Chapter 45
Freddie
What a clusterfuck. Closing the door behind Simmons, I lean back against the hard wood and take a deep breath.
“Everything okay?” I hear Benji ask from the sofa. I open my eyes and push myself forward towards him.
“Peachy,” I grin at him. His sad smile back is nothing compared to how he used to smile. Broken, my best friend is still covered in the marks from his abuser.
I offered to head back to Scotland and find Thomas, castrate him and then offer an ol’ hung, drawn, and quarter on his arse but Benji said no.
Didn’t seem to matter anyway since Thomas had ran off and was hiding like the scum he was.
Benji had also not yet offered the full story on how he got here and what happened.
Just that it was his boyfriend who had done it and he couldn’t take it anymore and fled. FLED! Like he was a kidnapped animal.
Trying not to show the anger on my face, I make my way over to the kettle.
Tea. Tea solves fucking everything. Two and a coo, as my granny used to say.
I rummage in the fridge for the coo part - milk - before sliding some oat cookies onto a plate and taking the steaming mugs back to the living room where Benji is lounging under a huge blanket my granny Jean had crocheted for me 20 years ago.
That yellow thing probably had bacteria that could kill you on it, but I just couldn’t force myself to clean it properly out of fear the thing would finally disintegrate.
“Tea? Seriously?” My best friend lets out a little laugh, and it makes my heart swell. A step up from the sad smile, so I’ll take it. Placing the tray down on the coffee table, I chew my lip as I try to explain who Simmons is and what I need to go do right now.
“Freddie, it’s cool. If you have to leave. I can take care of myself for a day,” he tells me with a raised eyebrow. I roll my eyes at him because he knows me far too well.
“Simmons is my kind of boyfriend, and we both fucked up and fell out. I’m just nipping to the cafe a couple of streets over. I will be like an hour tops.”
“It’s fine, Freddie. You have a life here. I didn’t mean to intrude, it’s just that I had nowhere to go… and… “
Fuck, the tears are back. I was hoping he was doing much better today because there hadn’t been tears for a while. I can’t leave him while I see Simmons. Maybe I could bring him along. He swipes at the salty wetness and gives me a look through jagged, wet lashes.
“It’s hormones or something. I’ll be okay. If I need you, I’ll call, I promise. Let me wallow alone a while, anyway. You’re like a mother hen, pecking around and doing too much,” he says with a tease despite his sad state.
“Are you sure? And fuck you very much, I am trying to help you,” I reply as I grab my trainers from the hall and start lacing them up.
“Are you going like that?” he asks as he kneels and watches me from the back of the couch.
I look down at myself. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Oh. Nothing. You look great. Thomas would have pitched a fit. Sorry,” he whispers, with his head down. Thomas, you cunt, I hate you.
“Benji, you are safe now. Fuck Thomas and fuck his fucking attitude. I hope he falls down a never-ending hole, the prick.”
That earns me another huffed laugh.
“Get lost. Bring me back a cake, though,” he shouts as he settles back under the blanket and grabs the remote.
“Yes, darling, love you!” I yell as I shut the door behind me and make my way down the cafe. Okay. Deep breath. You have this, Freddie.
No, I don’t! All I’m repeating is what Jamie told me when I called him this morning in a panic.
I don’t have this. Big honey bear Simmons is going to tell me we can’t be together because of some reason he has made up in his mind and then we will argue again, and I’ll have to come back home alone, miserable and wondering what could have been.
Waving to Tim, I hop through the front doors before he can interrogate me about Simmons.
I’m sure he already got the stink eye on the way up this morning from Tim.
Giggling at that image, I cross the road and walk it down the quick trip to the cafe.
It’s sunny today, so no need for a jacket, and my thigh-highs are doing their job of keeping my milky thighs warm.
As I push through into the sweet-scented cafe, I see Burt leaving with a boy and two boxes of cakes. I shoot them a brief salute that gets me giggles from the cute boy, and then I’m back in serious mode to get to Simmons at the booth up the back.
Little does Simmons know, but that toilet that’s always out of order?
It’s not. It’s a dirty little secret that Kody has made into a room where his friends can find some fun when they can’t make it home on time.
And I plan on using it IF and only if we can resolve what is going on between us.
He looks up as I approach him, and I almost melt right there.
Heat flares in his eyes as he takes me in from head to toe.
Good. I want him to know that he might miss out on all this if he’s a turd about us getting a happily ever after.
“Hey,” I say as I take a seat, clasping my hands around the iced mocha he got me. He leans in, coffee mug in hand, and smiles at me. He lifts his free hand and rubs his thumb over my cheek, and I close my eyes and inhale the honey scent coming off his skin.
“Hey. I missed you,” he tells me with sincerity in his voice.
“I missed you too,” I answer honestly.
“So. Um… what did you mean when you texted me saying come? Was there someone else in your apartment? Is that why we are meeting here?” God, he looks so lost and shy, but I need to push past wanting to care for him and get the gritty bits out before I can soothe him.
He owes me an apology. I straighten myself, and he takes back his hand.
“Look, Simmons, yes, there is someone in my apartment, and before you talk over me, listen, okay?” He only nods.
“My best friend I told you about, Benji? He showed up here the other night. Distraught and in need of my help. His ex, Thomas the piece of shit, was abusing him and not just mentally. I don’t think you being as big as you are and unknown to him was the best thing for him this morning.
So that’s why I asked to meet here. Also, and this is a big one, honey bear.
I am not moving back to Scotland. I’m sorry.
I should have told you and kept you in the loop with my plans of one day maybe going home.
But this was only ever a contract. I didn’t think I owed you my future itinerary.
But we both know it’s bullshit. We barely lasted in that contract and may as well have a welcome to our home doormat outside your place and mine.
We have both had our heads up our arses with this.
So I am laying it all out now. No more games, no more running from you.
You want me, Simmons? You fucking have me, but only if you can be honest and open with me. I deserve that and more.”
My chin wobbles and I know he can see the tears swimming in my eyes but I hold my own and he just stares with that intensity that I’ve always known him for. His chest is heaving, and he looks like he might explode. Then, finally.
“Freddie. I am so, so, so fucking sorry. I am a moron. A class-A fuckwit, as you like to call me sometimes. But seriously, I fucked this up before I gave it a chance. Gave us a chance. I need you as much as I need air. You bring out a side of me that only you knew existed, and I love it. I want more. You’re all I think about.
You’re all I will ever need. And I am sorry I messed you about when you showed me early on how into this you were with me.
I was foolish to make assumptions about you and how we would navigate this if it became real.
But I want to. I want to make this work.
Because Freddie, dammit, I love you more than I have ever loved anything,” he says through a shaky voice that cracks at the end.
And there in our favourite cafe, my honey bear breaks and I find myself in his lap as sobs echo around us while he repeats his apology to me.
Gripping his chin, I tuck a loose hair behind his ear and look into his amber-flecked brown eyes.
“I love you too.” I nod continuously until he brings our lips together and I can taste the salty tears as they combine with our saliva and then my own tears.
Simmons holds me close, and I never want him to let me go, ever.
We stay like that a while before I lean back and grab my coffee that’s now half melted ice water.
After a long suck from my straw, I push it into Simmons’ mouth, and he drinks from it too.
“I’m moving. With you. To Scotland?” he looks confused at my confused face and furrowed brow.
“Where are we going?” I tease.
“Scotland?”
“Alone? Cause, babe, I ain’t moving there.
Not after speaking with my parents after you left.
Not now that Benji has shown up needing a community of support that I know he will find here.
And certainly not after watching you cry in our favourite cafe after you confessed your love for me.
That’s teasing fodder for every anniversary, so I’m not willing to move away and miss that chance,” I giggle as he pokes my ribs and steals a kiss.
This time our lips are cold and taste of chocolate mixed with coffee. I could live here in his lap. Have him feed me. Fuck me.
“Where did you go?”
I look at him from where my mind was off wandering through filthy fields of sexy, kinky stuff, and he laughs at my expression.
“Fuck. You make me feel so alive, Freddie. I can’t wait to spend forever with you. Brat,” he nips my lips, and we kiss like that until we’re breathless. Jumping off him, I grab his hand and lead him to the out-of-order toilet.
“Uh, Freddie, that toilet doesn’t work,” he tells me with an edge of curiosity.
“Oh, honey bear. This isn’t a bathroom. It’s a kinky dungeon, babe,” I say through a giggle as I pull open the door.
Simmons is on me before the door swings shut, and I’m thrown over his shoulder as he makes his way down the steps and into Kody’s filthy lair.
THE END