Chapter 19
Freddie
The surreal story that is becoming my life. I’m not sure how many crazy coincidences this is, but I discovered Simmons, my Simmons, well maybe not mine but the one I saved in my phone as Big Honey Bear, has been admitted to the hospital where I’m volunteering.
I’ve inched away from his sleeping body, lingering now by the door. Chloe checked on him and gave me the rundown of what happened. Technicians sent off blood work and scanned him for internal bleeding or damage. Currently though, he just looks beat up a little with a broken wrist.
Unsure what to do, my feet decide for me, and I stay rooted in place, watching his chest puff up and down.
I wonder where he was heading; it wasn’t late out, but the sun had gone down and rush hour traffic was long gone.
Maybe to his family's home or a boyfriend’s.
Maybe a girlfriend’s even or their family's home for the holidays. Maybe I shouldn’t be here, hovering over him in case a loved one arrives and questions who I am.
But I never said I was a saint. I want to see his brown eyes again; I want to know he is okay, and a selfish part of me wants to help him get better so I can see more of him.
We had one hookup months ago that led nowhere except a few texts here and there.
Looking at my coat I’ve been clutching onto, I sigh.
I should leave and head to my apartment.
My Christmas tree will get lonely without me (even though it’s still in the box). I chew on my bottom lip, which reminds me I need to buy more lip balm. The winter always dries them out; the anxiety of chewing them probably doesn’t help either.
Lying there peacefully, the clinical sound of machines beeping around us, his muscular forearm, not in the sling, with all that dark hair lays beside his torso.
The silver bracelets he wore when he wanked me off still adorn his thick wrist. I watch him some more, debating whether to cross over into the room and make myself known once he wakes up.
Would he even want to see me? We didn’t leave things badly, but we missed our chance that night of the expo, and I’m not sure there would be room for me in his life. I was only ever going to be a casual hookup for him anyway.
But what if it turned out he was alone? Wouldn’t I want a friendly face when I woke up from a car crash that knocked me out?
As I try to justify my need to stay, a different nurse comes in and tells me I need to leave.
Chloe must have gone home, which means I no longer have permission to be in here because I’m not family.
Okay, enough is enough. I put my coat back on, lying to myself that I won’t come back and check on him.
If I did, it would only be to make sure he wasn’t alone.
I would do that for any of the patients I see on their own.
God, I’m a shit liar, can’t even do it to myself.
Shaking my head at my ridiculousness, I look one last time over at Simmons.
He’s staring back at me. A look of confusion crossed over his face as he stares at me so intensely that I think he might be trying to send me telepathic thoughts.
The new nurse moves into view and gives me a wide-eyed time for you to fuck off look before throwing the curtain closed.
That’s the final push that has me legging it out of there.