30 Christian
It settles in me when we pull into the driveway- the realization that she’s left her old life behind and that this place is her home again.
Ryan opens the front door, and Francesca is out of the car before it’s even fully parked, launching herself at him. He catches her easily and she giggles in his arms.
“Everything go okay?” he asks, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.
She nods, smiling into his chest.
It’s a strange mix, watching her with him. Relief comes first. She’s safe. She’s comfortable. She’s stopped running and is finally letting herself be held.
I never trusted myself with that kind of closeness. I didn’t know how to touch her without wanting more- without wanting everything- so I kept my hands to myself and told myself it wasn’t the time.
But there is a echo of jealousy.
I hate it, but it’s there. It builds the longer I watch him with her.
Years ago, I made peace with the idea that loving her was never going to be exclusive- that she was never going to belong to just me.
When she was sixteen, Jamie called her babe.
Ryan snapped immediately, saying she wasn’t his babe, his voice sharper than I’d ever heard it.
Jamie shot back just as fast, pointing out she wasn’t Ryan’s either.
I stepped in before it could go any further, reminding them both that she wasn’t anyone’s- that she was her own person, and too young for any of us to be laying claim to in the first place.
Then everything else collapsed around us, and whatever those feelings were got shoved aside in favor of just trying to be there for her in whatever way she needed, however we could.
But even then, between the three of us, there was always an understanding- unspoken and unfinished, but there all the same. None of us were ever going to walk away from her.
We never sat down and talked about what it meant, or what it would take to make something like that work. We didn’t get the chance to try.
But if we’d had the time- if she hadn’t run- we would have figured it out. Maybe not cleanly, maybe not without mistakes, but we would have found a way.
Today felt like progress-like Jamie and I had found our way back into her life, even if we’re not quite in her heart yet the way Ryan already is.
But that’s okay.
We can get there.
We will get there.