Chapter 19
“Is this the only after-party?” Mel asks when the host’s parents pop their heads in for the third time tonight.
The party is in the basement of this girl’s house that’s walking distance from the country club.
We stumbled over here as soon as homecoming ended, all of us shivering, a few of us barefoot.
It’s supposed to go until eleven, since most of us have to be home by midnight, but kids are still flooding in at ten thirty.
“This is the only one I heard about,” Kenny says.
“Same, so let’s enjoy it,” Deanna says, grabbing Mel’s hand to dance. “This is my song!”
Someone is coming around with refills of a punch concoction that has had my mouth tingling since my first sip an hour ago. I’m not actually sure if the punch is the reason my mouth feels weird, or if it’s whatever mix Alice had us drinking from her flask on the way over here.
“I’m good,” I say, covering my cup. I’m done for the night.
The others get their refills, and we all tap our cups together.
“Cheers to us!” Kayla says. “And a successful homecoming!”
“Cheers, girlies,” Mel sings.
The girls go back to dancing. I lean on the wall, chuckling at Alice and her attempts to catch the beat on every song. Kayla and Mel try to help her but give up every time.
I look at my phone and see a notification for another story like.
People seem happy to see me doing well. Darius even had the nerve to send heart eyes.
Desiree liked my stories too, even though we don’t follow each other anymore.
For months, all I wanted was to speak to her or be acknowledged by her.
Now that I’ve stopped thinking about her, of course that’s when she pops up.
I’m glad she can see I’m doing great and that I’ve found my people.
I’ve realized maybe we just really have nothing left to say, and that’s actually okay.
We can wish each other well from a distance, and that’s all I need or want from her now.
Deanna appears next to me. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good, I just needed a little break,” I say, not wanting her to worry.
“You’d tell me if you weren’t, right?”
“Of course,” I say. “Now please go back, I’m coming.”
Kenny and Mel are waving at us. Deanna dances her way over and tells them something. Kenny gives me a thumbs-up and Mel blows me a kiss before they both get lost in their cups and the music.
A song I really like comes on and I head toward the girls when my phone vibrates.
I press the side button to silence it, but it vibrates again, and then again.
My curfew isn’t for another hour so I know it can’t be my mom.
I pull my phone out, ready to see notifications from the family group chat—but they are from Amari.
My stomach drops and I freeze where I am.
“Ummmmm,” Deanna says, her eyes flicking from her phone to me. She hands it to Kenny and Mel. The two of them stop dancing to read whatever is on the screen.
My heart hammers in my chest. I don’t know what’s happening but it isn’t good.
“Wait, Amari? The girl from Plainfield who went to jail? How does she know her?” Mel asks.
Oh my god. I turn in a full circle, unsure what to do or where to go.
Alice and Kayla notice something’s up and join the others.
“What’s wrong?” Kayla asks. Mel passes her Deanna’s phone. “Oh shit.”
My phone vibrates again. This time, I open the notification.
I had to DM Deanna before you hurt anyone else with your lies.
I told her who you really are. She deserves to know.
You don’t get to make me feel like shit, tell me you don’t love me anymore, and just walk away from me.
Maybe you’ll think twice about playing with people’s hearts after this. Bye, Jasmine.
The music disappears, and all I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears. Amari DMed Deanna. She told her about our relationship. She told her everything.
“What is this?! You’re a liar!” Deanna shoves her phone in my face.
Kenny pulls Deanna’s arm down and tries to move her away. Some of the kids around us snicker.
“Let’s go outside, guys,” Mel says, grabbing Deanna’s other arm and moving toward the basement door.
I’m frozen, staring at my phone, trying to understand exactly what it is I’m seeing.
How is this happening?
How is this happening?
How is this happening?
“Jasmine, come on,” Kenny says, taking my hand and pulling me out of my daze.
“Why would she do this?” I whisper, numb.
“I don’t know, but you’ve got some explaining to do.”
Outside, Deanna is crying in the driveway and Mel won’t even look at me. Kayla comes up and just stands by my side, not saying a word. The disappointment on her face speaks volumes.
“What is this?!” Deanna yells. Alice shushes her and rubs her arm. “Jasmine, tell me what this means.”
“You know what it means. She’s a liar!” Mel says, glaring at me.
Kenny tries to hug Deanna, but she doesn’t want it. “Just say something, Jasmine,” Kenny pleads for her sobbing friend.
“It—it’s the truth. She’s telling the truth about where I was,” I say, struggling to get the words out. “I’m sorry, Deanna. You weren’t supposed to find out like this. But whatever she told you about her and me—”
“I wasn’t supposed to find out at all!” Deanna says. “Don’t act like you were going to tell me about her. I asked you if there was anything else I needed to know before we got in too deep. I’m so freaking dumb.”
Mel tries to hug her again. Deanna gives in. “You’re not dumb, she is,” Mel says.
“Okay, come on. That’s too far,” Kayla cuts in. “Let’s not make this worse.”
Deanna looks at me like she wants me to say more but I don’t know what words would even help. “Did you know?” she turns her attention to Kayla. “Don’t lie to me.”
“Deanna, I couldn’t…” Kayla starts.
Deanna rips off her heels and storms down the driveway. Mel, Kenny, and Alice follow close behind.
“Like, who is she even?!” Deanna yells through her tears.
“A criminal or something,” Mel mutters.
“It’s not what it sounds like, I promise,” I call out. “Deanna, please trust—”
Deanna spins around. “Trust you? I literally can’t trust anything you say!”
Kayla taps my arm for me to stop talking. But I can’t let Deanna leave like this.
“Deanna, please, can I just talk to you?”
“Never again.” She starts walking away. “Don’t ever talk to me again!”
The girls disappear around the corner without another glance in our direction.
“Yeah … I’m gonna call an Uber. I’m over this,” Kayla says, making her way to the end of the driveway.
I nod slowly and let the tears fall.
When the car arrives, Kayla barely looks at me. She’s buried in her phone, texting. I can only imagine how confused and hurt her friends must be, unable to believe Kayla kept this from them too. I feel terrible that she’s no doubt getting the other half of the blame for keeping my secret.
I slide into the car, my head pounding and my dress damp with sweat.
“Are you okay?” the driver asks as I try to catch my breath between sobs.
“She’s fine,” Kayla says.
“Do you have to throw up?” He sounds nervous.
“No,” Kayla says. “She’s fine.”
“Okay, well if she does, there’s an extra charge,” he tells us before driving on.
Kayla doesn’t respond.
I sit back and close my eyes, my face wet with tears. Even though the truth is out, nothing about it feels like a relief.
“Can I open this window?” I ask after a while.
The driver looks at me through the rearview mirror, suspicious, but nods yes. I lower the window as much as it can go and let the brisk air blow across my face.
“You gonna throw up?” Kayla whispers to me.
I shake my head so I don’t chance it by opening my mouth. I’m not 100 percent sure at this point. Kayla goes back to staring out of her window and I stick my face a little more out of mine.
I let my mind wander wherever it needs to as the car slowly makes its way home.
My anger grows the closer we get. All that time in the center, all that time since I got out …
I’ve been trying to remake myself, trying to put the past behind me and move toward a new future.
But now, I’m back to where I started. What is even the point?