Theo
“ C ome on!” I dropped my head back against the couch with a groan. “That guy didn’t even hit me.”
“Obviously he did,” Trin said dryly. “You died.”
“Why do we let him play with us?” Scout grumbled.
“I think he should be voted off the island,” Brynne added.
“Agreed.” Trin and Scout said at the same time.
“You’re mean. Every single one of you,” I muttered.
Their laughter morphed into one sound, and a smile tugged at my lips. Even though I sucked at Dropzone, I was thankful they still let me play with them. My character was totally dead, so I grabbed my phone and brought up my messages with Brynne on Pulse.
I could’ve texted her instead, but sneaking around on the app was so much hotter.
ME:
You were distracting me.
I can’t stop thinking about the other night.
I listened to Brynne clear her throat through the headset—her tell that she’d read my message.
ME:
Do you keep replaying it, too?
The way you came on my fingers? The way you stroked my cock…
Next time, your tight cunt can stroke me until I fill you up
Brynne made a choking sound, and I grinned as I locked and dropped my phone face-down on the couch.
“You okay, B?” Trin asked.
“Yep,” she squeaked, and I chuckled. “I’m fine.”
“Have you heard from Mason?” Trin continued, oblivious. “When is he getting here? Mom wants to see him.”
“Tomorrow night.”
“Who’s Mason?” Scout asked softly.
I forgot she didn’t know who he was.
“My brother,” Brynne said.
Silence fell as Trin and I waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t, I huffed out a laugh and said, “You should just tell her. She’s going to find out, anyway.”
“Find out what?” Scout glanced at me, her brows pinched together in confusion.
Brynne sighed, long and loud.
“Do you know who Mason Hughes is?” Brynne asked quietly.
Scout’s head whipped toward me. “What?”
“Mason Hughes. He’s a singer?—”
“No. Yes.” She shook her head. “Everyone knows who Mason Hughes is.”
“He’s my brother,” Brynne said quietly. She wasn’t embarrassed, but I knew she hated this part—the telling people and hearing their reaction. She’d said before she hated the way people treated her differently after they found out.
Scout’s face blanched, her eyes turning into saucers. “ What ?”
“It’s not a big deal,” Brynne rushed out. “He’s a normal, smelly guy. You’ll see when you meet him.”
“When I meet him?” Scout screeched. “Oh, my god. I can’t meet Mason freaking Hughes!”
She got to her feet, her headset haphazardly on her head as she began pacing. The game was totally forgotten, her character standing in the middle of an open field.
“I take it you like him?” I teased, hiding my grin at her reaction. “You think he’s cute ?”
She paused to glare at me. “No,” she snapped. “I don’t think anyone’s cute.”
“Oh, come on,” Trin groaned. “That’s mean. I’m damn adorable.”
“You don’t have to like his music,” Brynne said hesitantly. “But he’s a good guy. Not a douche like most people expect.”
“No.” Scout closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. “It’s not that. It’s—my mom and I were going to see him in New York at the end of the year. But…”
My smile disappeared completely.
“But the show sold out immediately, so we didn't get tickets. It didn’t matter, anyway.”
No one said anything.
Because what was there to say?
Scout shoved her headset off and dropped it and the controller to the couch. “I need to—I need to get Larry a snack,” she said thickly, rushing toward the door.
I should’ve stopped her. Should’ve done something other than just watch as she disappeared into the hallway.
“Is she okay?” Brynne asked, sounding alarmed.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat as I grabbed Scout’s controller. “Play without us for a bit. I need to talk to her.” I logged out of the game for both of us before getting to my feet.
I had no idea how to approach this conversation.
If she even wanted to talk about it.
But I couldn’t let her be alone right now. Not when she was so clearly hurting.
I strode toward the stairs, ready to take them two at a time to go to her room, but at the last moment, I realized the back door was open. I hesitated, my heart twisting. Was she out there, or had we forgotten to close it?
Or did she leave?
The last thought ricocheted off every wall of my skull, and I hurried to the door.
When I got there, my feet dug into the unforgiving wooden floor, stopping me abruptly.
She sat on a patio chair, knees against her chest, arms hugging them tightly.
Her eyes were distant as she stared at the dark ocean in front of her, but I knew memories were flipping through her mind like a stop-motion picture.
I told myself to leave her alone, to let her mourn by herself. But a part of me screamed to go out there. To comfort her.
To show her she didn’t have to do that alone anymore. That I was here, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
I could deal with all the emotions—good, bad, ugly. I wanted them all. I wanted the anger, the tears, the laughter, the smiles.
I wanted my daughter.
And if that meant going out there and doing something as simple as sitting in a chair while she silently stared at the water, I’d do it. Or if she wanted to talk about her mother, I’d listen.
Or if she wanted to scream at me, tell me to go away, say she hated me, bang her fists against my chest, I’d endure it.
I’d leave, but I wouldn’t go far.
The day I found out she existed was the day I became her safety net. And no matter what she threw at me, that wouldn’t change.
The hinges on the door squeaked as I opened it further. Her head shifted to me, her blonde hair a wild mess around her face.
“Hey,” I said, shoving my hands into my pockets. I rocked back on my heels. “It’s cold out here. We should go inside.”
“I’m fine,” she murmured, turning back to the ocean.
I looked around the deck, at the table we’d sat at for dinner at the party.
At the chairs scattered around, lanterns hanging on crisscrossing ropes overhead.
Scout and Trin had picked most of the stuff out here.
The colors, the furniture, everything had Scout’s touch on it.
Glitter still covered the patio, stuck in crevices I knew I’d never get it out from.
Their glitter bomb was a hit, and even though I’d been upset that Brynne had left, seeing Scout laugh like that made my chest loosen.
Made my smile turn from brittle, fake , to genuine.
“You want some company?” I asked, my voice somehow too loud in the silence.
Her throat bobbed, and I braced myself for her rejection. To tell me to leave her alone.
But she waved her hand at the chair beside her in approval, and I wasted no time sinking into it. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the tops of my thighs. Only a few inches separated us, but it felt like the entire Atlantic Ocean sat in that space.
Minutes passed, and we did nothing but stare out at the water. It was mostly comfortable, but the conversation we needed to have hung over us, suffocating.
“You still freaking out about Mason being Brynne’s brother?” I asked, trying to break the ice. Her eyes slid to me.
“I didn’t expect it,” she said. “It’s weird.”
“He’s really nice,” I assured her. “He’ll likely come to a family dinner when he’s in town. Mom loves him.”
Her throat bobbed, but she nodded— forced herself to nod. The movement was stiff, almost painful.
Then she looked away.
And when she spoke again, her voice was softer than I’d ever heard before.
“She used to love Mason Hughes,” she said, and I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. “We played his music all the time. I learned how to play guitar because of his music. I taught myself how to write songs because of his music.”
“I didn’t know you played guitar,” I murmured. “Or wrote songs.”
“I’m not any good.” She stared down at her feet, her fingers wrapped around her knees. “Mom said I was. She signed me up for singing lessons, but I never got a chance to go.” Scout glanced at me, her blue eyes watery. “Can I ask you something?”
My throat tightened, but I dipped my head in a nod. “Of course. Anything.”
Her chin wobbled, and I watched her pull herself together. Watched as she wrapped that protective armor around herself like she always did.
“Do you believe in Heaven?”
I scrubbed a hand over my mouth. Of all the things I thought she was going to ask, that hadn’t been it.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, and her eyes fluttered shut. “I want to believe there’s something out there, something bigger than us. I want to believe there’s this paradise in the clouds that welcomes us after we pass, but…” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think anyone really knows.”
“So what happens when we die?”
It was such a heavy question—a hard question. A question I didn’t have the answer to.
“I think we just…die,” I said quietly.
“That’s it?” She wiped her cheek roughly. “It’s just…nothing? Blackness forever and ever? We only get one chance, and if a freak accident happens, it’s gone. We’re just— gone ?”
For a moment, we sat in thick silence, the weight of her words settling over us like smog. I watched the ocean and wondered what creatures lived in the dark depths. What was out there? That was just as curious a question as what happened after we died.
I’d asked my mom something similar when we lost my dad, and her words came back like a wave hitting the sand. I cleared my throat as I repeated them.
“I think we keep the people we love alive,” I murmured. “Every time you think of her, she’s here. You’re giving her another moment on this earth. You’re letting her live again.”
I felt Scout’s eyes shift toward me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. Not yet. Not with the memories of my dad slamming to the forefront of my mind.
“What about when I’m not thinking of her?” she whispered.
I almost laughed.
I’d asked the same thing, too.