Chapter 26
"Y ou have arrived at your destination."
I blew out a strained breath as I indicated to park outside the brick apartment building. The nerves I’d experienced on the drive here were nothing compared to actually being here. This now felt real. I was actually doing this—getting ready to blow someone's world apart. In a good way? I had my doubts.
The morning after Carlos and I had slept together, he'd left me his number.
"Just in case you're in my neck of the woods and want to catch up," he'd winked at me. It was sweet and unexpected. I also had no intention of using it.
Until I’d arrived in Colorado Springs and fainted after three days of throwing up. Until a blood test had me frantically searching my bags for that tiny scrap of paper I'd stuffed away.
When Drew and I separated, I was so depressed that I'd stopped taking my birth control. I started it up again sporadically but left it at home accidentally when I went to Mexico. It didn’t matter anyway—to me, my marriage was over. I wasn’t having sex with Drew ever again. And other men? The thought hadn’t crossed my mind.
Of course, I didn’t account for seeing Drew on a date with Carly. I didn’t account for Carlos to hype me up, flirt with me and make me feel wanted and special. My self esteem had been down in the dumps, and the attention of a twenty-three year old hottie was just what I needed to distract myself from the fact that my husband had left me for another woman. That he’d lied to me throughout our marriage.
I wasn't stupid. As drunk as I was, I still remembered to ensure Carlos wore protection. I didn't need to worry, though; Carlos had condoms coming out of his ears. Not surprising, given the rotation of girls I saw him with in Mexico. But I didn't care. I was sad, lonely and hurt. And a hot twenty-three-year-old knew precisely how to boost a soon-to-be-divorced thirty-two-year-old woman's ego.
Despite using condoms, I knew that any form of birth control, bar abstinence, wasn't 100% guaranteed. I was proof of that.
When I called Carlos last night and asked to see him—that I had something to tell him—his tone instantly shifted from flirty to wary. Still, we arranged a time, and he passed on his address.
And here I was.
I took the stairs up to his apartment, telling myself I wanted to get some exercise in, but truthfully, I was procrastinating and working over what to say in my head. How did you tell someone you barely knew that you had created a life with them? That you would be linked to them forever? There was no easy way to do it.
When Carlos opened the door, he greeted me with a shy smile. It was the first time I'd seen him looking unsure. Nervous.
He was still as handsome as I remembered, dressed in pressed jeans and a green polo shirt. But in the cold light of day—without the tequila I'd drunk with him—he looked all of his twenty-three years. So young.
I couldn't deny I'd had fun in that moment; it was just what I needed. And he'd been so lovely the next morning when I'd had an embarrassing breakdown. I hoped it indicated he'd be just as sweet after I said my piece.
"Hey." He reached down and pulled me into a hug. I patted him on the back, feeling a little awkward even though we'd done a lot more than hug.
"Come on in. Can I get you something to drink? A soda? Water? I think I have iced tea somewhere that my roommate made."
I cleared my throat. "Water would be nice, please."
"Right. Okay." He flashed me a smile before grabbing a glass from a cupboard.
He was definitely nervous—a far cry from the confident and cocky playboy I'd been exposed to.
He led me to the living room, cold glass in hand, and invited me to sit.
"Did you want to sit, too?" I asked as he stood before me, gulping down his water like a man starved.
He shook his head, wiping his mouth. But then he sat opposite me and rolled his glass between his hands.
Okay, this was awkward. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to try to rip my clothes off, but I also expected a little more chatter than this. He probably thought I was coming over for another go. What did the kids call it? A stage-five clinger? Well, there would be something a lot smaller clinging onto him.
"There's something I need to tell you."
His head bobbed up and down, and he shifted around on his ass like he was uncomfortable in his seat. "Okay. Shoot."
No way to do this but quickly. "I'm pregnant," I rushed out. "And before you ask, yes, you're the dad. And yes, I'm sure. As you know, my–my husband and I hadn't had sex for months before I met you. And I haven't slept with anyone else since you. Of course, I'm willing to get a paternity test done to be sure."
I stopped babbling because there was really nothing much left to say. Plus, Carlos had gone sickly pale.
"Carlos?"
Whatever trance he was under, he quickly came out of it. He closed his eyes. "Fuck. I knew it," he breathed.
"You knew it? What do you mean?"
His throat bobbed, and he wiped at his mouth. "You called me to say you needed to see me, to tell me something. There's only one reason a girl would want to speak with a guy they slept with."
He scratched at his jaw and then shrugged. "Plus, the condom broke."
My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. "What? The condom broke? Why didn't you tell me?"
"We were having fun, and I didn't want to kill the vibe. And, well, you're, like, thirty. I thought you'd be on birth control or something."
A small groan escaped me. "Christ, you really are twenty-three," I mumbled.
Would it have made a difference if I knew that the condom broke? Probably. I would've taken the Morning-After pill. Despite Drew's harsh assumption, I wasn't trying to get pregnant. Especially from a man I barely knew. The only man I wanted to have a baby with was Drew. So yes, I would've taken precautions the next day.
But then my hand curled protectively over my stomach, soothing the life that trusted me to take care of it. My very real and alive baby. Suddenly, I was glad Carlos hadn't told me. As hard as the last weeks have been, I wouldn't change a thing.
"Let's forget about birth control and condoms. There's no point going over it. I'm pregnant now. I've had it confirmed with a blood test and had my first OB appointment. I've heard the heartbeat, seen the little bean." The joy and relief I felt when I heard the whoosh of its little beating heart replayed in my mind often.
"I wanted you to know. I want you to know that you can be as involved as you like."
He wiped at his face, his elbows leaning on his thighs. "So you're keeping it?"
"Yes, I'm keeping it."
If possible, he paled further. "Fuck!" I tried not to be offended by that. He raked a hand through his hair. "Okay. Look, I'm only twenty-three. I just graduated from college. I have a job lined up, but -"
"I'm not after money. I can support the baby, and if you decide to be a part of its life, we can talk about child support later on. But you need to decide whether you want to be in this with me. To co-parent."
He ran an agitated hand through his hair again before he stood and paced. "I don't know what to do. This is so fucked up."
Okay, I was a little offended by that. My hand smoothed my stomach, protecting my baby's yet-developed ears from Carlos' words. I had to remind myself that he was young. So fucking young. He hadn't mapped his life out yet, so I needed to give him a little grace.
"Can I think about it? Don't get me wrong, I like kids. I have a shit load of nieces, nephews, and cousins. I always thought I'd be a dad one day, but I thought that day wouldn't be until I was, like, forty or something."
My lips rolled in before I nodded. "Of course you can think about it." I stood, clutching my bag. "But just so you know, if you decide to be in, you're all in. Not money, but time and attention. I don't want my kid to have a dad who half-asses it and is in and out of their life. This is a big decision, and I'm only giving you grace because you're so young, and I know you need to figure things out. I don't need money. Just your time with her. Or him."
"Okay. Yeah. I'll-I'll call you." His face was dazed and I knew he’d only taken in half of what I’d just said.
I made it all the way to my car before I broke down. I’d been doing that a lot lately; crying for no reason. Part of it was hormones, but this was definitely due to the emotional toll this all took. Carlos handled my news as expected. I wasn't expecting him to be overjoyed or angry, but being scared with one foot in and one foot out was pretty much what I'd envisioned.
Ultimately, I couldn’t predict whether Carlos would be involved with the baby—but he needed to know. My unborn baby had a right to know who the other half of them was. They would grow up and have questions, and I wanted to look them in the eye and be honest and transparent. I hoped I didn't need to be. I hoped Carlos would be a part of their life. But it was a lot to ask of someone. Legally, I could pursue child support, but I didn't want to unless I absolutely had to.
Drew grew up without a stable father figure. He'd always been tight-lipped about his relationship with him. All I knew was that it wasn't good. I'd rather my child had a father who was all in from the start rather than monetary help and barely any physical and emotional support. I’d also lost my mom at a young age, so I knew what it was like to grow up without a second parent. My child was lucky, though. They would have my dad, Nellie and Sene as part of their village. Most kids weren't so fortunate.
My phone rang, piercing the quiet of my stormy thoughts. For a moment, I thought it was Carlos; but then I saw a name I wasn't expecting. Mary. Drew's mom. Shit. Drew had finally told her.
I loved Mary. She was like a second mom to me, so knowing that tie would be severed hurt. God, she probably hated me.
"Hi, Mary." I usually called her Mom, but I wasn’t sure if she would welcome that now.
"Frankie? Sweetheart?"
"Mary." My voice broke at hearing her endearment.
"Oh, sweetheart. Please don't cry."
I swiped at my cheeks. "I guess Drew told you."
"Yes, honey, he told me everything." Her quiet sigh came down the line, and I braced myself for her wrath. "I'd wring his neck if I didn't love him so much."
My mouth dropped open. "Wring his neck… didn't he tell you –"
"That you're pregnant, and it's not his baby? Yes. Yes, he told me. But he also told me everything that led to it. He told me about his absence, his stupidity, and this silly business with this Carla person,"
"Carly."
"Yes," she sniffed. "Well."
"Aren't you angry?"
"At him? Yes. At you? No. Never at you."
I closed my eyes as relief washed over me, even though I felt a little guilty that Drew might not have the emotional support he needed.
"I want you to know that I love you, honey. And I will always be here for you. Whether you divorce my son or not, you will always be my daughter."
I crumbled at her words, tears spilling over as a valve released inside me. "Thank you, Mom. I love you, too. And I'm so sorry for everything."
We talked further, and it was on the tip of my tongue to ask her how Drew was. Was he struggling? Was he miserable? Or had he shrugged it all off and returned to Carly’s arms? I didn’t want to know.
After we spoke, I sat in my car for a few minutes longer before I felt stable enough to drive back to St Louis.
Drew now knew. Carlos knew. And Mary knew.
Now, I needed to tell my dad.