6 Jamie
The sun is just starting to come up by the time Dad and I get out of his car in our driveway. I start to follow him into the house when he says, “Thought you moved in with your boyfriend.”
I don’t even bother answering. Just turn and head across the street.
The old man’s hated Christian since the day he realized he had to start writing rent checks to a guy half his age. When Christian moved into Frankie’s duplex, his dad handed over management of all the properties on this block to him.
And to be fair, Christian’s not some slumlord asshole. He answers calls. He shows up. Fixes things right the first time. Treats tenants like people instead of problems.
Which, of course, only makes my dad dislike him more.
But that’s not the real reason he can’t stand him.
The real reason is my dad is convinced Christian is gay.
I don’t even know where he got that idea. Christian’s never said anything, never acted any particular way. But he’s also never brought a girl around, which to my dad obviously means there’s only one explanation.
The irony is almost funny.
Christian only lives here because of the girl next door.
Hell, the only reason any of us are still here is because of her.
I don’t even know exactly when it shifted- just that one day it became crystal-fucking-clear that whatever we all felt about Frankie wasn’t just friendly anymore. Wasn’t just protective. She wasn’t still the little girl we’d spent years looking after.
Somewhere along the way, she became the person I looked for first. The person I wanted beside me when something good happened. The person I missed when she wasn't there.
And once I realized what that meant for me, I couldn’t really ignore it.
I stopped sleeping around. Stopped going home with whatever girl showed up at the garage. Stopped using sex as a currency or a pastime.
Not because I thought I had a shot with her, not at all. Not when she had guys like Ryan and Christian who obviously felt the same about her as me.
But it still felt wrong. Like I was lying to myself every time I reached for someone else.
So I stopped.
Which, I guess, is why my dad started giving me shit too- calling Christian my boyfriend, making jokes like we were together. Like if I wasn’t screwing nameless girls from the shop, I had to be gay.
At first, I wanted to snap back. Tell him he was an idiot, a bigot.
But I didn’t.
I’d like to think it’s because I’m above his bullshit. That I wouldn’t dignify his nonsense with a response.
But the truth is, I don’t push back because going that hard to deny something? That just makes people look closer.
And I can’t afford that.
Because I've known for a while that what I felt for Christian wasn't just loyalty. Wasn't just friendship. Wasn't just history or the fact that we’d become partners in looking out for Frankie.
It's something else.
Something I don't have a name for. Something I don’t want a name for.
But I know I notice when he's gone. I know his moods before he says a word and can tell when something's bothering him from the way he closes a door. And when I get angry or feel out of control he’s the only one, other than Frankie, that can walk me back.
And I know that none of that is normal.
That terrifies me.
And as much as I know I'll never deserve Frankie, I'm even more certain I'll never pull at this thread with Christian to see where it leads.
So I shove it down. Ignore it.
And, apparently, I’ll make it all that much harder by moving in with him.
Smart.
Real smart.
I walk into the house and there he is.
“Good,” he says, standing up from the couch. “You’re here. After the other night, I didn’t want to go for a run until you were back.”
He starts stretching and I immediately look anywhere else. I blow out a breath and head for the kitchen.
I need coffee. Food. Something solid. Instead, I grab a beer.
“Gram’s meds should be ready this afternoon,” Christian says from behind me. “I have a meeting, but if I give you my car, will you take Francesca to go and get them?”
I nod and take a swallow. I don’t even get the chance to finish before he reaches around me, grabs the bottle, and pulls it from my mouth. I cough as the air hits the back of my throat.
“You need to sleep, not drink. And you need to eat. And shower.”
He pours the beer down the sink like it’s nothing, then drops the bottle in the trash.
“I’ll be back in thirty,” he adds, already heading for the door.
I might be the big, bad, scary one in our little group- but I’m not the one in charge.
No.
The stern one with the glasses is.
I sniff myself and nearly gag. Cigarettes. Pot. Motor oil. Sweat.
Last night wasn’t even that bad- just a few stolen cars brought in to be stripped- but it was long, and my body feels like shit.
I check my phone. It’s barely six a.m.
I stand there a second longer than I need to, staring at the empty sink where the beer had been.
I could grab another one from the fridge. No one would even know.
But I don’t. I just drag myself to the bathroom to take a shower. Just like Christian told me to.
~
A knock on the door jerks me awake, and for a split second I’m disoriented, heart pounding like something’s wrong. Then it comes again- softer this time, paired with her voice.
“Jamie? Are you in there?”
I roll off the bed and stumble through the house, dragging a hand over my face as I go. When I pull the door open, she’s standing there with that fucking smile that makes my heart thud a little bit harder than normal.
When she looks at me like that- when she smiles like that- all I want to do is pull her in and hold on. Keep her safe. Keep her happy. Make sure she never has a reason to lose that smile.
Because she looks at me like I’m good. Like I matter. Like I’m worth a hell of a lot more than I know I am.
“Um…” Her bright eyes flick down my chest and then back up again, and I become very aware that I’m standing there in nothing but a pair of shorts.
“Sorry to wake you. Christian’s with his dad and the pharmacy called… but I can catch the bus-”
“I’m taking you,” I call out, already turning back toward the bedroom before she can finish. “Just- give me a second.”
When I come back out, she’s still standing there, and when she sees me, she smiles again.
People always say someone is beaming when they smile, and I always thought that sounded stupid as hell. But watching Frankie smile is the closest thing I can think of to prove them right. She lights up the whole damn room.
I should probably tell her that.
Instead, I grab Christian’s keys off the table and jerk my head toward the door.
“Let’s go.”
“Thank you,” she says softly.
Fuck.
I don’t know why she puts up with me.
At best, I’m a grump. Most days I’m just an asshole.
I want to be softer with her. More like Ryan and Christian.
But every time I try, I end up saying too much or wanting too much. And wanting things has never worked out particularly well for me.
So I keep my distance. Or at least try to.
Meanwhile she keeps looking at me like I’m someone worth loving.
I don’t understand it.
I’m not sure I ever will.
“Come on, babe,” I say, softer this time.
Outside, Christian’s car gleams in the afternoon sun.
It’s nothing fancy, but I keep it running right, make sure it’s taken care of.
I open her door without thinking, wait until she’s settled, then circle around and slide into the driver’s seat, the familiar weight of the wheel grounding me a little as I start the engine.
The second we hit the main road, I punch it, the engine roaring as the car surges forward, wind rushing through the open windows. She squeals in surprise, then laughs, the sound bright and unrestrained as I take the first corner faster than I need to.
“Jamie!” she says, half-scolding, half-thrilled, grabbing the door handle with one hand and bracing the other between us.
I grin despite myself, something loosening in my chest. “Relax, babe. I’ve got you.”
And I do. Always.
The road stretches out ahead of us, the car eating up the distance, and I sneak a glance over at her. She’s smiling, eyes closed, face tipped toward the wind, looking like she belongs in a completely different life than the one she’s stuck in.
She looks happy.
And that makes something in my chest settle, just enough to feel like I can breathe. Because I gave her that.
And that’s what finally makes me smile.