Chapter 16 Callum
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CALLUM
Ian is sound asleep next to me when I jolt awake the next morning.
A sharp pang of panic rises in my throat, and I rub a hand across my face, trying to force it back down.
It…kind of works, but that panic gets replaced with guilt.
It crawls across my skin, and I fight the urge to curl up and let it win.
This is Ian’s bed. He belongs here, and I’m the jerk who made him stop last night.
I messed it up. He was so clear about how much he wanted to have sex, and I should have been ready for him.
Hell, I wanted it. I completely lost control of myself and kept taking non-stop, until I started overthinking about what exactly I’d be expected to do with Ian, and then I completely shut down.
And now I’m lying in Ian’s absurdly comfortable bed, spiraling.
He stopped when I asked, like it was nothing. He does so much for me, and I can’t even have sex with him even though I also wanted to?
I’m fucking pathetic.
He shifts around, startling me, and I roll away to give him space.
“Morning,” he mumbles, his eyes still closed. He stretches out an arm and pats around the sheets where I was lying a few moments ago, scrunching up his face and shuffling toward me. I tense up, holding my breath, as his roaming hand lands on my waist, narrowly missing my traitorous morning wood.
Ian lets out a low hum as soon as he makes contact with me. “There you are.” The way his body softens confuses me and makes my heart flip. “C’mere.”
I loosen my clenched jaw ever so slightly, noticing the warmth in his tone, but my nerves stay stuck in my chest. “Why?”
“Callum,” he whines, dragging my name out, and his low, husky voice sends tingles into my tailbone. “I’m so cold.”
At that, he pulls himself into me, and I give in, letting myself relax. We’re in an awkward position—he’s shorter, but I’m the one in his arms. Not that I’m complaining, especially since I’ve never been this comfortable before.
“Did you sleep okay last night?” I ask, trying to break through my own tension.
“Mhm.” He sighs and tightens his hold on me. “But waking up next to you is even better.”
As soon as those words leave his mouth, the last of my nerves melt away. How can he just drop something like that?
But then he stiffens his body and loosens his grip on me. “Shoot, sorry. That was too much, wasn’t it?” He sighs. “I can be a lot.”
“Nah, it seemed right to me. Maybe I needed to hear that,” I admit. Now I’m the one wrapping around Ian, and I don’t miss how solid and warm he feels in my arms.
He huffs and opens his mouth to speak before pausing, seemingly hesitant. “Be careful what you wish for. I wasn't kidding about being a lot.”
“That’s fine,” I say. “Come here.”
“Fuck yes.” He drops his head to my chest, relaxing into my body.
It's so peaceful like this. Somehow, I'm calm.
Then my stomach grumbles, interrupting the moment.
“Are you hungry? I can make eggs.” Ian mumbles.
No, you don’t have to. You already do so much for me.
I ignore my annoying inner voice. “Sounds great, thank you.”
His face lights up, and I take in how happy he gets when I don’t push back or try to stop him from doing things for me.
Then he kisses my forehead on his way out of the bed, and I go all mushy. Ian stretches up and yawns as I’m collecting myself, and the bottom of his shirt lifts to reveal his trim waist, making me fall apart all over again. My greedy eyes linger for so long that he catches me and chuckles.
God, I… Fuck. I'm helpless.
I look away. “Sorry.”
“Oh no, I'm getting checked out by a hot guy. Send help,” he deadpans, stepping toward me.
The proximity makes my heart race, and when he threads his fingers through my hair and scratches the back of my head, I swear I stop breathing.
“Stare at me all you want,” he continues, gesturing at himself. “I’m all yours.”
Those words send a bolt of arousal to my balls. He's saying he's mine? That's a bit… I don't know how to feel about that, but I don't have to because Ian sticks a hand under my chin and tilts my head up. I part my lips, he leans down, and—
He's kissing me.
Holy shit, holy shit, we're kissing again. It's like something possesses me, and my arms spring out and pull his body closer while my tongue works on autopilot. I have no idea how he isn't complaining because I have no idea what I'm doing, but from the sounds he's making, he seems to like it.
So I spear my tongue deeper into his mouth, and he lets out a moan. Holy… It's so loud and deep, and the sound travels right to my cock.
Ian pulls back, breathless. “Whew. I wasn't planning on getting this hot and heavy.”
“Plans can change.” I slip one hand under his shirt, grabbing his back muscles, and the other through his hair to drag him back in.
Last night, Ian said I could take the lead, and until he says otherwise, that's what I'm gonna do. And I want to finish what I started. I don't think I've needed something so badly before, and if he lets me…
Aw, no. He's pulling back.
“Do you think we should leave this until later?” he says.
My crotch burns with need. Why does he want to wait? Is Ian scared I'll freak out like I did last night?
Just like that, the sinking feeling from earlier returns to my stomach.
He continues. “Especially since—”
I groan, stopping him mid-sentence. “Don't handle me with kid gloves. Please. I want this.”
“So do I.” He runs a rough hand through his bedhead. “Fuck, I want you so bad, but don't you have to work on Sundays?”
Oh. Yes, I do.
I palm my erection while checking the clock, and yeah, I have five minutes to spare before I have to leave, if that.
As much as my dick protests, I still feel like my first sexual experience with someone else should be a little more…glamorous than something rushed.
I hope I don't have to focus today—I just know my mind is gonna be occupied.
Ian's face is still flushed, and he steps back, adjusting himself in his sweats. “There’s no time for eggs, but I can grab you a protein bar or something so you don't get hungry” he says before walking out of his bedroom.
I reluctantly get changed and am about to comb my hair before remembering that Ian likes it a little messy. My hair’s growing, and the look is growing on me too, so I settle for running a few damp fingers through the strands.
Ian is making coffee when I emerge into the kitchen, and he freezes once he turns around, staring straight at me.
“Is there something wrong?” I ask, instinctively reaching up to pat my hair back down.
His gaze goes down, then back up to my face. “No,” he says, dragging the word out. “You're just so absurdly hot.”
A blush floods my cheeks as a smile crawls across his face. He's said it before, but it's still surprising to be reminded that he finds me attractive. I’d be a liar to say I don’t like hearing it—the fact that I have this effect on someone like him is nothing short of astounding.
“Do you mind me checking you out?” he asks, snapping out of it. “I can try to keep myself in check if it makes you feel weird.”
I shake my head. “Go ahead.”
There’s a pause as Ian and I regard each other in silence. His eyes leave mine and dart lower again for a few seconds before returning, but my chest blooms in that short moment.
“I… I appreciate knowing that you’re interested,” I confess.
“Thank fuck. I’m so weak for you,” he mutters. “Anyway, here’s breakfast. You should get going so you aren’t late.”
I accept the protein bar he hands me, hesitating before putting it in my backpack.
Then I smile, unfamiliar courage finding its way into my head. “There’s one more thing I should do before I leave.”
“Yeah?” Ian tilts his head to the side, and I crash my mouth against his. He lets out a breathy moan and pushes up into me, making the kiss go right to my dick.
When he backs me into the wall with one hand cupping my cheek, I get a sudden urge to call in sick. I'll have to ask him to corner me again.
“This was a bad idea,” I say, and Ian blinks at me.
“How come?”
I let out a dry laugh. “Because I’ll have to figure out a way to survive the next five hours when all I can think about is finishing what we started last night.”
Ian flicks his gaze down again, and I move my jacket so it covers my crotch.
“Jesus, you're gonna have me rocking a semi all day,” he says. “You're irresistible.”
Heat surges up my neck, and I get harder.
“I need to leave,” I blurt out, turning around and rushing through the door.
My jacket hangs from my arm, casually draping over the front of my jeans, for the entire walk to the library.
Ian is so flirty, I’m defenseless, and I like that I’m defenseless.
He can get under my skin any day of the week.
Great, now I’m thinking about him again.
God, I’m a mess.
Thankfully, I settle down once I leave Ian's place and get through my quiet shift. Sure, my mind drifts to him too many times to count, but I manage to keep my wits about me and avoid drooling in the stacks.
Still, as soon as my shift ends, I waste no time getting back to the apartment.
As Ian would say, I “rock a semi” for the entire walk, and like this morning, I make sure to keep myself covered.
The elevator ride to the second floor feels a lot longer than it usually does, and my hands shake when it comes to unlocking his door.
I enter holding my breath.
The apartment is warm as usual, with the familiar, comforting smell hitting me as soon as I step in. Ian is lazing on the couch-bed, scrolling through his phone, which he puts down once he spots me.
“Hey, what’d you get up to while I was gone?” I ask.
“Nothing much. I hit a workout, grabbed lunch with Nick, and showered. How was your shift?”
“Decent.” I do my best to filter out the impatient edge to my voice. I don’t say anything else as I hurry into the living room, settling next to Ian. “Couldn’t wait to get back here, though.”
He smirks. “Hmm. Someone’s eager.”
I scoff, but he trails his fingers along my forearm, the touch sending electricity down my spine.