Chapter 3
“Sit there and behave, or I will declare you unfit for duty. Do not test me,” Dr. Ranlen snaps as I try, once again, to get off the bed.
It takes everything in me not to find something to kill her with. Sadly, the little monster would object to me taking out his doctor.
Thoughts of Emilio reignites my fury and I tense, forcing myself to stay seated on the bed. She watches me warily, as if reading my mind and understanding that I’m one wrong word or thought away from bolting.
“I need to get home. I need to find Roman and Emilio.”
Steel gray eyes meet mine. “You need to rest; you're no good to anyone if you injure yourself further. The bullet somehow managed to not nick the bone, but I still had to dig it out. It's going to take time to recuperate.”
Time I don't have. That Lio and Roman don't have.
“Thank you for patching me up, but I can't just sit here and—”
“That is exactly what you're going to do, or do I need to call Doc and have him come here to set you straight?”
Gritting my teeth, I meet her hard gaze, both impressed and annoyed that she doesn't bend to me. “I'm leaving tomorrow morning,” I tell her. “Load me up with the good drugs, and whatever else you fucking want, but I will be leaving as soon as possible.”
She sighs in exasperation, but finally nods, giving in to my demand. I'm aware it's mostly because it's not worth the fight, not because she's letting me win the argument.
With some muttered curses, she updates the chart in her hand and then leaves the room.
Restlessness almost wins out right away. The need to do something, anything, to find my Boys is strong. They were right there. Right fucking there. I was with them, Goddammit. I was supposed to protect them…
Too many thoughts and feelings swirl around in my head and I lash out, the stupid plastic cup and pitcher of water crashing to the floor.
My jaw hurts from clenching my teeth so hard. My heart races and my breathing speeds up.
Fisting my good hand, lest I do something like punch anyone who gets in my way as I make my way out of the house, I try to stem the sudden shaking that takes over my body.
They can't be gone…
I was right. Fucking. There.
What good am I, are all my protections, if I can't even keep the people I love safe? Fuck. There's that fucking word again.
Love. Stupid fucking brain chemistry that is meaningless. What does love ever do besides cause this overwhelming crushing pain?
This is why it's better to not feel things.
Reaching for my phone on the small table, glad it survived my tantrum, I send a message to Hol.
I’d rather call him, to hear his smooth voice reassuring me, but he doesn't need that. I am the strong one, the rock that withstands every storm that comes our way. I’d rather he focus on finding our Boys than talking me off the ledge.
I consider calling Benjamin, knowing he's most likely falling apart with Lio being gone, but…our conversation from the other day still plays in my head. All the reassurances he gave, but it still felt like something was missing.
I never realized how devastating not being accepted for who you are could be, because I've never given a shit before.
But Benjamin…he is everything to me. I broke myself open for him, and my stomach twists with the thought that he could throw that all away for some petty jealousy and miscommunication.
Fucking shit.
Fuck feelings.
Fuck complicated relationships.
Fuck anything and anyone that aren't the people I would bleed for, die for, live for.
Screw this. Throwing back the thin blanket over my lap, I swing my legs over the bed just as the door to my room opens.
Looking into Cristian's dark eyes, I narrow my own. “What the fuck do you want?”
“Glad to see you're fine,” he snarks back. “Tell me what's being done to find my son.”
At this point, I'm going to break a fucking tooth with how hard I’m clenching my teeth. “None of your business. In case you didn't notice, Cris, you are no longer the Boss—mine or anyone's—which means, you don't need to know.”
“That's my son, Tennant!” he shouts.
Cold apathy washes over whatever fucking breakdown I was in the middle of, so at least there's that. Fucking feelings.
“Roman isn't yours, Cris. He's mine. He has been since he was nineteen.”
“You've done a hell of a job protecting him,” he hisses. “He's been injured more times than I can count in the last three years.”
“Do not make this my fault…” I say lowly. “I do not care what you think you're entitled to, but you and your boyfriend are not in charge.”
He slips his hands into his pockets and takes a step forward. “Neither are you. You were my Second, but we both know you and Roman never worked well together. So, maybe I don't have power over the Family, but I still outrank you…”
I hum. “But you don't outrank Keegan.” I grin at him. “He's Carter’s Second. Which means, as part of the Council’s inner circle, I take my orders from him. So, if you want to know something? Go ask him.”
Cristian's onyx eyes burn with pain at the mention of his ex, and the man who loves Carter now.
That should at least keep him busy enough that he leaves me the fuck alone.
I don't have the capacity to deal with him right now.
Roman might be his son—and even that's debatable, considering how Roman currently feels about him—but Roman is mine.
Mine and Hollis's. That means more than anything else, than any claim someone tries to stamp on both him and Emilio.
“Are you intentionally trying to piss me off, Ten? Now? With Roman and Emilio missing. That’s not the smartest choice.”
“Get the fuck out of my room, Cris. Or don’t. I’d love to see Dr. Ranlen kick you out because you’re ‘upsetting’ her patient.”
“I’m trying to help find my son!” he seethes.
“I am not the one who can give you the answers you want. I have already told you who can, though. So, get the fuck out. Injured or not, I will cut you down. I broke you once, Cris, and I don’t have a problem doing it again.
As you so kindly reminded me, my lovers are missing—I don’t have time for your bullshit. So please, piss me off more.”
He seems to finally understand that I’m not going to give him anything, because he leaves as uneventfully as he appeared. I almost hope he goes and asks Keegan for answers… I’d love to see Mayhem knock him down a peg or two.
With an irritated huff, I get back in bed, knowing as much as I want to be out there, I can’t. I meant what I told Cristian. I follow the orders of the Council, and right now, the last thing Carter and Jude, and even Hollis, need is me forcibly sidelined because I went against doctor’s orders.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to be shut out, though. I’ll give the doctors tonight, but tomorrow? Tomorrow, I’m going to remind every single fucking person who tries to stand in my way just who and what I am.
Cecily Dowing fucked up. She stole from the monster, and now? She’s in its crosshairs…