Chapter 28
I heard the key in the door before Sene’s heavy footsteps echoed down the small hall. He had just finished his shifts and was now on his days off. Usually, I would be up making sure the house was clean for him, and he had a stocked beer fridge. It was the least I could do for invading his space so much. But considering most of his beers were scattered on the table in front of me, and there was a small pile of dishes in the sink, he was shit outta luck tonight.
Sene stopped in his tracks when he surveyed his surroundings and spied the state I was in. “Hey man,” he slowly greeted. He cautiously approached me, like I was a scared animal about to lash out. His gaze took in the sorry scene, and his mouth tightened. “How many have you had?”
I shrugged. Like I was counting. “Two, ten. Who knows.”
Sene gave a tired sigh but wisely didn’t say anything. He sat opposite and rubbed at his shaved head. “How was it?”
I drained the last few drops of my beer before placing it on the table before me. My vision swayed a little, so I decided that was the end of drinking for me. At least for tonight.
“Let our landlord know that we weren’t extending our lease. Frankie doesn’t need any of the furniture, so I’ve put the dining table and the lay-z boy in storage. The rest I’ve got Goodwill coming by to pick up.”
After Frankie moved her clothes and personal items out, I didn’t feel like staying there anymore. It was already fucking depressing coming to a house that was increasingly feeling less and less like a home. It was the reason why I stayed more at Sene’s.
A week after she packed up, I started moving my stuff out. When Frankie told me she didn’t need any of the furniture, I seriously considered starting a bonfire. She was done with this part of her life, and it hurt that she didn’t even want one kitchen chair. She offered to go halves in a storage unit until we decided what to do, but I told her I’d handle it. The last thing she needed on her plate was more costs, considering her…condition.
Sene nodded solemnly as he watched me peel off the label on my beer. I added it to the growing pile.
“Everything’s moving so fast,” he commented.
I snorted. “Yeah, well, that’s what happens when your wife divorces you because she’s knocked up by another man.”
The beer I’d been holding was promptly swiped out of my hand.
“Hey!”
Sene slammed the bottle down before placing his hands on his hips. He was a little intimidating, looming over me with a glare that could strip paint.
“This pity party you’ve decided to throw for yourself is getting old,” he scolded.
A red flush scored my cheeks, but I stubbornly stared at my collection of beer bottles.
“Listen, dude. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. It’s a shit situation having your wife sleep with another man and fall pregnant by him. But you have to take responsibility for your part in this.”
I clenched my jaw. I hated hearing that Frankie had slept with someone else. It ate at me. Every night I would lie awake coming up with a million and one painful scenarios. Was he good? How did it feel when she kissed him? Did he know that sweet spot on her neck that made her shiver and moan? Did he know that she liked being fingered while her clit was sucked? Did he get to watch the color on her chest change to rosy red when she was at her peak?
My hands scrunched up the ripped pieces of damp paper as I tried to push the crimson rage from overcrowding me. I knew the majority of this mess lay in my lap, but it still did nothing to distinguish the bitterness and anguish I felt at losing my wife—at thinking of her being physical with another man, no matter how brief it was. I had so many questions. Questions that had answers I wanted to know, but at the same time, I didn’t.
If he was a one-night stand, had he given his number to Frankie? In my shoes, I would be dying for a repeat. Did he know that he was going to be a father? Was he happy? Who was he? Where did he live? Were they going to co-parent, or was she considering entering into a relationship with him? Was he persuading her to give their relationship a shot in the real world for their baby’s sake? My own father had done that with my mom. The only problem was, his words said one thing, but his actions spoke another. He had no interest in being a husband or father. Not to my mom or the two women he’d knocked up after her.
Sene clapped me on the shoulder, squeezing it briefly with that manly, silent reassurance.
“Listen, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I had lunch with Frankie and Nells on Tuesday.”
My head jerked up. Sene looked a little sheepish, but I had no problem with his friendship with Frankie. I just wished he’d told me sooner.
He held his hands up as he sat back down. “We didn’t talk about you or your marriage. It was purely to catch up on her travels and check how she was.”
I nodded. “It’s okay. She’s your friend, too. I’m glad she has people she can turn to.” I fingered the scraps of paper in front of me, ripping them smaller. I cleared my throat. “How is she? How did she look?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “She looked tired but good. Has that pregnancy glow going on. She told me she really wants a home birth but probably won’t get to do it.”
“Why not?”
He gave me a guarded look. “Well, she’s under your health insurance. Once you divorce…”
Fuck! I didn’t even think about that. One of the good things about my job was that I could also put Frankie under my healthcare plan.
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Did she tell you that she’s moving back to Columbia?”
“Yeah. Her dad’s excited to have her home since his house is too big just for him.”
The house he wanted to sell, and wanted to gift half the proceeds to us. Now, that home was to be Frankie’s again. And her child.
I groaned into my hand. My eyes were gritty, and I’d had a headache on and off for a week. Crying my eyes out when I rarely cried before had fucked with my head.
“This fucking sucks!” I growled. “Everything’s moving so fast. One minute, I was planning to book us into marriage counseling, and the next, she’s divorcing me and moving over an hour away.”
Sene grunted. “It sounds like you don’t want a divorce.”
Did I want a divorce? No. But external circumstances forced my hand. Frankie had made it clear that things were over before she slept with…whoever that asshole was…but I would’ve fought tooth and nail to salvage what I’d broken.
“Honestly, I haven’t had time to process anything. I haven’t processed her sleeping with someone else while we were separated, and I haven’t processed her being pregnant. I just wanted a moment to process it and figure out what we could do. If we could still fix things. But she’s closed off to the idea now.”
Sene blew his breath out, shaking his head. “Can you blame her? The last thing you said to her before you wanted to separate was that you may be developing feelings for another woman and almost hooked up with her. And then, on top of that, you dropped the bomb that you didn’t want kids, that you never wanted them. Even without that… other woman …the kid thing is something she could never forget. She’s protecting herself and her baby.”
Well, that I knew. Just add that to the pile of crap I dumped on her. I didn’t want kids. I was open to talking about it, though. I’d been open to a lot of things in the end…when it was too late.
“Drew…what is it that you want?”
I glanced at Sene. He was watching me with a furrowed brow, and I couldn’t miss his concerned, confused look.
What did I want?
“I don’t know.”