Chapter 6
six
DARCY
The old wooden rocking chair creaks back and forth with each crunch of my toes. Owen's cheek is against my shoulder as I rub soothing circles on his back. “Did you have a good nap?,” I ask. He raises his wobbly head for the briefest of seconds, before it slumps down again. Right away, he begins to root on the fabric of my shirt. Shifting Owen, I cradle him in my arms.
“Mommy has the baba for you to try again,” I say, retrieving the bottle next to me with my free hand.
The minute the silicone nipple touches his lips, Owen makes a sour expression and turns away. “Come on, Mini Man. It’s not that different from a binky and you love those,” I coach encouragingly.
When I bring the bottle back to his mouth, he gags before his tiny chin quivers and he lets out the most heartbreaking of cries. “It’s still breast milk,” I argue. Tear-filled eyes blink up at me with a plea. He doesn’t understand why I won’t nurse him.
This is not working. I’ve tried repeatedly to give him pumped breast milk over the last few days, but Owen insists on nursing.
After a few frustrating minutes, we’re both ready to call it quits. I pull back my top before bringing him to my chest to nurse. He can’t keep doing this. He has to take a bottle before he starts daycare. Time’s running out.
Seth’s public defender calling yesterday has me on high alert. Any second now, my husband is going to strut through the door like he went out for a gallon of milk, bringing chaos, mischief, and God knows what else into our world.
I can just hear the tick tick tick of a clock counting down the end of our peace. The mental break showed me just how desperate our situation is. It shouldn’t feel like a vacation when you’re left completely alone with a newborn. I wonder who paid his bail. None of his friends would buy as much as a soda for Seth, and his mother can’t pay it for sure. She barely has any funds left after nursing home expenses.
Maybe an ex-girlfriend? I keep hoping he’ll find someone else nice enough to take him off my hands. I can’t bring myself to care if he’s spending time in or out of bed with another woman. We haven’t slept together since the baby was conceived, and even that was a one-off. I need a job. It’s the first step to get us out of here. I feel trapped in circumstances of my own making, drowning with no one to throw me a rope. I’m going to have to drag Owen and myself out of here.
After Owen’s done nursing, I place him in his car seat, carefully snap him in, and tuck his blankie around him. With a tired breath, I reach for my phone and check my text messages. I’ve been waiting for Kaitlyn from the recruiter's office to call me back.
Kaitlyn
Hey, sorry it’s been chaotic! The plumbing company decided to wait until the Fall to hire someone.
Darcy
What about the temporary position you mentioned?
Kaitlyn
Unfortunately that’s been filled. I’m afraid people are waiting until after summer vacations to hire. There was one thing though. I noticed you worked for White Dog Garage and Towing before?
Darcy
Yes, but I'm afraid I had to leave after a year with no notice.
Kaitlyn
Well, I called them to see if they wanted your application for a position they posted today. I sent all of the particulars to your email. The pay is great, and they seemed interested in rehiring you. I think you should give this job a lot of consideration. It might be your only chance at something for a while.
A surge of nervous energy that I’ve started to associate with Dane floods my body, intermingling with the excitement at the possibility of a job. My pulse pounds in my ears as I open up the email, skimming the particulars.
Job title: Office Manager for on-site auto supply store and warehouse
Salary: Absurdly generous
Benefits: Paid time off, sick leave, paid insurance, 401k.
It’s right by Owen’s daycare, so I won’t have to spend two hours commuting to work. I’ll be able to afford to rent a small house for us.
They left off one detail that I remember from when I worked there before. When you come to work at White Dog, you have to sign a no fraternization agreement. Any member of the club who is caught in a romantic relationship with an employee is heavily fined and club privileges are temporarily lost. Employees, in turn, are only written up. With the penalties so much harsher on the men, I didn’t think for a single moment that it would actually be enforced the way they claimed. I found out otherwise within two months of working there. A new prospect was overheard hitting on a female employee at lunch. Linc listened just long enough to see if the employee was going along with it, or unwilling. When she gave the prospect her number Linc broke it up and did precisely what he said he would. The prospect was never seen again, and the employee was written up.
Linc always watched over the ladies in the office with the protectiveness of a father. If Dane continues to pursue me, there’s no way it’ll go unnoticed and unchecked.
It’ll also put an end to whatever little flame is flickering in my core every time I think of him.
This is a win-win.
It also makes my heart sink painfully at the thought. I need to be smart, and take the rope thrown out to keep me from drowning.
I ignore the unsettling feeling in my stomach and send a text to Kaitlyn.
Darcy
I'm very interested in accepting the position. Do they want to interview me?
Kaitlyn
No, they told me to have you show up on Monday at nine am and to check in with Lucy.
Darcy
Okay I’ll be there then. Is Lucy the office manager now?
Kaitlyn
I wasn’t given that information, sorry.
Drawing in a long certain breath, I grab my purse, Owen and his bag, and load them into the car. This is one step closer to making our lives better.
The next? Dropping Owen off at daycare today for a few hours so he can acclimate.
Owen is still asleep in his seat when I place his carrier on the playroom carpet at his new daycare. Eleanor leans down to unclasp the sleeping baby from his seat, gently lying him across her shoulder. “It’s illegal for them to nap anywhere but the crib,” she explains as she places him in a cot already labeled with his name. Owen moves his head side to side, dark lashes shuttered as the suction on his paci grows lazier. I stand nearby waiting to see if he wakes up, but he takes a long deep breath and I know he’s out for a while.
Eleanor’s watching us, but nods with her head to move into the other room. “Come on in. I have everything ready for him.”
I nod agreeing, “I’m afraid I didn’t fill out the paperwork yet. He’s been fussy.”
“Your phone number is already saved in my phone,” she says. ”Bring it back to me when you can.”
“I’ll hand it in by the time he starts full time,” I promise. My gaze goes toward the crib where my child is sleeping peacefully, then back to the front door.
“He’ll be fine,” she assures me. “The little ones love being around the other kids..”
Other kids. The words hit. I always had someone to play or fight with. Owen’s going to grow up an only child, at least for a good long while.
I may be all he has, but my child won’t grow up being forced into a box or be taught that love is conditional.
Everything is going to start looking up now. White Dog pays weekly, and rent in town is cheap. If I’m frugal, and hide most of my food in my room, away from Seth, I should be able to move out within a month. Thirty days. I can do that.
When Seth comes back, I’ll add a better lock to my bedroom door and go back to pretending he’s the worst roommate ever.
He’s certainly never felt like my husband. We never even shared a last name. Seth lost our marriage license right after we were married. It felt more important to calm the irritated landlord after Seth was reported for peeing in the shared hallway while drunk. Replacing the lost marriage license was simply another thing on the long list of bullshit from him that I had to clean up.
I’ve already opened a new checking account…and not at the First Bank of Parran where my father’s crony works. I use it to cash checks, leaving only enough of a balance to pay for gas at the pump so I don’t have to drag Owen inside.
I’m tired of men stealing money from me. I’ve worked hard and barely have two pennies to rub together. Sliding on my sunglasses, I buckle my seatbelt and point the car toward the center of town.
I don’t want to head home, especially with Owen still getting used to daycare.
I drive around aimlessly for a few minutes before I park at Polly’s Diner, tempted by the prospect of a hot meal.
The familiar smells of coffee and fried food waft out the door, making my mouth water. It’s a greasy spoon, but man, does Polly do it well.
The place is busy with the usual early lunchtime crowd. All of the counter spots are taken, so I start to walk to one of the few available booths.
Two seconds after I sit down, a waitress I’ve never seen before hands me a laminated menu. “What would you like to drink?”
“I’m ready to give my order. Can you bring me one of Polly’s dressed cheeseburgers and fries with an Abita Root Beer, please,” I ask. She wanders off, not bothering to write down my simple order.
I’ve grown used to eating alone, but I always feel out of place amongst the groups of friends and families. My restless hands pull the daycare admission forms from my purse, and I start marking off any particulars about Owen. My stomach turns sour when I see the line marked father, but leave it blank. It’s still surprisingly hard, admitting to someone other than myself that I’m doing this as a single mom. That’s certainly how I feel…alone, without anyone to lean on.
By the time the waitress comes back with my soda, I’m still feeling out of sorts. Instead, I envision my future with my little guy. I can just see a big boy Owen sitting on his knees in the booth, coloring on one of the paper menus after a day at preschool. Then home to our place, where I don’t have to worry about the electricity being turned off or being evicted.
I’ll get us there.
In my daydream, a large hand wraps around Owen, scooting him onto the booth so he doesn’t fall. I watch the pair playing tic-tac-toe on the back side of the kid's menu laughing together.
Owen deserves that. He deserves a dad who will adore him.
Fate intervenes at that moment when I receive a text, confirmation from Kaitlyn that everything is in order for me to start at nine Monday morning. It serves as a reminder to stay focused. Maybe, just maybe, if I play my cards right, I can get my life back in order.
I’m relieved to have a job, ecstatic that it’s so close by, saving me a fortune on gas and time, and that I’ll be working with Lucy and other women I’m already comfortable with.
I’ll ignore the fact that in my daydream, the hand holding my son was covered in Viking runes.