Chapter 14 #3
I reached up to grab Kyle’s wrist, planning to peel him off, when Connor got back to his feet.
He stared the guy closest to him down, as if daring him to shove at him again.
For a moment, I held my breath. Out of any of them, Connor was never the type to engage.
“Move.” He left no room for negotiation.
“Make me,” the football player returned.
Logan grabbed the beefy football player’s shoulder. “Drop it, Jake,” he ordered in a voice that was full of authority. His quarterback voice. “Let’s go sit down.”
He held Jake back long enough for Connor to shove past him, not caring that their shoulders all but slammed together.
Like Maisie, he wasted no second glance before rushing out of the diner.
Like, actually left. I gaped at the entrance, and through the glass windows, I could see him go straight to the parking lot.
“Wow.” The second football player scoffed. “Scaredy cat running away, huh?”
“He’s above petty fights,” she replied sweetly, tilting her head. “Apparently unlike you Bulldogs.”
“Ah, you’re calling us petty.” Jake snorted. “After what happened last year? Rich.”
Last year. I blinked, expecting Jade or Kyle to ask what he meant, but neither did. Kyle actually grinned. What was it that Jade had said the other day? I’d told her Noah from Expresso’s was a Bulldog, and she’d said—“I know. You don’t remember him? From the Bobcat/Bulldog game last fall.”
In a move I was sure that was deliberate, Kyle’s hand slipped from being propped up on my shoulder to dropping over the front of me, palm nearly landing on my chest. I jumped at the brush, ready to slap him into next week, but he just jostled me closer.
Before I could start yelling, a voice cut in—steady, low, and certain. “You should watch your hands.”
Both Bobcats and Bulldogs froze, heads swiveling toward Logan. He’d spoken to Jake a second ago, but the quiet authority in his voice was stronger this time. He stood at the back of the pack, tall and unshaken, his eyes locked only on Kyle.
Kyle gave a little chuckle. “Me?”
“You’re the only one at the table whose hands are filthy.” Logan’s jaw ticked, but his voice stayed calm, deliberate. His expression was controlled, but the fire in his eyes betrayed him. “You’re going to get her top dirty.”
I looked down at where Kyle’s grimy fingers grazed my white cheer uniform. There was still dirt underneath his nails from the game. Jealous of you sitting on his knee? Of his hand on your waist? Logan had said. I’m surprised you couldn’t tell.
“Her top,” Kyle echoed with a scoff. “And you care, why?”
“Because he’s heard of a thing called respect,” I chimed in before Logan could say anything else, grabbing Kyle’s wrist and tearing his arm off. I then shoved at Alex’s side. “No one here’s ever heard of personal space, apparently. And that goes for you, too.” I shot Jake a dirty look.
The Bulldogs seemed to decide one dweeb, two cheerleaders, and a smelly defensive lineman weren’t worth the trouble. “Text your boyfriend and tell him I’m waiting for him to come back inside, if he decides to grow a pair.”
Jake directed the last bit at Jade, who simply raised her eyebrows at his demand. With a last scathing look, the two Bulldogs went over to a table furthest from us. Logan followed, with only a beat of hesitation that no one else probably caught. But I did.
“I’ve never seen a rivalry up close,” Alex breathed, all but clutching his pearls. “Is it always like this?”
Kyle folded his arms over his chest. “Where did Connor go?”
“No idea,” Jade said, but I knew the cogs in her brain were turning. She turned to Alex. “You can have his shake. You like chocolate?”
My shoulders were still stiff, body locked in tension. Logan sat behind me, making it impossible to glance at him without being obvious about it. Was he looking at me? Looking at how close Kyle sat to me?
“I bet that felt good,” Jade said to me, our gazes locking from across the table. “Hearing him defend you.”
My stomach dropped. I shot Alex—who no doubt would submit a Brentwood Babble submission the second he got home—a quick glance. “Jade.”
“It’s always nice hearing someone defend you,” she went on, eyes glittering. “Even if it’s a stranger.”
“I guess.” Obvious much?
“He seemed a little too interested, didn’t he?” Kyle mused thoughtfully, giving me a sidelong glance. “You sure you don’t know him, Mads?”
“She’s sure,” Jade answered for me, looking over my shoulder. No doubt at Logan. I couldn’t read her. I couldn’t get my brain to work fast enough.
Our milkshakes came out, but I felt far too nervous to even stick my straw into the ice cream.
Alex happily slurped down Connor’s chocolate shake, though, chatting with Jade and Kyle.
They seemed to be listening, or at least pretended, but I didn’t.
I was too preoccupied with the constant crossroads I found myself at.
And the fact that Logan sat literally a few feet behind me. How were we always crossing paths? Was this the universe’s way of trying to get the truth to come out?
Thankfully, we didn’t stick around long. Connor didn’t end up coming back for us, and didn’t answer Jade’s texts. Alex volunteered to drive us home eagerly, even going as far as to say it’d be an honor to have people from the Top Tier in his truck.
Alex hurried to hold the door of the diner open, and Jade and Kyle waltzed out first.
My feet, on their own, seemed to slow down. It felt wrong to leave Wallflower without getting to speak to Logan at least once, but there was absolutely no way. I had to settle with one last glancing look over my shoulder, and it had to be enough.
The two other football players were in the process of devouring their burgers, but Logan’s eyes were already on me when I turned, a fry between his fingers. He didn’t smile. Our gazes merely locked, and in that half a second of contact, there was nothing but lingering longing. From both sides.
What would it be like if things were different? If he wasn’t a Bulldog, and I wasn’t a Bobcat, and if neither of us had expectations to live up to? What if I could be with him?
And then I stepped out into the cool air, goosebumps lining my arms.
Alex stopped in front of a beaten-up truck, and when he turned, his expression was tense. “Three-seater,” Alex said awkwardly, glancing around our group. The four of us.
“I’m not sitting in the middle,” Kyle said, not even pretending to be chivalrous. He walked around Alex and popped open the passenger side door, staring at Jade and I over the hood, even though it was crystal clear who would be joining him.
And it wasn’t me.
Jade pivoted to me, raising her eyebrows. “You can call your mom, can’t you? She’s probably still on her way back from the game or something. It shouldn’t take her long.”
“You’re leaving me here.” The sentence didn’t come out as a question, and the realization settled over me thickly. “My—my jacket’s in Connor’s car—”
“I’ll get it to you Monday,” she said, not understanding what I meant.
She was going to strand me here, leave me with no jacket and no ride home.
Jade grabbed my hand and leaned in, her words whispering in my ear.
“You can ogle until your mom comes. I give you permission this once. Think of it as my apology for putting you on the list.”
A light of understanding flicked on within me. I give you permission. Jade had said it before, but today, it settled on me in a different way. “I can’t do anything without your permission,” I murmured, staring into her dark eyes.
“And you have it,” she said with a playful scrunch of her nose, not realizing dominoes were toppling over in my mind. “But make sure not to end up on Babble, got it?”
The three of them climbed into Alex’s truck without hesitation, and I took a few steps back to give him room to reverse. I stood there as Alex’s taillights turned out of Wallflower’s parking lot and began fading down the street, a buzzing sound building in my ears.
Who was I more upset with? Connor, for leaving with my varsity jacket? Jade, for ditching me at the diner? Logan, for showing up and getting to witness it all?
Or myself, for not putting my foot down earlier?
I give you permission.
Something inside me snapped then. I was a blue and gold rubber band pulled to its max, with no more stretch to give.
I could almost feel it, the pressure wound so tightly that the recoil flinched through me, but instead of pain, there was only a rush of heat.
It swamped me like a fever, roaring through my veins that it chased away any hint of chill from the night.
The conversation from earlier came back to me like a whisper.
“It’s like everyone’s mutinying,” Jade had said, shaking her head in confusion as she did.
My reply had been defensive. “I’m not mutinying.”
“You almost did, with the whole Logan thing, but you didn’t even waver.”
I hadn’t even wavered. I hadn’t wavered.
I’d wanted this with Logan so badly, but I hadn’t even wavered.
I give you permission.
Something heavy eased over my shoulders, brushing against the bare skin of my arms. I looked up to find Logan slipping his varsity jacket over my frame.
He avoided eye contact as he did so, fingers gently slipping the fabric to settle over me wholly.
Equally as gently, he slipped his hand underneath my ponytail, easing it out from underneath the collar.
Worlds different from Kyle, who tugged on my hair because it was funny. Worlds different from Jade, who left me out in the cold without a jacket. Worlds different from Alex, who ditched his girlfriend for a taste of popularity. Worlds different from anyone else I’d ever met.
“My friends can’t see us from here,” Logan said, as if that was where my mind was. “They’re not facing this window.”
Logan finally looked at me, and his expression was so soft.
His eyes, as blue as could be, were framed by his beautifully dark lashes, and his eyebrows were drawn together.
I lingered in that embrace of the blue, seeing myself in their reflection.
I was small, swamped by the delicious scent and soft fabric of his jacket.
I couldn’t see the blue and gold cheer uniform.
All I could see was the Bulldogs’ emblem.
“Kyle,” I began. “I didn’t want—I didn’t give him permission to—”
“I know.” Logan’s eyes traced my shoulders, as if he could still see Kyle’s arm draped over them. “Next time I see him touch you, though, I’ll break his hand.”
If he wasn’t so soft-hearted, I might’ve believed him.
“Are you okay?” Logan asked, the words a murmur that could’ve gotten lost in the wind if they’d been any quieter.
When I drew my next breath and caught Logan’s scent clinging to the collar, everything snapped into focus.
Each inhale pushed my thoughts further, the pieces sliding into place until the answer I’d been avoiding became clear.
The fight inside me gave way, like the final whistle blowing on a game I’d already lost.
Jade gave me permission to ogle, but for the first time ever, I didn’t want it.
My body moved on its own accord, arms wrapping around Logan’s waist in one swift movement.
I tucked myself into his firm chest, breathing in the scent of him as if that alone would fix me.
“I’m chalant about you.” The words slipped out easier than they should have—like it hadn’t been a leap off the cliff I’d been teetering on ever since I found out where he went to school.
“I’m really, really chalant about you, Logan Castle. ”
For a beat, he didn’t move, but I didn’t let go. I closed my eyes, listening to the thump of his heartbeat, holding tighter. Maybe he’d come to a crossroads of his own, needing to decide whether to push me away or pull me closer.
And then he finally made up his mind. Logan’s arms swept around my frame, returning the embrace and pulling me tightly into him.
There wasn’t an inch of space between us, and the surety of his hold chased away any doubt of his hesitation a second ago.
The drop in my stomach was instant, like a rollercoaster tipping over its highest hill.
“I’m chalant about you, too,” Logan murmured, fingers trailing through my ponytail. “You have no idea.”
My rubber band had snapped, and I was left with two frayed edges that I wasn’t sure I could tie back together. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. His jacket brushed along the hem of my cheer skirt, and if anyone were to glance over, they’d think I went to Jefferson. No one would even know.
“I don’t want to be remembered as someone who was obsessed with high school,” I whispered against his chest. “I don’t want to look back and regret pushing you away just because of the school you went to.”
When I tipped my head back, his lips parted, then snapped shut—flustered, the way I remembered. “So we’re continuing exposure therapy?” he asked.
I gave a soft nod. “We might need to be a bit more hands on with our sessions, though.”
A startled laugh broke out of him, quick and unguarded. Logan shook his head, still smiling faintly. “Why do you always have good comebacks?” But then he blinked hard, his voice turning soft. “Madison—”
“It’s more than just exposure therapy, though,” I went on. “I like you. You, Logan. Not the idea of you. I… really, really like you. And I want to see you again.” And again, and again, and again.
A small smile touched Logan’s mouth, but one he immediately tried to lock down, to force his lips back to a straight line. “Madison—”
“Unless you’re afraid of your friends finding out.” My eyes flicked over his shoulder at the diner. “If you don’t want to risk it, then I—”
“Madison.” Logan suddenly lifted one hand off my waist and lightly pressed the tips of his fingers to my lips, silencing me. Electricity zinged through me. That shy smile tugged at his lips again, pinched as he unsuccessfully tried to fight it. “You’re such a rambler, you know that?”
In that flash of a smile, all the weight pressing down on my shoulders evaporated. The anxiety tying a knot underneath my ribcage, gone. Under the weight of Logan’s flash of happiness, there was nothing but peace.
I tightened my hold on his waist, gripping onto him in case I floated away. “What are you doing tomorrow?”