17 Christian
When my phone alerts me to the alarm, I practically fly here.
Gram’s been gone for a week, and I’m not ready to clear the place out. That would feel like another ending.
I can’t handle that. Not yet.
The thought of someone breaking in- violating something that’s somehow both sacred and haunted- has my pulse spiking before I even reach the door.
The last thing I expect to find is this.
Jamie is on his knees in the middle of the room, arms locked around Francesca. His face is buried against her stomach. The sounds coming out of him can only be described as raw.
Francesca’s hands are on his shoulders, uncertain, like she doesn’t know whether to hold him or push him away. She looks stunned. Pale.
But she’s here.
My chest tightens so fast it almost knocks the breath out of me.
She’s here.
Actually here.
For half a second, relief hits hard enough to unsteady me.
Then Jamie sucks in a breath like he’s drowning and fear cuts clean through everything else.
I don’t know what state he’s in- if he’s drunk or high or what. I know he wouldn’t hurt her-not on purpose- but I also know what he’s capable of when he loses it. My mind flashes back to when he lost it with me, his shoving me, punching through the wall.
“Jamie,” I say, my voice as steady as I can make it.
He doesn’t respond. Either he doesn’t hear me, or he can’t process it. His grip tightens, his forehead pressing harder into her, his breathing jagged and uneven.
“I thought you were dead,” he chokes. “I thought you were dead and it was my fault.”
Her eyes lift to mine, but I look away immediately.
He comes first. Right now, he comes first.
“Jamie,” I say again, firmer. “It’s ok. But you need to relax. You need to breathe.”
He makes a broken sound and collapses further into her, his fingers digging in. Francesca flinches but doesn’t pull away.
“Jamie?” she says gently. “Hey- I’m going to sit down. You’re kind of hurting me.”
That’s what reaches him and he sucks in a sharp breath and pulls back just enough for her to move. She sinks onto the couch, and he follows immediately, crowding into her space like he can’t help it, his head falling into her lap.
“You were gone. We couldn’t find you,” he says, voice shredded. “It was my fault.”
She smooths a hand over his hair, her voice soft but a little shaky. “It wasn’t your fault, Jamie.”
Her eyes flick up to mine again, and it hits me like a punch to the gut.
They’re exactly how I remember- the swirling mix of colors, ringed with gold- but there’s something else there now.
She was always beautiful. But back then it was softer- lighter. Something bright and airy in our dark corner of the earth.
Now she’s different. She’s sharper. Harder. But whatever she’s been through hasn’t dulled her, it’s transformed her.
The thought of a diamond, forming under pressure, flashes through my mind.
Jamie shakes his head, words tripping over each other. “I scared you- I told you- I yelled at you and made you run- ”
“Hey.” I move closer, crouching down beside him, placing a hand on his back. “You didn’t make her do anything.”
He jerks upright, his eyes locking onto mine.
“I ruined everything,” he says hoarsely. “With her. With you. I fucked it all up.”
For a second, he’s not the tough street kid, not the scary thug or the sexy bad boy everyone else sees.
He’s just Jamie. My Jamie. And he’s breaking apart.
I pull him in, one arm locking around his shoulders, anchoring him.
“You didn’t lose me,” I say, firm and steady. “And she’s here. She’s okay- ”
I glance at her, aware that I don’t actually know if that’s true. I don’t know anything about what comes next, what she’s been through, if she’s staying. It doesn’t matter.
“I’ve got you, Jamie.” I keep my voice low as his breathing starts to even out, his weight settling against me.
“Slow breaths, Jamie. With me.”
It takes time, but it works. His breaths come quieter, steadier. His sobs stop.
And as his panic ebbs, something surfaces in me.
Sharp. Hot. Unexpected.
Anger.
I wasn’t angry when she left. I didn’t have space for it. Everything I had went into surviving, into taking care of Gram, into holding Jamie together.
But now she’s here and I’m literally holding the wreckage she left behind.
And suddenly I’m so angry I can’t even look at her.