Chapter 49
“L ook at you, you clever girl!” Drew praised. He was sitting on the floor, watching Alani with rapt attention as she wobbled on her legs. She was so close to walking and was at the stage where she could stand but still relied on furniture to maneuver herself around.
Right now, she was standing unaided, clapping and bouncing up and down. She reached out and held Drew’s hand before taking small steps. I was in my element filming the two of them, calling out words of encouragement to Alani. Every time we cheered, she’d show us her gummy smile with the little teeth that were poking through.
Drew ended up staying the night—on the couch. After missing out on seeing Alani when he’d dashed away on Friday, he wanted to make up for lost time. I couldn’t sleep last night knowing he was nearby. It felt weird for him not to be in my bed, but I wasn’t ready to share an intimate space with him yet. There were times when I’d woken last night to the sound of Drew’s loud snoring—a clear sign that he was exhausted; most likely from driving back and forth from St Louis to Columbia over the last few days.
Still, his sleep noises brought a smile to my face. When he was in a deep sleep, he snored like a bear. I remembered all the times I’d kick him in the shin, hear him jerk awake, and quickly close my eyes, feigning innocence. Now, the sound of his sleeping soothed and comforted me. I couldn’t quite believe that we were going to make another go of our marriage.
Did it still hurt when I thought of how he’d iced me out and turned to another woman? Of course. Now and then, cruel memories would resurface, and I’d retreat into the darkness of those months. The distrust, the feelings of craziness, how it felt when I saw her face pop up on the screen when he was in Charleston. The moment he confessed to his feelings for her and his insistence on a separation.
But then I’d remember what he’d done for me so far. The support he’d given me with his generosity allowed me to have the birth plan I’d dreamed of. He selfishly helped me further my career by watching Alani—something that not even the most kindhearted person would be able to stomach; watching the lovechild of your estranged spouse. His honesty and vulnerability regarding his childhood definitely brought clarity to his behavior. It didn’t excuse what he’d done to me, but I could appreciate the tug of war that had brewed inside of him as a result of his absent and neglectful father.
Just like Alani, he and I were taking baby steps. There would be times we may slip and fall along the way—but if we were both willing to do the work, we’d eventually find our footing.
My phone suddenly rang in my hand, and I quickly silenced it before checking the number. I was determined to ignore it if it wasn’t important.
Drew glanced up at my silence. “What is it?”
My heart was in my throat, but I wanted to be honest with Drew. “It’s Carlos,” I whispered.
He nodded, his face solemn. He pulled Alani onto his lap and placed a kiss on top of her head. “Go answer it.”
I gave him a small smile before moving to the kitchen. I wanted to answer before he hung up. The last thing I wanted to give him was another out.
“You have some nerve, Carlos,” I bit out. My tone was low in order not to reach Drew, but there was no mistaking the steely anger behind it.
“Frankie.” His voice sounded like he’d smoked ten packs of cigarettes. “Frankie, I’m sorry.”
I was unmoved by his pleading. “Thank God Alani’s only little and doesn’t remember. I’m trying to be understand, really I am. If you got cold feet and wanted to cancel, I would’ve happily arranged another time. Standing us up and not contacting me is not cool.”
“I know, I know it’s not. H-how was Alani? Was she upset?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. For someone who told me he had a lot of little nieces, nephews, and cousins, he really didn’t know how oblivious a baby could be about certain things. It was his only saving grace.
“No. She’s only a baby, Carlos. She was just happy to be out at the park.”
His breath whoosed out down the line. “Thank God,” he mumbled.
I rubbed my forehead. “What is it you want, Carlos?”
“I-I told my parents.”
My eyes widened. “You haven’t told your parents yet?”
“My Mom’s very conservative and religious. I didn’t want to disappoint her. Plus, I knew she’d push me to meet her once she found out she had another grandchild. I-I wasn’t ready yet.”
I relaxed a little. “I understand.”
“But I’m ready now.”
My brow raised in doubt. He certainly sounded more sure than when he’d first told me he was ready. Still, I’d be a fool to trust him.
“Carlos,” I started.
“I am . I want to meet her. I want to be a part of her life.”
“Because your mom told you to?”
“No. Your husband.”
I almost dropped the phone in shock. I whirled around to stare out of the kitchen, although I couldn’t see Drew. “What?”
“He called me yesterday, after I…stood you up. He ripped me a new one. Told me that if I didn’t want to be a part of Alani’s life, that I’d be making a huge mistake.”
My mouth opened, but no words came out. You could knock me down with a feather. I was that shocked.
“He really loves you,” he continued. “And I can tell he loves Alani. He’s putting her first, which is something I want to do, too.”
Even though our conversation was very important, I suddenly couldn’t wait to get off the phone. I took a cleansing breath and agreed to give Carlos another chance. When he asked whether he could bring his mom and dad, I told him I’d think about it and call him back. I didn’t want to overwhelm Alani, but on the other hand, it was nice that his parents were so eager to meet their granddaughter. The more people in Alani’s corner, the better.
I walked back into the living room. Drew glanced up at me, his worry and concern clear. Alani was on his hip, her head against his shoulder. Love overwhelmed me. Without thinking, I crossed straight to Drew, curved my hand behind his neck, rose on my toes, and kissed him. He paused for half a second before I felt his groan vibrate against my lips. His tongue swept inside, and I eagerly welcomed his prodding. Fireworks sparkled in my belly. It was our first passionate kiss since we’d split.
“Frankie,” he breathed against my mouth.
“Thank you.” I leaned back and brushed the hair off his forehead. “I know this was so hard for you, but thank you for putting Alani’s needs first.”
“You two will always come first,” he promised. “Frankie, I’m in this all the way. Will it be difficult inviting another man—another man who’s known you intimately—into my life…permanently?” His eyes clouded over briefly with pain before he wiped away the hurt with another kiss against my lips. “It will be hard. But that’s my issue –”
I shook my head. “No. It’s both our issue. Just like the problems in our marriage will be shouldered by both of us. We can deal with this together. If either of us are struggling with anything, we let each other know. No more secrets, no more carrying things inside.”
Emotion glittered against his lashes. “Deal,” he hoarsely confirmed. “I love you, Frankie.”
I placed my forehead against his, my hand caressing my daughter, who had fallen asleep throughout our heartfelt platitudes.
“I love you, too.”