Chapter 43
Simmons
“Apologise,” my best friend tells me in a tone that says he is trying to be a best friend but is about to defect to be Freddie’s with Jamie.
Empty glass in hand, I’m a cliché as I swallow my feelings and let Arnie go on at me about how much of a dick I am. Sorry, make that Arnie and Jamie telling me how much of a dick I am.
Naked, alone and listening to my record player as music flutters from it softly, they watch me fall apart over video call. I don’t care anymore. About anything. The club. My work. Wearing clothes. Fuck it all to hell.
“… he’ll understand Simmons. Just make things right. Is he even listening?” I hear Jamie faintly say.
“Okay. Wallowing in the dark is over, Simmons. Get off the couch. Get a shower. Sober the fuck up and come up with a plan before I come over and Jamie and I throw iced water over you,” Arnie yells through the small screen.
“He’s done with me, guys. You should have seen the anger radiating off him. There’s no fixing this. I messed up as per and don’t deserve him.”
I sit up and place my hands on my head as my arms rest on my knees.
No care in the world that they can probably see my junk from where my phone is propped up against an empty bottle.
If Freddie were here, he would likely make a joke about my state.
God, I miss him. Why can’t I stop with the self-sabotage?
“Simmons, he clearly loves you. You both just need your heads bashed together because it’s been obvious to literally everyone for quite some time now,” Jamie tells me, and it has my head snapping up to him on screen. They both chuckle at me and my misery.
“Seriously Simmons. Have you had an eye checkup recently? Cause you are so blind,” Arnie jokes.
“Stop laughing at my pathetic life,” I mumble.
But they are actually right. Forever consumed with the assumption that Freddie would just up and leave me like every other sub, I dismissed him without so much as a thought for what he actually wants or feels for me.
So wrapped up in my chaos, I didn’t even give him a chance.
And he gave me several. Fuck, I am a dick.
“How do I make it right?” They both grin like idiots, and my lip quirks because they are so suited for each other and so madly in love that it’s all I want with Freddie.
“Shower, shave, and then… well then you go tell your sub that you’re in love with him and willing to do whatever it is to keep him,” my best friend says with a sigh.
I nod enthusiastically. Time to wake the fuck up and leave the past where it belongs.
Freddie didn’t deserve my attitude yesterday, and
I’ll understand if he wants nothing to do with me, but he is a rainbow during a storm, the feeling of cool air on your body when it’s been somewhere too hot.
I need him. At ten years older than him, I shouldn’t be the one to immaturely sabotage this.
If he forgives me, then I owe him. Knowing Freddie, he’ll probably want to punish me.
And I’ll let him because if giving him my submission will mean him being by my side every day, then I’ll do it forever.
***
“Charlie, so good to catch up. I know it’s been too long. Still the same one. Boring, I know, but that’s why I wanted to chat… “
After speaking with Arnie and Jamie, I decided I needed to do more than just grovel at Freddie’s apartment.
I had to prove to him I was worth the hassle.
To let him know I am serious about him. With the storm cloud called Scotland hanging over my head since meeting my bratty boy, I had assumed that him going home would ruin us. But would it?
Shaking off my ignorance, I started doing some research and found that my old PhD roommate Charlie was working at Edinburgh University of all places now. Coincidence or fate? I wasn’t caring, as long as he could help me get my foot in the door of somewhere UK-side.
My plan was to find out what was available over there, make some calls, and see what my financial situation was.
All good on those fronts, then I could move with Freddie if that was something he wanted.
We could find somewhere small to start, and the pay might not be great if I can’t get a great job teaching at first.
But I would live in a shoebox and give up espresso if it meant waking up next to Freddie. Smelling his sugary scent on all my belongings and teaching him a lesson in the most excitingly erotic ways.
My shock at finding out he had been a virgin before me was hard to get over, too. Thinking back to that night at Nyctra when I fucked him hard from behind, his cock and balls had carpet burns from how rough it had been.
There are questions spinning around in my head whether I prepped him enough, if I wasn’t caring enough in the aftermath.
Should I have checked in on him more after it?
Shit, the way I caught him before he left the club afterwards, he looked like he had cried, but I was too caught up because he had stolen my wallet.
What if I hurt him and he didn’t tell me? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
I couldn’t have known, but it still stung.
Why hadn’t he told me? Did he think I wouldn’t have wanted him?
The more it swirls around in my mind, I know that I need to at least talk with Freddie, even if he wants nothing to do with me afterwards.
I have to make sure he is okay. That what we have been doing hasn’t been too much for him.
Treating him with the assumption that he was highly experienced could have damaged him, and it would be all my fault.
Like everything else between us has been.
Charlie tells me he will get back to me, but he knows at least a couple of places in Scotland looking for professors before the new academic year begins, but will email over information when he has it. That’s all I can ask for. After thanking him, I roll from my seat at my desk and get ready.
Time to grovel hard. And hope my boy will forgive me.