Chapter 19 Ian
CHAPTER NINETEEN
IAN
What do you know, the random iron in the baseball locker room is getting its first use tonight, courtesy of me.
Practice is over, and I’m freshly showered, moisturized, and cologned-up. I’m standing in a towel, making meticulous passes over my pants, and when I turn around to grab my shirt, I’m greeted by two pairs of staring eyes: Nick’s and my teammate Jeremy’s.
“Scotty’s got a date tonight,” Jeremy says, his arms crossed. He doesn’t even bother turning that into a question.
“And what if I do? Jealous it’s not with you?” I joke.
“Aww, fuck you.” He flips his mop of messy, light blond hair out of his face, which gives me a better view of his cocky grin. “Any other day, I’d toss my water bottle at your head, but I’ll hold back today out of respect for your hot date.”
“Much appreciated,” I reply, humored sarcasm lining my tone. I finish ironing my polo, and I hang it up in my locker to let the steam evaporate.
“Who’s your date?” Nick asks. “Guy or girl?”
“Guy,” I reply. “Not spilling any more for now. Don’t wanna jinx it.”
Nick nods. “Nice. Hope it goes well.”
I smile into my locker before turning around, a small coil of nerves materializing in my stomach. “Thanks. I want it to go well. I really, really do.”
From the way Nick’s mouth is tight from suppressing laughter, and how Jeremy is grinning into his fist, I must have let out a wistful sigh or something.
“Uh-oh, someone has a crush,” Nick sings.
“And what about it? For what it’s worth, the guy I’m going out with tonight is super excited, too.”
“Good shit.” Nick gives me an excited fist bump. “Way to go, man.”
That’s that, so I slip into my clothes, shut my locker, and head out into the cold.
Callum and I are going bowling, and the lanes aren’t far from the ballpark.
It’s pretty stereotypical as first dates go, but it’s still a safe, tame option.
Besides, we’ll be in public, so we’ll be forced to keep things wholesome.
Not that I mind being sweet with him, not at all—it’s just that up until now, Callum and I have chosen to be calm after letting off steam.
And he has a lot of fucking steam to let off. I don't know if he's making up for lost time or if he's naturally insatiable, but I'm not gonna complain about him giving me his typical cute pleading expression, like, all the time.
When I asked him out a week ago, I mostly wanted to pump the brakes in case he got nervous about hooking up so quickly.
Now that I’m here at the bowling alley, I know it’s also for me.
I like Callum. I want to be with him. Putting us back on the standard path of going out is the safest way to get there.
I just need to keep myself calm, avoid jumping the gun, and stop myself from scaring him off.
The bowling alley is blissfully warm, and I shed my coat to thaw faster. Scanning around, I try to spot Callum, and as soon as I do, I find that it’s a lot harder to breathe.
Holy motherfucking shit, he’s at risk of burning the whole building down with how scorching-hot he is. My god. He’s wearing a simple blue Henley that I haven’t seen before, a little looser than I'm used to, but it still shows off his powerful frame and gives my ever-hungry eyes a lot to feast on.
Callum tilts his head up and locks eyes with me, sending a sweet smile over my way. I pick up the pace, not wanting to wait any longer.
“Hey,” he says. “You look good.”
I do? “You're one to talk. Is that a new shirt?”
He nods.
I swallow, finding words as I run a sneaky hand down the fabric covering one of his arms. “You look amazing.”
“You’re such a flirt,” he says, smirking at me in a way that melts even more of my testy self-control.
Since when did he smirk? Hell, his usual small smiles already make me go loopy, but smirking? It’s lethal. Fucking lethal.
“I have half a mind to drag you back home and undress you with more than my eyes,” I whisper, getting on my toes to reach his ears, which turn red as soon as I finish my sentence. “But I was looking forward to taking you out tonight, so we’re both gonna have to wait.”
Callum turns his head to me, his eyes narrow and sensual. “I’m used to holding out for that. At least this time the wait will be worth it.”
Whew. Okay. I can stay calm, even in the face of Callum managing to be vulnerable and tantalizing at the same time. Shutting my eyes, I smile and repeat a much-needed reminder in my head: I will not be a horndog, I will not be a horndog, I will not be a horndog.
“Alright, Cal, enough of that,” I announce, slinging an arm around his waist. “We’re here to have some nice, wholesome fun together.”
And we do. Callum is a beast, and he smokes the hell out of me. By the end of the night, I’ve won a single game out of five, and he isn’t gloating nearly as much as he should be.
“I’m telling you, you gotta sign up for the Kinesiology rec league at least,” I say as we leave the alley. “You have serious skills.”
Modest as ever, Callum shrugs me off. “Nah. Beginner’s luck.”
“Aw, come on, Cal, you can gloat a little.” I dig my thumbs into his shoulder blades, hyping him up. “Repeat after me: I’m a fucking champ and I got five strikes in a row.”
He snorts. “Not saying that, sorry.”
“Okay, fine,” I reply, lying. “But c’mere.”
I stop walking, prompting Callum to do the same, and I stare up at him. As if he reads my mind, he leans down for a kiss, and I press up to join him.
And I pull away at the last second. “Sorry, buddy. You gotta gloat before I kiss you.”
“You’re ridiculous.” He rolls his eyes, and I swear I’ve never seen sexier sass in my life.
I nudge his head with my fingers so he’s facing me again. “Hey, I’m serious. You know what you have to do.” For added pressure—uh, incentive, I run my thumb along his lower lip.
That’s what gets him to snap. “Okay, fine. I’m a fucking champ, I got five strikes in a row, and Ian’s a sore loser because he’s finding ways to punish me.”
Recoiling, I open my mouth and let out a noise that’s somewhere between a snicker and a scoff. “Jesus, the mouth on this guy,” I say, molding my face into an expression of false offense. “Where did that come from?”
Callum closes the distance between us and hooks an arm around my back. “I don’t know. Can I please kiss you already?”
Yes, yes, he can.
And he does, making me regret ever holding out on him. It’s official: I’m never withholding a kiss ever again. I’ll have to find some other way of teasing Callum, a way that doesn’t deprive me at the same time.
Every gentle sweep of my tongue in his mouth imparts more and more of his heady, addictive flavor: the pizza he insisted on buying for us after I paid for his shoe rental, the soda I bought him after betting that he wouldn’t get five strikes in a row, and then something unplaceable and uniquely him.
He tries to pull away, and I only let him take a quick inhale before crashing my mouth back onto his for more.
I want him in every way: physically, romantically… If he wasn’t going through post-religious deprogramming, I’d say I want him biblically, too, but he has the past that he does, so I’ll want him carnally instead.
“Okay, okay, let me breathe,” Callum says with a chuckle as he pulls away and holds me at a distance with his long arms. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want more. I do. It’s just that we’re in public and my pants are already tight enough.”
“Tight pants crew, let’s go,” I joke, giving him a fist bump. “You’re good at explaining yourself, that’s for sure.”
He shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah. I mean, you said people in the past gave you crap for being affectionate, and I don’t want you to think I’m the same.”
That one sentence is all it takes for the world to stop.
Holy shit.
One thing about suddenly feeling full is that you’re made aware of how empty everything was leading up to the present.
I knew the guys in the past were dicks, but I always thought that how they reacted to me was my fault.
Callum considering my feelings like it’s no big deal to him has me all raw and fuzzy and numb.
“Thank you. I… I really appreciate it.” I keep walking so I don’t start crying tears of elation in the middle of the sidewalk. “Did you have a good time tonight?”
I don’t think I needed to ask—he’s fucking beaming. When that man is happy, I swear the world becomes a better place because of it.
“Yeah,” he says, tilting his head back. “Tonight was the most fun I’ve had in… Yeah. I had a great time.”
What he didn’t say makes my stomach clench, and I bring my hand to him, threading my fingers through his.
And not to be dramatic or anything, but when he squeezes not once, but twice, I swear my heart gives out.
“Whatcha doin’ there?” I ask.
“Nothing. I felt like it’d be nice to do.”
Callum Cross: the oblivious romantic.
We’re both tired as hell from the date, so we walk home in near silence. Callum’s hand doesn’t leave mine for a second, though, not even when someone steps out of a dorm across the street.
That’s when it sinks in even more. I’m witnessing, no, experiencing him grow into his skin in real time, and he’s choosing to do that with me.
Someone is choosing me.
Now it’s my turn to squeeze Callum’s hand, and then I decide to lean my head against his shoulder like the sap I am.
He breathes out, in something that sounds like a huffed laugh. “Holy fuck.”
“You good?”
“Uh-huh,” he says. “Can we sit for a while? I’m kind of… I need to sit.”
I guide him under the archway of Maple Hall. There’s scaffolding all over the building, but the construction workers have all left for the night. It’s only the two of us there.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, sitting down on a bench in the quad.
Callum joins me. “Yeah.” His voice is soft, and some kind of gentle, almost sad smile plays out on his lips. “Tonight was amazing. Thank you again for taking me out.” He leans his head on mine, making my heart race.
“You don’t need to thank me for taking you on a date, Cal,” I say, placing my hand on his and giving him a squeeze. “I wanted to ask you out from the second you told me you’re into guys.”
“I…” He trails off, sucking in a breath. “I never thought I’d get to experience anything like this. I’ve never felt like anyone wants me.”
“Hey, come here.” I open my arms, and Callum nudges into me, the way he always does, and the way I’ve come to crave. “I want you so bad, Cal. All of you. I’m so fucking gone for you.”
“Tha—”
I press a finger to his mouth and cut him off.
Rude, but necessary. “You’re not gonna thank me for being into you, my god.
” I ruffle his cute hair and restore some of the charming muss that flattened as the night went on.
“My feelings are all because of you. You're a great friend and—” Hopefully a great boyfriend.
One week and one date. That’s all it took for me to almost ask him the boyfriend question. At least I was thinking hard enough to cut myself off before I lost control.
“—and that’s why it’s so easy for me. You’re awesome,” is what I say instead.
“Can I say something?”
“Of course. Open book.”
“Back when I was living with my parents, after I knew I was gay, but whenever I was still feeling like crap about it, I’d imagine…
things. Like things with guys.” He sucks in a breath before continuing.
“Not that I had any frame of reference or anything, but I’d see people being affectionate with each other at the store, or later, on campus at community college, and I’d think about what it might be like for me to have something like that. ”
Oh, we’re getting deep tonight. Not that I mind, not at all.
He huffs. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”
“Whatever you’re thinking, it isn’t.”
Callum turns to face me, and I give his knee a gentle press, which seems to spur him on.
“I know we’ve only gone out once, but I—”
My breath catches. I won’t fault him for dropping the L-word if he does, but we’ll probably need to talk about identifying emotions or something—
“You’re pretty much exactly the kind of guy I always used to imagine back then.”
Holy shit.
He isn’t done. “You’re so caring, and patient, and everything I didn’t think I ever deserved.”
My heart. It fucking hurts so good and is full and now I’m tempted to say the L-word even though I know it’s way too early and—
I drag Callum’s head down and kiss him before I spin out of control. There’s no way I’m holding my smile back, not a chance.
“You’re so sweet,” I murmur. “You’re so fucking sweet. And I used to think you were intimidating.”
He snickers. “Yeah, I wasn’t doing myself any favors when I first got here.”
“Eh, I knew there was a total softie underneath that sexy smolder.”
“I'm a softie?” He huffs and rolls his eyes, so I place a gloved hand on his face and bring him back to me.
“You totally are, and I dig it.”
He lets out a quiet chuckle right as I shiver, and I stand, extending an arm to help him up so we can go home and defrost.
Disguising a tired sigh as a cough, I keep pace with Callum and keep myself grounded. I won’t rush things with him like I did with other people in the past. Yeah, he reassured me earlier, but that was about a kiss, not the infinitely more intense aspect of feelings.
I won’t pressure him—I’ll keep the door open and let him do what he’s comfortable with.
I just hope I don’t end up scaring him off.