the second we walked into the door? That’s what happened to Felix’s mouth, isn’t it? I knew better than to believe he walked into a kitchen cabinet. About the least believable cover story I’ve ever heard. But I never imagined...” she rambles, finally falling silent when I turn to meet her gaze. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. No. I honestly don’t know.”
“I take it he wasn’t happy to find out about you and Felix?”
“That’s putting it mildly.” I snort.
“Well, I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy learning that your ex-girlfriend and best friend are planning on getting married.”
“Are you defending him?” I look at my mother like she’s grown a second head.
“After what he did to you, never. I’m just saying, I’m not surprised he took a swing at Felix. Knowing Nash, I’m actually surprised that’s all he did.”
She’s not wrong there. Nash has always been a bit of a hothead. Except with me. With me, he was always so gentle. Sometimes too gentle, like he thought I was made of glass. That is until he dropped me off the side of a cliff and shattered me into a million tiny pieces...
“So why is he here?”
“No idea. He was too busy punching my future husband for me to ask.”
“Do you think he...” She doesn’t finish her thought.
“Do I think he what?” I push her to continue.
“I was just thinking... Do you think maybe he came back for you?”
Her words send my already fragile state of mind reeling even further. I hadn’t for a second considered it, until now, that is. Though, that’s probably wishful thinking... I shake off the thought before it has time to take hold.
There is nothing wishful about Nash being here. Even if he did come back for me, which I seriously doubt given how he left and how long he’s been gone, there’s no way we could ever reclaim what we had, not after the way he hurt me. Besides, I’m with Felix now.
I wish I could say that made things more concrete in my heart, but that would be a lie. Because no matter how deeply I care for Felix, Nash claimed something when I was just six years old that, to this day, I don’t feel like I ever got back. I know that sounds ridiculous, all things considered, but I’ve carried a hollowness with me since the day he left, and no matter how many of my broken parts Felix has pieced back together, that empty feeling has remained. I’ve pretty much accepted that it’s a part of who I am now.
“If he did,” I finally say after too long, “then he’s wasted his time because that ship has long since sailed.”
“Has it?”
I draw back, surprised by her bluntness. Then again, this is my mother we’re talking about.
“Did you seriously just ask me that?” I don’t even try to hide the irritation in my tone.
“I’m just saying, honey, you and Nash... What you two shared, it doesn’t come around every day.”
“What we shared , being the optimal word. Past tense. What we had is long gone. He made sure of that. Besides, I thought you hated Nash.”
“I hate what he did to you. I hate how badly he hurt you. But hating what he did and hating him as a person are two very different things.”
My parents, my father mainly, have never truly supported Felix’s and my relationship, so it makes total sense that she would seize this opportunity to try to push me back toward Nash, who she and my father always looked at as the son they never had. Hell, he practically grew up at my house, so I guess it makes sense that they would feel that way, but it’s never explained their issue with Felix.
So yes, he had a bit of a reputation in high school, but he’s not that man now, any more than I’m the same girl I was four years ago. Nash leaving didn’t just change me, it changed Felix, too, in a way I never could have foreseen.
They would never outright say they don’t care for Felix or that they wish I wouldn’t marry him. In that way, they’ve been nothing but supportive. But I can feel it, hidden behind forced smiles and fake pleasantries, no matter how hard they try to pretend it isn’t there.
That’s one of the reasons I agreed when Felix wanted to start having them over for dinners and stuff, so that they could hopefully get to know him better and see what an incredible person he actually is.
“Well, I hate him enough for all of us...” I finish the last fork, then drop it in the rinse sink.
“I’m sorry if I upset you. That wasn’t my intention.” My mother shifts so she’s facing me fully.
“Felix is an incredible man. Maybe if you took the time to actually get to know him, you’d see that. Nash is the past. That man”—I look at Felix for a long moment before turning back to my mother—“that man is my future.”
“I only said anything because of what you said earlier at the dress shop, about things being different with Felix than they were with Nash.”
“You’re right. I did confide in you, and I’m seeing maybe that was a mistake. But as you pointed out, it doesn’t have to feel the same. Young love is different. Isn’t that what you said?”
“It is.”
“So you’re telling me that if Charlie came back after you met Dad and said he wanted you back that you would have left Dad for him.”
“Of course not.”
“Then why can’t you accept that I’m making the same choice by choosing Felix?”
“I do accept it.”
“You’ve always been a terrible liar, Mother. I know you don’t like Felix.”
“That’s not true.”
“Really? You think I don’t know that you and Dad are going to discuss what a big mistake I’m making the entire drive home? That man has done nothing but bend over backward to earn your affection, and even though he quite literally brought your daughter back from the dead, you still can’t give it to him.”
“We have done nothing but support this relationship.”
“Yeah, really supportive you’ve been.” I let out an audible sigh.
“You know what, you’re right. I shouldn’t have said what I said about Nash. You’re a grown woman with a good head on your shoulders. If Felix is who you want, your father and I will support that. Always.”
I hold back what I really want to say, offering a simple nod and thank you instead.
I have enough on my mind with Nash showing up here today. I don’t need to add to the pile of things that are going to keep me up tonight.
“How about another glass of that wine?” She smiles, turning to grab the bottle off the counter.
“Please,” I agree, knowing right now I need it.
After refilling my glass and then hers, she lifts the long-stem crystal, which belonged to Felix’s mom, to her lips and takes a small sip.
“Felix, wherever did you get this wine?” She exits the kitchen, making a show of sitting down next to him on the sofa, looking directly at me as she does, as if to say, see...
“Actually, your daughter picked it out. She has great taste.” His eyes meet mine, and I’m rewarded with a smile and a wink.
“I got it at the vineyard in Harrison,” I tell her, moving to squeeze in between her and Felix.
“I’ve always wanted to go there but have never made it out that way,” my mother says, taking another sip.
“They offer wine tastings,” Felix offers. “Perhaps we can all go sometime.”
“I would like that very much.” My mom puts on her best smile, one she has crafted to perfection over the years.
“Then it’s settled. We’ll get something scheduled.” I take Felix’s hand, intertwining our fingers. “Sound good to you, Daddy?” I ask, almost daring him to decline.
“Sure, baby girl. Whatever you want.”
It’s not a grand slam, but I feel like maybe we’re making a little progress with my parents. I think they can see I’m not going to change my mind. Or at least, I’m hoping I’ve convinced my mother of this fact. I don’t need them to love Felix, but I really want them to. I want to walk down that aisle in September and know that everyone is as happy for me as I am for myself.
But just as I’ve pushed all thoughts of Nash from my mind, he creeps back in... Those blue eyes haunting me, just as they have for the past four years. Only now, it’s so much worse because I know he’s here. Nash is back in Madison for the first time in four years, and considering he didn’t even come home for his father’s funeral, I find myself even more curious about what could have prompted his unexpected return.
Why do I care? My inner voice sneers. Him being back changes nothing. I wonder how long I’m going to have to repeat the lie before I actually start to believe it.