Chapter 37
Taste me after what—?
Oh god.
I hold up the polaroid, seeing it's a picture of a recording that looks like it's coming from my room.
It's me. Last night? No, no, no. Did he watch me get off to Axel?
I look around my room, scanning the walls and ceiling as if I'm going to find an obvious camera.
Nothing but paintings and white walls accompany me.
“Hello? Are you watching me?” I yell into the open air. It’s not like he's going to talk out of nowhere and say, “yes, I’m watching you.” I can’t believe he spied on me. I haven't felt the need to.. get off in a while. Since before the night of my attack.
I’ve been disgusted by any touch. Going to the grocery store and the cashier accidentally touching my hand had me feeling repulsed. I even have a little hesitation with Zoe. Not to mention Parker. I can’t believe the scene he caused and what he did to me.
Every touch just repulses me, besides Axel’s, and I’m not sure why.
My only connection to him is through our professional relationship as client and provider.
Oh no. I hope dropping me off at work wasn’t weird for him.
I hope I didn't make it weird. So many thoughts play in my mind, torturing me, and I don’t know what to do with them all.
Is it possible to run away from your own mind?
Yes, Dahlia. It’s called dissociation, and we are not doing that.
Sighing, I place the picture and note back on my nightstand, not wanting to even deal with it.
I stand, grabbing my robe that hangs on my bathroom door, covering myself and tying it in place.
My body grumbles, needing my morning coffee.
I turn the knob on my door and peer out of it before heading down the hall to the kitchen.
Zoe is an early bird, and I already know she is out there.
The delightful smell of coffee brewing is already blessing my senses. As soon as I reach the kitchen, I see Zoe doomscrolling on her phone. She is sitting at the island on a tall bar stool. She turns my way and raises her eyebrows in surprise.
“Wow, someone's up early!” she says, teasingly. I give her a gentle smile. The appreciation I have for her bubbly personality is monumental, but it is still early, so I need to process her words for a moment. I shuffle to the coffeepot still being kept warm by the base.
“Good morning to you too,” I respond, grabbing a mug off the little rack that's placed next to the coffee bar. I hear a little giggle behind me, and I can't help but grin. The brown liquid pours like a beautiful amber waterfall. I swear, coffee was one of the best things to be created.
“How have you been feeling lately?” she asks at my back.
“I’m okay. I have something I should tell you. That I can’t believe happened to me yesterday, and I need some advice.” My voice is shaky at the unknowingness of the judgement I may receive. Like I said, it’s one thing after another and I can’t seem to catch a break.
“Oh no, D. Did something else happen?” she asks.
I hear her adjust in her seat behind me.
I pour some of the hazelnut creamer she left out into my coffee until it turns a pale milky brown.
The liquid swirls like a mini-tornado as the spoon I use to combine the mixture clinks against the ceramic, stirring it all together.
I turn to her, seeing she’s leaned forward with elbows rested on the granite.
“Yes, but before you freak out… also no? I don’t know how to describe it.
I’ll just have to tell you about what happened.
” I move around the island and pull out the other bar stool and climb onto it.
I’m pretty short, so everything is extra work for me.
It’s nothing I mind; climbing onto everything is second nature to me.
“You came home pretty late last night. It's unlike you to be out other than with me.” She elbows me, and little splashes of coffee leak from the brim of the mug, staining the counter in contrast. I don’t bother cleaning it up.
“Yeah, about that… So, many things happened. I know I’ve mentioned once before that Parker has been increasingly annoying with his flirting. Last night, while I was working late, he basically forced me to have dinner with him.” I roll my eyes in memory.
“Shut the fuck up! He did not? What happened?” Her hand comes out, giving my forearm a hard squeeze in surprise. The gesture makes me wince in multiple ways, but I don't remove it.
“Well, it was fucking awful! I was getting ready to leave, but then I found him rummaging around in some of my notes. Like, what the hell was he looking for? Anyway, he acted like I caught him doing something wrong, which he definitely was by the way, and changed the subject quickly by asking me out to dinner. Well, we both know he did not ask. I went against my will.”
“What the hell was he doing there that late, anyway? I wonder why he was being nosey. Oh my gosh, this is tea. What did you say?”
“I don’t know, but whoever knows with him, right? I knew that if I wanted to keep my job, I had to go with him. So I did. I just want to vomit reliving it again.” I stick my finger over my tongue and make a little exaggerated gagging noise.
“We rode in his car and he kept trying to be a gentleman,” I continue. I hear a little “pfft” come from Zoe’s mouth, with an “are you kidding me?” look. Gosh, what I’d do for it to be a joke.
“Yeah, like everyone doesn't know he's not some narcissistic asshole,” she says, agreeing with my internal thoughts.
“Totally! Well, he took me to some fancy restaurant in a hotel and basically spent the evening giving me backhanded compliments, calling me poor, and saying that I’ve never had dining like that before.
I wanted to tear my skin off the whole time.
Thankfully, it was short-lived.” A bashful smile creeps up, remembering Axel saving me.
“First of all, ew. Fuck him. Second, why are you blushing like a schoolgirl?” She squeezes me tighter, and this time I can’t hide my reaction.
Physical touch is her love language. As much as I want to pull away, I don’t.
I’m too excited to tell her about Axel, but the fact that he is a client also makes me terrified.
I could lose my job if anything escalates.
Well, who even knows if I have a job to go back to anyway, with how things panned out.
“Please don’t judge me; here is where I need advice,” I plea, placing my hand over her strong grasp that will probably leave a permanent indentation on my skin now. She leans in closer, nodding her head in agreement.
“Okay, bitch, continue then!”
“Okay! Well, while we were waiting for our food, someone came up to the table and interrupted us. To me, it was more like he was saving me, but I’m sure Parker disagreed—”
“Who? Who was it?” She interrupts me. My hand fidgets, and I look down, unable to look at her while I tell her the next part. All I can do is hope for the best. Here's to not keeping secrets.
“So I have this client, Axel, who has been seeing me for a few weeks now. He happened to be there at the same time we were. I don’t know if there was a sign written on my face asking for someone to help, but he literally pulled up a chair and joined us,” I say with hesitation.
There is a stretch of silence so long I have to look up to make sure she hasn’t had an aneurysm.
“A client? Dahlia, you know you can’t—”
“What did I say about being judgy?” I cut her off before she states the obvious.
“I know. It won’t go anywhere. But I’m allowed to feel my feelings, so let me share them with you.” I say.
She gives me an apologetic look, gesturing for me to continue. She and I both know she is judging me internally. Shit, I’m even judging myself. I know better, and she knows I do too.
“The look on Parker's face was furious. I mean, who is Axel to just interrupt us? I’m not entirely sure why he did, but it was better than being alone with him. Axel has this way of…” I trail off in thought, looking for the correct words without making him seem just as narcissistic as Parker does.
“Being unserious. Like he teased Parker the entire time, and I swear he strangled Axel in another universe. We got kicked out because it caused a whole scene. And I ended up riding back to my car with Axel,” I finish.
Zoe and I just stare at each other in disbelief.
Her, at my story. Me, with how last night transpired and that I actually lived it.
Kind of sad I didn’t hit Parker myself if I’m being honest.
“Wait, so let me get this right. You went to dinner with Parker. A client of yours that has you giddy like a schoolgirl happened to be there and just decided to sit with you guys? Teased our boss the whole time to the edge of murder, then you ended up leaving him and riding back to your car with Axel?” she reiterates.
“Yep, that about sums it up. That sounds bad, doesn't it?” I say in anguish. Hearing it laid out that way makes me sound horrible in the narrative. The blush on my face instantly puts me into a panic. I knew I fucked up; I should’ve just called an Uber.
“Did anything happen between you and Axel?” she asks. I look at her dumbfounded. She could at least give me a little credit here. I know better than to have a personal relationship with a client. Even if he's hot.
Why me?
“Absolutely not. He gave me a ride back to work. I hopped into my car and came straight home.” I decide not to mention that the ride back was on his bike. And that I had to lift my skirt up the whole time. And that it was thrilling, and I loved every second of it.
“Have you spoken to Parker at all since? Did he just let you go? I find that hard to believe,” she scoffs. I can see her picturing him in her eyes, angry and all. She isn’t wrong. It’s worse, in fact. She is going to be so disheartened when I tell her.
“The thing is… Parker grabbed me very roughly. Like, really rough.” I lift the fabric of my robe up slightly, showing her the bare skin on my forearm where she has coincidentally been latching onto. Light blue and purple pool in tiny circles, where his fingers carved into me.
“Oh my god, D. Are you serious?” Her soft finger grazes over the top of the marks.
Bewilderment written all over her face. She looks at me with her sympathetic eyes, and I instantly begin sobbing.
I don’t know what comes over me, but tears stream down my face like sharp crystals.
Like unwanted memories forcing me to remember them.
She pulls me closer, embracing me. Feeling sorry. I felt like I had somewhat processed the night of the attack enough not to cry about it anymore, but the way Parker grabbed me made me relive the touch of that night. And now, I’m reliving it again.
“I’m so sorry, D. Are you okay? Do I need to fuck him up for you?” she asks, completely serious. As tiny as she is, it would be funny to see her pounding on our boss. Though, I don’t think she would win. I pull away slightly and slide my palm against my cheek, feeling the wetness disperse.
“I’m okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry. Where I was going with that was that Axel actually punched Parker in the face for it. As much as I would love for you to come to my rescue, he had his instant karma.” I pick myself out of my path of misery before it overcomes me.
“Shut the fuck up! Go, Axel. I can’t believe that happened. What I would have given to see that. What happened next?”
“He fell onto the floor. He was pissed. I was... grateful. That's when Axel offered me a ride home, and the rest is history.”
“Holy shit. And you left him there? Aren't you scared about what he's going to say to you?” Oh, I’m way fucking scared, but I don’t want to send her into a panic. What happened was already disastrous. I honestly don't even want to think about what's to come.
“Left him there, haven't spoken to him at all. He didn’t reach out. I'm guessing he is saving his scolding for me on Monday, or I might just be fired.”
“I refuse to let him fire you. Over my dead body. He put himself into a situation like that, thinking he had no repercussions for his actions. He needed a lesson for sure,” she argues.
She makes a great point. He knew I didn’t want to have dinner with him in the first place. He knew I couldn’t say no. Bastard.
“Well, I'm just glad you're safe, and thank you to Axel for being there. I think you just need to make sure that Axel understands it was just a ride home, so he isn’t assuming something is going on between the two of you.
And just gauge how Parker is on Monday. There's nothing you can do about what happened. None of it was your fault. I'm just going to smother you in bubble wrap from now on, okay?” she says, lightening the mood, and I’m happy she does.
I giggle, sort of agreeing to the fake scenario.
Maybe I do need to be put in bubble wrap.
That, or just throw me into a padded room, away from the rest of the world.