Chapter 16
T oday had started out so well. I had a maternity shoot in the morning with an adorable lady who was pregnant with twins. My heart ached in longing as her husband tenderly cradled her stomach. They gazed into each other’s eyes with a connection that could only come from two people so deeply in love. My view through the lens blurred as I snapped away.
Yes, I wanted to be a mom; but it wasn’t her pregnancy that had me emotional. It was the bond I could feel and see between husband and wife that made me so sad.
Drew and I used to look at each other that way. Hell, I still looked at him like he hung the moon.
But it had been a long time since I’d felt cherished and adored by him. Secure and loved. It was one thing to say the words—after all, he texted them constantly to me over the last few weeks—but I also needed to feel like I was important to him.
I wondered whether Drew had looked at Carly the way he used to look at me when they had their little “moment" in her hotel room.
I tried not to dwell on it too much because, if I did, I ended up drowning myself in misery and anger; crying myself sick until I fell asleep from exhaustion.
It frustrated me that he made no effort to ask to see me, or even have a pathway forward to…anything. A huge part of me wanted to say: fuck it—if he wants me, he can reach out and fix this mess . But then I’d think about our years together. Twelve fucking years of loving one person. A person I still loved. A person I was sure still loved me. Despite my fury, I still didn’t want to give up on our marriage.
I only had a couple of days until I left for Mexico. I’d already posted on my website that I was taking a small break to travel and update my portfolio. After Mexico, I planned on traveling around the States for a while and just have fun without the pressure of scheduled shoots. There were message boards and photography groups that I planned on posting in to advertise pop-up shoots at a discount. I had savings to sustain me, but having an extra cash injection to fund my travel was nice.
I was looking forward to this trip, even after my marriage separation. I needed to get out of town for a while; away from the memories of Drew’s lies and betrayal. I was a tad worried that being away from St Louis would cause Drew to…become restless and complacent. Out of sight, out of mind. That was why I wanted him to come to Mexico with me. Needed him to come—just for a few days. We needed time together without all this bullshit to see whether our marriage was salvageable. Whether I could forgive him. Whether he wanted to put the work in. Some might call me weak for chasing after Drew, but as Nell had said, I was a fighter. And my marriage was something I wanted to fight for.
So, after the shoot, I texted Drew if I could swing by his office since it was around the corner from the park where we shot. After twenty minutes, I still hadn’t received a response, so I walked the short distance to see him. It was close to his lunchtime, so I hoped to catch him before he left. Time was ticking away from me, and I needed to make one last ditch effort.
But you’re the only one making the effort.
I pushed that nagging thought away.
As I neared his office block, I passed the cafe that Drew and I sometimes lunched at if our schedules aligned. Maybe we could have lunch here again today if –
That thought emptied from my mind when I spied a familiar body through the cafe window. His dark head was tossed back in a laugh before he shook it in amusement at what his companion was saying.
Drew.
And without even looking at his lunch mate, I already knew who it was.
Carly.
With her flowing locks and her tight t-shirt. She held a fork in her hand as she yapped away at my husband, gesturing wildly. She paused as Drew said something in response before tipping her head back in mirrored laughter, her hand coming down on top of his.
I’d seen enough.
I turned around and quickly walked back the way I came from before he spotted me. How embarrassing would it be for Drew to see his old wife standing there with her heart shattered, while a newer, shinier model sat across from him?
The street blurred in front of me and I furiously blinked the moisture away. My heart was in tatters, and the last bit of hope I had faded away.
I’d stupidly thought that he was just as miserable as me. That he ate his sad lunch alone at his desk before slinking back to Sene’s and rotting on the couch, looking through our wedding photos. I’d thought that night out with his colleagues was the only time he'd spent with Carly, apart from seeing her at work. But he was still having lunch with her. He was still spending time outside of work with her. Probably still texting her.
Christ, were they dating? Did he take her out each night before texting me that he still loved me?
Almost thirty minutes later, while I was still sitting in my car trying to mop up my tears, my phone rang.
Drew.
I contemplated letting it go to voicemail. I wanted to leave the country, having never talked to him. Let him worry about me for a change.
Instead, I cleared my throat and wiped the tears from my face. Before I left for Mexico— alone , because fuck him—I wanted to hear his lying voice one last time. Just to be sure.
“Hi.” There was no trace of tears in my voice. No trace of anything.
“Hey, baby. I’m sorry.” I tried to listen to the background noise through the line. Was he still at the cafe; with Carly grinning smugly across from him? “I just saw your text. I was out for lunch with some colleagues.”
My lip quivered at the half-lie.
“Sweetheart? Are you there?”
I rolled my lips in to keep the sob at bay. “Yeah.”
“You’re more than welcome to swing by. I can take another quick break while it’s quiet here.”
While his girlfriend lurked nearby, smirking at me, knowing she had a piece of my husband? Hell, no.
“Um… you know what? I had a change of plan. My shoot ran over, and I’m running late for my next appointment.” See? I could lie, too.
“Oh. Okay. Maybe I could come by tonight?”
My eyes closed as a humorless smile curved my mouth. Why now? We’d been separated for weeks, and this was the first time he’d asked to meet up. Was it guilt? Did he want to tell me he was dating Carly?
“Actually, I have dinner plans tonight with a friend. I just wanted to tell you that I’m heading to Mexico this weekend for that destination wedding.”
“That’s this weekend?” His voice rose an octave. “Shit. Frankie…”
“I’m also planning on doing a short road trip after the wedding.”
“Road trip? In Mexico?”
“No. Well, I plan on staying on for a few days after the wedding, then I’ll head back to the States and hire a car, do a little road trip. The details are all on my website and socials,” I added nonchalantly.
There was silence on the other line as Drew processed my words. The more I talked about my plans, the more sure I was that I needed to escape. I no longer wanted Drew on the trip with me. I couldn’t stand the person he was becoming.
“How long will you be gone for?”
I checked my nail beds. “Not sure. Maybe two months.”
“ Two months!” he shouted.
“Is that a problem?”
“No…it’s just. That’s such a long time. You and I…I mean…Frankie. What about us?”
My nose tickled pink, and the tears I tried to hold back were dangerously close to falling. What about us? What about us? Was he for fucking real?
“What about us, Drew? You wanted this separation. Despite texting me every day, you still haven’t made an effort to see me or see if we can work things out. Did you expect me to put my life on hold while you continued on with yours?”
“No! Frankie, no. That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not moving on. I love you so fucking much.”
His voice broke, and my stupid heart started to soften at his clear distress. I nearly relented and agreed to meet him.
But then, a blonde woman with a sexy strut walked past my car. And I was instantly reminded of Carly—and everything came roaring back to me. His nights out with her. His lunches with her. Entertaining her attention when he knew he’d come close to succumbing to her advances in her hotel room.
“Can I ask you one thing?”
“Of course.”
“Are you seeing Carly?”
There was a very suspicious pause on his end. “Carly? What brought this on?” Evading a question with a question. Right.
“Just answer the question.”
“No! No, I’m not seeing her. I’m not…I’m not doing anything with her. I promise you. I know we have a lot to work out.” I heard a loud bang on his end. “This all a fucking mess. I didn’t want it to be this way, Frankie. I know it’s my fault. You don’t deserve any of this. I know I have a lot of shit to figure out. Can we meet up before you go?”
I swiped the tears that escaped, careful not to let him know how much he was hurting me. I couldn’t do this. Drew was telling me things to keep me hanging around without actually telling me anything substantial. He was going out for drinks with Carly and co, plus having hilarious lunches with her. He’d also just lied about his lunch plans today.
Was I one of those clueless wives on Reddit?
“I can’t. I’ve got a lot going on before I leave. Let’s meet up when I get back. You’re not the only one that needs to figure out what they want to do.”
“What does that mean?” His voice rose.
“It means; you wanted this separation, and I didn’t. I wanted us to stay together and try to make sense of the bombshells you just dropped on me. But this is what you decided to do instead. I need to protect myself and figure out my next steps because I’m starting to realize that you’ve treated this marriage, and me, like a joke the past few months—and I’ve just taken it.”
“No! Frankie, no. Babe, listen to me…”
“Despite what you think, I’m not leaving to spite you. I need to update my portfolio and website, so I’m using this work trip to refresh my trade. I’ll see you in a couple of months.”
“Months?” he sputtered. “Frankie…”
“I love you, Andrew.” Because I did. As foolish as it was, I still did. “But I need a break from this. Waiting for you to text me with nothing to say…it’s hell .”
“Baby, I love you, too. I…fuck, I wish I could see you before you go.”
Little did he know, I’d already seen more than I wanted.
“Bye, Drew. Take care.”
“Frankie -”
I hung up before he could respond.