Chapter Thirteen
Rico jolted awake. He’d fallen asleep in the chair at some point while watching Michelle sleep. Man, he hadn’t slept that deeply in a long time.
He stared at her awhile, waiting for the rise and fall of her chest as he’d done so many times before.
Nothing.
With a trembling hand, he reached out to take her wrist in his to check for a pulse.
Cold.
His chest tightened, and he found it hard to take a complete breath. Instinctively, he pulled the blanket up to her chin before realizing nothing he could do would warm her up.
She’s gone.
Rico wanted to scream No! but didn’t want to wake Gina. She’d find out soon enough. He dreaded having to tell her Michelle had died. But he couldn’t hide from the truth much longer.
How long ago? He glanced at his watch. Six twenty-two. Somewhere in the past five hours, she’d simply slipped out of his life and on to the next. Why hadn’t he been able to stay awake for her as she took her final breath? Had she woken up to talk to him, and he hadn’t been there for her?
“I’m so sorry, Michelle.”
But his biggest worry now was whether he’d prepared Gina for this moment.
He decided not to cover Michelle’s face with a blanket yet. He needed to contact hospice and put the next steps into motion. No, first, he needed to tell Gina. He didn’t want Michelle to be taken away before Gina saw her one last time.
Rico stood and went to the dresser for a hairbrush and returned to the bed to brush Michelle’s thin hair. It had once been so thick, but the chemo treatments had left her with very few strands.
The smell of coffee wafted into the room, reminding him that Franco had spent the night. Yeah, coffee first, then he’d wake Gina. Let her hold onto the dream that her mama was still with her a little longer.
He walked down the hallway and came around the corner to find Franco in the kitchen, his hair and shirt rumpled from sleep.
“Good morning.”
Franco turned and smiled sleepily at him. Now he knew what the man looked like when he first got out of bed. But seeing the seriousness on Rico’s face prompted his smile to fade, and Franco asked, “How are you doing?”
Rico lost it, letting tears stream down his face. The next thing he knew, Franco’s arms came around him in a warm embrace, and he held Rico tightly, murmuring words Rico didn’t hear. Rico wrapped his arms around Franco and clung to him as if to a lifeline, trying to soak some of Franco’s warmth into his cold body.
“I’m so sorry, Baby.” Franco stroked the back of Rico’s head in a comforting gesture. He seemed to understand without words that Michelle had passed.
“How am I going to tell Gina?” he whispered at long last.
“Just be honest with her. Reassure her that you love her and will be with her forever.”
Miche probably thought she’d be here forever too, though.
Rico pulled away and met his gaze. “Sounds like good advice.”
“Thank Mama for it.”
“Mama?”
“I called her last night. She wants you to know she’s thinking of you both and praying for you.”
Rico smiled, more tears stinging his eyes. “She’s always been like a second mama to me, even when I was a teenager and my own mama was still alive.”
“She lives to help those she loves.”
Rico did feel loved by Mama J and always had. The entire Giardano family was as close to family as anyone could be.
“Because Mama lost her mother at a young age, I thought she might have some words of wisdom. She said Gina would need reassurance that someone would be there to take care of and love her in her mama’s absence.”
“As long as I’m breathing, I’ll be there for her. I can’t promise I won’t get sick too or have an acc—”
Franco placed his finger on Rico’s lips, setting off a tingling as if electricity had jolted through him. The sensation gave him the energy he needed to recharge.
“Right now, you’re as healthy as a horse,” Franco argued, “albeit a tired one. Gina doesn’t need to think about the possibility of losing you too someday. Go ahead and promise her forever for now and if, God forbid, something happens and changes that, we’ll deal with it later.”
Franco used we. Did that mean he would be around to pick up the pieces if something happened to Rico? No, that was more than Rico could ask at this point, and totally unnecessary as far as Rico was concerned. Rico would be everything Gina needed, and she would be his primary focus in life from now on.
God, don’t You dare take me away from her too.
“Michelle arranged for me to have legal guardianship, but even without it, I’d have fought tooth and nail to make sure Gina stayed with me. I love that kid like she’s my own.”
Franco smiled. “I know you do. That’s going to make all the difference in her being able to deal with losing her mama. You’re all she’s got now.”
All too soon, doubt slipped in. “I hope I’m enough.”
“You’re more than enough. But anytime you need a hand, you know how to reach me.”
I’m so exhausted.
Franco turned around and retrieved a coffee mug. “Here, you’re going to need this. It’s going to be a long day.”
“Thanks. Pour yourself one, and let’s sit and talk before I wake up Gina.”
They settled at the dining table, both sipping in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Then Rico began rattling off his mental list of things he’d need to do. “I have to call hospice. They’ll handle everything to do with Michelle’s body.” How weird to refer to her as just a body now. “Michelle wanted to be cremated. Hospice said it usually takes them an hour or two to arrive after the call, though.”
“That should give you and Gina some time. Did Michelle say what she wanted to do with her ashes?”
Rico nodded. “She wants Gina to have a small urn and perhaps a keepsake necklace. She may not want to wear it yet, but Michelle thought it would be good to have one made for her. About a month ago, she gave me an envelope stuffed with cards and letters labeled for some of the big milestones to come in Gina’s life.” Rico’s throat tightened up. “I’m to give each to Gina at the appropriate times so she’ll never forget her mama.”
“Trust me, even without them, she’ll never forget her mama. Ever. But it will be nice for her to feel her presence in those keepsakes, as well as the messages, and to know what Michelle would have said to her if she’d been able to be a part of those special occasions.”
Rico nodded, still too numb to think about what he should be doing.
Franco paused a moment, then asked, “What type of funeral or memorial did she want?”
“We aren’t planning anything here.”
“Not even at Gina’s school and church?”
Rico hadn’t thought about that. Would Gina want that? At this point, it was also about what he and Gina needed, not only what Michelle wanted.
“Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Mass. All I thought about was doing something in Chicago where my aunt, Michelle’s mama, lives. Then Michelle asked me to scatter the rest of her ashes on Lake Michigan.”
“She certainly sounds like she tried to plan everything out. I’m sure knowing what her wishes were makes it a little easier for you and Gina.”
“Absolutely. She even prepaid everything.”
“Are you driving or flying to Chicago?”
“You know I hate planes.” He’d never liked them, even as a teen.
“If you’d like me to go along with you on the drive, just say the word.”
What had Franco said? “You’d do that?”
Franco looked hurt momentarily. “I don’t want you driving alone, especially while both of you are grieving. That’s a long trip, especially with a kid along. One of us can entertain Gina while the other drives.”
“What about your job?”
“I haven’t taken any vacation time since I transferred here, so I can request a week off. It’s a lot easier to do in a fire investigation unit than it had been at the station in Leadville. My cases will be here when I return and other teams can cover any new ones.”
“Well, if it works out with your supervisors, I’d love for you to join us. We can be fairly flexible about when we go, but Gina has fall break and a four-day weekend in three weeks.”
There would be some dark days ahead, but Franco might be able to give Gina an outlet for some of her grief. She could tell Franco things she wouldn’t say to Rico. He needed to make this as easy on her as possible and give her all the support she needed to cope.
“I appreciate your willingness to do that, Franco. I know you’ll be a big help. You’re really good with her.”
He shrugged. “She makes it easy. She’s so appreciative of everything, and easygoing.”
“Gina’s a good kid. Michelle raised Gina—” Rico’s voice cracked, and he couldn’t finish the sentence. He met Franco’s gaze and drew a breath, not as deep as he needed or as Franco had taught him to do last night, but the best he could do. “I’m scared, Franco. This is more responsibility than I’ve ever had to deal with. What if I screw up? What if I’m not the parent she needs or deserves?”
Franco squeezed his hand. “You’ve practically been raising her since Michelle became too ill to do so, and you’re doing fine. Just make sure she knows she’s loved and that’s she’s safe. That’s all that matters at the moment. Your dad died when you were so little, so you also know what it’s like to have one parent raising you without the other around. You can draw on that experience.”
Rico took a deep breath. “I hope so.” He sighed and picked up his phone. “I need to call hospice and get that process in motion.”
After he’d made the call, Franco suggested, “Let’s do the breathing technique for the next ten minutes. That’ll help ground you before you wake Gina.”
Rico did his slow breathing, pushing away all the thoughts of things he needed to do or think about. After about ten minutes had passed, Franco said, “Good. How do you feel?”
“Better. I can take a deeper breath now anyway. Thanks.”
Rico sat there quietly. Franco must have assumed he wasn’t ready to tell Gina, so after the pause, he asked, “Have you decided where you’re going to raise her?”
“Yeah. Last night, I promised Michelle I’d let her finish out the school year here in Denver.”
“What about your pub?”
“I’ll stay involved in major decisions via phone or email and am sure I can pop in some weekends. Those are the busiest times anyway. Gina might like getting away from Denver now and again.” He’d always made his pub a family-friendly place, so she could hang out there with him.
“Sounds good. And I can be your backup weekdays when you’re here in the city, since I live so close.”
“I’d appreciate that. Especially when it comes to her math homework.” Rico wrinkled his nose and cracked a half smile. Maybe things would turn out all right, or at least be better than he could have expected.
They continued to sip their coffee, each lost in his own thoughts for the next few minutes until Rico sighed and pushed the mug away. He’d put this off as long as he could. “I need to wake Gina and tell her what’s happened before they come to take Michelle’s body away.”
“Good luck.” Franco squeezed his hand in an encouraging way. “I know it’s going to be hard, but you’ve got this.”
Rico gave him a weak smile. “I appreciate you being here, Franco. Thanks. I have no clue what this is going to be like.” Rico paused a moment before adding, “I don’t know if it will help or make it harder, but would you mind if I told her out here, with you nearby? Call me a coward, but I can use all the moral support I can get.”
“There’s nothing cowardly about the way you’ve handle everything up to now. I know you’ll find the right words, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Rico felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.