Chapter 12 Emma
Emma
By the time I got back to our table armed with a new pitcher, Caleb had left. Good. Great. I wanted him gone.
He’s not allowed to sleep with anyone from work anymore…
At least I wasn’t a notch on his bedpost.
The girls eyed me with sympathy.
“I’m a hot mess,” I admitted.
“But you’re my hot mess,” Suzie said, slinging an arm around me, hugging me to her. “And even though he’s not endgame, you did choose nicely for a near-miss kiss.”
Hazel nodded. “I mean, he’s not bad on the eyes.”
Suzie and Hazel turned to Kiera, silently demanding she also say something nice about Caleb. “He’s…uh…tall?”
I dropped my forehead to the table. “Ignore me. I’m going home to wrap myself up in a blanket and be paralyzed by my life choices.” Even if I didn’t exactly have a home to go to…
Hazel nudged me with her arm. “Everyone has their hot-mess moments.”
“Yeah?” I lifted my head. “Name one of yours.”
Hazel laughed with self-deprecation. “Welp, I made a whole bunch of stupid mistakes and then ran away from them, literally, leaving behind everyone who’d ever cared about me—for a decade.”
Kiera leaned across the high top and squeezed her hand. “But you’re back now. And we’re still right here.”
Looking incredibly moved, Hazel swallowed hard, nodding in silent thanks.
She looked at me again. “My grandma used to read me this book about caterpillars. There’s this whole thing about how they slip into a cocoon, slap on wings, and emerge a beautiful butterfly.
My grandma would close the book and say, ‘It’s not true.
Caterpillars have to dissolve into a disgusting pile of goo to become a butterfly.
So if you’re a mess wrapped up in blankets on the couch, paralyzed by life, keep going, you’re on the right track. ’”
I thought about that as I snuggled into my sleeping bag an hour later. The night was dark, but I didn’t use my lantern or watch a show on my laptop. Instead, I thought about what Hazel had said.
I was smack in the middle of my disgusting-pile-of-goo era. But it was okay. I had a plan, and it was still in play—Caleb Colburn and my asinine crush or no.