Chapter 5 #2
Branson called in their orders while following Tarius to the parking garage. Twenty minutes later, they were opening their containers at Branson’s kitchen counter, organizing plastic forks, and pouring drinks.
The salad was amazing and exactly what Tarius needed. Some fresh greens and fruit, with a little bit of salty cheese. He only ate half, because it was less about the food than the freshness, and after a while, he and Branson were cuddled up on the couch.
The movie didn’t matter. Spending time with Branson mattered. It relaxed Tarius enough to let his guard down. To let his words escape unchecked. “I was scared today,” Tarius said. “So scared for Linus.”
“I know. We get scared because we love our brothers.”
“When does it stop, though?”
Branson squeezed his arm. “Loving them?”
“No. Being scared for them because of other people.” Tarius sat up, old hurts bubbling up without permission. “Linus was four fucking years old when he was kidnapped. Layne was six. Kids should never have to go through that.”
“Big brothers shouldn’t have to go through that, either. Being petrified for our siblings. But that’s part of being a big brother, isn’t it?”
“I guess. But my goddess, it keeps happening. Everything with Layne and Peyton. Everything with Linus right now. And then there’s Demir, and all those complications that started when he met Brandt.”
Branson pulled him into a warm hug, and Tarius relaxed against his chest. “You are tired and stressed, so you get a pass tonight. But Tar, you are an amazing brother. You know you are. You get to grump and grouse for…I don’t know, six more hours.
Then you are going to focus on supporting Linus and your parents through the next couple of weeks. ”
“How on earth can you just tell me to do that?”
“Because I’m your best friend, and I love you.” Branson pressed a warm, soft kiss to his forehead, and Tarius sighed. “Do you believe me?”
“I do.” Tarius pressed his face into Branson’s neck, adoring the younger man for his constant support and generosity.
“I love you, too.” And not just platonically anymore.
He found comfort with Branson unlike anything he’d experienced before.
Home was right beside him, exactly like this. “Can we stay here forever?”
“Sure.” Branson gently massaged the back of his neck and scalp, a gesture both calming and claiming. “Forever’s a long time, though. Eventually, one of us is going to have to pee.”
Tarius laughed out loud—the first real belly laugh he’d had in ages. “Yeah, we don’t want to soak your couch.” He raised his head, unsure what he was going to say, and then it didn’t matter, because Branson kissed him.
Surprise and delight collided in that kiss and tickled down Tarius’s spine.
He’d been kissed before, many times, and no kiss had felt so precious and perfect.
The kiss he’d always wanted, had craved for his entire adult life.
A soft, curious kiss that didn’t try to take, only gave and asked.
Tarius kissed him back, equally curious and beyond delighted to have finally discovered this new, wonderful thing with this man.
The kiss seemed to both last forever and end too soon, and Tarius leaned back to take a good breath.
Branson’s green eyes shined with happiness, but the quirk of his lips hinted at shyness.
At uncertainty that wouldn’t do. Tarius kissed him again, loving the warm press of lips, the way they existed in the simplicity of the kiss without any drive to do more. To go further.
There was no need when this was exactly what he wanted. Everything he’d ever needed.
When the second kiss ended on necessary gasps for air, Tarius asked, “This is okay, right?”
“More than okay.” Branson rubbed his nose against Tarius’s. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while. I wasn’t sure you did.”
“I did. Do. I was a little scared of ruining our friendship.”
“Don’t be scared. I was, but I’m not anymore.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Last weekend…we almost kissed then, right?”
Tarius smiled. “Yeah, I think so. I wanted to kiss you. It felt weird, though, so I hesitated.”
“Because you were the guy who told me what asexuality means?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want you to think I was lying or tricking you.”
“I never thought that, and I still don’t.
” Branson traced his fingers down Tarius’s neck, across his clavicle, to rest in the middle of his chest. “Everything you told me, all the processing I’ve done this past year…
I don’t know how to describe it, but it makes me trust this more.
That my feelings for you have nothing to do with sex.
It’s all emotional and…you. Just you, Tarius.
I know I’m a lot younger than you, but I’ve never felt like this before. ”
“Branson, you’re older than my parents were when they first mated. You know your heart better than anyone else. I’m just glad I listened to my gut and approached you at that party. I am so thankful to have this with you. And I don’t want to put any pressure on you, not about anything.”
“I don’t feel pressured. I think that’s why I trust what I feel with you. I have felt pressured in the past. I’ve done things I wasn’t sure I wanted to do because of that pressure. I’ve never felt it with you, though, Tarius. I feel the opposite of pressure when I’m with you.”
Tarius threaded his fingers through Branson’s and squeezed. “Who pressured you?”
Branson grunted. “Weirdly enough, I’ve always felt the most pressure from myself.
To be the best brother, the best son, the best student.
Because of my origins, you know? But I was so adrift in secondary school, because of dating expectations, and…
when I was seventeen, I had sex with the guy I was dating even thought I didn’t really want to. ”
Tarius swallowed a growl. “Did he force you?”
“Goddess, no. It was more like me wanting to just get it over with. Hoping it would be this amazing experience like everyone said. And all my younger friends were getting to that age when sex was going to be a thing, and I was the oldest. It seemed like something I should do, especially if they had questions. I wanted Caden and Emory to come to me if they didn’t feel comfortable asking our parents stuff, so I needed experience.
” Branson scowled. “Sounds so stupid now.”
All that made sense to Tarius, and it calmed some of his anger. “Wanting answers for your brothers isn’t stupid, it’s kind. But you weren’t coerced or forced by this boyfriend?”
“No, I wasn’t. It was just…bland. I mean, it felt good, I guess, but it also felt like a lot of work for, like, five seconds of an orgasm, you know?”
“I do, actually. When you live in a world obsessed with sex, especially when the narrative is focused so heavily on alpha and omega stuff, it’s impossible to just exist as a person.
As an asexual beta who wants an emotional connection, a partner who understands them, but who knows life is bigger than where you stick your dick. ”
“That’s exactly it. There’s no one else in my life who really gets it.
I mean, I know Gaven or Rei would listen, and they’d try to understand, but they’re alphas.
They love their mates, and they’ve gone through heats.
I bet if I asked them if they could happily live with their mates the rest of their lives without sex, they’d say no. ”
Tarius understood that dilemma all too well, even with two beta brothers.
Maybe if their omegin had lived longer, Tarius might have confided in him about his confusion.
But that hadn’t been their path. Omegin died when Tarius was sixteen, after a brief illness, and then all he, Aven and Demir could do for two years was survive their sire’s grief and anger.
Everything had turned out amazing in the end, but Tarius would have loved knowing what asexual meant when he was Branson’s age.
“Gaven and Rei would say no because that’s their experience,” Tarius said. “What about you?”
Branson blinked. “What about me what?”
“Beyond the attraction part, are you physically interested in the act of sex?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I wake up with wood sometimes, and I jerk off, because it feels good, but…
” He chewed on his lower lip. “It’s not something I need to share with another person.
Like, if we were kissing and I blasted off, okay, that’s biology, but it’s not like I… ” He blushed and looked at his lap.
“This is a safe space, Bran. Finish your thought.”
“It’s not like I’d ever drag you into my bedroom with the full intention of, you know, fucking. I mean…there are way more fun things to do.”
Tarius laughed. “Agreed. Which is why I’m glad we can talk about this. All aspects of it. Even the embarrassing parts. That’s what best friends do, right?”
“Yeah.” Branson tilted his head, so adorably shy. “What about boyfriends?”
His heart kicked with joy. “Really?”
“Well, yeah. Best friends don’t usually kiss each other, right? I’ve never kissed a best friend like that. I’ve never kissed anyone like that.”
“To be fair, your best friends are related to you.”
“True. Doesn’t answer my question.”
“About being boyfriends?” Tarius’s heart thudded against his ribs. “On a scale of one to ten, how sad is it that I’ve never had an actual boyfriend in my life?”
“Well…I think we can give you grace for the first, oh, seventeen years of your life.”
“Beta brat.” Tarius knuckled Branson in the shoulder. “I’m scared I’ll shock my sire into a heart attack if I bring home a boyfriend half my age.”
“Less than half. Our age difference is smaller than Isa and Liam, actually.”
“True.” A lifetime ago, when Tarius’s sire had met his second bondmate Liam, Tarius and Liam had been the same age by a few months.
It had been incredibly weird for a while, but Liam had never once tried to parent any of Isa Higgs’s three grown children.
He’d been a friend. And Tarius had seen how much Dad loved Liam.
Then they’d all loved Liam’s newborn son Layne.
And then Linus. Sweet, determined, wounded Linus.
“Hey, if it’s too soon to talk about being boyfriends, it’s okay,” Branson said. “Kissing a lot doesn’t have to mean—”
Tarius pressed his finger to Branson’s lips. “Hush. I’m not saying no, it’s just not something I’ve ever done before. Had a boyfriend. But best friends definitely don’t kiss each other like we did. There are a lot of labels for people who do, and I think boyfriend is a good one. Right?”
“Yes. And I am so freaking glad my parents know you and adore your family, or I have a weird feeling my omegin would be uptight about me dating someone not that much younger than him.”
“I guess ‘not that much’ is in the eye of the beholder, but I do get your point. I respect your parents so much, Branson. Especially Kell and everything he’s done for omega rights.
I doubt Sansbury would have allowed marriages between bonded pairs and betas, if not for Kell’s work.
Demir’s happiness with Brandt and Oliver means so much to me. ”
“I know. And I suspect the new triad law means a lot to many more people we care about.”
Tarius nodded. He wasn’t very familiar with the suspected beta triad of Morgyn Danvers, Jaxson Jenks and Symon Lee, who’d lived together for several years, and who many suspected were a kind of throuple. But whatever the trio was? Not his business, as long as they were happy.
“So, what have we decided?” Tarius asked.
Branson laughed. “I’m not sure. Tarius Higgs, will you be my boyfriend?”
“Yes.” Tarius released an odd, squeaky sound that was a combination of laughter and embarrassment. “Yes, but can we hold off for a little while on being public? Or announcing anything? I don’t want to take any attention away from Linus’s recovery.”
“Sure, but you know what I’m going to say, right?”
“That I shouldn’t ignore my own happiness because someone I love is in pain?”
“Not the exact words I’d use, but basically yes. I understand why you want to wait, so we’ll wait. And maybe this is a little soon, but will you be my date to the Winter Solstice Gala?”
“Yes.” Tarius’s heart squeezed with joy.
The Winter Solstice Gala was held every year at the beginning of the new year, to celebrate a fresh start for everyone, and it was sponsored by the constabulary.
Tarius had attended since he was a child, but once he was an adult, he hadn’t gone every year.
And he’d never brought a date. “I would love to attend the Gala with you, Branson.”
“Excellent. Now my friends and siblings won’t tease me about going solo.”
“Hah. Same.” And since he was sitting on a perfectly comfortable couch with his boyfriend… “So, do you want to restart the movie, or kiss more?”
They kissed more.
A lot more.