Chapter 34 Emma
Emma
At the end of a long workday, I parked in front of Caleb’s house and just breathed. In the past half hour, I’d deposited my paycheck into my bank account, then immediately hit the Submit button for my application on the downtown apartment I’d been eyeing.
I stared at myself in the rearview mirror and smiled through the nerves.
I’d done it.
Before it could really set in, my phone pinged with an incoming email. I’d just submitted the application, so I knew I wouldn’t hear back this fast, but it didn’t stop my heart from trying to leap right out of my rib cage in hope.
I pawed through my bag for my phone, then frowned. The email was from Henderson and Hall Architects, with…a job offer. For the job that, not long ago, I’d had to compete against four other applicants for.
Until it had become known that I was in with the Colburns.
I read through the terms of the offer, and some of that hope got trampled on. My temp position was hourly, but the offer was for a salaried position. In other words, more time on the job, less money in my pocket. I skimmed through the benefits. Skimpy at best.
Unfavorable at least.
Rosalind had warned me, but I still felt sick because it wasn’t going to do much in the way of improving my circumstances. As quickly as it had come, my adrenaline rush vanished, leaving me exhausted while I banged my head on the steering wheel a few times, far too close to tears.
My phone buzzed again, a call this time.
“You okay?” Caleb asked.
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
There was a beat of silence. “Because you’ve been sitting in your car for ten minutes, talking to yourself. And now you’re trying to give yourself a concussion.”
“Maybe I’m not done talking to myself.”
“Come in and try me; I’ve got two ears and a brain between them. Your car doesn’t have any of that.”
“But my car has my emergency stash of chocolate.”
“I’ve got something better than chocolate,” he said in his bedroom voice.
Also true…
“Emma, get your sexy ass in here.”
Why did that rich, husky voice make me want to do whatever he said? “If I do, you’re going to try to solve all my problems—”
My driver’s side door opened, and I jumped in surprise as Caleb’s big body hunkered down, balancing on the balls of his feet as he studied me.
Gently, he took my phone and ended the call, unclicked my seat belt, and offered me a hand.
Okay, maybe not offered. Maybe it was more like he took my hand captive and used it to tug me out the car.
At his front door, he murmured, “Brace yourself, the boys missed you today,” and then he nudged me inside, where I was nearly licked to death by the two cutest, biggest, funniest dogs who’d ever lived.
I dropped to the floor and wrapped my arms around them both, and I had no idea my breath was hitching until suddenly the dogs were gone and Caleb was on his knees in front of me, pulling me into him.
Something about the care with which he gathered me in and the gentle but firm press of his hands holding me to him completely broke me, and I burst into tears.
Without a word, he maneuvered until he was leaning back against the wall with me perched in his lap, my face pressed to the crook of his neck.
“I’ve got you, Em.” His voice was low and gruff.
Serious. Then, in perhaps the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me, he let me cry it all out.
He rubbed my back, whispered some wordless nonsense in my ear that felt incredibly soothing, rubbed his jaw gently to mine…
all without pushing me to talk about it, just quietly giving me the time to get it all out of my system.
It was, without a doubt, the most secure I’d ever felt in my entire life.
Finally, I hiccuped a few times, then swiped my eyes on my sleeve and maybe also against his shirt. “I’m okay.”
He licked my ear. Wait, what?
“Calvin, no,” Caleb murmured and nudged his dog away.
I laughed soggily. “He’s not nearly as good at that as you are.”
“No one is.”
I rolled my eyes, but also…he was right. He hadn’t pressured me to talk, which was maybe why I did. “I got a job offer from Henderson and Hall,” I said. “It’s the job I want, but the terms are a little insulting.”
He took that in, his hand still moving soothingly up and down my back. “Should I offer a solemn oath of vengeance or…ice cream and cookies?”
I leaned back to look into his face, hoping he was serious.
“Ice cream and cookies it is,” he said, cupping my face and using his thumbs to swipe away a few rogue tears.
Two minutes later, I was sitting at his kitchen island with a wooden spoon, eating directly out of a gallon of fudge-brownie ice cream with one hand, the other holding a store-bought chocolate chip cookie that was more delicious than it had a right to be.
Right next to me, Caleb, with his own spoon, was doing the exact same.
He waited until the trans fats and sugar hit my system. “So how bad’s the offer?”
I sighed. The double fudge was doing a lot for my spirits, but expecting ice cream to solve my life problems seemed like a big ask. “Bad enough that I probably should rescind the apartment application I submitted today.”
He looked at me for a long beat.
“What?”
“What if you didn’t have to take that job?”
I stared at him. “What?”
“Come work for Colburn Restoration.”
“At the risk of repeating myself, what?”
“We’re expanding too fast and need more staff to support that. We want to add a CDM department.”
“Construction-design management?” I asked in surprise, since that was exactly what I did for Henderson and Hall.
“Some of the positions that need filling are construction crew, but we’re also looking to hire an engineer, a designer, and an architect. Ideally, that architect would be you.”
My stomach slowly slid to my toes. I set down my spoon, then jumped off the counter, heart thudding dully. “A made-up pity job? Really, Caleb?”
“What? No.” He set down his spoon as well. “I didn’t make up the job; it’s a real offer. Ryder and I talked about it, we want an in-house CDM division, and we want you in it. HR has the offer all drawn up.”
I shook my head, realizing that the buzzing in my veins was anger.
Anger that he would dangle something I wanted so badly, I could taste it in front of me like a carrot.
“You’ve taken handling all my problems to a whole new level, don’t you think?
” I wouldn’t cry, not again. “Or maybe not, since they call you The Fixer. And hell, we both know how much fixing I could use.”
He came toward me, his scent, the strength of him washing over me. He could do this, fix my life, and he’d be good at it. But I couldn’t let him. “Caleb—”
He didn’t stop until we were toe-to-toe, his hands running up my arms, infusing me with his warmth. “Emma, I’m not trying to fix you. I would never do that.”
“No? You jump-started my car that night at the gala, you gifted me a new laptop that you tried to tell me was from Santa—”
“I had an extra—”
“And if that weren’t enough, you then gave me a place to live, and now a job offer.” I shook my head, still far too close to tears. “And in return, what have I done for you? I’ll tell you what: nothing.”
He cupped my face. “If by ‘nothing’ you mean making me feel better by looking at me like I mean something to you. Or literally giving me and the guys all your food, helping me through the migraine…being the one person in my life who doesn’t need anything from me, only wants me for me.”
I was already shaking my head in denial. “It’s not enough; it’s not equal. At some point you’ll realize it as well, and once you do, I’ll be ghostee number one thousand and one.”
He took a step back. “Low blow.”
It was a low blow. A really low blow. But, for whatever reason, the panic was a ball in my throat and a weight on my chest, and I couldn’t shut myself up.
“You telling me you don’t have a history of walking away when someone gets a little too close?
” God, listen to me. I was picking a fight, an excuse to walk out before I got walked out on.
Self-sabotage, and no one was better at it than me.
He closed his eyes for a beat, like he was physically pained, then softly said my name. What he did not do was deny my statement. My chest ached so unbearably, I had a hand pressed to my heart to keep it in my body.
“I have done that,” he admitted.
“Every time.”
He nodded. “Every time.”
My biggest fear stood right in front of me—falling for someone and then being left behind. I wanted to collapse in a ball. I wanted to eat the rest of the ice cream. I wanted to crawl under the covers and not come out until my world had righted itself, but I had to be alone for that.
I turned to leave the kitchen, and a shattered expression crossed his face. “What are you doing?”
“I think…” I had to swallow hard. “I’m leaving. For once, I’m going to be the one to leave first, since this can’t work.”
“Emma…” He shook his head, like he didn’t know how we’d gotten here. Join my club…
“It was working great until about ten seconds ago,” he said. “When, if I have this right, you freaked out about how close we’ve gotten.”
Oh, how I hated myself for that look of pain on his face. “I’m just being realistic,” I said, with far more calm than I felt. “You have more to give than I do, Caleb. So much more. An unfairly balanced relationship won’t last.”
“It’s not unfairly balanced—” His phone vibrated with an incoming call.
“Fuck. I really hate my phone.” He didn’t even look at it.
“Listen, you’re scared. So am I. Neither of us has a good track record.
But that shouldn’t stop us from giving this a chance.
Listen, I’ll sleep on the floor, okay? I don’t give a shit, I just…
I can’t handle the thought of you out there at night—” His phone began to ring again.
I gave him a sad smile. “We both know you need to take that.”
“No, I—” He glanced at the screen and grimaced. “Fuck. Yes. I’m sorry.”