8 Christian
Sometimes I think I might be a masochist, because choosing to sit here- letting her wrap her arms around me, dressed like that in her fucking tiny pajamas, knowing I can’t touch her- feels like a very specific kind of self-inflicted torture.
But honestly, it’s no worse than the other kind- the kind that comes from being this close to her and still not being able to stop Gary from hurting her.
There have been times when I've been able to step in, or when Jamie or Ryan has, and we've gotten between them. Taken the hit instead. Given her somewhere else to go until he calmed down.
But not enough.
Never enough to actually solve anything.
And that's the part that keeps me up at night- the helplessness of it.
For years, my priorities have been the same as Ryan's and Jamie's. Try to keep Frankie safe. Make her happy. The first one is harder than any of us want to admit, so I put most of my energy into the second.
The strange thing is that I don't remember exactly when that happened.
At the beginning, there were practical reasons for me to be around. I worked for my dad. I managed properties. Stopping by her house to collect rent or check on maintenance issues made perfect sense.
Then one day the excuses stopped making sense but I just kept coming by.
Every time, Ryan or Jamie were already there. Usually both.
Looking back, I think Jamie figured it out before I did.
One afternoon he caught me standing in the kitchen pretending to inspect something and said, "If you want to hang out with us, you can just ask."
When I looked at him like he'd lost his mind, he pointed toward the living room where Ryan and Frankie were working on homework.
"The fridge is fine. The light bulbs are fine. The lawn's already been mowed. You're here for the same reason we are."
I remember following his gaze to Frankie and realizing I didn't actually have an argument.
After that, I stopped pretending.
I just started showing up.
And somewhere along the way, Ryan stopped being the kid from across the street and became one of the best friends I've ever had. Gram started feeling less like a tenant and more like family.
Even Jamie- despite the fact that we probably couldn’t be any more different- became someone I couldn't imagine not having in my life. I realized that a good day felt a little less good when Jamie wasn't around to make some smartass comment about it.
And by the time I realized I was in love with Francesca, it felt less like discovering something new and more like finally admitting something that had been true for a long time.
But that doesn’t matter- not right now.
Right now, the only thing that matters is getting her through this next year. Keeping her safe. Making sure Gary no longer has any power over her life.
Everything else can wait.
It has to.