Fragments of You

Chapter Fifteen

Paisley

SIX YEARS EARLIER

“DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE you’re dreaming?” I ask Nash as we lie face up in the wet sand, staring up at the night sky.

“What do you mean?” He finds humor in my question... Of course he does. I’m sure he has no idea what I’m talking about.

“It’s just...” I hesitate, not wanting to sound completely pathetic. This causes Nash to roll to his side.

“It’s just what?” He props himself up on his elbow so that he’s looking down at me.

“It’s just... Sometimes when I’m with you... It feels like a dream,” I let myself admit, thankful that it’s dark enough that he can’t see the way my cheeks pinken with embarrassment.

“Does it?” He grins, pushing my hair away from my forehead with a soft brush of his hand.

“You think I’m crazy.” I laugh at myself to hide my discomfort.

Nash and I have been dating for about six months now, and while the ease of our friendship has carried over in most aspects, there are still some things I feel unsure or nervous about, mainly sharing my feelings with him.

It’s hard because I’m so happy and in love that I feel like I’m going to burst at the seams, but I’m also terrified to come across as clingy or desperate.

“Not at all.” He shakes his head, his messy hair swaying from side to side. “In fact, I often feel the same way when I’m with you.” The hand that touched my hair moves gently down the side of my face.

“You do?”

“Why do you seem surprised by this?” He chuckles, his fingers reaching my jaw before trailing lower to my neck, pin prickles peppering my skin.

“Because you’re a guy,” I state the obvious.

“And? Does me being a guy mean that I can’t feel love?” He arches a brow, my breath catching when his hand finds its way to my chest, his fingers toying with the hard bud of my nipple through my shirt.

While we’ve done some things, we’ve yet to do the thing. It’s not because I don’t want to, though. I think Nash is just afraid to push me too fast. If only he knew how desperate I am to explore everything with him, he wouldn’t have such hesitation.

“No.”

“Being a guy doesn’t mean I can’t lie in bed at night and not be able to think of a single thing but you?”

I’m at a loss for words here.

“Being a guy doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could be with you every second of every day or that I feel so happy sometimes like I might explode?” He rolls further inward, pressing his weight into my side. “I love you so much, P, sometimes I can’t breathe.” His face is close now, his breath warm on my face.

“Me too.” It’s all I can muster at his close proximity. He hardens and swells against my leg, and it’s almost too much for me to take.

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered, you know that?” His lips find mine, his tongue teasing the entrance of my mouth.

“I want to,” I abruptly blurt, my skin seconds away from bursting into flames.

“You want to what?” He pulls back just enough that I can see the wide smile playing on his lips.

“You know what.”

“Oh no, P. I’m not letting you off that easy.” He’s teasing me now, the ass. “If you want something, you’re going to have to ask for it.”

“You know what I want.”

“Say the words and I promise, I’ll do anything you ask.”

“I want you to... make love to me.” My cheeks heat again as I wish I could pull the word vomit back in.

Make love—Jesus, how much of a pathetic girl can I be right now? Guys don’t use terms like make love. They say sex or bone or whatever other lame term they come up with for getting in a girl’s pants.

Nash, however, doesn’t laugh or tease me for my words. The exact opposite, actually. He looks me dead in the eye and says something I will commit to memory for the rest of my life.

“I have been dreaming about making love to you for far longer than you know.” He kisses me slow and deep, awakening the hunger that consumes me every time he touches me. “And I would be more than happy to do as you ask,” he murmurs against my mouth, his hand finding the apex of my thigh.

I swear I forget how to breathe. Every sense is overwhelmed, misfiring on all cylinders. And when his fingers dip further, grazing my aching skin through my thin shorts, I might literally explode.

I know with complete certainty that Nash has never done this before, and yet, somehow, he seems to know exactly what to do. Where to touch me. How to touch me. One brush against my bare flesh and I feel like I’m in an inferno, the heat burning me up from the inside out. Another touch, this one more purposeful, and the fire intensifies. He’s touched me before, of course, but not like this. With such intention.

I’m so desperate to feel him inside me by the time he finally climbs on top of me, I’m basically begging for it, whimpering like a damn animal in heat.

“Are you ready?” He sheathes himself with a condom he pulled from his wallet before positioning himself at my entrance.

I’ve never been more scared and yet more ready for anything in my entire life.

“Yes.” I pant, bracing myself for the moment of impact.

He goes slow, entering me inch by inch, and while it’s painful, pain is most certainly not the only thing I feel.

I feel pleasure. I feel excitement. I feel love.

Nash moves at a snail’s pace, giving my body time to adjust to the size of him, but I don’t want him to be slow. All I want is more.

Egging him on with a rise of my hips, he finally picks up the pace, moving in and out of me with such precision that what started as pain turns into full-blown ecstasy. I claw at his back, demanding more that he is all too willing to give.

And while his movements seem to me like a man who knows exactly what he’s doing, they don’t hide the tremble of his body against mine or the way he clings to me like I’m the only thing keeping him on the ground. And as we both draw closer to that moment of pure pleasure, he starts to lose control.

His thrusts become more erratic, his groans more feral, and I love every single second of his chaos. I drink it in. Breathe it into my lungs. Bathe myself in the feeling of sharing something with Nash that no one will ever be able to take away.

Until the end of time, I will be his first and he will be mine.

And with that thought at the forefront of my mind, I let my body go, falling into the abyss with the hope that I can stay there forever.

I’M OUTSIDE FELIX’S house. I couldn’t even tell you how long I’ve been sitting here, only that it’s been a pretty long time. He isn’t home. If he were, he probably would’ve told me to leave by now.

I know he doesn’t want me here, and really, who could blame him? He has loved me in a way I’m not sure I will ever deserve, and here I am, risking it all, and for what? For a man who promised me forever and then abandoned me as if I meant nothing?

My head knows who it should want. Why can’t it just be that simple? Why can’t I choose the one who I know is right for me and that be that? Why do I have to feel so twisted up inside, like no matter what I choose, I’m going to live with regret for the rest of my life?

If I choose Felix, I’ll always wonder what if. What if I had given Nash a second chance? What if we were able to reclaim what we once had, but I was too afraid to try? What if I’ll never truly love him the way I’ve loved Nash since I was nothing more than a child?

The last question is the hardest for me to swallow because I’ve always known, deep down, that I would never, could never, love anyone the way I loved Nash. The way I still love him, despite everything he’s done.

But if I choose Nash, will I ever be able to forgive myself for letting a man like Felix go? Will I ever be able to let myself open up to him the way I once did, or will fear keep me from doing so? Will I always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the day it all comes crashing down again?

With Felix, I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel at peace.

With Nash, I feel the exact opposite. I feel scared and excited. I feel raw and exposed. I feel like I’m dangling on the edge of a cliff, not sure if today will be the day that I’ll lose my footing and free fall into the abyss.

So what’s the right choice? The one who gives you love and security or the one who sets your whole life aflame?

Headlights pulling up the drive tear me from my thoughts. In an instant, my heart has lifted into my throat, choking me with nerves.

I can’t say I’ve ever felt that way with Felix. Then again, I’ve never hurt him either.

I realize pretty quickly that the car that passes me, pulling to a stop directly in front of the house, is not Felix’s. My nerves continue to flex and stretch, twisting my insides in the most uncomfortable way.

It takes longer than it should to recognize the driver as she climbs from the driver’s seat, but once I do, I feel like someone has just stuck a knife into my ribs and twisted it.

“Celine?” I say as I quickly climb from the car, just as she rounds to the passenger side of hers.

She startles, having clearly not realized that my car was parked on the far side of the driveway.

“Paisley, Jesus, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” She flattens her palm to her chest.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, accusation thick in my voice.

Anyone would find it curious, no? Felix and I have a fight in which he hasn’t spoken to me in two days, and then in pulls my sister at this ungodly hour?

“Why don’t you ask him?” She tugs open the door and Felix practically falls out of the car, the seat belt the only thing keeping him inside.

“Felix.” I’m quick to reach him, kneeling down to get a good look at him. He’s passed out cold and reeks of alcohol.

“He called me thinking I would be with you,” Celine tells me. “He was slurring so bad I could barely understand him, but I was able to get him to tell me where he was. Obviously, I wasn’t going to just leave him like that, so I told him to stay put and I drove over to pick him up. Took everything I had to get him into the car. He passed out before I even pulled out of the parking lot.”

“Thank you,” I tell her, a bit surprised by her generosity. Then again, I have no doubt that had this been anyone other than Felix, she probably wouldn’t have bothered. “For bringing him home and for caring about him.” I look up at her over my shoulder.

“He’s going to be family soon. Of course I care about him.” She tries to brush off my comment, but I can see right through her.

“It goes beyond that.” I straighten, turning my attention fully to her. “You love him.” It’s not a question as it’s no secret that Celine has always had an unhealthy obsession with Felix.

“What?” She tries to hide her shock with annoyance.

“It’s okay. I get it. I love him, too.” I lift my shoulder in a half-shrug. “I’m just sorry I didn’t see it sooner.”

“See what?” She’s hesitant to ask.

“That it wasn’t just an infatuation. Had I known that you truly had feelings for him, I would have never—”

“I don’t.” She’s quick to cut me off. “I mean, maybe I did once upon a time, but that is long over now.”

“Celine...”

“I mean it. I care about him, of course, but only because he’s your fiancé and nothing more.” There isn’t an ounce of truth to her words. That much couldn’t be more clear.

“Okay.” I don’t push the issue because really, what good would it do me? I can’t change the past.

“Let’s get him inside before he pukes in my car.” She moves past me, reaching across Felix’s limp body to unlatch the seat belt while I brace for his weight to shift to me.

Thankfully, Celine quickly moves to help me, though it takes every ounce of strength I have to even support half his weight.

“Felix, you have to wake up.” Celine, making the same realization that I do, that we’ll never get him inside like this, tries to pull him from his comatose state. “Felix.” She shakes him. “Wake up.”

“You wake up,” he slurs, his eyes not so much as fluttering.

“We need you to stand up so we can get you inside,” she tells him.

“Just leave me here,” he grumbles, his head lulling forward.

“Felix.” He goes from barely conscious to head up, eyes open, the instant he hears my voice. “You need to stand up.”

“Paisley.” The way he says my name, it sounds more like Pwaisey. “My girl.” The sloppy smile that tugs at his face is enough to make me feel just about like the worst person in the world at the moment.

This beautiful, boisterous man of mine, who doesn’t deserve an ounce of the hell I’ve put him through as of late. It’s moments like this that make me wonder, what in the hell am I doing?

“Can you stand up?” I dip, supporting as much of his weight as I can as his heavy arm drapes over my shoulders.

Celine does the same, and together, we’re able to get him upright, though getting him to the house proves to be almost impossible. He sways from one side and then to the other, shifting how much weight either of us is supporting at any given time, the movement so drastic that we nearly fall several times in the few short feet to the front porch.

“Felix, we’re almost there.” I coach him along. “I need you to step up. Can you do that?”

“My Pwaisey,” he murmurs, lifting his foot enough to clear the first step but not able to support his weight enough to actually lift himself up.

“This is going to be harder than I thought.” Celine blows out a heavy breath, doing everything she can to help him along. I feel her struggle, as I, too, feel like my strength is going to give out at any moment.

“One step at a time,” I say to both of them, letting out the breath I’m holding when we successfully make it up the first step. “That’s good,” I say to Felix. “Now the next.”

The process of getting him up the stairs is painfully slow, but eventually, by the grace of God, we manage to get him there, though we’re both panting like we’ve just run a marathon by the time we do.

Thankfully, I have a key to his house, so I’m able to get the door unlocked without too much trouble and together, Celine and I guide him inside. We both let out a collective sigh of relief when we are able to deposit him safely onto the couch. He no more than hits the cushions when he slumps forward, liquid spewing from his mouth like a scene straight out of The Exorcist .

“On that note.” My sister takes a full step back, quickly plugging her nose. “I think my job here is done.”

“You can’t leave now. The fun is just getting started,” I say sarcastically, moving to the side of the couch to rub Felix’s back as he heaves and more liquid splashes onto the wood floors at his feet. “Thank you for everything tonight,” I tell her, growing serious.

“I don’t know what is going on between you two, but do yourselves a favor and figure it the hell out,” she tells me bluntly. I briefly wonder what Felix may have said to her in his drunken stupor, knowing I sure as hell haven’t told her anything.

Not really sure how to respond to that, I simply nod in agreement. She’s right, we do need to figure this out. Or rather, I do.

“Thank you again,” I tell her as she moves toward the door.

“Good luck with that.” She gestures toward Felix, who’s hunched over, head hanging loosely between his legs, a pile of vomit at his feet.

“Yeah, thanks.” I snort out a humorless laugh, turning my attention back to Felix as soon as my sister disappears through the door.

I WAKE WITH A START to the sound of a loud groan, my eyes darting open to find Felix sitting upright on the couch, scrubbing his hands over his face.

I quietly lower my legs from their curled position, every joint protesting as I move. Guess that’s what I get for sleeping in a chair. Then again, it’s not like I had a lot of options. Felix passed out on the couch while I attempted to clean up all the vomit on the floor. And while I was tempted to go to the bedroom after that, a part of me wasn’t sure he’d want me there, and the other part of me wasn’t sure I should leave him in such a state. In all the years I’ve known him, I can’t say I’ve ever seen him so drunk.

So the chair is where I slept. Though I don’t know if you’d call what I did sleeping, considering I’m pretty sure I was only able to get a couple of hours tops and it was restless at best.

“You okay?”

His shoulders tense at the sound of my voice. Moments later, his head lifts, and his bloodshot eyes meet mine.

“You’re here.” He seems equally relieved and surprised by this fact.

“I was waiting for you when Celine brought you home last night,” I tell him, tugging at the sleeves of the sweatshirt I slept in.

“Celine?”

“You called her last night while you were at the bar.”

“I did?” He draws back in confusion.

“She said you thought she was with me.”

“Why did she bring me home?”

“Probably because she didn’t want to risk you driving yourself home.”

“How did I get inside?”

“We carried you. And then you proceeded to puke all over the floor.”

He glances down at the clean floor, making the right assumption as to how it got that way.

“Fuck, Paisley.” Another scrub of his hands down his face. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t realize how badly my uncertainty was hurting you. I let Nash do the one thing I swore I would never let him do... I let him come between us.”

“I hate that he came back.” His bloodshot eyes once again meet mine.

“I know.”

“I hate that you still love him.”

“I know.” I don’t try to deny it. It wouldn’t do me any good even if I did.

“I’ll never be able to compete with what you two share.” There’s a vulnerability to his words that I don’t often see from him.

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“You’ll never be able to love me as much as you love him, will you?”

“I love you differently than I love him, not less,” I correct.

“You’re wrong about one thing, though... You aren’t the one who should be sorry; I am.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong. This is on me. This entire mess, it’s all my doing.”

“No, it isn’t.” The way he looks at me immediately sends worry tingling through my limbs. “I need to tell you something, Paisley.”

The silence that follows that statement feels so heavy I’m suffocated by it.

“Something, I’m afraid, you’ll never be able to forgive.”

A billion scenarios run through my head, but the one I seem to stick to is that something more must have happened last night before Celine picked him up. I never in a million years would have dreamed that Felix would cheat on me, but with the way he’s looking at me, I can’t imagine it could be anything else.

“I’ve been living with this secret for so long.”

Okay, so he didn’t cheat on me last night. My brain grapples to come up with some other alternative, something that could be bad enough that he thinks it’s unforgivable.

“When Nash threatened to tell you...”

My stomach bottoms out.

“I panicked. I pushed you away. I made you feel like you were the one doing something wrong when in reality, it’s been me all along. It’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out, and you deserve to hear it from me. I owe you that much.”

“Felix, what are you talking about?” My voice sounds unfamiliar as if someone else had spoken and not me.

“I need you to know that this was before you and I were ever anything... Had I known that there was even a chance for us, I would have never...”

“Felix, what are you talking about?” I repeat more forcefully, my heart beating inside my esophagus rather than in my chest, choking on my words.

“I’ve loved you for a lot longer than I ever led on. Hell, I’ve always loved you. But you were always with Nash. I had no reason to believe that would ever change. If I had...” He shakes his head. “I never would have slept with Celine.” He says the words so fast, I’m certain I heard him wrong.

“What?” I croak.

“I slept with your sister, Paisley. And I’m so fucking sorry I did. But it was before us. I swear it.”

“You...” I break off, not even sure what to say.

“I lied when I said I was just her first kiss. I was also her first...”

“You. Slept. With. Celine,” I repeat each word slowly.

“I need you to know, I ended it the moment I thought you and I could be something more.”

“You slept with my sister.” I say it again, trying to make it make sense.

“I cut ties with her the night you kissed me for the first time.”

I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to spill my own vomit onto the floor.

“How long?” Shock morphs to anger in a single breath.

“What?” He seems confused by the question.

“How long were you sleeping with her?”

He looks down at his hands that are knotted tightly in front of him.

“How long!?” My voice echoes around the room.

“Two years,” he softly admits, and I swear the floor opens up beneath me as the true realization starts to click into place.

“Two years?” I snarl, grinding my teeth together so hard it’s a wonder my molars don’t crack in half. “She’s three years younger than us. Three years, Felix! Which means she was how old when this started?” I ask even though I already know the answer, given that I’ve already done the math in my head.

“Fifteen.” He can’t even look at me now.

“You slept with my fifteen-year-old sister when you were eighteen?” I have the sudden urge to gouge out his eyes. I never thought I’d feel that way, but now, I can’t imagine feeling anything else.

“You have to understand, she begged me to. I told her no so many times but—”

“But you’re just a man, and you can only resist a woman pleading for you to fuck her for so long, right? Only she wasn’t a woman, Felix. She was a fucking child!” I’m on my feet so fast it takes me several seconds to even realize I’ve stood.

“She wasn’t, though. How old were you and Nash when you slept together for the first time?”

“We were the same age! You, however, were legally an adult. The two do not compare.”

“I was a very different man back then, Paisley. You know that.”

“You said you didn’t end it until the night I kissed you. So not only did you fuck my baby sister when she was fifteen, but you continued to fuck her the whole time you and I... The whole time we were... Building this!” The screech that leaves my mouth sounds like I’ve been possessed by something as I gesture back and forth between the two of us.

“I’m not proud of it...” he starts. “But you, you changed me.”

“I changed you?” I draw back like he’s touched me with a hot branding iron. “You... You held me when I cried. I told you everything. I poured my soul out to you. And now you’re telling me that entire time you were fucking my sister behind my back?”

“There was never a right time to tell you. You needed me.”

“I needed you?” I let out a humorless laugh. “I needed you not to screw my baby sister and lie about it for years !”

“I wanted to tell you. So many times, I almost did. But I was scared you would hate me, and I couldn’t stomach the thought. I lost my mom. I lost my best friend. I couldn’t lose you too.”

“You were scared I would hate you because you knew it would be justified. It all makes perfect sense now,” I say more to myself than to him. “Her infatuation with you. How upset she seemed when we started dating. I thought it was a crush. I thought she’d get over it. I never dreamed... So that’s the real reason you called her last night and not me. Because she is the only other one who knew the truth and after Nash threatened you, you were scared.”

I replay every time Nash told me Felix was hiding something from me that I had brushed under the rug. When Iris had asked me if I thought Felix wasn’t lying, present tense. When Sarah had said I may not know Felix the way I think I do. How many people knew? How many people were prepared to let me marry a man who had deflowered my little sister when she was only fifteen?

I heave, pretty certain I’m going to be sick at any moment.

Everything we shared... He shared it all with Celine first. My sister...

“Paisley...” He stands, having the audacity to reach for me.

“Don’t!” I scream, freezing him where he stands. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

He doesn’t have to answer with words. I can see the truth in every line of his face.

“Celine and I agreed it was for the best.”

“Celine and you agreed. My little sister, who was only a child. More like you coerced her into lying.”

“She didn’t want you to know any more than I did.”

“So you were just going to keep it from me?”

“I’m not the only one who lied here. Nash knew from that very first night. He kept it from you just the same as I did.”

It’s a fact I have not overlooked, but at the moment, I can only deal with one betrayal at a time.

“This isn’t about Nash. This is about you lying to me.”

“Because you’ve never lied.” Defensiveness slips into the place where helplessness once stood. “You’re the biggest liar of us all.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You lied when you said you were over Nash. You lied when you said I was the one you wanted to be with. Every moment we’ve shared has been a lie. I’m nothing more than a placeholder, and we both know it.”

“If that were true, do you honestly think I’d still be standing here?” A tear slips past my lashes, but I angrily wipe it away. “I would have run to him the instant he returned, but I didn’t.”

“Maybe not, but we both know you wanted to,” he sneers.

“Don’t turn this around on me. I did nothing but love you. I stood up for you when people questioned our relationship. I defended you. I supported you. I chose you. And look what that got me. The fool who couldn’t see what everyone else could... I guess it’s true what they say, a leopard really can’t change its spots. Shame on you for making me believe they could.”

I spin around, heading toward the door, not even bothering to put on my shoes as I swoop them up and run outside barefoot.

“Yeah, run to him, Paisley,” Felix calls behind me. “We both know you were just waiting on your out anyway.”

I turn so fast I damn near eat the gravel currently pricking into my feet.

“Go fuck yourself, Felix. In case my abrupt exit didn’t make it clear, let me just make sure we understand each other. This engagement”—I tug the ring off my finger and throw it toward the house, not giving two shits where it lands—“is over. My sister is all yours. You two deserve each other.”

“Paisley, wait!” Regret blankets his words, but I’m done listening.

I take off in a full sprint, wincing with every step as rocks jab and prick my feet, though they do little to slow me down.

My hands are shaking so violently when I get inside my car that it takes me far longer than it should to get the damn thing started and in gear.

I have no recollection of driving away. One minute, I’m in Felix’s driveway, the next, I’m sitting in front of Iris’s, my cheeks stained with tears. I don’t know why, but it was the only place I could think to come.

I can’t go to Nash.

Or home, with my sister.

Nowhere is safe anymore.

I wish I could say the shock of Felix’s confession has worn off, but that wouldn’t be true. I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to pull myself out of it.

While Felix’s betrayal is one beyond comprehension, somehow, Nash’s knowledge and lack of action in the matter is somehow so much worse. Because when this happened, Nash and I were still together, and I still naively believed that we shared everything with each other. I would, of course, later learn that I actually knew very little about the boy I had spent most of my life loving. This information only further proves that point.

My sister... Felix... Nash... I can’t wrap my head around any of it.

I haven’t even shut off the car when Iris appears on the porch. She probably knew the second I pulled into the driveway, given the amount of security cameras installed around the property. Her parents always were the type to go a little overboard with things like that. Made it very hard to sneak out when we were teenagers, which was probably the point.

Killing the engine, I numbly climb from the car, having lost feeling in most of my limbs a long time ago.

Iris gets one look at me and she’s running toward me.

“Paisley?” The concern that creeps onto the edges of her pretty face confirms what I already know—that I look like I’ve just walked out of the wreckage of a tornado. Emotionally, that’s exactly how I feel. Like every part of me is now scattered to the wind and I have no hope of reclaiming what I’ve lost.

“I...” Without being able to form a sentence, I dissolve into a puddle of tears.

Iris’s arms are around me in an instant.

She doesn’t ask why I’m here.

She doesn’t ask why I’m upset.

She simply lets me have my moment, and boy, do I have it.

I cry harder than I have since the day Nash left, the pain making it almost impossible to breathe.

“Felix... He...” I stutter, not able to say the words aloud.

“It’s okay,” she soothes, rubbing my back. “Deep breaths, Paisley. Just breathe.”

I do as she says, pulling in a shaky breath and blowing it out. It doesn’t help, so I try again, only marginally successful at calming myself down.

“Felix slept with Celine.” I finally manage to say the words, though they burn all the way up my throat. Iris pulls back just enough so that she can look into my eyes. “When she was fifteen.” A fresh round of sobs boil to the surface. “Did you know?”

I don’t miss the surprise that flashes across her face before a look of understanding takes its place, answering my question before she ever says the words.

“Of course I didn’t. Though I can’t say I’m surprised given Felix’s track record. It sounds like something he would do.”

Iris has always been an open book. I think maybe that’s why I found myself here in the first place. Because I couldn’t let myself believe that she would ever lie to me about something so big. It’s good to see that some people are who you actually think they are. Unfortunately, she’s about the only person in my life who I can say that about at the moment.

“Why did I not see it?” I sniff, roughly wiping at my cheeks. “I knew how he was with girls in high school. Sleeping with Celine... Of course that’s something he would do. Because Felix is a man who thinks with his dick and nothing else. So how could I let myself... How could I not see all the signs?”

“Maybe because you didn’t want to,” she says apologetically.

And she would be right. There have always been little things, things I should have picked up on over the years, things I ignored because the alternative was too unfathomable to even entertain.

“Nash knew. He knew the whole time.” This brings on a fresh batch of tears, his betrayal somehow stinging worst of all.

“Come on, let’s get you inside and you can tell me everything.”

I nod softly, wiping at my cheeks again.

With a gentle arm around my shoulders, Iris pulls me firmly into her side, leading me up the sidewalk toward the house.

I have only one thought as she opens the front door and ushers me inside. What the hell am I going to do now?