Chapter 35 #3
Logan sealed us inside the small room, even going as far as pushing the lock in the doorknob in. I might’ve laughed if it hadn’t been for the tension between his shoulders. “Logan, there are people who want to talk to you—”
“I don’t care.” Logan turned around and faced me, and I could see the haunted look in his blue eyes. “I don’t think I could care less, actually. I only care about you.”
A tremor rippled through me. The last time I’d seen him, his face had blurred through the shimmer of my tears—edges soft, colors bleeding, like a memory I was too ashamed to hold.
Now, the ache was still there, but beneath it, something else stirred. Something like hope.
“Noah told me about the play,” I said before Logan could begin, rubbing my arm. “I hope it’s okay… that I came.”
Logan drew in a trembling breath. “I’m glad you did. I was hoping you would.” And then he exhaled hard. “I—I don’t even know where to begin—”
“You don’t have to.”
“I do.” He shook his head, and a lock of his perfectly combed golden hair fell free from its hairspray. “I should’ve told you everything. That Jade was behind it all, that she was threatening me. I should’ve—”
“Logan.” I wanted to reach out and grab his hand, to give it a reassuring squeeze, but I was too nervous. All at once, it felt like we were back at the beginning of everything, and I was too scared to touch him. “Can I go first?”
Mutely, he nodded his head.
With the spotlight suddenly on me, center-stage, my mind scrambled. There were so many things to say, to explain, to apologize for, that I suddenly had no idea where to start. “Did you end up seeing the whole fake Babble post?”
Logan nodded again. “Noah showed me.”
So he’d seen it all now, even the things that weren’t true.
I didn’t want to jump to my defense, though, and instead swallowed hard.
“I’ve done a lot of crappy things.” Heat prickled along the back of my neck.
“Hurt people when I didn’t mean to… and when I did mean to.
For so long, I’d brushed it off. Or I’d blame Jade. ”
That was how I’d survived all throughout high school whenever I thought of Maisie—it wasn’t a big deal. It worked out in the end. I wouldn’t have done anything differently. Jade made me do it. It’d been a merry-go-round I’d found comfort in.
“Jade got in my head at Homecoming.” I took a shaky breath. “She made me feel like I didn’t know who I was. Like I’d spent my whole life letting other people tell me what to do—who to be. And she wasn’t wrong. I followed her lead with everything. Cheer. Friends. Even you.”
Logan watched me silently, the pain on his face building.
“I never doubted you,” I told him. “But I doubted myself. I hated the person I was when I let her use me, and I hated thinking that maybe the only reason you were in my life was because I followed her plans.”
And accepting everything had taken much longer than it should’ve. Without Maisie coming into my room, it would’ve been even longer. I finally came to the realization, but late.
“And I hated knowing I was the reason Jade went after you,” I whispered. “That she blackmailed you just to get to me. That was why you were so upset that night in the alley, wasn’t it? Because of everything.”
Logan’s jaw tightened, his eyes glinting with something that looked like pain.
“I wasn’t upset for me,” he murmured, voice rough.
“I was upset for you. Because you had a best friend who was Satan incarnate and a boyfriend too cowardly to admit the truth. Our relationship started as Jade’s lie, and I should’ve told you.
I just…” Logan closed his eyes. “I just was too terrified that if I told you, I’d lose you.
And that worry… it felt like punishment I’d earned.
Loving you while knowing I was the reason you’d get hurt. ”
“You weren’t the reason,” I said simply. “Jade was. You were right—neither one of us should be taking on the guilt someone else should carry.”
Logan let out a slow breath.
“How long—” I began, then broke off. It wasn’t a question I wanted to ask, but I needed to know. “How long were you and Jade—”
“Not long at all. After you found out that I went to Jefferson, I stopped everything. I’d done my part—she could go to hell for all I cared.” Logan ducked his head an inch, voice firm. “After that, everything I did, I did because I wanted to.”
“You didn’t block her?”
Logan flinched slightly, guilt flickering across his face.
“No. I thought about it. But I didn’t know what she’d do if I did—if she’d twist things, threaten Noah again, or come after you.
I wanted to be ready if she tried something.
” He exhaled, raking a hand through his hair.
“But then… she started texting places she knew you’d be.
Allen’s Alley. The Wallflower. And I told myself it was just so I could make sure you were okay, but really…
” His voice lowered. “I was too selfish to stay away. I didn’t want to. ”
Something shifted inside me, slow and unsteady. He hadn’t appeared at those places unknowingly. He’d taken the day off from work to go bowling… to see me. He’d gone to Wallflower, even though he knew Jade could’ve blown his secret, just to have one more glimpse.
“So… we both chose,” I said quietly, the words tasting tentative but real. “To go back. To each other.”
Logan’s eyes lifted to mine, something fragile flickering there. “Yeah,” he whispered. “We did.”
And just like that, the guilt that had been pressing against my ribs loosened. Somewhere in the mess of it all, we’d both chosen each other.
“Jade’s always been a master at this,” I said quietly.
“Getting inside my head. Making me doubt myself, tearing me apart from the inside out. But I see it now. And I’m done letting her—or anyone—decide who I am.
I get to choose. I get to make things right.
” My voice softened, and, inexplicably, pressure pricked behind my eyes.
“I don’t need you to tell me who I am, Logan.
I just… I want you next to me while I find myself. ”
Finally brave enough, I reached for his hand. Logan’s fingers slid through mine instantly, like he’d been waiting, like he’d always regretted letting go.
“I want to be with you,” I said, no tremor in my voice. “And I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
Jade. The Top Tier. Brentwood High. They could all cry a river for all I cared. I wasn’t giving them space in my head anymore. From here on out, I’d live my life on my own terms—and I knew, without a flicker of doubt, that those terms included Logan Castle.
His breath caught like I’d knocked the air out of him.
Then, slowly, his hands came up to frame my face, thumbs trembling against my skin.
“You’re stronger than you think, Madison.
You always were.” His forehead pressed to mine, his words a whisper.
“And I’ll always be right here. Just with you, every step of the way. ”
I reached out and touched his hip, fingers brushing over where his puffy shirt was tucked into his pants. “Because you’re still chalant about me?”
“I’m the most chalant person to ever live,” Logan murmured, voice like a confessional. “I’m chalant at sunrise. Chalant at lunch. Chalant when you double text me. Chalant about Madison Oliphant? I might as well make it my middle name.”
“Okay, Romeo.” I scrunched my nose, but my heart felt so bright, like someone had reached inside and turned on all the lights. “But, hang on, hang on. I’m the double texter? I so disagree—”
Before I could finish, Logan dropped down the scant inches between us and pressed his lips to mine.
The kiss hit me like a current straight to my chest, sparking heat and a dizzying thrill I hadn’t known I’d been starving for.
My hand, which was hovering uncertainly at his hip, curled around him, clutching as if anchoring myself to him.
Logan pressed me impossibly close, every inch of him claiming me, and I moved willingly—greedily—into him.
His lips glanced against mine with a fierce, urgent tenderness, as if he’d been holding back for far too long.
I kissed him back like I’d been gasping for air underwater, finally finding it in him.
Every heartbeat and every shiver of touch screamed that we’d been chasing this moment far too long. Finally.
When Logan pulled back, he pressed his forehead to mine again. “It’s been the longest week of my life,” he whispered.
I tried to discreetly catch my breath, but my pulse still thundered underneath my skin. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long for me to figure myself out.”
Logan’s chest rose unsteadily. “I would’ve waited forever for you.”
We both met each other halfway this time, but we only had a few seconds to savor the taste of the kiss before a fist pounded on the dressing room door.
“What is going on in there?” a feminine voice demanded.
“I’ve told you students time and time again to not lock this door!
Charlie, go get my key from my office.” The fist pounded once more. “You are both in so much trouble!”
Logan sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Busted,” he whispered to me.
“Students aren’t allowed in here?”
“Aren’t allowed to be alone in here.” Logan had a boyish smile on his face. “I wonder why.”
I smacked his chest. “Logan!”
But he only just laughed, ducking his head to press a kiss to my cheek. “You won’t get in trouble, because you don’t go to school here.”
“But you will!”
“You’ve started my life of delinquency, remember?” he murmured into my skin, now pressing a kiss to my temple. “Unfortunately, you have to own up to the consequences.”
I tried pushing at his chest again, but my efforts were weakening. “Sliding me free mochas is so different than making out in a closet—”
Logan kissed my lips again, silencing my pathetic protests.
His pressure was light, but it wasn’t enough; I’d become addicted.
So even though there was a teacher banging on the door, and in a few minutes, it’d open to reveal dozens of gossip-hungry eyes, I clung to Logan, kissing him so deeply that I forgot my middle name.
Maybe it was Chalant About Logan Castle.